Here are links to some articles that reveal practices of Orgasmic Sex…
How To Make Yourself Squirt During Sex | Women’s Health
Tantric Intimacy & Sex: Why It Can Be So Important – Collective Evolution
Tantra Is The Opposite Of Porn – Learning How To Actually Be Intimate – Collective Evolution
A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good.
But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”
That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood.
Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.
The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years-old spiritual practice mind you, not a sexual practice from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit.
And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people.
When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.
Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve* drastically.
But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.
To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.
If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome anytime soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.
A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.
When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.
Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.
In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included.
Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.
Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms.
But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.
If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.
Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?
I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.
I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called. That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred.
Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.
Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.
Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence.
That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.
While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.
Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.
Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses.
We use terms of respect like Sweet Everything’s instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.
Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy.
Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.
Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.
I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.
When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused.
That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.
But not always.
My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping.
These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.
So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.
LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.
Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.
Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure.
Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.
Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.
Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime.
It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.
But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?
Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies.
Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.
We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.
In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”
Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.
For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”
Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits.
When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels.
Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)
But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard.
When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.
Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.
But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs.
The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us.
It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.
Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.
So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.
No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else.
Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more.
Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.
Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into.
Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies are that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.
Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.
As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.”
It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.
If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve*.
But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.
Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.
I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals.
But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.
When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept.
And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.
In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.
So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.
Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.
Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords.
They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time.
When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.
Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.
Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.
Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.
In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.
In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?
Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”
But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female.
Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.
But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs.
Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.
And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.
Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic*. But not in the way you’re thinking.
As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex.
This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.
It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.
It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.
This isn’t magic*. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose.
From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic* wand that makes ecstasy happen.
It’s not magic*, it’s practice.
To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic* that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.
On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic*. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.
Read More: Frequently Asked Queries On Tantra To Maintain Healthy Relationship
There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths.
Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world.
Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.
If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.
May your sex life never be the same.
Love, Somraj
Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter, on LinkedIn or you can email.
My vajra (cock) was happily stroking away inside my wife Jeffre’s yoni (pussy) when she said, “where’s Tiani?”
No, that’s not our girlfriend’s name. It’s a little U-shaped vibrator from Lelo that’s designed for clio (clitoris) stimulation during jewel union. (We’re spiritual teachers so we don’t like to call it fucking until we know that graphic language doesn’t offend whoever we’re working with.)
So I turned Tiani on and brought it to where our jewels (genitals) were connected. Magically, one prong of Tiani’s U slipped inside her yoni. I figured that was what she wanted since she moaned louder, spread her legs wider, and pushed back on my in-strokes.
That’s when Jeffre asked if Tiani was inside her. My mistake, I should have told her what I was doing.
A basic part of Tantric sex is communication. In this case, the giver of pleasure informs the receiver about what they’re doing and what’s going on down there. Even with lots of practice we don’t always know what our playmate is doing where we can’t see. Most people are so out of touch with their bodies, especially their private parts, so that they can’t really connect the sensations they’re getting with their specific body parts.
I call telling your playmate what you’re doing to them and where labeling your actions.
Not verbally labeling what I was doing with Tiani wasn’t a major felony. In spite of my omission, we both exploded in a big simultaneous orgasm. It’s just that I missed an opportunity to improve Jeffre and Tiani’s relationship. Sure, the relationship between a live person and a sex toy is different than the marriage we share. But Tiani is a new member of our sex team and we’re still learning where, when, and how to use her.
The importance of labelling is on my mind lately while I’m revising our latest book into a new version entitled Pathways to Super-Natural Sex. In it I go to great lengths to explain how important partnership is to help us we both reach high peaks of pleasure. I feel blessed that I’ve been so well trained by my hot wife and other sexy lovers to satisfy them.
But that doesn’t mean that in every moment I know what a woman is feeling and wants more of and less of.
Part of our sexual teamwork is that we keep each other informed about what we’re experiencing. I don’t mean we talk all the time. That would disturb the sense of otherworldly rapture that Tantric Sex specializes in. It would put us in heads too much which would distract us from being able to run and stream orgasmic energy.
With just a few words we usually inform each other of changes that we liked or changes that are needed.
After Jeffre asked what our new toy was up to, I explained where Tiani’s two legs were. Then she could tell what was causing the sensations that were making her wail and flail in a good way. I had Tiani’s flat flange inside her yoni. It’s designed to allow room for my erection’s thrusts in her canal.
When I placed Tiani’s rounded vibrating leg against her clio, she almost levitated off the bed and rattled my spine with her gyrations.
If you haven’t been following my orgasmic sex feed lately, you might not have read about how critical clio stimulation is for women’s orgasms. Studies have shown that 70% of women need it to come regardless of what’s happening inside their yoni. Jeffre can come without it, but a vibe on her pearl often makes it easier and quicker.
Which is probably one of the reasons she exploded in just about ten minutes with my vajra and our new friend Tiani. Oh, I forgot to mention that the vibration does wonderful things to my sensations, too. That’s probably why I came with her this time.
Afterwards Jeffre said she really liked Tiani. That was gratifying as the U-vibe had been a present for our last anniversary that we hadn’t taken full advantage of. I’m hoping we’ll use it more now when we’re lusting for something more. And the more I label what I’m doing with Tiani, the more aware Jeffre will be about what causes the sensations she craves. Then she’ll be more able to ask for what she wants and guide me to make every stroke extra special.
This is a great example of one of the foundations of orgasmic Tantric Sex. I’m not all knowing so I don’t dominate all the proceedings. We do change off being in charge. But even when one of us is receiving, we’re also leading. So when she feels Tiani working on her, she lets me know how to get the most out of it.
Another example is when Jeffre is using my favorite vibe in my rosetta (anus). At first I couldn’t tell what she was doing. But the more she announces and explains, the better I can guide her actions. Frankly once one of us gets in an ecstatic groove, it’s the shrieks and gyrations of pleasure that we heed. Little chance of talking when we’re flying so high.
I know letting it all hang out is challenging for lots of lovers. Once I was super inhibited, too. But if you have a willing and loving partner, why don’t you experiment with talking more and showing your turn-on.
I bet you’ll love it. Or should that be “try it you’ll like it”?
Love, Somraj
Here are some interesting articles that can help you understand Orgasmic Sex…
5 Ways Tantra Can Heal Our Society – Collective Evolution
The Orgasm Gap: Why Some People Orgasm More Than Others & Why Orgasms Are So Misunderstood – Collective Evolution
What exactly is Female Ejaculation? | elephant journal
Love, Somraj
Coming together is one of the great joys of jewel union (sexual intercourse). But how often does it really happen?
If you ask guys with egos (a high percentage undoubtedly), they would say almost all the time. But we probably can’t trust that percentage since those are the same guys who are unaware when their partners are faking it. Doing a Google search doesn’t turn up any reliable scientific studies on the subject of simultaneous orgasm. Guess it’s pretty hard to verify if you care about accuracy like scientists usually do.
There have been repeated reliable studies that show that it takes the average man five to ten minutes to climax, and the average woman twenty to forty minutes. So except for those rare guys who can get it up again real quickly unlike me, it seems very unlikely that lots of couples are detonating at the same time.
Our simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month now. Which isn’t very often considering that we typically make love three times a week. At least one of those weekly dates lasts a few hours. So we can estimate that we have a Big O together after dozens of hours of going at it.
I’m not complaining or looking for a sympathetic “too bad!” because this is intentional. You see, we always have lots and lots of different kinds of orgasms. But just not the explosive sort where I, the male partner, ejaculates.
My ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making groups orgasms into four categories: male physical, female physical, expanded, and energetic. The physical ones include ejaculation and muscle contractions along with the other great sensations we all crave. Expanded ones include multiples, blended ones from two or more erogenous zones, and simultaneous orgasms.
The secret to expanding your orgasmic repertoire, regardless of your gender or sexual preference, is the energy orgasm category. An energy orgasm results from the intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like pulsing electromagnetic waves than physical spasms. It’s also the secret to having multiple simultaneous orgasms.
One of the main things we learned from studying Tantra starting over twenty years ago was how to run sexual energy. That means sensing, harnessing, and consciously channelling the life-force that animates your body and drives sexual desire. The more energy you amass, the bigger, stronger, and longer your orgasms can be.
When we each learned how to run energy at will, we could synchronize our pleasure peaks much better. I usually support my wife in peaking a few times. At first these are simply sharp increases of pleasure. But after a few they morph into full-blown energy orgasms all over her body. When I feel I’ve been a good boy, I go for one myself. And then we alternate a few more times.
That’s when sympathetic orgasms begin to happen of their own accord. That means the excitement one of us is experiencing spikes so intensely and lasts so long that it triggers the other one’s energy orgasm. We’re so connected energetically and empathically that we can feel the sensations in each other’s body. So, for example, I can feel the fiery sensations streaming from her head to her toes and back again. Not only does it make all her cells vibrate wildly, but it sends my body into the same convulsions. And vice versa.
After a few of these, we start to ride the up and down waves of pleasure together, peaking at the same time. We might do this half a dozen times in a quickie and a dozen or more during each longie.
Sorry if I confused you when I wrote earlier that our “simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month.” I was referring to physical ejaculatory orgasms that deplete the majority of our sexual energy. The ones that we have dozens of ones every week are simultaneous ENERGY orgasms. They don’t release much energy so we can have them over and over and use the energy to go higher and higher.
Since energy orgasms aren’t necessarily triggered by the body’s erogenous zones, theoretically we don’t need sexual contact to make them happen. In fact, in our experience, they don’t actually need a physical connection. One time we were at a Tantric sex party where all the lovers were well-trained and spiritual people. The two of us were playing with a beautiful woman. She had an unusually small yoni (vagina) so she wasn’t too comfortable with jewel union. She laid beside us as we made love and all three of us held hands. More to the point we included her in our energy bubble. As our sexual energy started to peak, we could feel her starting to vibrate. That turned us on and made the whole connection that much hotter. As we surfed the orgasmic waves, she stayed right with us having comparable energy orgasms.
That’s not the only time we’ve enjoyed sympathetic energy orgasms with other lovers, both male and female. Once when we practiced monthly with a group of students, five of us sat in a circle holding hands. We breathed in unison and all visualized sexual energy coming in our left hands and out our rights. Within a few minutes the air seemed to sizzle around us and we all felt a buzzing circulating through all of our bodies.
In fact, the first time Somraj experienced a sympathetic energy orgasm was when he was doing breathing exercises with a new male student. He didn’t really expect much to happen since the guy was a novice and an operating engineer in real life. But it turned out he was highly conscious of his sexual energy. Another example of how first impressions and judgements mislead us. As the two of them sat across from each other and synchronized their breath, energetic sparks started to zap between them. Before long they were both shaking as the erotic charge streamed up and down and across.
Now that we’ve got the hang of sympathetic orgasms likes this, they’re more common in all sorts of lovemaking situations. Giving oral sex is often enough to turn us on without any direct jewel contact. Being able to enter the energetic O-Zone of continuous orgasmic sensations truly opens the door to amazing experiences.
If you ever wondered what Tantric Sex really is, I think this serves as a perfect example. Let us know if you’re interested in learning more about it.
Love, Somraj
By Somraj Pokras of TantraAtTahoe.com
(This article was originally published in October 2015 in Consumer Health Digest.)
A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good. But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”
That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood. Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.
The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years old spiritual practice — mind you, not a sexual practice — from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit. And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people. When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.
Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve drastically. But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.
To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.
Myth #1: Tantric Sex Means Wild Orgies
If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome any time soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.
A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.
When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.
Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.
In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included. Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.
Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms. But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.
Myth #2: Tantric Sex Is Just A Front For Sex-Workers’ Services
If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.
Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?
I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.
I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called. That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred. Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.
Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.
Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence. That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.
While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.
Myth #3: Tantric Sex Is All About Sex
Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.
Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses. We use terms of respect like Sweet Everythings instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.
Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy. Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.
Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.
Myth #4: Tantric Sex Is Slow Sex
I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.
When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused. That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.
But not always.
My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping. These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.
So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.
Myth #5: You Can’t Orgasm During Tantric Sex
LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.
Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.
Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure. Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.
Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.
Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime. It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.
But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?
Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies. Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.
We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.
Myth #6: Quickies Have No Place In Tantric Sex
In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”
Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.
For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”
Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits. When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels. Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)
But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard. When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.
Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.
But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs. The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us. It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.
Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.
So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.
Myth #7: Tantric Sex Requires Secret Sexual Techniques
No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else. Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more. Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.
Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into. Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies is that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.
Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.
As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.” It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.
If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve. But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.
Myth #8: Tantric Sex Isn’t Primal or Kinky
Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.
I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals. But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.
When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept. And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.
In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.
So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.
Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.
Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords. They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time. When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.
Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.
Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.
Myth #9: Tantric Sex Is Only For Women
Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.
In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.
In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?
Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”
But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female. Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.
But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs. Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.
And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.
Myth #10: Tantric Sex is Magic
Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic. But not in the way you’re thinking.
As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex. This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.
It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.
It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.
This isn’t magic. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose. From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic wand that makes ecstasy happen.
It’s not magic, it’s practice.
To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.
On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.
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There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths. Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world. Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.
If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.
I’d love to receive your questions and comments by email (somraj@tantraattahoe.com) or on my blog (tantraattahoe.com/blog).
May your sex life never be the same.
Love, Somraj
Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter @TantraTahoe and at LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/somrajpokras/.
I spent a lot of years having sex that didn’t involve my butt. It was usually great but I had no idea what I was missing.
How come? Well, I was worried that it was dirty. And I was so tight-assed that first attempts at entry hurt.
But mostly I had no idea how incredible it could be.
Three things helped me change all that. First was my Tantra training 20 years ago. That’s how I learned about pelvic armoring. Armoring is when parts of the body get perennially stiff and tense from false beliefs, traumas, and other negative experiences. An armored crotch is a common byproduct of toilet training. As is getting caught masturbating or doing it in the back of your old Chevy. It’s a condition many of us share due to frustrating, stressful, or painful sexual experiences.
Tantra taught me that slow, gentle, deep bodywork can help clear armoring back there. And other places too like a woman’s yoni (vagina).
Over the years I’ve had a lot of this kind of clearing thanks to my wife’s supportive sex-positive attitude. And my FOMO (fear of missing out). Gradually the tension was replaced with more relaxation and more pleasure.
Why does anal play feel so good? Well, it’s naughty and some of us like to walk on the wild side. Yes, that includes me, first in line for something new and kinky. Plus, the tissues are connected to my other highly sensitive jewels. You remember what that old song says, “the ass bone is connected to the cock bone?”
Oh, yeah, let’s not forget how many nerve endings are down there.
The second thing was my longtime girlfriend who is a colonic hydrotherapist. That is to say that she specializes in enemas. Now this is a beautiful and sexy woman who is very butt friendly. And always clean.
Not to mention how much she likes me fucking her fresh butt.
Now I’ve tried enemas before and thought it wasn’t really worth all the trouble. Well, until I got hooked on ass play. Then we remodeled our bathroom and installed a bidet so that we’d have cleaner jewels all the time. Little did I realize how motivated I’d be to wash my butt after each visit to the toilet.
So after this third thing I had no excuse but to start using fingers and toys in my backdoor. The more I did it, the more I loved it.
It seems to me that anal play adds more cylinders to my 4-cylinder sexual motor. The pleasure I get is now more like the power of a high-performance V8 engine.
Something else is happening too. While a hand, mouth, or yoni is stroking my cock, active fingers or a vibrating butt plug supercharges my pleasure. It’s more than just stronger sensations. Backdoor stimulation blends in a whole new sort of rocket fuel into the mix.
You might wonder why that would be. If you know anything about a guy’s orgasm control center, you understand. I’m talking about the prostate gland. Or what some call the male G-Spot.
When my G-spot is prodded, it’s as if a swarm of pleasure bees are released inside. They wait in the hive around my prostate until they’re awakened. Then their fast little wings massage me from the inside and make me swoon each time they stream through my body.
Last night I had several 30 to 60 second orgasms that way. They were a new variety that I’ve only had before with my vajra (penis) being excited. I call them dry orgasms because there’s no ejaculation.
Still, everything in my pelvis was vibrating at a high frequency spreading waves of sensation everywhere. Like I was driving 100 mph on the freeway until I blasted into orbit. The muscles that make me squirt were convulsing big time except the one around my prostate gland that ejects semen. That’s why I can have them over and over for a long while.
In my new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making three of the twelve different types of orgasm are exclusively for men: Ejaculation, G-spot, and Dry. So I was having lovely energy eruptions that blended the last two.
You know, I’ve been practicing Tantric Sex for 20 years now and it’s amazing how much I keep discovering. If you’re like me and love to explore your inner erotic world, I highly recommend it.
Here are some interesting articles…
Sacred Love: Practices to Empower your True Nature. | elephant journal
Here’s a great into to a supercharged kind of climax. But there’s a lot more opportunities than mentioned…
What Is A Blended Orgasm, And How Can I Have One?
10 Steps I Wish someone had Told me About Tantric Sex 20 Years Ago. | elephant journal
The Not-So-Well-Kept Secrets of Making Sex Feel Orgasmic All the Time
My last article delved deeper into the art and science of sexual peaking which you can read here. But we didn’t get all the way through to the secrets of Orgasmic Surfing. You’ll find them here in this second half.
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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #290 published 12/14/2017
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com
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This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.
Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex
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At The Summit
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At first, most of this erotic charge is generated in our jewels. As we approach a peak, various forms of fireworks are ignited. Concentrations of energy may blossom outwards. Energy streamers may shoot out of our jewels. Flares may radiate up and down. Often starbursts detonate and fill much of our bodies. These orgasmic sensations make it clear that we’re experiencing mini energy orgasms.
Often, as I’m approaching a peak, the blossoms and flares of sexual energy in my vajra (penis) spread to my G-spot. (That’s what us Tantric males call our prostate glands since they function as a guy’s orgasm control center.) It really feels like a palpable channel that’s hot and sizzling. Sometimes the sensations are in one of these powerful erogenous zones, sometimes in the other, and sometimes somewhere on the channel between the two. Some of my best orgasms have happened when the whole energy conduit between my vajra and prostate seems like a radiant fire pulsing back and forth.
I documented a lot more about what happens inside in my posts Pleasure Peaks versus Energy Orgasms here and Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks here.
Extra strong feelings seem to open electrical channels that extend from my crotch, and sometimes from my feet, all the way up to my head. These thrilling sensations seem to percolate from chakra to chakra before they boil over everywhere. A heat flush and goosebumps rise up my torso and settle on the back of my neck below my ears.
The streaming current feels like the plucking of a bass guitar string reverberating inside. That’s so intense that it makes me shiver and shudder, jerk and undulate.
There’s lots more about Sexual Energy Fireworks in my two blog posts that start here.
Alternate Peaking
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Similar things happen inside Jeffre, too. Her body is a clearcut turn-on meter because I can tell from her body language when she’s peaking. She breathes deeper, moans louder, and shivers more as her arousal rises. At the peak she bellows and her body starts jackknifing.
Like so many other guys I used to ask my lovers “did you come yet?” After making love with my passionate wife, it’s clear that the answer is always no if I have to ask. Her sexual peaks are not subtle.
After we’re momentarily resting in the valley for a moment or two, I usually check if she’s ready for another peak. I do this with little tickle from a finger on her clio (clitoris) or a little slow jab from my vajra inside her.
I remember one time, after a half-dozen tests like this, I didn’t get a very strong reaction like her pushing back or pulling my hips in. (She later admitted she had more sleepiness than sexual energy.) I thought, well it’s my turn. She did want to carry on, so during the next cycle I stroked and rocked and rolled simply to please myself. It propelled me up to an amazing pinnacle of pleasure.
I’ve heard other “experts” say that was selfish of me. But in Orgasmic Sex, we’re each responsible for our own pleasure — as long as it’s not at the expense of our partner’s comfort. Judging by Jeffre’s reaction this time, she didn’t mind at all. She followed right along and, in fact, it energized her next peak to a higher level than before.
Our typical practice is for her to reach a few peaks before I let myself go and enjoy several. We naturally find ourselves alternating for a few cycles. Sometimes, while I’m following her up a peak, the sexual charge floods my body, making me peak just after her. Then I notice the same happening to her. It’s like sexual ping pong.
Sometimes it feels like leapfrogging. Her energy fills and excites me causing me to peak. My peak triggers a higher one in her. And back and forth.
There’s more about Alternate Peaking in my blog post here.
Orgasmic Surfing
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I didn’t forget that this article is about orgasmic surfing. That’s why my friend John Hill, an Orgasmic Meditation coach, calls it when you sail from peak to peak. It’s just that everything you’ve read so far is necessary to get you to this place.
Jeffre and I find that when we get in the groove, we alternate peaks sometimes for as much as an hour. The first ones often are sharper and quicker. As we cycle up and down, two things happen: the peaks reach higher, and the peaks last longer. At the higher crests, the pleasure is more intense. At the longer ones, right, it keeps on and on.
While we do have some control over surfing from peak to peak this way, I think it needs more research. (I know, I always say that about sex.) Sometimes our peaks rise higher on their own and other times they seem to persist.
What I do know for sure is that after multiple peaks, they tend to coalesce into plateaus. That’s like a mesa in the southwest of the U.S. It’s a level upland elevated above the surrounding territory. In other words, the pleasure peak just carries on without us doing much.
To us, the great thing about jewel union (sexual intercourse) is that we both feel many of the same things at the same time. So when Jeffre is launched up to a plateau of excitement, I feel it. And it may well trigger a high peak in me that stretches out into a persistent plateau.
Typically one or both of us senses when our energy reserves are on the verge of waning. Never fear, we have options. Often we take a break for some snacks or wine. Other times, one of us decides to wrap up for the night with an explosive Big O. Or we just wind down, keeping our appetite a bit unsatisfied so we’re jonesing to do it again soon.
And sometimes, lofty plateaus launch us into orbit. We call that the Orgasmic Zone, when the current of orgasmic energy is running strong and full throughout our bodies. It’s amazing when we’re both vibrating together with sensational sexual ecstasy like this. It’s an altered energy state where the huge sexual tides surge through us on and on. See my post on Sexual Orbits which you can find in my blog here.
When I’m there, I use whatever conscious control I have to maintain my excitement at 80-90% of maximum. If I get too high, I go over the point of no return and end the fun. So I vary the speed, angle, and depth of my strokes to hover below the edge. Anytime I get over 90% the powerful erotic charge typically triggers pelvic contractions like a dry orgasm. Unless I’m ready to finish, I relax into the pulsing sensations and spread the energy so I don’t come yet.
Unfortunately There’s A Limit
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Now, alternating peaks and sharing plateaus can go on for many minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 30, sometimes approaching an hour. Though we sure don’t want them to stop, there is a limit to our physical stamina. Especially after a long day of work and exercise. The muscle contractions and heavy breathing are physically demanding. They take their toll on my stamina which limits how long I can stay there. Otherwise I’d just surf up there all day and all night.
I wish I had learned all this before turning 70. There’s no telling how long I would have surfed in the prime of life.
Not to worry. Sure, we can’t go as long as we used to. But it you’re younger, fit, and exercise regularly, the skies the limit. Carry on for as long as you’re flying.
Peaks and plateaus are as exciting as most ten-second tension-release orgasms. And there’s more of them that last and last and get stronger and stronger. That’s why orgasmic surfing is our preferred style of lovemaking.
Even sliding down the far side of a peak is delightful. Riding up can be more physically demanding from muscles firing and the body vibrating. But sliding down the far side of a peak is relaxing. It’s as if the bubble of sensations burst at the top, washing and massaging me inside and out with soft energetic fingers. Sliding towards the valley feels like falling into a huge pile of feathers that support and massage my body with flocks of little waves of pleasure.
Well, that’s the status of our scientific investigation into orgasmic surfing. It’s sure different than how I did sex for my first few decades. A little foreplay, a few strokes, and me coming with much awareness about my partner’s satisfaction. But I still craved it.
I hope this and my other peaking articles help you both do better than I did.
Love, Somraj
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Orgasmic Sex Blog
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Recents posts…
• Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)
• One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)
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Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK
The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men
Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.
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Our exposė is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.
Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.
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Special Report
As a newsletter subscriber, you’re entitled to a free copy of our groundbreaking 70-page Special Report “The Top Ten Tantric Secrets Of Sex, Love, & Intimacy.” To begin receiving your secrets in installments, register here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/specialreport/register.htm
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Thanks For Passing It On…
Please, forward this newsletter to all anyone who might be interested! Quote anything
with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016 TantraAtTahoe.com.”
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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…
– deepen love and intimacy,
– extend lovemaking, and
– create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…
– heals your mind, body, and spirit,
– connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
– immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Privacy Statement…
We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subscribe Or Unsubscribe…
To subscribe to the “Sacred Sexual Secrets” newsletter, click here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/reg/news.htm
The Not-So-Well-Kept Secrets of Making Sex Feel Orgasmic All the Time
You kiss, you hug, you rip each other’s clothes off, you stick in it, and, after a few strokes. you both come in a blaze of glory. That’s the Hollywood version of hot sex. And, no doubt, it’s wonderful when it happens.
But Orgasmic Sex looks different. It’s usually more intentional than “wham bam thank you ma’am” sex. It starts slower with lots of foreplay for both until she craves penetration as much as he does. Then, instead of rushing towards a big explosion, you consciously build the sexual energy together until you shake with ecstasy. And keep the high going as long as you can, sometimes for hours.
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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #289 published 11/16/2017
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com
To get these free monthly newsletters in your email, click here to register.
Click here to comment, ask questions, or give feedback:.
This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.
Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex
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By edging and dancing on the verge of orgasm, the eventual climax is startlingly explosive and more often simultaneous. That is, if you choose the sex-research model of releasing all the tension and blowing your wad. On the other hand, if you’ve been sparking and vibrating and convulsing for an hour or more, that physical climax may not be the be all and end all of sex.
Practitioners of Orgasmic Sex instead enjoy a long series of Tantric Energy Orgasms. These are pinnacles of excitement resulting from intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like electrical currents, electromagnetic waves, and sensational starbursts than ten-seconds of contractions in your crotch.
The best news is that you get to experience all the other wonderful feelings of orgasm without men ejaculating and women draining their batteries. More about this in my articles Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks and How to Spread a Peak of Pleasure Into a Full-Body Orgasm.
The not-so-well-kept secret of Orgasmic Sex is how to consciously surf up and down peaks of pleasure.
Conscious Peaking
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I’ve written a lot about sexual peaking in previous blog and newsletter articles. (If you want the whole story, start with this how-to article, The 5 S’s of Peaking. More links appear below.). But the more we make love, and we do it several times a week, the more we learn about this dance of love. So I’m adding to the evolving science of conscious peaking here. When all is said and done, maybe we’ll offer a college degree in Orgasmic Sex.
For those unfamiliar with this erotic talent, let me explain first that a peak is…
A sudden surge of turn-on in which your excitement rises to a high level and quickly drops back down sharply.
Conscious Peaking is…
The skill of intentionally adjusting sexual stimulation in order to rise to a peak of pleasure and then descend on the other side without an explosive orgasm. It’s fully enjoying a high level of excitement and then immediately changing, slowing, or stopping the stimulation.
Tantric lovers learn Conscious Peaking by developing their sensitivity and mastery of sexual energy. If this is a new concept to you, we define that as…
The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations. It’s sometimes referred to as Orgasmic Energy or Kundalini.
There’s lots more about sexual energy in my article Sexual Electricity 101.
Though what you’re doing with your hands, mouths, jewels (genitals), and minds controls the ebb and flow of your turn-on, learning to peak consciously requires a complementary set of skills. You need to refine your ability to summon, expand, guide, spread, and exchange sexual energy.
My awareness of the mechanics of peaking has been growing as our “research” into Orgasmic Sex continues. (By research I mean we screw often, watch what happens, and then talk about it.) We each have our own way of managing the soaring of our ascents and the settling down during our descents. Since we’re each much more aware of what’s happening to our personal erogenous zones, we have to guide each other. It takes verbal and non-verbal communication to make it clear what we want more of in each moment.
For me, an old guy, I have to create enough stimulation to stay hard and excited while at the same time not getting so sensitive that I ejaculate prematurely. My wife Jeffre adjusts her position, my hands, and sometimes her vibrator to maximize her passion before she falls back into a soft cushion of relaxed pleasure. Together we adjust our speed, angle, and depth of stroking to help us rise and fall.
Sexual Valleys
– – – – – – – – – – –
What I’ve been learning about Conscious Peaking recently is what we each do on the way up to peaks and the way down into sexual valleys. Since I was once a chemist, my natural tendency is to graph the progression of sexual peaks. I stroke, she pushes back, I change my pattern, she speeds up, I follow her, and we fly over the summit together. Or some such choreography.
When one or both of us peaks, we slow or still our movements to lessen the stimulation. This is a major element of our Tantra training: relax into states of high arousal and allow the energy to stream all over deliciously. You’ve heard it before, take your time to smell the roses.
As she relaxes, Jeffre tends to shiver, shimmy, and shake as she relaxes. I do the same sometimes, but just as often I let all my muscles go slack and savor the sensations of energy streaming through me. Then, as we settle back for a few moments, all our attention is on the feelings washing through our bodies. In other words, neither of us does much for a moment or two except feeling those orgasmic sensations.
Are you getting the picture that our lovemaking consists of a series of cycles with short breaks in between? They usually last a few minutes each followed by a few second pause. But alternating peaks can’t happen unless the supporter is willing to give up their urgent need to push for the maximum excitement while their partner’s pleasure rises and falls.
Usually one of us prompts the other to start up again. I might gently flick a finger outside or stroke inside slowly to see if she reacts. She sometimes starts spreading her thighs and pushing into me which makes her shiver. And turns me on. We restart in a tentative way, waiting for a clear reaction before we get vigorous again. Sometimes I resume and she supports me, and other times the reverse.
This is one part of how we share the power of who’s leading and who’s following. A basic premise of Tantric Sex is that we’re each fully responsible for our own pleasure. Sure, at times that requires being a little self-centered. But who knows better than the one who’s receiving pleasure at each moment? So we both monitor our own arousal, ask for what we want, notice where our partner is at, and subsequently adjust what our bodies are doing.
Rising Up A Peak
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
The physics of our excitement rising up to a peak isn’t mysterious. Sexual friction generates energy. The more we move, the hotter we get. The better we target our erogenous zones (her 20 and my 11), the more intense our arousal gets. Before we know it, the level of our turn-on suddenly ascends to a crest.
Sometimes though we’re just not that hot to trot. Then we concentrate on some Tantric tools to amplify whatever sexual energy is percolating inside. I call the most fundamental ones the five cruxes of ecstasy. These are being present in the body, deep belly breathing, moving erotically, making love sounds, and visualizing energy flow. After years of practice both during and apart from making love, we can usually transform a few sparks into a full blaze of pleasure. Then the erotic charge streams more robustly and launches us to high peaks.
It’s pretty clear when our excitement is rising. Our breathing deepens and our moans get louder. Our muscles tense and our nerves fire. Heat and goosebumps surge upwards. Our jewels fill with blood and our erogenous zones are triggered. Our tissues vibrate and our bodies shake. This happens because we’re generating more and more sexual electrical current at higher and higher voltage.
That’s all for now. Sorry you’ll have to wait for the next issue to find out what happens at the summit of a peak. And then how you surf from peak to peak. Or if you can’t wait, click here to read the second half in our Orgasmic Sex blog.
Love, Somraj
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Orgasmic Sex Blog
Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.
Welcome Instructions Read/Comment Post/Log-In
Recents posts…
• Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)
• One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)
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Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK
The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men
Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.
We cover everything you need to know to supercharge sex including foreplay, intimacy, oral and anal sex, sexual positions, and in-bed communication skills. You’ll read love secrets new and old that detail how to make an emotional connection first, target your erogenous zones, connect your passion circuits, create energy circles, and fill your whole bodies with pleasure every time.
Unlike many general sex books, it focuses on the mechanics, dynamics, and energetics of sexual intercourse with color illustrations. With a thorough review of modern science and classical techniques from the Kama Sutra and ancient China, we show you how to expand your intimacy into the full erotic union of heart, mind, and soul while you’re doing it. Plus, with our explicit step-by-step instructions, you’ll learn how to enjoy any of the 12 ways to orgasm that you’ve missed out on.
We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love.
Our exposė is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.
Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.
Click here to download it right now…
http://www.tantraattahoe.com/tantric-love-making/buy-tantric-love-making.htm
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SUMMARY STUFF
Contact Us…
Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161
Email: http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/news.htm
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Ebooks, Sex Toys, Adult Products, Tantra Services
http://www.tantraattahoe.com/ebooks.htm
http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm
http://www.tantraattahoe.com/services.htm
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FREE Tantric Erotic Art Gallery
Dream juicy, colorful, steamy thoughts as you peruse our Tantric Erotic Gallery. It’s full of free sexy pictures and hot sex pics here
https://www.icloud.com/sharedalbum/#B0M532ODWDw15R .
We hope some of these images turn you on and get sexual energy flooding your body. And we hope when you get turned on you’ll have somebody dear with whom you can share those life-giving forces. Enjoy!
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Past Articles…
To help you revolutionize your sex, love, and intimacy, check out previous articles in our newsletter archives at… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/resource/news.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Special Report
As a newsletter subscriber, you’re entitled to a free copy of our groundbreaking 70-page Special Report “The Top Ten Tantric Secrets Of Sex, Love, & Intimacy.” To begin receiving your secrets in installments, register here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/specialreport/register.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks For Passing It On…
Please, forward this newsletter to all anyone who might be interested! Quote anything
with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016 TantraAtTahoe.com.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUPREME BLISS TANTRA
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…
– deepen love and intimacy,
– extend lovemaking, and
– create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…
– heals your mind, body, and spirit,
– connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
– immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Privacy Statement…
We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subscribe Or Unsubscribe…
To subscribe to the “Sacred Sexual Secrets” newsletter, click here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/reg/news.htm