Kegels for Guys, Orgasm Every Time, Communicate in Bed

Sorry but you won’t hear from me much this summer as I’m on an extended wilderness camping writing retreat.

To learn more about Orgasmic Sex, check out these articles with valuable insights and techniques…

3 BIG Reasons Guys Should Do Kegels | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

I Orgasm Every Single Time I Have Sex’ (a great Article from an empowered woman who knows what she likes and demands that she always gets it )

How to Be More Vocal and Communicate in Bed | StyleCaster

6 Levels of Orgasmic Sex

I’ve had a lot of exciting quickies in my five decades of making love. Of course, being a horny guy, I was usually the only one coming. Since I studied Tantra and learned to practice Orgasmic Sex, more often now I’m not the only one.

The latest study I read about quickies found that the average length of time between penetration and orgasm was 5.4 minutes. The article I read didn’t specify whose orgasm though. I’m guessing it was the guy’s.

Coming or not coming, quickies leave a lot on the table. In other words, if you’re seeking instant gratification and rush to the finish line, there’s a whole lot of fun that you’ll miss. But if you learn to edge, peak multiple times, and dance on the verge, you enter an entirely new realm that we call Orgasmic Sex.

Orgasmic Sex is ecstatic lovemaking that lasts longer than the average five or so minutes of play that’s focused on orgasm. Now you might be wondering why you might choose not to put all your focus on the climax. The answer is that Orgasmic Sex instead creates a level of passion that feels continuously orgasmic. If you could, wouldn’t you want the sublime peak of irresistible excitement that you feel right before the big ten-second explosion to continue? Like for 30 seconds, a minute, or many, many minutes? That’s the delicious promise of Orgasmic Sex.

And by taking your time and floating in that level of supreme bliss for what seems like forever, your ultimate orgasm will be so much more powerful and satisfying.

6 Levels

One major benefit of delaying the depleting explosion is that you get to experience an entirely new spectrum of sexual feelings. It’s like a door opens and you delerioulsy enter into the lost continent of pleasure.

You can only learn to revel in this new world when you gain mastery over your sexual energy. When you’re sexually turned on, you can feel a small trickle of nervous stimulation and physical excitation, alive, bubbling, moving, and vibrating inside you. We call it sexual energy when it charges your pleasure centers.

Sexual energy is the electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. 

It’s sexual energy that makes you feel excitement. So, of course, for Orgasmic Sex you want to amass as much as you can for as long as you can. As it turns out, there are six levels of excitement depending on how much sexual energy you’ve generated.

Those levels are…

1 Sensations

Level 1 is where you feel turn-on in various places around your body. That might seem like tingling or prickly heat or electrical charge. At first, these sensations are still and confined to your jewels (genitals).

2 Motion

As you build more sexual energy, your sensations begin to flow. Moving sensations feel like chills, hot flashes, goosebumps, or a current running inside. Sometimes energy expands in slow diffusion, waves, or blossoms. Expanding sexual energy out of your jewels is the key to full-body orgasms.

3 Vibration

With even more sexual energy, your body starts to vibrate. The moving sensations excite your nerves, muscles, and organs making them tremble, quiver, shiver, or pulsate.

4 Kriya

A kriya is an involuntary spontaneous twitch, jerk, or jolt of the body in response to the flow of sexual energy. Kriyas happen when more sexual energy than you’re used to settles in a muscle or organ and makes it react. An experienced Tantra teacher once told me that I wouldn’t have so many kriyas if I relaxed more. But sometimes that’s challenging when a sudden build-up of sensation and vibration hits you.

5 Shaking

When you experience a series of kriyas, your body starts shaking. This and the other levels only happen if you relax, surrender, and let the excitement flow through you. When you do, the intense sensations radiate all over and grip you in spasms of pleasure. A major skill that lovers develop through Tantric practice is called running energy where you consciously direct the lifeforce to spread and engulf you in continuous ecstatic shaking.

6 Streaming

When the sexual energy shaking you reaches an even higher level, it streams through you of its own accord. It’s like conscious swooning where you totally let go and levitate in the sexual ecstasy. Streaming energy feels like surges, gushes, floods, and eruptions of heat and electricity all throughout your body. Often the shaking at this level thrashes you around making you flail and jackknife.

Orgasm

Since all six levels are elements of Orgasmic Sex, you might predictably ask which is orgasm? Without going into the twelve types of orgasm here, it’s quite possible to have a sexual climax at any of them. Haven’t you had different kinds of orgasms, some ho-hum and others resounding? Of course, shaking and streaming orgasms at levels five and six are more powerful. But a sudden shock of still or moving sensations at the first two levels can still be profoundly exciting.

That’s because any peak experience can be deemed orgasmic. A sexual peak is a sudden upsurge of energy and sensation. How high do you have to fly to consider it an orgasm? If you don’t scream bloody murder and get thrown off the bed, don’t discount the powerful surge of pleasure at any level.

Sexologists define orgasm as the release of tension at the peak due to a strong upsurge of metabolism, breathing, and blood flow. But staying relaxed and not tensing up is a vital practice of Orgasmic Sex. When you don’t resist and tense up,  you fly higher and higher as your metabolic rate soars. We call these implosive peaks energy orgasms because the energy isn’t depleted but gets recycled instead.

We find that our early peaks usually begin at level one or two and move up to the vibration level at three. Sometime after passing the 5.4 minute worldwide average, our peaks start detonating with kriyas and shaking at four and five.

Everyone has their limits of stamina. In our seventies, after 30 to 60 minutes we either need to recharge our batteries with a refreshment break or totally go for a Big O and call it quits. When we choose, our ultimate explosive orgasms accompanied by ejaculation truly blow our minds.

Another way to look at the energy levels as if they were a smorgasbord. When you learn to bypass the quickie urge to come and enter the land of Orgasmic Sex, you have so many more tasty delights to enjoy.

 

Love, Somraj

Coach Your Lover, Edging Orgasms, Cervix Energy Orgasms

Read these articles to learn more about different aspects of Orgasmic Sex…

Quick, Easy Ways to Coach Lovers’ Sexual Moves | Psychology Today

What Is Edging and How You Can Vastly Improve Your Orgasms

Holy Shit! What My Cervix Has Taught Me (A brilliantly powerful story of opening to deeper pleasure through self-healing.)

Orgasmic Sex Play-By-Play (X-Rated)

Unusually, it had been a few days since we made love so we were way hot for each other. Before diving in, we exchanged some sweet everythings and slow sensual massage. We call light all-body caresses with consciousness, “Tantric Touch.”

That’s all it took for our jewels (genitals) to get erect.

We moved to the next level when, with her permission, I put my vajra (penis) inside her. My hard-on descended slowly and shallowly at first. When, after a few initial thrusts, her body language made it clear that she was craving more, I gradually stroked faster and deeper. That propelled us to the next level. Our excitement propelled us to alternate at higher and higher peaks.

Sometimes her G-spot near the opening of her yoni (vagina) prefers to be rubbed or rammed directly. But this time deeper thrusts were producing stronger reactions. She’s so passionate that there’s no doubt what she wants most in each moment.  How loud her moans are, how heavy her breathing is, and how strongly she pushes back tells me more than words could. I call passionate lovers like this responsive.

For fun, instead of having my thrusts penetrate straight in, I rotated my pelvis down so my vajra was entering from below. This prodded the upper wall of her yoni all the way in near the neck of the bladder. Sexologists call that the A-spot where the A stands for anterior. The A-spot is near the fabled G-spot but much further inside. She liked those strokes, but it didn’t make her wail and flail. I love to make her crazy.

I switched by rotating my pelvis upward which aimed my vajra downward as far as it would go into her cul-de-sac. That’s the little crevice behind the cervix up against the womb. Her deeper breathing and louder moans told me that these thrusts made her peaks more dramatic.

But I had a problem. All this energetic in-and-out pushed me too close to the edge of coming. Each time I pushed my cockhead into her cul-de-sac, I almost came. (I’ve always been ultra-sensitive but fortunately Tantra training taught me how to handle the intense precipices of sexual energy.) I had to back off the speed and depth of my thrusts so I could hover on the edge of the cliff without losing it. That’s how I’ve learned to last most of the time as long as we both want. Unfortunately backing off a bit reduced her excitement.

But no worries. We like to dance on the verge for an hour or more at a time. The point where I had to slow up was maybe after a half-an-hour of jewel union (sexual intercourse). In the long run, though, everything worked out perfectly.

Up to this point I had been Tri-Fingering her clio (clitoris) while my vajra was sliding in and out of her yoni. You see, studies have shown that 70% of women need clio stimulation for maximum turn-on and orgasm. She’s one of them most of the time.

Tri-Fingering is my name for using three fingers on her clio. To do that during jewel union, I put my two middle fingers of one hand on either side of my thrusting cock and rub her pussy lips. At the same time with my index finger, I massage her clio.

In spite of her still wanting more (I love that about her), my fingers started to get tired. So she grabbed one of her favorite little vibrators called the Tiani from Lelo, the great Swedish sex toy company. It’s a U-shape with a vibrating bulb in one end that her clio loves. The other end is a little flat prong that inserts into her yoni. Amazingly it holds the Tiani in place so we can go at it hands free.

More bad news. As usual, the inserted prong made penetration tighter. At that moment I was too sensitive for more excitement. When I explained, she just held the vibe on her clio. That made her passion ramp up again. And allowed us to have lots more fun surfing up and down many waves of pleasure.

If you’re into long Orgasmic Sex like we are, you learn that nothing seems to keep producing the same passion for long. Psychologists call it habituation when the sensitivity of tissues gets accustomed to the same repeated stimulation.

When her clio got habituated, she switched to another longtime favorite, the white Pocket Rocket. It’s a slender 3-inch cylinder powered by just one AA battery.  The white one is a few years old and has lost some of its punch. But there’s something about its frequency that’s perfectly tuned to her clio. Someday I hope to sponsor a scientific study of vibration characteristics. I never see manufacturers specifying vibe strength and frequency.

Anyway, whitey on her clit sent her off into a few more cycles of skimming pleasure crests which I happily followed.

Now the good news heading into 45 minutes of coupling was that my sensitivity started to level out. The peaks weren’t threatening to make me loose it as much. So I could stick to my gun, I mean the rhythm that was bringing her close to a climax.

I guess her peaks were leveling a bit too as we approached an hour. Since we play this way on average every other day, we don’t always demand an explosive release. You see, the peaks are so exciting and propagate so much energy through and between our bodies that physical orgasm isn’t always necessary. That’s why we call it Orgasmic Sex instead of sex pressuring us both towards with orgasm. The orgasmic sensations go on and on unlike just a few seconds of them.

We usually play in rounds (yeah, like boxers but much less violent) that typically last 30 to 60 minutes. Sure, sometimes we have shorter quickies. Our longies string together several rounds of going at it like that.

Sorry, I don’t have a name for one round like we were enjoying. A mediumie? No, not a great term. Can you suggest a better one?

As we neared the end of this round she clearly wanted to go over the top. I realized that when she grabbed her newest Pocket Rocket. Since it’s purple, we call it Miss Violet. I bought several different ones from Amazon so we’d have a backup to the aging whitey. It turned out they were all from the same manufacturer in China. The fresh Miss Violet packs a stronger punch and added what she needed for an explosive climax.

It was a classic blended orgasm. That’s one triggered by hitting two sweet spots (erogenous zones) at once. In this case my vajra pumping in and out of the cul-de-sac inside her yoni and Miss Violet on clio’s pearl (erect tip).

Even with all that stimulation, the rhythm of my strokes had to be perfect. Moments when I had to back off interrupted her ascent. But finally I was able to keep on keeping on as she approached climax. Maybe the fourth or fifth peak triggered her explosive orgasm or what we like to call a Big O.

Do you ever pull out right away after coming? We don’t. Orgasmic Sex is such a connection of multiple energy streams that we much prefer to keep my shrinking vajra inside as long as possible.

At first she needs me to be still as the sensations sweep through her. Plus, staying inside allows us to enjoy aftershocks. Sometimes they’re just an involuntary twitch as the energy boils over. But after a couple moments I like to give her another slow stroke. That often triggers a mini-orgasm like it did this time. Actually that worked three or four more times until she was totally spent.

I know we’re there when she covers her suddenly hyper-sensitive clio with hand or pulls away.

And if you’re wondering, no, I didn’t come. The multiple high peaks of pleasure are thoroughly satisfying to me. And in my seventies ejaculating releases too much energy. That can leave me out of the game sometimes for a few days. Taoist physicians specify that at my age I should never come. But I’m a Tantric which means the only rules I follow are what works for my body. At this point it’s been quite a few weeks since I made a big wet spot. Well see when it asks for. I love that preservingjy sexual energy this way  keeps my old body horny, hard, and desiring more.

Well, that’s one of our Tantric mottos: more, More, MORE! I hope you have fun going for more like I’ve just described.

 

 

Love, Somraj

 

 

 

P.S. Many of these techniques are excerpted from our new book, Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex, which will be published by Llewellyn Worldwide next spring. If you’re interested, make a comment below or shoot me an email here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/somrajemailform.htm

What an Astounding Series of Multiple Orgasms!

I didn’t count how many orgasms I had last night, but it was at least six. Which was great because my wife was done early with a quick explosive climax leaving me wanting lots more.

You read that right, I’m a guy who has multiple orgasms. I didn’t always. It’s something I learned through lots of practice.

Now I didn’t say I ejaculated each time. In fact, I didn’t at all. The series of sexual crescendos was so satisfying that I didn’t need to.

One of the first things I learned in Tantra training was to separate orgasm from ejaculation. So my series of multiple orgasms were decidedly different than making a big wet spot. In fact, they were each quite unique. That’s partly because most of my climaxes were Tantric energy orgasms. That’s where you have all the glorious sensations of coming without the ejaculatory spasms that drain your energy.

Here’s how things went down. After a little break that allowed her to recover, she gave my vajra (penis) some delicious sucking until I was hot and hard. My excitement soared in surges of passion, but she stopped before I got too high. When she moved between my legs, my hands took over so she could concentrate on my rosetta (asshole).

If you’re new to the whole idea of orgasmic sex, you should know that we don’t rush headlong to the biggest explosion possible. Instead we stay as high as we can for as long as we want. I call it the O-Zone where you make those powerful sensations just before coming continue on and on.

The way we do orgasmic sex, whether we’re giving pleasure, self-pleasuring, or just fucking, is in cycles. That means we soar up to a peak of pleasure, maybe float there a bit, and then come down and relax for a moment before another cycle. My first couple peaks happened in vajra’s head from the stroking up and down my shaft that felt so electric.

When you play in the Tantric arena of energy orgasms, sometimes it’s hard to say if a sexual peak is high enough to qualify as an orgasm. Well, classifying them was less important than the delight that the rising tide triggered inside me as the peaks got higher.

But there was more going on than a little solo masturbation. As my wife was lubing up and fingering my rosetta, the locus, the exact location, of the turn-on began to shift. Then I had my next orgasm culminating in rolling anal convulsions. The physical phenomenon resembled the pulsing of my prostate gland when I do ejaculate. Except it was happening in the sphincters and muscles around rosetta’s short canal.

That orgasm was more on the physical side than purely energetic ones that spread heat, electricity, and vibration throughout my body. But it did release some rays of electricity that excited more of the surrounding tissues. It was those energy rays that triggered my next one. It felt like sound waves propagating up my spine. Kind of like the reverberations you would feel if you stood in front of the bassist’s speaker at a rock concert.

As my wife replaced her fingers with my favorite vibrator stroking in and out of my rosetta, the erotic charge expanded and filled more of my body’s bioenergetic field. That became clearer when cascades of prickly heat shot up my torso. That upwelling of sexual energy made my scalp bristle and my hair stand on end.

Now that one was way different from the previous three or four. And so was the next one. It felt like passion grenades exploding in my prostate. That sent blossoms of excitement reaching everywhere.

I call what we were doing to my body a hot link. That’s a sexual energy channel that connects two erogenous zones. In this case, my vajra and backdoor. Actually there are eighteen of these sweet spots in and around a guy’s crotch. And I surely had connected several hot links between several of these hot areas.

Then the energy in my prostate and vajra’s head started pulsing and sending out flares of erotic charge. Looking down inside it felt like a barbell with fireworks detonating at each end of the hot link. That climax felt like the barbell vibrating and sending off streamers of excitement throughout my body. I’ve felt that before, when the locus of boiling sensation shifts from one end of the energy channel to the other and back again.

I think it was the energy surging back and forth on the vajra-prostate barbell that triggered my big one. It launched me into the orbit of the O-Zone for maybe two minutes. This final orgasm was truly a blended one, combining many of the sensations of all the previous ones. The rolling thunder pulsed here, exploded there, and kept shifting around to many of my sweet spots.

Even though I didn’t drain any sperm, having my body reverberate so intensely for nearly an hour did leave me spent. But it was the kind of temporary exhaustion that let me revel in all the ecstatic feelings I’d experienced.

If you’d like to learn how to do this, please email me. I’ll likely suggest you get a copy of my Male Multiple Orgasm book or download my Tantric Male Multiple G-Spot Orgasm. I also do coaching and training for singles and couples.

For the ultimate guidebook, you’ll have to wait until Fall 2019 when our new book Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex is published by Llewellyn Worldwide.

Until then, have fun and lots of sexual pleasure. You can bet I will.

 

 

 

Love, Somraj

Myths Abour Sex, Best Way to Eat Pussy, Orgasm Gap

Here are some more links to valuable articles that will help you inderstandhow to have Orgasmic Sex…

Myths About Sex: 5 Things Women Should Stop Believing – mindbodygreen

What’s The Best Way to Eat Pussy? 10 Tips to Give Oral Mindfully – Beducated Magazine

A new study quantifies straight women’s “orgasm gap”—and explains how to overcome it | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

The Morning After the Marathon Was Way Hot But Different

I love having sex the morning after a long marathon of wild erotic lovemaking. But it’s way different. More like melted chocolate than thunder and lightning.

Since we simply do what feels good to ourselves and each other, that’s fine. Orgasmic Sex doesn’t to be a tear-your-clothes-off, shake-the-rafters, break-the-bed kind of romp. Sometimes it’s sweet and slow. Like our last morning-after coupling.

We slept well the night after, but the day before started around 2 pm and ended close to midnight. So we were both pretty tired.

There was ample interest for more. She laid back against the pillows and spread her legs. Sitting between her legs, I was once again awed by how beautiful her pussy was. In my typical mock macho tone I threatened, “You know what’s gonna happen when you wave that tempting thing at me, don’t you?”

She just smiled back seductively.

So I sat between her legs and she put her bent legs over my thighs. My soft cock was only a few inches from her clean-shaven crack. Even after our strenuous antics of the day and night before, I still wanted to be inside her. I admired the work of art that her cushy lips and peaking pearl (that’s the tip of her clio or clitoris) displayed only for me. At least as long as I could stand it just watching.

Before long I couldn’t resist touching. My fingertip moved slowly and gently at first, playing with her fleshy outer lips. When I spread them with my two index fingertips, I could see her thin inner lips turning pink. With a little wetness on my fingerpads, I traced those delicate petals up, down, and around.

That’s when she started to squirm.

It was so damn tempting to put something inside her pussy’s widening mouth. But I’m a lover trained in the ancient erotic arts of Tantra who glories in making it last. I tarried until I could see her brows knit and her motions get jerkier.

Yet I didn’t immediately give her what she clearly wanted. Instead I scooted forward and took my semi-hard cock in my hand. With the soft wet foreskin, I massaged first around her outer lips and then her inner lips.

Have you discovered how tantalizing cockhead massage circles can be?

Her moans made it clear she was enjoying these erotic caresses. They turned to deeper groans when I shifted to up and down strokes. The up-stroke teased her pussy’s mouth and lingered through her vestibule. (That’s the super-soft pink tissue that surrounds the opening.) I started back down across her fourchette (the folds of tissue at the bottom of the vaginal opening) and even lower. But she stopped me from crossing her backdoor by shaking her head “no.”

I guess all that vigorous thrusting back there the night before left her a little sore.

No worries, I just stroked up and down over her yoni (the Tantric name for pussy) a few times until she squealed with delight and relaxed. After a brief pause, I lengthened my cockhead massage to cross up between her inner lips and over her pearl. Because I was totally hard by then, this rougher stimulation was more intense. But she was turned-on enough to take all I could offer this way for a few more faster, harder, superficial strokes.

We like to call this kind of dalliance “loveplay” instead of foreplay which commits us to penetration. But what she did next made it clear I was committed to enter her.

Every time my cockhead slowly passed her now halfway gaping opening, she thrust her hips towards me. I admit freely that I knew what she wanted, but I played coy for a couple more passes. That’s when she yelled “Fuck me now goddamit!” So I relented.

Well, not completely. I initially used the technique the football players in the locker used to joke about. You know the one where the stud says, “I’ll only put the first inch in”? Well, that’s what I did. Actually I just continued the cockhead massage inside the first inch of her canal. She has a particularly responsive outlet. That’s the little opening at the top of the pussy’s mouth where the pee comes out. And it’s also the end of the spongy tissue on the upper wall that most lovers mistakenly call the G-Spot.

It’s not a fixed spot but a rough swollen crest that extends inside for a couple inches or so. That’s why call it the G-crest instead.

You might be wondering how I learned this kind of loveplay. I’ve studied all the detailed erogenous zones in both gender’s sexual anatomy via websites, books, and the bodies of various lovers. Women have fifteen different sweet spots outside and ten more inside. Stimulating them is what brings the most pleasure. And doing that just long enough is what triggers the different kinds of orgasm that women can experience.

Anyway, she didn’t let my cockhead play with her outlet very long. As I thrust inward, she pushed back driving me deeper each time. Gradually I went further and further. That’s because I know she has ultra-sensitive deep sweet spots. The night before she really loved me pounding them. But not this morning. About half-way in she stopped pushing back. I missed this cue at first and tried to prod the deeper erogenous zones. But when there was little response, I got the message.

She wanted my cock to rub the first couple inches of her G-crest around and past her outlet. It was even better when I raised my hips and rubbed my shaft against this swollen area. The harder I pushed up, the stronger her peaks of pleasure. She had maybe three or four crescendos until a louder one that rocked her vigorously.

But she didn’t have enough energy to go over the top. And I didn’t have enough energy to try and make it happen. Which is the point of this article. Whatever happened or didn’t, it was all good because it felt so good.

I tried scooting back and down so I could enter from the bottom of her yoni. That’s how I sometimes prod her outlet directly with my cockhead instead of rubbing it with my shaft. Sometimes the direct jab drives her crazy. But not today.

Remember we were tired. These gyrations were straining our already overworked muscles too much. So I switched to the Scissor Position where I lay on my side and entered between her legs.

The reason she likes this position is that I can play with her clio while my vajra is thrusting. To boost the electricity, this time she adder her little vibe to her clio. That made her shake and wail again briefly.

Then she said, “Sorry, but that’s all I’ve got today. Yesterday wore me out, I guess.” With protesting muscles and an uncertain erectile future, I didn’t protest.

Even with our limitations, we had lots of fun and pleasure for half-an-hour. If you were in this situation, wouldn’t you have preferred the lazy coupling to skipping it entirely?

The reason I wrote this blog post was to give you a real-life example of Super-Natural Tantric Sex. That’s where you work together to hit each other’s sweet spots the best ways possible for as long as they’re responding. It’s a partnership that makes you both feel orgasmic so much longer than an explosive orgasm can do.

And to share how to do all this is why I wrote my latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making. If you want sex to be all it can be, download a copy now.

Love, Somraj

Healing Sexual Trauma, Orgasms Alter Consciousness, Extraordinary Lovemaking

Here are some links to articles that can help you understand and practice Orgasmic Sex…

What is tantric sex, and how can it help heal sexual trauma? | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

Neuroscientist Explains How Orgasms Can Be Used To Reach An ‘Altered State of Consciousness’ – Collective Evolution

Bored With Sex? 3 Tips For Extraordinary Lovemaking – mindbodygreen

Sympathetic Orgasm: Coming Together Without Sexual Contact

Coming together is one of the great joys of jewel union (sexual intercourse). But how often does it really happen?

If you ask guys with egos (a high percentage undoubtedly), they would say almost all the time. But we probably can’t trust that percentage since those are the same guys who are unaware when their partners are faking it. Doing a Google search doesn’t turn up any reliable scientific studies on the subject of simultaneous orgasm. Guess it’s pretty hard to verify if you care about accuracy like scientists usually do.

There have been repeated reliable studies that show that it takes the average man five to ten minutes to climax, and the average woman twenty to forty minutes. So except for those rare guys who can get it up again real quickly unlike me, it seems very unlikely that lots of couples are detonating at the same time.

Our simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month now. Which isn’t very often considering that we typically make love three times a week. At least one of those weekly dates lasts a few hours. So we can estimate that we have a Big O together after dozens of hours of going at it.

I’m not complaining or looking for a sympathetic “too bad!” because this is intentional. You see, we always have lots and lots of different kinds of orgasms. But just not the explosive sort where I, the male partner, ejaculates.

My ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making groups orgasms into four categories: male physical, female physical, expanded, and energetic. The physical ones include ejaculation and muscle contractions along with the other great sensations we all crave. Expanded ones include multiples, blended ones from two or more erogenous zones, and simultaneous orgasms.

The secret to expanding your orgasmic repertoire, regardless of your gender or sexual preference, is the energy orgasm category. An energy orgasm results from the intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like pulsing electromagnetic waves than physical spasms. It’s also the secret to having multiple simultaneous orgasms.

One of the main things we learned from studying Tantra starting over twenty years ago was how to run sexual energy. That means sensing, harnessing, and consciously channelling the life-force that animates your body and drives sexual desire. The more energy you amass, the bigger, stronger, and longer your orgasms can be.

When we each learned how to run energy at will, we could synchronize our pleasure peaks much better. I usually support my wife in peaking a few times. At first these are simply sharp increases of pleasure. But after a few they morph into full-blown energy orgasms all over her body. When I feel I’ve been a good boy, I go for one myself. And then we alternate a few more times.

That’s when sympathetic orgasms begin to happen of their own accord. That means the excitement one of us is experiencing spikes so intensely and lasts so long that it triggers the other one’s energy orgasm. We’re so connected energetically and empathically that we can feel the sensations in each other’s body. So, for example, I can feel the fiery sensations streaming from her head to her toes and back again. Not only does it make all her cells vibrate wildly, but it sends my body into the same convulsions. And vice versa.

After a few of these, we start to ride the up and down waves of pleasure together, peaking at the same time. We might do this half a dozen times in a quickie and a dozen or more during each longie.

Sorry if I confused you when I wrote earlier that our “simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month.” I was referring to physical ejaculatory orgasms that deplete the majority of our sexual energy. The ones that we have dozens of ones every week are simultaneous ENERGY orgasms. They don’t release much energy so we can have them over and over and use the energy to go higher and higher.

Since energy orgasms aren’t necessarily triggered by the body’s erogenous zones, theoretically we don’t need sexual contact to make them happen. In fact, in our experience, they don’t actually need a physical connection. One time we were at a Tantric sex party where all the lovers were well-trained and spiritual people. The two of us were playing with a beautiful woman. She had an unusually small yoni (vagina) so she wasn’t too comfortable with jewel union. She laid beside us as we made love and all three of us held hands. More to the point we included her in our energy bubble. As our sexual energy started to peak, we could feel her starting to vibrate. That turned us on and made the whole connection that much hotter. As we surfed the orgasmic waves, she stayed right with us having comparable energy orgasms.

That’s not the only time we’ve enjoyed sympathetic energy orgasms with other lovers, both male and female. Once when we practiced monthly with a group of students, five of us sat in a circle holding hands. We breathed in unison and all visualized sexual energy coming in our left hands and out our rights. Within a few minutes the air seemed to sizzle around us and we all felt a buzzing circulating through all of our bodies.

In fact, the first time Somraj experienced a sympathetic energy orgasm was when he was doing breathing exercises with a new male student. He didn’t really expect much to happen since the guy was a novice and an operating engineer in real life. But it turned out he was highly conscious of his sexual energy. Another example of how first impressions and judgements mislead us. As the two of them sat across from each other and synchronized their breath, energetic sparks started to zap between them. Before long they were both shaking as the erotic charge streamed up and down and across.

Now that we’ve got the hang of sympathetic orgasms likes this, they’re more common in all sorts of lovemaking situations. Giving oral sex is often enough to turn us on without any direct jewel contact. Being able to enter the energetic O-Zone of continuous orgasmic sensations truly opens the door to amazing experiences.

If you ever wondered what Tantric Sex really is, I think this serves as a perfect example. Let us know if you’re interested in learning more about it.

Love, Somraj

The Top 10 Myths About Tantric Sex You Shouldn’t Believe

By Somraj Pokras of TantraAtTahoe.com

(This article was originally published in October 2015 in Consumer Health Digest.)

A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good. But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”

That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood. Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.

The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years old spiritual practice — mind you, not a sexual practice — from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit. And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people. When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.

Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve drastically. But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.

To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.

Myth #1: Tantric Sex Means Wild Orgies

If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome any time soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.

A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.

When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.

Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.

In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included. Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.

Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms. But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.

Myth #2: Tantric Sex Is Just A Front For Sex-Workers’ Services

If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.

Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?

I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.

I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called.  That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred. Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.

Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.

Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence. That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.

While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.

Myth #3: Tantric Sex Is All About Sex

Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.

Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses. We use terms of respect like Sweet Everythings instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.

Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy. Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.

Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.

Myth #4: Tantric Sex Is Slow Sex

I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.

When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused. That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.

But not always.

My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping. These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.

So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.

Myth #5: You Can’t Orgasm During Tantric Sex

LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.

Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.

Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure. Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.

Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.

Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime. It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.

But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?

Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies. Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.

We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.

Myth #6: Quickies Have No Place In Tantric Sex

In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”

Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.

For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”

Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits. When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels. Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)

But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard. When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.

Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.

But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs. The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us. It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.

Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.

So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.

Myth #7: Tantric Sex Requires Secret Sexual Techniques

No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else. Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more. Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.

Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into. Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies is that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.

Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.

As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.” It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.

If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve. But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.

Myth #8: Tantric Sex Isn’t Primal or Kinky

Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.

I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals. But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.

When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept. And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.

In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.

So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.

Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.

Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords. They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time. When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.

Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.

Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.

Myth #9: Tantric Sex Is Only For Women

Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.

In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.

In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?

Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”

But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female. Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.

But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs. Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.

And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.

Myth #10: Tantric Sex is Magic

Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic. But not in the way you’re thinking.

As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex. This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.

It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.

It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.

This isn’t magic. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose. From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic wand that makes ecstasy happen.

It’s not magic, it’s practice.

To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.

On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths. Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world. Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.

If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.

I’d love to receive your questions and comments by email (somraj@tantraattahoe.com) or on my blog (tantraattahoe.com/blog).

May your sex life never be the same.

Love, Somraj

Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter @TantraTahoe and at LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/somrajpokras/.