Tantra Newsletter: Merging Sex, Love and Spirit through Tantra – 1

Tantra Doesn’t Divide Sex and Spirit, Orgasms and the Divine

Most organized religions and the modern technological world divide sex and spirit. Our culture conditions us to believe that you can have a sacred relationship with the Almighty (if you believe in one) but not while you’re having sex. And when you get down between the sheets with your main squeeze, it can’t be spiritual.

Even though physical pleasure is a divine gift, it’s hard to grow up in the modern world without some mistaken idea that sex is sinful, dirty, and bad.

In Tantra we don’t agree. We don’t separate sex and spirit. We believe you can enjoy a rich spiritual life and a harmonious relationship with an expanding sense of inner peace while you and your beloved pursue mind-blowing orgasms.

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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #294 published 6/26/18

Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees http://www.TantraAtTahoe.com

ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2018 by TantraAtTahoe.com

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This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.          Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

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If you entertain this new attitude, together you can explore sacred and physical love, intimacy and kink, mental health and sexual ecstasy all at the same time as you discover altered states of awareness.

Yes, you can enjoy a total merger of deep love, ecstatic sex, and spiritual connection. Why else would passionate lovers cry out “Oh my God!” when they come?

TANTRA

Tantra is an ancient Eastern spiritual path based on the metaphysics of sexual energy. It uses your psychosexual lifeforce to fuel the transformation of your consciousness.

Practicing Tantra teaches you how to harness the lifeforces that drive love and sex. That can help you improve your body, mind, and spirit and connect better with your partner. As a result, Tantra is often called spiritual sex or sacred sexuality.

Tantras roots are very old. Thousands of years old.

The first Tantra teachings emerged in India as a grassroots rebellion against the repressive hierarchical religions of the day. Tantra sprang up as a movement to make spiritual illumination and ascension available to all, not just to the privileged castes via an intermediary like a priest or holy man.

The earliest “tantras” were ancient writings dated some 7,000 years ago that described secret disciplines, meditations. and sexual rituals as a path to liberation and enlightenment. These esoteric texts were written down in the form of a dialogue between the god Shiva and his consort, Shakti.

According to myth, Shiva and Shakti, the archetypal male and female, created the universe by making love. The secretions from their lovemaking formed the basis of the physical world as we know it today. To create the whole, both masculine and feminine energies needed to be unified.

Quite a contrast to the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, right? No original sin, no punishment, nobody’s right and wrong, no expulsion from Eden. Simply create the world through divine sexual union.

Tantra is spiritual because it helps us realize that success isn’t determined by external measures or whether you win the races you enter. The true measure of our success in life is how we feel. And not when all is said and done. It’s how we feel enroute.

If you believe in God or any other supreme power, then you must accept that your life, your spirit, your body are divine gifts. As is the free will to choose how to lead your life. Tantra teaches us that life is about making choices to create joy for ourselves first and then others.

ACCEPTANCE

The Tantric path is all about learning to look inside for your own answers yourself. Tantra shows you how to accept and love all of who you are so that you can open fully to your sexual and spiritual nature.

Tantra believes you are basically good, and that your native state is perpetual bliss. You just need to learn how to navigate the world’s stresses to get your mind, body, emotions, and spirit in alignment at each step.

So drop those outside values that don’t work for you. Let go of society’s artificial standards. Release the false judgments and criticisms you’ve accepted of how you lead your life. Accept all aspects of yourself whether they match what others think or not.

Instead of imposing beliefs of right and wrong stored in your mind, Tantric practice is a way for you to discover what’s true for you, what makes you feel better, and what works for your life, love, relationships, and community. Tantra teaches you to welcome all the forces of life and celebrate them as divine gifts.

It’s this acceptance which makes Tantra so powerful in a love relationship. As you raise your consciousness, you see yourself more clearly and release old beliefs that aren’t serving your personal growth.

CHAKRAS

So how does Tantric practice merger love, sex, and spirit?

To understand that requires understanding the rainbow of human lifeforces in your chakras. The chakras, the Indian word for wheels, are the seven energy centers in your body that govern your different types of body electricity and human magnetism. They are aligned near your spine from the base of your pelvis to the top of your head.

These seven vortexes are mostly invisible whirlpools where different qualities of lifeforce energy are generated, collected, and stored. That includes love at the heart chakra, sexual energy at the lower chakras, and higher wisdom at the upper ones.

Though energy is energy, when it’s active in one chakra, it feels different from the others.

Whether you’re straight or gay, male or female, young or old, you have the potential for all these energies. Let’s say you’re horny (sex chakras) but your partner has carried a lot of stress home from work (mental chakras) that’s distracting them. You’d be wise to help your playmate relax first before attempting to get sexual.

Some popular Tantric techniques are talking, meditation, or sensual massage. Then you can release and spread the pent-up energy so you have a greater chance of involving all the chakras.

My personal slang expression for a total merger of mind and body, soul and sex is all-chakra lovemaking. That’s when you’re both fully empowered, openly communicating, and actively wanting to share pleasure.

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Keep your eye open for part 2 of this article where I’ll explain how you can use this merger of chakra energy for orgasmic sex and relationship bliss.

     Love, Somraj

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Orgasmic Sex Blog

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This is the adult educational journal of TantraAtTahoe.com where anyone can post what’s up in their sex life. And what’s down. Here we post our experiences and encourage you to do the same. Did you have a great time list night? A lousy time? A troubling time? Tell us in graphic detail. We want to know and help. This isn’t porno, it’s sex education. Freely post your questions and we’ll do our best to answer them. And at the same time we can all learn to be more open about this vital part of everyone’s life.

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FREE Tantric Erotic Art Gallery

Dream juicy, colorful, steamy thoughts as you peruse our Tantric Erotic Gallery. It’s full of free sexy pictures and hot sex pics here

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We hope some of these images turn you on and get sexual energy flooding your body. And we hope when you get turned on you’ll have somebody dear with whom you can share those life-giving forces. Enjoy!

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Past Articles…

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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA

Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…

     – deepen love and intimacy,

     – extend lovemaking, and

     – create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…

       heals your mind, body, and spirit,

     – connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and

       immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to

reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

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We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

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Prostitutes and Poetry – An Inside Look at the Sex Trade (warning 18+)

by Dave Dutton-Fraser

Writer, Occult Researcher/Student/Lecturer, Former Bad Guy

If you have looked through my work you will notice a lot of my material is based on or about my relationship to prostitution and the sex trade. That should come as no surprise if you also know I spent many years as a criminal. For people, mainly men, involved in “The Game”, one term criminals use for the business of crime, the dating pool is pretty shallow and sparse. It’s not like you can meet a girl who can share your life style at a church function.

I loved some of these women, saved and bettered a few of their lives and sadly attended too many funerals. This is one reason I do not approve of criminalizing or demeaning the sex trade or sex trade workers. By criminalizing areas of the sex trade we make criminals of many women who have been victimized. This of course is why they are demeaned and victimized further.

In fact, I have more respect for prostitutes and people in the sex trade than I do many Company Board members, CEO’s, politicians and other “respectable” careers which in fact cause far more damage to the environment and people’s lives. This also forces them to look for companionship and social entertainment with people like me. Basically scumbags who in many cases, feed off their “talents” and instill fear and destructive social values..

I used to think because I didn’t take their money for aid in their work, I never profited from sex work by others. “I will walk you to Hell but I won’t profit by it.” I would say. I now realize I had and still do. Even if it is by writing works like this:

THEY SAY

Did you hear about her and all the “Haters” who follow?

They say she is big trouble and her soul’s dark and hollow.

They say she is selfish, cares but only for herself.

That she rips out hearts to put up high on her shelf.

They say she is a slut who thinks she’s a high class whore.

I say They don’t know her because I see so much more.

They say, They say, on and on, until it gets very old.

Well I say They are jealous she won’t fit Their mold.

Look at yourself and the company that you keep?

Look at your home and how safely you sleep?

When her nightmares rise they are soul crushing things.

Your terrors are so pathetic and your fears untrue ring.

Oh They say a lot when she is not around to be seen.

They say things so I wonder where have They been?

So if you can’t understand how she survives each day,

Shut the FUCK UP!.. I don’t care what They say.

This low classification by society was not how prostitutes were viewed historically. In the Ancient Mediterranean World and Ancient classical times, some prostitutes rose to a level of celebrity though many were referred to by writers of the time as “Dancers”. Even in the Byzantine Empire, Dancers associated with sports leagues and their fan clubs were sought after by nobility as escorts, a term used even now by many sex trade workers.

In a way this type of classification continues but instead of raising the social status of sex trade workers, it demeans the status of other professionals with that designation. Most men now, when they meet a girl with a bubbly personality and a very flirtatious nature, will think “prostitute” when hearing her occupation is as a “dancer”, “nurse”,” actress”, “model” or “student” and what have you. I am not going to argue or discuss if this is because we live in (according to feminists of both sexes) a patriarchal society. The fact is many women do the same. Instead of raising the meaning of prostitute, we degrade other trades like nursing and acting.

One reason that prostitutes have a bad image is because of their criminal classification and the view society has of their work. Not many prostitutes are going to go call the police when things go “wrong”. Also, by criminalizing the work, the law unconsciously creates an unsafe work environment to a trade already more dangerous than most any job a man or female would have. The average “working girl” learns this very quickly and will seek out ways to protect herself.

This protection comes in the form of pimps or other criminals simply by the nature of the societal classification as a criminal. The tasks do not require any special skills for the most part and is mostly “Thug Work”. Checking the room for recording equipment, holding money and adding security by letting their clients know they were not alone. As a result many women turn to thuggish criminals and the like creating another element of crime and sadly danger. The line between relationship duties and rape is often blurred as well furthering any psychological problems these women have.

Not surprisingly these women really do not want a boyfriend for any sexual reason. Romance and protection meant many girls acquired ghastly men in their lives. Others sometimes get lucky and find another way and date “Hobo-sexuals” Men who they provide shelter and drugs for so they could have otherwise missing elements in their lives. Lately this term, “Hobo-sexual” is entering the main stream and applies to any man who lives off a women’s work. When your work means taking the risk of being hospitalized with severe injuries or murdered, you might make some less than savory acquaintances.

I was never a Hobo-sexual but I did work security for a few women, often falling for them. It was in this capacity that I wrote the following poem. On a side note, this poem did very well online in the great state of Texas.

IN AND OUT

I remember a time so long ago

Where I was waiting on Her

Drinking another man’s libations

As She gave sensual pleasure

I didn’t know whether to stay

And listen to her moans

The slapping of their flesh

And his incessant groans

I would make it to the door

And stand in the space between

Never quite exiting the door

Striving not to make a scene

Never neither in nor out

Much like his phallus inside Her

The exit promising relief

The room some unholy allure

A time that was so long ago

And trust me it’s different now

But the problem still remains

Of leaving when and how?

I care not about sounds of flesh

Nor pleasures moaned real or fake

The issue is where I truly belong

Is my presence some odd mistake?

Yet as long as you wish me near

This feeling will lie about

Whether to remain in the doorway

Never neither in nor truly out

Sometimes these “working” associations required other duties than simple protection. On more than one occasion I was asked to “work the phones”. For a lot of sex trade workers, it is hard enough being nice to a client for the time booked, let alone any sort of “sales period”. That was something that even the biggest most dangerous thug would have to learn to do. That is help reel in men on the phone who called the ads that advertised sex trade workers and prostitutes. Of course this is done by texting or messaging. Imitating female voices is not something even effeminate men can do well..

 

Most of these clients, tricks, etc. are not exactly careful about safe sex or cleanliness, even their own hygiene is questionable. Such conditions inspired this next little treat of wordsmithing.

TELEPHONE LINES

Maybe if she didn’t

Hate them

So much.

Maybe if she hadn’t been

Awake for three days.

Maybe if she was

Just good at it,

I would not have

To be her on the phone.

And I do it

For free.

“Hey beautiful, R U working?”

He must like her ad

And the erotic picture,

Face so carefully hidden

As if she wore a Muslim’s veil,

She carefully picked

From all the other

Photographs of deceit.

“Sure am sweetie, and open to anything but bareback”

“What are your rates beautiful?”

I like this guy.

Straight to business

No messing around.

None of that first timer

Fake romantic shit.

He wants a whore

And I have to seal the deal.

He won’t try and kiss her.

“$150/hhr and $250/hr”

Then I add

As she told me

“and open to Greek depends on size”

“Are you available now?”

She is with

Another client.

A skittish type,

Whose communications were

All confused and

Fearful.

A man who must be

married or some strange

living arrangement.

She had to host.

“In ’bout 20 min lover. need to eat”

“I am hungry 2. Can I eat U?”

Good Lord!

Misjudged this one.

Maybe he will

Try and kiss her.

I don’t care that

They all wore

Latex sheaths or showered

First.

She has been going

Hard.

It has to be

A mess down there,

Full of six different

Latex lubricants and

At least two types

Of spermicide,

And he wants to

Dine At The “Y”

“Maybe I should shower first handsome?”

Though I know she won’t.

“NP, it makes no diff to me”

She is wonderful,

Beautiful, gorgeous

And stunning

But

I could never bring

Myself to touch or enter

Let alone bring my face

Close enough to

Taste the aroma

Of her Floyd Mayweather

It’s his show

I think to myself.

“Sure Hun, whatever you like”

And my stomach heaves

Just a little

As I book him in

For an hour.

We are both whores

Her and I,

As we all can be,

Though she is

More honest about it.

Nor will I take the money,

Unlike the driver or

The weasel eyed man

In the lobby behind

The reception desk,

She will offer for

My time

And small effort.

I can not

Will not

Profit

From her sale of flesh

And the small pieces

Of soul

She loses each time.

Perhaps I am as big a fool

As “Mr. DATY”

On the other end

Of the telephone line

That drifts in the Cloud.

The other problem by criminalizing sex trade workers is that it causes them to be marginalized and easier to be ignored by the other classes of society and the law. No little girl grows up thinking, “One day I will sell my body to be used for sex”. I don’t recall meeting any women who willingly chose prostitution. Drug addiction is a factor and I think too heavily emphasized by most people. That “High Risk Lifestyle” comes along with a lot more baggage than drug addiction alone. I would even go as far to say that drug addiction is more a result of the trade than a driving force behind it.

Healthcare problems abound in the sex trade and its workers. Not just physical health problems which are numerous. Sexually Transmitted Diseases, injury from violent rapes, unwanted pregnancies are merely the tip of the iceberg for many prostitutes. Most of these girls have been sexually traumatized by someone or worse by somebodies.

I wonder how most clients would feel about their excursions of fleshly pleasure if they knew that some of these girls, consciously or not, relive their trauma during their work. Sometimes the act of sex for sale is even a coping mechanism. In such cases, though they may emotionally be reliving trauma but at least this time they feel control over the situation. This can lead to an addiction to prostitution as way of coping. Drugs of course, “numb” the emotional pain but then the “need” for drugs follows and the cycle becomes endless. Drugs numb the pain of prostitution; prostitution pays for the need for drugs.

The classification by the law and society as criminals means many prostitutes do not search out any form of psychiatric help.

Prostitution in these cases is just another escape, a way to run from the pain and trauma that affects their lives. Running that never stops, no matter how tired they become. Such were the thoughts that came to my mind when a young lady (who wrote me one of my earliest pieces of fan mail) gave me a suggestion for the final poem I will share with you on the subject. “Write a poem about a girl on the run from the law” she asked me.

I knew she had left the city, in fact the province for this reason. I never asked what her crime was and really didn’t care. It was the least I could do for a so called “fellow-criminal” who was “on the run”. A person who because of the world around her was following her own laws not society’s. I have lost touch with her since but I hope she has stopped running. I truly wish, with all my heart, she has found a life were she is safe, loved, respected and contributes to the world around her. Sadly, this is a bigger wish than most people realize

THE LAW of SURVIVAL

Her last home was nowhere, her next she’ll know on arrival.

She breaks all of the laws but her own – The Law of Survival.

Her name changes at will with all the people she meets,

She’ll fit in quite fine, we’re all the same on the streets

She out runs the Law and her exs, sometimes it got tough.

Boyfriends or the cops, they have all treated her rough.

And she’s left behind messes, some large, some small.

Its the only trail left behind her, if you see one at all.

Sometimes she imagines a different life when she awakes.

So she trades her soul to end pain, if that’s what it takes.

She thinks she’s ageing too quickly, more Mrs. than Ms.

But its too late for her to stop now, where ever this is.

She’s not waiting for death, she’s just out running life.

That’s how you move faster than chaos and strife.

Perhaps she’ll see different one day, follow a new Bible,

But ‘til then she follows one law – The Law of Survival.

 

(All material above copyright Dave Dutton-Fraser, Feb, 2018) Dave Dutton-Fraser

(This article was originally published in The Writer’s Newsletter, 2018)

Six Key Ways to Just Follow the Energy, Baby

“Follow the energy” is way common new-age advice that especially applies to Orgasmic Sex.

The first time I got this guidance was from a gorgeous nude woman at a naturist social gathering at my house. Back then I was so militant a nudist that I used to answer the door naked. Well, at least to my naturist friends. Later when I sat down to flirt with her, all she would reply was “It’s all about the energy, baby.” Since that was as close as I ever got to hooking up with her, I made a point of exploring her advice.

That was one of the reasons I started studying Tantra. Well, that and also because a new woman I was hot for was studying to be a Tantra teacher. I didn’t want to disappoint her even though I didn’t know at the time that we would be married not long after. We’ve been together and practicing Orgasmic Sex for 21 years now.

Tantra is an ancient eastern spiritual practice that utilizes lifeforce energy to raise consciousness. Since we’re so hung up about sex in the modern world, there’s lots of suppressed sexual energy waiting to be released. And enjoyed. As a result, most people new to the philosophy equate Tantra with Tantric Sex.

But it’s actually more about raising your awareness of yourself, your soul, your body, and your sensations. The way you experience all those things is through lifeforce energy.

I suppose it would help to define energy for those of you who find this sometimes vague term too vague to translate into the bedroom. Our latest book, Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex (to be published by Llewellyn Worldwide spring 2019), defines sexual energy this way…

The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations. Also known as Orgasmic Energy and Kundalini. 

Now, there are a lot of forms of this bioenergy. When it’s pulsing in your heart, you feel it as love. When it’s buzzing in your third eye behind your forehead, your wisdom and intuition are sharpened. When you’re receiving a massage, it’s undoubtedly invigorating your whole nervous system. In fact, there are seven primary forms of lifeforce energy which is why Tantrics study the chakras, the seven energy centers arrayed along the spine from the pelvic floor to the crown of the head.

Horny lovers are often driven by lust which stems from the urge to propagate the species at the first chakra. When you rip each other’s clothes off and hump your way to a quick explosive release, no doubt you’re following that kind of energy. But when we talk about Orgasmic Sex, we’re referring to generating and exchanging energy at multiple chakras. All-chakra lovemaking undoubtedly creates the most ecstatic pleasure.

With all that in mind, let’s look at the six main ways to follow the energy, baby.

Search for Sweet Spots

I call erogenous zones sweet spots. Those are places on or inside your body that erupt with sensation when touched or stimulated. Rubbing or poking a sweet spot causes sexual energy to stream out and shower the body with pleasure. In Orgasmic Sex we target 43 distinct sweet spots, 18 in the male body and 25 in the female one. Hopefully you’re familiar with one of a woman’s most powerful ones, the clio (clitoris). Actually though a woman’s clio has seven different sweet spots: hood, pearl, shaft, two legs, and two bulbs. There’s also five distinct sweet spots on the head of a man’s vajra (penis) alone. 

The first way to follow the energy is to wander around and play with different sweet spots to find out what feels good right now.

Keep Doing What Causes a Reaction

Sometimes we get so caught up in how good it feels that we forget our partner. You won’t know what your playmate is enjoying if you don’t pay attention. Body language provides clearcut communication if your honey lets their passion show. And if you monitor his or her skin color, breath, body motions, and sounds.

When you notice what’s causing turn-on, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that you should keep doing it. The energy is telling you where to concentrate.

Move Your Focus

Sexual stimulation is a moving target. Say you’re licking something for a while and the reaction subsides. You’re not doing anything wrong. That’s just how bodies are. Excitement comes and goes. So you need to move your focus.

Sure, sometimes your sucking or stroking is so right on that you can make your baby climb all the way to orgasm. But even then, if you want to make Orgasmic Sex last as long as you can like we do, you might want to switch to other sweet spots.

When the sensitivity decreases in one zone and increases in another, follow it.

Let It Spread

Energy pooled in one place can stream out and settle in another. We really love it when kundalini spreads, excites other sweet spots, and ultimately fills our whole body. Then you have two or more erogenous zones generating turn-on in your body. Letting it flow where it will is the path to blended full-body orgasms. So when your excitement grows, follow it.

Reach Out Psychically

I think great lovers listen to their intuition. When I first started practicing Tantra, brief visions of erotic moves would flash through my mind. Like changing positions. Or pulling out and going down for a taste of oral sex. But at first I didn’t notice these fleeting images.

When I got more experience and confidence, I realized that these inspirations were subtle kundalini talking to me. So I started to heed them. Which makes me a much more unpredictable lover now. Fortunately, my lovers seem to get off on me changing things up. At least until they’re ready for me to help them over the top.

I call this skill whimsy and it’s a key practice in our latest book. So to follow the energy, let your whims lead you. Now you might ask if it’s your energy or you sweetie’s that’s calling to you? Could be one, or the other, or both. But really who cares as long as you’re keep each other’s body guessing and having lots of fun.

Share the Energy

You can enjoy sexual energy in the above ways just by playing with yourself. In Tantra we definitely celebrate self-pleasuring.

But there is a final key when making love with another energy-aware person. When you’re both following the energy, it can arc between you. A sweet spot in each of your bodies can hook up and create a passion circuit.  Any chakra that’s open, charged, and firing can link up with your playmate’s.

Which is why touching, kissing, and looking into each other’s eyes while your jewels (genitals) are coupling is so much sweeter. In fact, that allows you to open multiple passion circuits at once. Then the kundalini can cycle in and out between you in energy circles.

When the passion starts leaping back and forth, isn’t that something you love to follow?

# # #

There you have it: six ways to just follow the energy, baby…

  • Search for sweet spots
  • Keep doing what causes a reaction
  • Move your focus
  • Let it spread
  • Reach out psychically
  • Share the energy.

After making love this way thousands of times in our over twenty years together, Orgasmic Sex never gets old, stale, or boring.

But maybe you’ve got some other tricks to follow the energy and keep things fresh. Please comment below or shoot me an email here. I’d love to learn what turns you on.

 

Love, Somraj

Tantric Massage, Sex is Integral to Life, Blended Orgasms

Check out the following articles if you want to understand more about Orgasmic Sex…

What Is Tantric Massage? | StyleCaster

Sex is an integral part of life | Sexuality is especially taboo for LGBTQ and shouldn’t be closeted for anyone | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

What You Need To Know About Blended Orgasms and How to Have One Solo and with a Partner – mindbodygreen (This is a great intro to one kind blended orgasm for women, but there are lots more for both sexes.)

Sacred Sex Game

I ran across this fascinating fun way to spice up your relationship, the Sacred Sex Game. Check it out.

You won’t hear from me much the rest of April as my wife and I will be vacationing in the UK. Enjoy the burgeoning spring.

Love, Somraj

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If you are looking for a new way to rejuvenate your sex life and experience a fun and unique way to deepen your intimacy, Sacred Sex Game could be for you.

Sacred Sex Game is more than a mere game; it is designed to be a relationship and conscious communication tool for couples. The game has a multi-dimensional play that will help participants to access personal blocks, clear the way to greater communication and bliss, and open the pathways to a greater sacred sexual union. It can create opportunities to work through stagnation in your relationships, think critically about sexual issues, learn the tools to move sexual energy to heal yourself and enjoy kinky and spontaneous encounters with your beloved.

Sacred Sex Game was created by Shane and Heather, a husband and wife creative team located in Arizona. Shane and Heather are artists, seekers, and lovers. With their extensive knowledge and practice of tantra and conscious communication, came their desire to create a game based on these ideals. The game is a functional piece of art designed with sacred geometry and embedded with ancient symbolism. Their intention for this game is to help people open the lines of communication and nurture a positive sexual relationship.

Sacred Sex Game can open you up to spontaneity. Every Game is different! In fact, the game is designed to be an inter-personal sacred sexuality workshop.

Dive deep into your personal sexual energy and that of your beloved.

www.sacredsexgame.com

Shane Brandolini & Heather Kadar

Myths Abour Sex, Best Way to Eat Pussy, Orgasm Gap

Here are some more links to valuable articles that will help you inderstandhow to have Orgasmic Sex…

Myths About Sex: 5 Things Women Should Stop Believing – mindbodygreen

What’s The Best Way to Eat Pussy? 10 Tips to Give Oral Mindfully – Beducated Magazine

A new study quantifies straight women’s “orgasm gap”—and explains how to overcome it | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

Interview about Tantra, Tantric Sex, and Religion

VIP Interview With Somraj Pokras Co-Director Of Tantra At Tahoe And Author

Tantra teacher

Somraj Pokras is a Tantra teacher who works alongside Jeffre TallTrees at the Academy of Supreme Bliss Tantra from Tantra at Tahoe. Supreme Bliss Tantra is a carefully constructed brand of Tantra which focuses on the oldest living spiritual disciplines. Tantra is unique when compared with other organisations since it can be full customised to each individual, so people are able to follow Tantra with a wide range of approaches. This means that they are able to use Tantra in such a way that it is best suited to their individual lifestyles so that they are able to find out what best works for them.  The common themes that Tantra includes is:

Supreme Bliss Tantra combines all of these core philosophies to assist people with western background to be able to follow. It uses sexual and orgasmic energy to form a deep level of expanded consciousness which will:

Tantra At Tahoe have developed eBooks, teleseminars, workshops and coaching sessions. This is a VIP Interview with Somraj Pokras co-director of Tantra At Tahoe. Somraj is also the author of over 10 books including Female Ejaculation, Male Multiple Orgasm, Long Hot Tantric Love Making and Supreme Bliss Tantra Guide to the Ecstasy of Spiritual Sex.

Tantra books
Image: Male Multiple Orgasm and Female Ejaculation books

Tell me about yourself

Somraj Pokras co-director of Tantra At Tahoe, author of 10 Tantric Sex books, sexologist, author, blogger and trainer.

What inspired you to become a sex educator, sexologist and a Tantra expert?

I always had a strong sex drive but little understanding of how it really works. When I met my wife she was studying Tantra so we did a yearlong program together.  It transformed our sex lives individually and collectively so thoroughly that we started teaching others to follow a similar path.

What inspires you?

Books, articles, music for sure.  But even more so from applying consciousness and mindfulness to sexual encounters. My central interest is the anatomy and dynamics of sexual energy. So after we make love we talk and analyze what happened.

How has Tantra developed from Buddhist and Hindu teachings?

Not very accurate. Tantra came first as a grassroots rebellion against these and other organized religions. The earliest Tantra writings created a path to enlightenment without dogma or intermediaries like priests or holy men.

Why is Tantra important to Buddhism and Hinduism?

Buddhism and Hinduism aren’t anywhere near as sex-positive as Tantra has always been. In contrast Tantra doesn’t separate sex and spirit. Though it wasn’t originally a sexual practice, it advocates the awareness and application of the physical, especially lifeforce energy, to spiritual growth. That’s so different from modern religions that in the West it’s become identified with sacred sexuality.

What is the difference between Tantric Sex and regular sex?

First, Tantric lovers treat their beloved as a reflection of the divine. A god or goddess. Next, love making happens in a sacred space with ritual practices like meditation, eyegazing, and intentionally calling in desired energies. Tantric sex is more conscious, more communication, more cooperation instead of male dominated. It’s longer because it’s focused on heightening sexual energy and amassing more pleasure instead of the goal of orgasms. Tantric lovers have multiple orgasms, many of them energy based instead of purely physical and triggered by more of the 31 erogenous zones than average lovers contact. When Tantric lovers choose to climax, women usually come first and many times. Many say it’s slower which is true at times. But Tantric sex is changeable, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, and often interrupted by application of hands and mouths.

How can people experience the best orgasms with Tantra?

By taking time, building energy together, targeting erogenous zones, and synchronizing their motions to reach a series of pleasure peaks, first alternately and eventually together.

What are the best Tantric sex positions?

The classic position is yab-yum, with her on his lap with her legs wrapped around his hips. The name means mother father because it depicts the Tantric creation myth, far removed from Adam and Eve. The Tantric view is that the divine beings Shiva and a Shakti create the world by making love in this position. Their secretions overflowed and solidified into the physical  universe. But to ask the question actually shows confusion with Tantra which rarely specifies postures and the Kama Sutra which has a chapter focusing on sex positions.

What can people do every day to experience Tantra?

Become more aware of their bodies, its sensations, its energies. They can do this my meditating before and during sex, practicing relaxation, and breathing more consciously.

Tell me about your product range?

We offer Tantric sex ebooks, long-distance coaching, and live private workshops. We have hundreds of free articles on our website and a steady feed of sexual news, techniques, and discoveries on our blog. Our latest ebook is Long Hot Tantric Love Making available at Tahtra At Tahoe.

Masculine & Feminine, I’m a Slut, Recharge Your Sexual Energy

Here are links to some articles that can help you understand vital aspects of Orgasmic Sex…

Rebalancing The Masculine & The Feminine – Collective Evolution

How I Discovered I’m a Slut and All the Orgasms I missed Out on Until I Became Proud Of It

Recharge your sexual energy – what to do if you need more to enjoy more | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

The Top 10 Myths About Tantric Sex You Shouldn’t Believe

By Somraj Pokras of TantraAtTahoe.com

(This article was originally published in October 2015 in Consumer Health Digest.)

A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good. But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”

That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood. Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.

The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years old spiritual practice — mind you, not a sexual practice — from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit. And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people. When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.

Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve drastically. But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.

To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.

Myth #1: Tantric Sex Means Wild Orgies

If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome any time soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.

A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.

When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.

Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.

In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included. Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.

Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms. But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.

Myth #2: Tantric Sex Is Just A Front For Sex-Workers’ Services

If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.

Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?

I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.

I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called.  That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred. Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.

Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.

Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence. That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.

While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.

Myth #3: Tantric Sex Is All About Sex

Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.

Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses. We use terms of respect like Sweet Everythings instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.

Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy. Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.

Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.

Myth #4: Tantric Sex Is Slow Sex

I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.

When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused. That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.

But not always.

My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping. These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.

So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.

Myth #5: You Can’t Orgasm During Tantric Sex

LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.

Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.

Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure. Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.

Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.

Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime. It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.

But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?

Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies. Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.

We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.

Myth #6: Quickies Have No Place In Tantric Sex

In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”

Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.

For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”

Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits. When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels. Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)

But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard. When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.

Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.

But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs. The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us. It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.

Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.

So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.

Myth #7: Tantric Sex Requires Secret Sexual Techniques

No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else. Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more. Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.

Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into. Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies is that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.

Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.

As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.” It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.

If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve. But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.

Myth #8: Tantric Sex Isn’t Primal or Kinky

Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.

I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals. But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.

When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept. And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.

In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.

So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.

Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.

Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords. They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time. When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.

Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.

Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.

Myth #9: Tantric Sex Is Only For Women

Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.

In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.

In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?

Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”

But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female. Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.

But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs. Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.

And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.

Myth #10: Tantric Sex is Magic

Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic. But not in the way you’re thinking.

As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex. This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.

It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.

It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.

This isn’t magic. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose. From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic wand that makes ecstasy happen.

It’s not magic, it’s practice.

To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.

On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths. Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world. Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.

If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.

I’d love to receive your questions and comments by email (somraj@tantraattahoe.com) or on my blog (tantraattahoe.com/blog).

May your sex life never be the same.

Love, Somraj

Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter @TantraTahoe and at LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/somrajpokras/.

Guess What I Learned About Myself When I Let My Freak Flag Fly and Played With My Butt

My Solo Anal Play Yielded Profound Personal Growth and Liberating Spiritual Sexual Healing

 

Playing with my butt has been one of the most revealing personal growth experiences I’ve ever had.

Am I saying that anal sex is a spiritual practice? Well, I guess I am. But that depends on how you approach it.

Recognizing that certain sex acts vault me to higher sexual orbits is what prompted this exploration where the sun don’t normally shine. (I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in my blog post entitled “Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones.”)

Even though I know that personal freedom is an inner journey, I’ve been expanding myself through spiritual sex for nearly twenty years now. It’s taught me more about myself than all talk therapies in the world combined. So how exactly does that work?

Spiritual sex means to be aware of your body, mind, and soul while you accept your sexual desires and act on them fully.

Let’s Get Drunk And Screw

Being a somewhat evolved horny guy, I’m not against the age-old relationship axiom — “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Today that probably shows up more as “Let’s get stoned and make divine love.”

But for me erotic play is so much richer when I’m conscious of everything that’s happening. Then I can steer the action so I get everything I want while I’m attending to my partner’s needs and wants. Often I get new pleasures that I didn’t expect.

My whole life I’ve sought to rid myself of inhibitions. Maybe, like so many other teenagers, that’s an outgrowth of rebelling against my father’s authority. Whatever.

What I found in my recent solo anal play is that I’ve got hangups I didn’t know were limiting my fun.

Me squeamish? Seriously?

I can’t begin to count how many times I believed that I arrived only to find how much more there was to look at. With my unshakable self-image, I was sure I could handle unlimited pleasure. At least until I bumped up against the edge of my comfort zone and found my own limits.

So again and again I dedicated myself to practice until I released “all” resistance. Usually it wasn’t long before I had to pick myself up and realize how much more inner work awaited me.

The Sensible Hygiene Of Anal Play

A case in point is the hygiene of anal play. As my sex life has been expanding in recent years, I’ve welcomed any gentle-at-first penetration back there from lovers I trust. Lovers who are as fun and fastidious as I am.

Damn, I’ve had so much pleasure when they put things in my butt: fingers, toys, and vajras (penises).

But I discovered that I’m reluctant to put my own fingers in my butt.

Really?

Any young woman whose mother taught her not to wipe forward realizes we all want to keep the bacteria from the rosetta (asshole) away from the yoni (vagina). Or either gender’s mouth for that matter.

Such programming was a critical part of my Tantric sexual healing that opened up my backdoor initially. Tight-assed is more than a social slur, it’s a diagnosis of the energy blockages that inhibited lovers and people in general have.

When the issues are in the tissues, especially around the rosetta, they restrict one’s sexual freedom and lots more.

You see, I love to play full out without inhibitions. That’s partly a result of my robust libido. But even more so it stems from the personal growth I’ve done around becoming more sex-positive.

Damn Those Restrictive Inner Rules

So, as I was saying, what I found was that I had all sorts of inner rules about where I could put my hands when playing with myself. When I lube up a sex toy and slide it in my butt, undoubtedly that hand gets contaminated with the kind of germs we don’t want to spread.

My Tantric training, or call it conscious sexuality, included always being alert to what one touches with those dirty digits. That’s wise to avoid later unwanted infections. But when I got an urge to, for example, add my second hand to massage my cockhead, I heard a loud “No!” from my inner critic.

Since I can’t put my vajra in my mouth in my most limber moments, there was no chance of making myself sick. And since this was solo play, there was no chance of infecting my beloved’s yoni. And yet I was unwilling to follow my whims and play with whatever part of my body wanted attention.

That’s where spiritual sex came to the rescue. It’s all about witnessing what’s going on in my body, mind, and soul while I’m reveling in pleasure. Not only was I conscious of what I wanted to do to myself, I was also conscious of what was holding me back.

So I lubed up my second hand and slowly slid it in and out of my rosetta. Wow, was it great! It supercharged the pleasure that my other hand was creating by stroking my vajra.

It felt so good that after a while I got the urge to grab vajra’s head with my dirty hand. Sure enough the injunction was still there. I looked at and decided there was no harm as long as I washed up afterwards.

As a result, for a few minutes I had the most ecstatic two-handed masturbation you can imagine.

Letting My Freak Flag Fly

What I was discovering was that my self-pleasuring habits followed well-worn grooves. These were uninspected patterns that limited what I would let myself enjoy.

I thought I was a devoted disciple of the spirit of David Crosby’s song “Almost Cut My Hair” which advocated letting my freak flag fly.

One of the things all my Tantric sex ebooks advocate is whimsy. That’s recognizing when you’ve got a whim and acting on it. Like you want to switch from the top to the bottom or the reverse while making love. Or pull out and lick the juices from your coupling or swivel around to enjoy some luscious 69. Or play with yourself while you’re going at it.

Honor your whims instantly is the secret to fully letting yourself go. Sexual energy is a continuous river of potential pleasure. Let yourself go with the flow and passion engulfs you.

My inner blockages to my own whims created mental grooves that restricted my sexual freedom. When a whim surfaced, I would ignore it without even considering it. My old worn-out beliefs were blindly blocking my consciousness at decision points.

That’s exactly what happened when I got the urge to use both hands to stroke my cock but one had just been in my rosetta.

When a lover is passionately steaming down the road towards a Big O, they rarely notice what happens at these pleasure crossroads.

Like when the vibrator that I was sitting on which felt great a moment ago stopped generating pleasure. This was a crossroads. The thought occurred to me to lube it up and shove it inside my butt. I was sure I had loosened up enough so that I could take it and love it even more.

But instead of going for it, instead of following my bliss in the moment, my puritan programming blocked it.

We all seek balance in life. I thought I was operating with a good balance between pleasure and cleanliness. But I realized I was a victim of my own overly hygienic fastidiousness.

Now I’m not into deep psychoanalysis that drives me to figure out why I was inhibited. Just witnessing what I’m doing gives me the choice to change. So seeing how I was limiting my options for pleasure allowed me to change my habits.

Different Than a Sudden Flash of Clarity

This didn’t happen like a sudden flash of clarity. It evolved in stages. First, I let my fingers have their way with my rosetta. But at first I was still uncomfortable using that hand for anything else. So I decided it would be OK to play with my balls while my other hand was busy sliding up and down my shaft.

Next I realized there was really no harm in using the contaminated hand on my vajra as well. It wasn’t going anywhere dangerous. So I had fun for a while enjoying some two-handed self-pleasure.

Then I needed more lube. And I shocked myself with the thought that both hands were now dirty and would contaminate the lube bottle. But so what? This was my private stash that stayed by my computer while I was enjoying my carefully curated porn collection.

So I threw caution to the winds and declared my lube “on-limits,” too. That’s the opposite of off-limits if you missed the reference.

These were just a few of the layers peeling off the onion that I went through. It’s still continuing each time I play with myself. But now I’m extra excited when I bump into another internal barrier. I can look at it sensibly and decide if I’m being held back by outmoded restrictions or if there’s no danger in letting my freak flag fly.

In retrospect my story is an isolated example of the kind of sexual healing we all need over and over. Hopefully I’ve inspired you to look at what’s holding you back from what your body, mind, and spirit want. And then go for it.

Enjoy! And I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Love, Somraj