The Morning After the Marathon Was Way Hot But Different

I love having sex the morning after a long marathon of wild erotic lovemaking. But it’s way different. More like melted chocolate than thunder and lightning.

Since we simply do what feels good to ourselves and each other, that’s fine. Orgasmic Sex doesn’t to be a tear-your-clothes-off, shake-the-rafters, break-the-bed kind of romp. Sometimes it’s sweet and slow. Like our last morning-after coupling.

We slept well the night after, but the day before started around 2 pm and ended close to midnight. So we were both pretty tired.

There was ample interest for more. She laid back against the pillows and spread her legs. Sitting between her legs, I was once again awed by how beautiful her pussy was. In my typical mock macho tone I threatened, “You know what’s gonna happen when you wave that tempting thing at me, don’t you?”

She just smiled back seductively.

So I sat between her legs and she put her bent legs over my thighs. My soft cock was only a few inches from her clean-shaven crack. Even after our strenuous antics of the day and night before, I still wanted to be inside her. I admired the work of art that her cushy lips and peaking pearl (that’s the tip of her clio or clitoris) displayed only for me. At least as long as I could stand it just watching.

Before long I couldn’t resist touching. My fingertip moved slowly and gently at first, playing with her fleshy outer lips. When I spread them with my two index fingertips, I could see her thin inner lips turning pink. With a little wetness on my fingerpads, I traced those delicate petals up, down, and around.

That’s when she started to squirm.

It was so damn tempting to put something inside her pussy’s widening mouth. But I’m a lover trained in the ancient erotic arts of Tantra who glories in making it last. I tarried until I could see her brows knit and her motions get jerkier.

Yet I didn’t immediately give her what she clearly wanted. Instead I scooted forward and took my semi-hard cock in my hand. With the soft wet foreskin, I massaged first around her outer lips and then her inner lips.

Have you discovered how tantalizing cockhead massage circles can be?

Her moans made it clear she was enjoying these erotic caresses. They turned to deeper groans when I shifted to up and down strokes. The up-stroke teased her pussy’s mouth and lingered through her vestibule. (That’s the super-soft pink tissue that surrounds the opening.) I started back down across her fourchette (the folds of tissue at the bottom of the vaginal opening) and even lower. But she stopped me from crossing her backdoor by shaking her head “no.”

I guess all that vigorous thrusting back there the night before left her a little sore.

No worries, I just stroked up and down over her yoni (the Tantric name for pussy) a few times until she squealed with delight and relaxed. After a brief pause, I lengthened my cockhead massage to cross up between her inner lips and over her pearl. Because I was totally hard by then, this rougher stimulation was more intense. But she was turned-on enough to take all I could offer this way for a few more faster, harder, superficial strokes.

We like to call this kind of dalliance “loveplay” instead of foreplay which commits us to penetration. But what she did next made it clear I was committed to enter her.

Every time my cockhead slowly passed her now halfway gaping opening, she thrust her hips towards me. I admit freely that I knew what she wanted, but I played coy for a couple more passes. That’s when she yelled “Fuck me now goddamit!” So I relented.

Well, not completely. I initially used the technique the football players in the locker used to joke about. You know the one where the stud says, “I’ll only put the first inch in”? Well, that’s what I did. Actually I just continued the cockhead massage inside the first inch of her canal. She has a particularly responsive outlet. That’s the little opening at the top of the pussy’s mouth where the pee comes out. And it’s also the end of the spongy tissue on the upper wall that most lovers mistakenly call the G-Spot.

It’s not a fixed spot but a rough swollen crest that extends inside for a couple inches or so. That’s why call it the G-crest instead.

You might be wondering how I learned this kind of loveplay. I’ve studied all the detailed erogenous zones in both gender’s sexual anatomy via websites, books, and the bodies of various lovers. Women have fifteen different sweet spots outside and ten more inside. Stimulating them is what brings the most pleasure. And doing that just long enough is what triggers the different kinds of orgasm that women can experience.

Anyway, she didn’t let my cockhead play with her outlet very long. As I thrust inward, she pushed back driving me deeper each time. Gradually I went further and further. That’s because I know she has ultra-sensitive deep sweet spots. The night before she really loved me pounding them. But not this morning. About half-way in she stopped pushing back. I missed this cue at first and tried to prod the deeper erogenous zones. But when there was little response, I got the message.

She wanted my cock to rub the first couple inches of her G-crest around and past her outlet. It was even better when I raised my hips and rubbed my shaft against this swollen area. The harder I pushed up, the stronger her peaks of pleasure. She had maybe three or four crescendos until a louder one that rocked her vigorously.

But she didn’t have enough energy to go over the top. And I didn’t have enough energy to try and make it happen. Which is the point of this article. Whatever happened or didn’t, it was all good because it felt so good.

I tried scooting back and down so I could enter from the bottom of her yoni. That’s how I sometimes prod her outlet directly with my cockhead instead of rubbing it with my shaft. Sometimes the direct jab drives her crazy. But not today.

Remember we were tired. These gyrations were straining our already overworked muscles too much. So I switched to the Scissor Position where I lay on my side and entered between her legs.

The reason she likes this position is that I can play with her clio while my vajra is thrusting. To boost the electricity, this time she adder her little vibe to her clio. That made her shake and wail again briefly.

Then she said, “Sorry, but that’s all I’ve got today. Yesterday wore me out, I guess.” With protesting muscles and an uncertain erectile future, I didn’t protest.

Even with our limitations, we had lots of fun and pleasure for half-an-hour. If you were in this situation, wouldn’t you have preferred the lazy coupling to skipping it entirely?

The reason I wrote this blog post was to give you a real-life example of Super-Natural Tantric Sex. That’s where you work together to hit each other’s sweet spots the best ways possible for as long as they’re responding. It’s a partnership that makes you both feel orgasmic so much longer than an explosive orgasm can do.

And to share how to do all this is why I wrote my latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making. If you want sex to be all it can be, download a copy now.

Love, Somraj

Sexual Muscles Are Important But You Can Overdo It

Question

I read your book about 3 years ago (Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery) and had gotten to a place with a few partners where I could last as long as I wanted.  About 18 months ago I started getting blood in the semen and it would backfill into my bladder.  I have had this on and off.  I have experimented with quick ejaculations not trying to delay with. I blood.  And it seems when I flex my PC muscle (pubococcygeal or the pelvic floor) 3 or more times during sex or masturbation, I get blood in my urine and ejaculate.  I went over this with my doctor and went and got scoped by a urologist.  They found nothing as it healed up.  Have you heard of this before?  What would you recommend I do to delay ejaculation?

Patrick Herbig (patherbig@gmail.com) reprinted with permission


Answer

Wow Patrick that doesn’t sound too good. But the same happens to me sometimes. I have an enlarged but otherwise healthy prostate. The last time I had it ultra sounded the experienced doctor said that was common with an oversized gland. So I don’t worry about it since it’s only occasional and temporary.

If yours is normal sized I really don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t heard of this from PC clenches alone.

There is a Tantric practice called vajroli that teaches men to evacuate into the bladder.  But it’s not something I’ve practiced or know much more about.
All I can say if it feels good and doctors see nothing abnormal in your gland, continue to enjoy yourself.
If you’re not comfortable with the way it is, I would ask the following…
  • Is the urologist you consulted experienced with similar conditions?
  • What is the size of your prostate?
  • Are you forcing Ejaculate into your bladder with intense contractions?
  • What does that feel like inside?
It could be that your success is physical. If you developed the advanced energy practices that depend more on relaxation than muscle contractions, you would be putting less pressure on your gland.
If you want some help with any of this, please let me know.
Love, Somraj

Hi Somraj,
Thanks so much for your response!
I think I have figured out that my PC muscle is so well developed and I am not using the relaxing techniques enough that I actually caused the damage by squeezing my pc muscle too much while very very erect.
It was very scary at first!
I finally told my doctor about your book and the methods I had learned and practiced and we figured it out.
I am in the process of going back through your book and practicing the relaxation techniques and spreading the energy away from my genitals.
I have had several very satisfied lovers as a result of your book and similar books!

Thanks again!

Patrick Herbig, PE

She Wants It Often, I Want It Longer

Our sexual patterns are different. Though we have so much in common and our sex life is great, after 21 years it’s a little surprising to discover new things.

Like she wants it more often and I want each time to last longer.

Maybe quicker sex is fine for her since we’ve been making so much progress on triggering her orgasms faster. She only needed about 20 minutes of thrusting last night to explode.

For most of my sexual life I couldn’t last anywhere near that long. But my Tantra training and extensive practice with a wife who loves sex has taught me to extend. Now I can surf from peak to peak until I’m ready to let go an hour or more.

I’m just saying that I f you’re quick on the draw there is hope.

So she wants it every other day which is more than I’ve ever had before. Of course I love to help her over the top. It feels great and it’s good for my fragile male ego. But when my motor gets revved up, I prefer to float in an orbit of ecstasy for a couple hours on a good night. Or on and off all weekend during one of our marathons.

Fortunately she really gets off on swapping roles and using my favorite vibrating dildo on me. After her big O she did me like for another 40 minutes. Still I wanted more so I went to my computer after she fell asleep. Though my “internet girlfriends” don’t really know who I am, their pictures help me imagine screwing them. Which keeps me dancing on the verge while playing with myself.

The best news is that we’re both accepting of each other’s preferences. So neither of us pressures the other to change. Being sex-positive means we don’t judge or resist the fantasies that our healthy libidos drive us towards.

Anyway, we’ve both been through lots of different phases in our 21 years together. What we each crave now will probably change soon. And my guess is that it will still be ecstatic.

 

Love, Somraj

Healing Sexual Trauma, Orgasms Alter Consciousness, Extraordinary Lovemaking

Here are some links to articles that can help you understand and practice Orgasmic Sex…

What is tantric sex, and how can it help heal sexual trauma? | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

Neuroscientist Explains How Orgasms Can Be Used To Reach An ‘Altered State of Consciousness’ – Collective Evolution

Bored With Sex? 3 Tips For Extraordinary Lovemaking – mindbodygreen

Sympathetic Orgasm: Coming Together Without Sexual Contact

Coming together is one of the great joys of jewel union (sexual intercourse). But how often does it really happen?

If you ask guys with egos (a high percentage undoubtedly), they would say almost all the time. But we probably can’t trust that percentage since those are the same guys who are unaware when their partners are faking it. Doing a Google search doesn’t turn up any reliable scientific studies on the subject of simultaneous orgasm. Guess it’s pretty hard to verify if you care about accuracy like scientists usually do.

There have been repeated reliable studies that show that it takes the average man five to ten minutes to climax, and the average woman twenty to forty minutes. So except for those rare guys who can get it up again real quickly unlike me, it seems very unlikely that lots of couples are detonating at the same time.

Our simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month now. Which isn’t very often considering that we typically make love three times a week. At least one of those weekly dates lasts a few hours. So we can estimate that we have a Big O together after dozens of hours of going at it.

I’m not complaining or looking for a sympathetic “too bad!” because this is intentional. You see, we always have lots and lots of different kinds of orgasms. But just not the explosive sort where I, the male partner, ejaculates.

My ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making groups orgasms into four categories: male physical, female physical, expanded, and energetic. The physical ones include ejaculation and muscle contractions along with the other great sensations we all crave. Expanded ones include multiples, blended ones from two or more erogenous zones, and simultaneous orgasms.

The secret to expanding your orgasmic repertoire, regardless of your gender or sexual preference, is the energy orgasm category. An energy orgasm results from the intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like pulsing electromagnetic waves than physical spasms. It’s also the secret to having multiple simultaneous orgasms.

One of the main things we learned from studying Tantra starting over twenty years ago was how to run sexual energy. That means sensing, harnessing, and consciously channelling the life-force that animates your body and drives sexual desire. The more energy you amass, the bigger, stronger, and longer your orgasms can be.

When we each learned how to run energy at will, we could synchronize our pleasure peaks much better. I usually support my wife in peaking a few times. At first these are simply sharp increases of pleasure. But after a few they morph into full-blown energy orgasms all over her body. When I feel I’ve been a good boy, I go for one myself. And then we alternate a few more times.

That’s when sympathetic orgasms begin to happen of their own accord. That means the excitement one of us is experiencing spikes so intensely and lasts so long that it triggers the other one’s energy orgasm. We’re so connected energetically and empathically that we can feel the sensations in each other’s body. So, for example, I can feel the fiery sensations streaming from her head to her toes and back again. Not only does it make all her cells vibrate wildly, but it sends my body into the same convulsions. And vice versa.

After a few of these, we start to ride the up and down waves of pleasure together, peaking at the same time. We might do this half a dozen times in a quickie and a dozen or more during each longie.

Sorry if I confused you when I wrote earlier that our “simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month.” I was referring to physical ejaculatory orgasms that deplete the majority of our sexual energy. The ones that we have dozens of ones every week are simultaneous ENERGY orgasms. They don’t release much energy so we can have them over and over and use the energy to go higher and higher.

Since energy orgasms aren’t necessarily triggered by the body’s erogenous zones, theoretically we don’t need sexual contact to make them happen. In fact, in our experience, they don’t actually need a physical connection. One time we were at a Tantric sex party where all the lovers were well-trained and spiritual people. The two of us were playing with a beautiful woman. She had an unusually small yoni (vagina) so she wasn’t too comfortable with jewel union. She laid beside us as we made love and all three of us held hands. More to the point we included her in our energy bubble. As our sexual energy started to peak, we could feel her starting to vibrate. That turned us on and made the whole connection that much hotter. As we surfed the orgasmic waves, she stayed right with us having comparable energy orgasms.

That’s not the only time we’ve enjoyed sympathetic energy orgasms with other lovers, both male and female. Once when we practiced monthly with a group of students, five of us sat in a circle holding hands. We breathed in unison and all visualized sexual energy coming in our left hands and out our rights. Within a few minutes the air seemed to sizzle around us and we all felt a buzzing circulating through all of our bodies.

In fact, the first time Somraj experienced a sympathetic energy orgasm was when he was doing breathing exercises with a new male student. He didn’t really expect much to happen since the guy was a novice and an operating engineer in real life. But it turned out he was highly conscious of his sexual energy. Another example of how first impressions and judgements mislead us. As the two of them sat across from each other and synchronized their breath, energetic sparks started to zap between them. Before long they were both shaking as the erotic charge streamed up and down and across.

Now that we’ve got the hang of sympathetic orgasms likes this, they’re more common in all sorts of lovemaking situations. Giving oral sex is often enough to turn us on without any direct jewel contact. Being able to enter the energetic O-Zone of continuous orgasmic sensations truly opens the door to amazing experiences.

If you ever wondered what Tantric Sex really is, I think this serves as a perfect example. Let us know if you’re interested in learning more about it.

Love, Somraj

Supercharged V8 Pleasure from Butt Play

I spent a lot of years having sex that didn’t involve my butt. It was usually great but I had no idea what I was missing.

How come? Well, I was worried that it was dirty. And I was so tight-assed that first attempts at entry hurt.

But mostly I had no idea how incredible it could be.

Three things helped me change all that. First was my Tantra training 20 years ago. That’s how I learned about pelvic armoring. Armoring is when parts of the body get perennially stiff and tense from false beliefs, traumas, and other negative experiences. An armored crotch is a common byproduct of toilet training. As is getting caught masturbating or doing it in the back of your old Chevy. It’s a condition many of us share due to frustrating, stressful, or painful sexual experiences.

Tantra taught me that slow, gentle, deep bodywork can help clear armoring back there. And other places too like a woman’s yoni (vagina).

Over the years I’ve had a lot of this kind of clearing thanks to my wife’s supportive sex-positive attitude. And my FOMO (fear of missing out). Gradually the tension was replaced with more relaxation and more pleasure.

Why does anal play feel so good? Well, it’s naughty and some of us like to walk on the wild side. Yes, that includes me, first in line for something new and kinky.  Plus, the tissues are connected to my other highly sensitive jewels. You remember what that old song says,  “the ass bone is connected to the cock bone?”

Oh, yeah, let’s not forget how many nerve endings are down there.

The second thing was my longtime girlfriend who is a colonic hydrotherapist. That is to say that she specializes in enemas. Now this is a beautiful and sexy woman who is very butt friendly. And always clean.

Not to mention how much she likes me fucking her fresh butt.

Now I’ve tried enemas before and thought it wasn’t really worth all the trouble. Well, until I got hooked on ass play. Then we remodeled our bathroom and installed a bidet so that we’d have cleaner jewels all the time. Little did I realize how motivated I’d be to wash my butt after each visit to the toilet.

So after this third thing I had no excuse but to start using fingers and toys in my backdoor. The more I did it, the more I loved it.

It seems to me that anal play adds more cylinders to my 4-cylinder sexual motor. The pleasure I get is now more like the power of a high-performance V8 engine.

Something else is happening too. While a hand, mouth, or yoni is stroking my cock, active fingers or a vibrating butt plug supercharges my pleasure. It’s more than just stronger sensations. Backdoor stimulation blends in a whole new sort of rocket fuel into the mix.

You might wonder why that would be. If you know anything about a guy’s orgasm control center, you understand. I’m talking about the prostate gland. Or what some call the male G-Spot.

When my G-spot is prodded, it’s as if a swarm of pleasure bees are released inside. They wait in the hive around my prostate until they’re awakened. Then their fast little wings massage me from the inside and make me swoon each time they stream through my body.

Last night I had several 30 to 60 second orgasms that way. They were a new variety that I’ve only had before with my vajra (penis) being excited. I call them dry orgasms because there’s no ejaculation.

Still, everything in my pelvis was vibrating at a high frequency spreading waves of sensation everywhere. Like I was driving 100 mph on the freeway until I blasted into orbit. The muscles that make me squirt were convulsing big time except the one around my prostate gland that ejects semen. That’s why I can have them over and over for a long while.

In my new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making three of the twelve different types of orgasm are exclusively for men: Ejaculation, G-spot, and Dry. So I was having lovely energy eruptions that blended the last two.

You know, I’ve been practicing Tantric Sex for 20 years now and it’s amazing how much I keep discovering. If you’re like me and love to explore your inner erotic world, I highly recommend it.

Alternate Peaking, The Key to Simultaneous Full-Body Orgasms

Coming is great.

But orgasms come and go so fast. Wouldn’t it be awesome to just float there in those intense sensations for as long as you want?

Well, that’s the promise of Orgasmic Sex. And the key to staying in the grip of that sexual electricity current is “peaking.” That’s when your excitement rises sharply but then drops quickly. Sure, an explosive orgasm, what we like to call the Big O, is a major peaking experience. But there are so many others available to those who love to explore their erotic limits.

I’ve written a lot about peaking and if you want to dig deeper into this critical but easy-to-learn technique, start with my post about The 5 S’s Of Peaking.

Lately I’ve noticed that my beloved and I alternate peaks when I’m stroking inside of her. I usually help her reach a big peak first, maybe after a series of little ones.

A major part of my Tantric training could be summarized as “she comes first.” Maybe that’s why I put most of my attention on her pleasure while we get deeper into the energy exchange of jewel union. That’s our name for sexual intercourse. Right, both of us have jewels down there.

Now, I don’t completely ignore my pleasure at any time. But once I’ve helped her shake, rattle, and roll, I figure it’s my turn. So I relax and focus more on my own feelings. Naturally, that makes my arousal spike and I soar over the top before coming back down a bit.

As my other posts have explained, I regulate my peaking by guiding and channeling my sexual energy. Sometimes her peaks energize mine which makes my excitement shoot upward suddenly. And I’m sure the same is happening to her. I can tell because, when I feel a tidal wave of electricity sparking inside, she starts moaning and gyrating in unison.

Once we’re both flowing a sizable current of erotic charge, we alternate peaking. She wails and flails as her pleasure spikes while I follow her up and down. But it’s her experience that we’re both concentrating on. And then I do the same while she supports me. No doubt, alternate peaking turns each of us on more and more. At first, one of us peaks while the other plays second fiddle.

But the amazing thing I’ve discovered recently is what happens after half-a-dozen or so of these ups and downs. We begin feeling each other’s energy. It’s as if our nervous systems get coupled (while we’re coupling). Her excitement streams into my body and mine fills hers.

It sure seems to me that that’s the physics of making each other higher.

Sometimes, while I’m following her up a peak, the sexual charge floods my body, making me peak just after her. Then I notice the same happening to her. It’s like ping pong. Her peak makes me peak, and mine triggers another one in her, back and forth.

Early in alternating peaks, we pause for a moment after we’ve each crested once. But as our erotic voltage levels increase, these peaks last longer, gradually morphing into pleasure plateaus. The duration of these high valleys of excitement far exceed that of the typical 10-second explosive physical orgasm.

The longer one of our plateaus lasts, the more likely we are to trigger the other’s launch into a continuous stream of earth-shaking sensations.

Now, alternating peaks and sharing plateaus can go on for many minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 30, sometimes approaching an hour. Though we sure don’t want them to stop, there is a limit to our physical stamina. Especially after a long day of work and exercise.

But often we find ourselves vibrating and undulating and shrieking together in a sensational plateau together. We sure need all the heavy breathing we can handle to fuel our bodies. It’s as if every nerve is firing and every cell is coming.

Without a doubt, that’s a simultaneous full-body orgasm.

Because the ramping up of these peaks and plateaus are all energy orgasms, our vital essence isn’t drained. We certainly experience lots of muscle contractions and jewel spasms. But we’re not in the uncontrollable grip of pelvic convulsions that make me ejaculate and her exhaust herself which spills the vast majority of erotic charge. That’s why we can go on and on, higher and higher. In effect we’re charging each other’s batteries back and forth.

Hopefully this gives you a better grasp of what we mean by Orgasmic Sex. It feels like we’re coming the whole time.

Have you ever heard your baby yell, “It feels so damn good. Don’t stop!” Well, now you both know how to keep it up for as long as you want.

Love, Somraj

The Pretzel Sex Position: Gyrations That Trigger Multiple Blended Orgasms (X-Rated)

We’ve been really getting off on multiple blended orgasms in our latest greatest sex position. I call it The Pretzel Position. Let me explain.

Our favorite sex positions have changed over the twenty years we’ve been doing it together. Sure, we’ve toured all the rooms in the house — and locales on the deck and in our big backyard — but there are just certain postures that let us hit the best spots.

As we’ve been exploring more and more of our erogenous zones, we’ve been doing whatever we can to add them to our in-and-out sex.

When it’s late and we’re tired, we gravitate to the Scissors Position. This is side-to-sex sex with her on her back and me on my side at right angles. The name comes from how our legs have to intertwine: my lower one underneath, and my upper one between her legs. Or sometimes she puts both her legs up above mine so I have unimpeded access to her pussy.

The great thing about the Scissors Position is that I can easily play with her clio (clitoris) while sliding in and out of her. And if we’re both so moved, I can twirl her nipple with the other hand.

You could say what my hands are doing is what gives the Pretzel Position its name, but then it’s only one-sided. When she’s not swept away in rapture, she’s been known to give me a little ball grazing. Somehow gently tickling my tight sacs really boosts my excitement.

So with each of our hands so engaged, our bodies do look more like a pretzel.

Blended Orgasms

Here’s how we open pathways to blended orgasms. That’s when you trigger huge pleasure peaks from more than one erogenous zone. Blending clio and pussy stimulation is one of our standards. When you’ve got two triggers firing at once, the energy generated is tremendously boosted.

If you’ve read any of my recent posts, you know I’ve been opening up my butt zone to more and more incredible pleasure. Since she’s a dedicated loving wife, while I’m titillating three of her erogenous zones (pussy, clio, nipple), she’s been offering to play with my rosetta. That’s our first Tantra teacher’s preferred name for the asshole. Not only is that a sweeter term but it kind looks like a little rose, don’t you think?

Here’s where the real pretzeling comes in. I have to rotate my lower body up towards her chest so she can reach my butthole. The good news is that her finger dancing back and forth my swelling pink opening often sends a jolt of energy throughout my body.

If you missed it, you can learn all about jolts and streamers of sexual energy in my last post Sexual Electricity 101: The Mysterious Secret of Full-Body Orgasm Revealed.

If you haven’t realized it yet, let me be explicit: we’re way into energy sex. Not that we don’t love the waves of pleasure that slippery friction produce. It’s just that we major in amplifying, channeling, and spreading the sexual electricity so our whole bodies get turned-on. While my cock is pumping her pussy, of course.

The bad news is that we can’t hold that knotted-up posture for very long. But never fear. Here’s where my experiments with a new crop of sex toys really paid off.

Unfortunately it’s tricky to sink a butt plug home from the The Pretzel Position. So we have to disengage for a moment for her to slide one home. That’s usually about the time that I start wailing with ecstasy. She really likes that about me, too.

Back in the saddle, I’ve got my hands on her juicy spots and she’s pumping my rosetta my latest vibrating dildo throb. Well, it’s kind of a heart throb too because of all the energy that’s circulating up and down making my body jackknife.

A Moving Target

Since I can’t lie still with my cock and my butt generating off such intense sensations, that makes her job even more challenging. I revel in being a moving target.

At times she can hold the butt plug in with her foot but that usually doesn’t last long either. Some people can retain a butt plug with their sphincters alone but the more backdoor play I enjoy, the looser I get. Besides, some in-and-out with the cock-shaped dildo makes it even better.

Now, you can imagine that we’re both moaning and vibrating and gyrating with delight. So we don’t want pretzeling to stop. Fortunately, there’s nothing in the scriptures that prevents each us from taking over our own pleasure.

I take over control of the faux dick in my rosetta with my lower hand. That makes it tough for me to reach her clio with my upper hand. There’s just no way to get around her thigh. So she takes over playing with herself. Usually with her favorite Pocket Rocket vibe. 

I guess that still looks like we’re a big pretzel with our hands on ourselves and our jewels locked together. And this way we can go for as long as we want. Yay!

As we’re rocking and rolling away in ecstasy, we’re generating super intense energies from each of these erogenous zones. The voltage is higher, the current is wider, and the merging of all this sexual electromagnetism is phenomenal.

That’s where blended orgasms come from. The tides from her pussy and clio collide. The waves from my prostate and cock join together. This opens wider channels inside each of us. And since we’re so in tune with each other’s energy, we start circling energy back and forth between us.

That’s the real delicious part of the Pretzel Position. The excitement swirling around and through our bodies like a big erotic pretzel. And the longer we keep it going, the higher our pleasure peaks get. We’re so turned-on that we’ve got the energy to keep detonating orgasm after orgasm as long as we can.

I hope pretzeling works for you. But you may need some adjustments based on your anatomy and preferences. Have fun experimenting and I look forward to hearing all about it.

Love, Somraj

How a Foursome Became an Orgy with our Best Friends by Letting Her Be On Top

If You Want the Passion to Be Real, You Can’t Pressure a Lover to Love You

At times some women get off on being taken.

I still remember fondly that cute young thing I met at a party who kept yelling at me, “Fuck me harder!” Frankly, it was a bit intimidating. But I did what I was told and we both had a great time.

Do you get off on walking on the wild side? Do you or your partner like rough sex? Undoubtedly it can be a turn-on to submit to another’s control. Maybe that’s why the slave-master fantasy is popular.

That reminds me of a famous science fiction series I read in the sixties. There were I think a couple dozen volumes in John Norman’s Chronicles of Counter-Earth. The story was set in a planet directly opposite the earth that had a medieval culture. Specifically, women were property and men were warriors. Yet, the women reveled in pleasing their men.

I think the belief that Norman was promoting so creatively was that this is only way the “weaker sex” can ever be sexually fulfilled.

Honestly, I enjoyed the books back then before I’d had any training as a Tantric lover who worships the Goddess in all women. Now I’m appalled at any stories about spousal or sexual violence.

Now I’m not advocating that abuse or rape is a good thing. Rather, I notice that it’s hot for some women at certain times to be restrained, dominated, disciplined, and punished.

Enthusiastic Consent Is Essential

There’s a right and wrong way to do this of course. In the BDSM world (bondage, domination, discipline, submission, sadism, masochism), negotiating consent is essential. So I have no problem with any practices that are discussed, planned, and agreed-upon in detail.

Negotiating consent requires mutual respect for the submissive’s power. If it turns a woman on for her partner to blindfold her, tie her up, and have his way with her, who am I to object. That is, when she clearly asks for it. Or she gave permission for him to do whatever he wants. Of course, wise players always have a safeword if it gets too intense.

Even though I’m an old guy, I guess that makes me a raving feminist. Well, so be it.

But without explicit consent, selfish exploitation amounts to taking advantage of a woman. In practice, this shows up as pressuring a partner to have sex. That might include a demand to give blow jobs, to receive anal sex, or to orgasm and even ejaculate on command.

Though we loved every episode of Fifty Shades of Grey, I winced every time Christian said “Come for me, baby.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing these things to a willing playmate. I love doing whatever I’m moved to do with a woman who really wants it. I love her screaming and jackknifing at my slightest touch.

Without a doubt, I really get off on a partner’s sexual pleasure, orgasm, and satisfaction.

Pressure Doesn’t Work

But pressuring a woman to perform on command just doesn’t seem to work for me. In fact, it makes me sick.

Unfortunately, pressure can block some women’s pleasure so much that it becomes abuse. Demanding she put out can block her enjoying it if she doesn’t consent.

We have to recognize that men in our modern world are conditioned to go for the gold, compete against all opponents, and push through obstacles. Yet this kind of conditioning is diametrically opposed to what most women need to blossom orgasmically.

So the question I want to address is how to get a woman to want it.

I spent a lot of years getting rejected and not getting any. And with my rampant libido, “no” was the last thing I wanted to hear. So I did my share of pressuring and demanding and pursuing without much luck. Fortunately, I didn’t take it to the extreme of stalking and the like.

Like any partnered guy, I’ve heard my share of not tonight, I’ve got a headache, and it doesn’t feel good down there. In response, I developed an approach that sometimes pays off.

My No-Pressure Desire Philosophy

I call it No-Pressure Desire. This philosophy basically says, “You’re beautiful, you’re sexy, I want you, I’m here, I’m interested — you pick the time and place.”

Here are some examples of how this works in practice. My wife loves sex more than any female I’ve ever known. And she’s damn good at it.

But she’s easily distracted. That doesn’t mean she’s shy or inhibited. It means the temperature in the room has to be right. The music and lighting have to create the perfect mood. She has to have her favorite glass of wine, and often something more. The dogs have to be OK so she doesn’t worry about them. And, I almost forgot, I have to be at least a little romantic.

I agree an erotic ambience has a strong effect on me, too. But when I’m hot to trot, hey baby, let’s trot. But I’ve learned that I need to heed my No-Pressure Desire policy. Part of that is helping to get each of us and the room ready. Starting without her total readiness never works. Otherwise the series of interruptions seriously bums me out.

The good news is that when everything is right, the passion is boundless.

Our closest girlfriend has many of the same requirements. But with her it’s as much about the mood as the time and place. She’s a dedicated planner-in-advance with a bursting schedule. Being a professional colonic therapist, extensive cleansing inside and out is essential for her comfort. Otherwise she holds her gargantuan libido back. Once she’s in the state of erotic rapture, the sky’s the limit.

Getting Janice to Play Again

I started thinking about all this recently while missing another of our closest lovers. Let’s call her Janice.

Janice has been going though some dramatic personal changes. She’s totally absorbed in building a demanding business which takes its toll on her energy. So after years of wild parties a couple times a month with no holds barred, she backed off. We still saw a lot of her and found our love and relationship growing deeper. But for many months only her husband accepted our invitations to play.

I have to admit to viscerally missing our erotic times together. When Janice and I make love, we blow the roof off. We roll around, vibrate all over, and scream bloody ardor.
But what was I to do?

Pressure her to play, offer her inducements, manipulate the circumstances, take advantage of her sweet loving nature?

Aside from the fact that coercion is not my way, it was clear from the get go that these tactics would backfire. Which brings me to my main point.

What is the nature of woman and how do we as their lovers meet them on as many levels as possible?

In Tantric terms, sexual energy — just one expression of the life force — is feminine. Modern teachers call this the power of the divine feminine. New agers typically refer to it as the Goddess in all women.

If you buy this, then you recognize that we both have to honor the river of life in our female partners. When it’s flowing freely, desire, love, passion, orgasms, and sexual ecstasy are abundant. When it’s blocked or constrained, not so much.

So to apply my No-Pressure Desire philosophy, I gave Janice space. I stayed in touch, asked how she was doing, and respected her choices. I tried to major in empathy and compassion with as little judgment as possible.

After about a year of this, I called her up and said, “I miss you. What do you need to be comfortable enough to enter our play space again?”

She said she still loved me and our hot times together, but was sorting things out and still needed more time. How about the summer still months away when work pressures would be less? Absolutely, I said. I was thrilled to hear we had a future together in spite of the vague commitment.

She Just Showed Up Suddenly

Then all of a sudden she showed up at a threesome we had scheduled with her husband. He and my wife make beautiful loud music together if you catch my drift.

Janice was hesitant at first, cautiously feeling her way. We spent some hours talking and massaging each other which got us all naked. Gradually her hands spent more and more time around my crotch with visible hard results. That’s when I decided to take a chance and asked, “What would you like?”


She didn’t say anything at first. She just pushed me onto my back and climbed on top. Oh, wow, so long in coming. But I didn’t since I was enjoying it so much that I wanted it to last.

Though she was quieter than I remembered, she got wilder and wilder as she rode me. And then started screaming in joy at pleasure peak after peak.

After a while I asked if I could get on top. She looked off into space obviously thinking. But then without a word, she pushed me down again and rode me even harder. We had a couple more rounds later after each spending time with our spouses. When we finally collapsed exhausted hours later, it left me thinking about why I was so lucky. Here’s what I came up with.

I respect the boundless strength that is deep with women. I don’t presume to know what’s best for them. Instead I inquire what they want, accept what they choose, and go with the flow wherever I can.

In modern spiritual terms, I honor however the Goddess shows up in each woman.

Or we could leave out the new-agey stuff and look at it terms of sovereignty. If you love someone, you have to accept them as they are and respect their choices.

With Janice, I had to let her walk her path and support her process. She needed the space and time to find her own truth before committing even tentatively to walking on the wild side again.

Let’s say I instead had used my wisdom and experience to shunt her into a growth path that I thought would ease her stress and encourage her sex drive. If it didn’t work, she would have resented it, creating even more distance. If it did, she might become dependent on my insight to deal with her own decisions. Either way, her innate confidence and power wouldn’t have grown.

Two Powerful Beings Letting Themselves Connect

You see, the kind of love we all embrace is when two powerful beings let themselves connect on all levels. Though I doubt it, I might have gotten Janice to do my bidding. But then we’d be playing the slave-master scenario and likely without full-hearted consent. I probably would have violated her boundaries or at least thrown her far outside her comfort zone. I would become the evil perpetuator not the loving partner.

There’s an old moral to the story from the Orient of what happens when you save someone’s life. They believe that you’re forever responsible for the life you saved. So even if I succeeded in resurrecting Janice, would she really be choosing to love me?

I knew when she chose to climb on top, have her way with me, and shout her passion to the universe, that it was totally real.

It’s all about volition. I want a lover who chooses me with her free will. There’s no way to get to that kind of relationship through pressure. If I trespassed on her boundaries, would she ever trust me again? If I assumed I knew better and usurped her power, would I really be connecting with the real Goddess inside her?

Of course, it certainly helped that my wife encouraged us to have all the fun we could. While she was doing the same thing.

Sometimes I fantasize about a playmate who’s up for spontaneous romping anytime, anywhere. Frankly, that may be a pipe dream. Before it comes true, I’m content to follow my lovers’s lead. And why not? It gets me where I want to go eventually.

Love, Somraj

Guess What I Learned About Myself When I Let My Freak Flag Fly and Played With My Butt

My Solo Anal Play Yielded Profound Personal Growth and Liberating Spiritual Sexual Healing

 

Playing with my butt has been one of the most revealing personal growth experiences I’ve ever had.

Am I saying that anal sex is a spiritual practice? Well, I guess I am. But that depends on how you approach it.

Recognizing that certain sex acts vault me to higher sexual orbits is what prompted this exploration where the sun don’t normally shine. (I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in my blog post entitled “Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones.”)

Even though I know that personal freedom is an inner journey, I’ve been expanding myself through spiritual sex for nearly twenty years now. It’s taught me more about myself than all talk therapies in the world combined. So how exactly does that work?

Spiritual sex means to be aware of your body, mind, and soul while you accept your sexual desires and act on them fully.

Let’s Get Drunk And Screw

Being a somewhat evolved horny guy, I’m not against the age-old relationship axiom — “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Today that probably shows up more as “Let’s get stoned and make divine love.”

But for me erotic play is so much richer when I’m conscious of everything that’s happening. Then I can steer the action so I get everything I want while I’m attending to my partner’s needs and wants. Often I get new pleasures that I didn’t expect.

My whole life I’ve sought to rid myself of inhibitions. Maybe, like so many other teenagers, that’s an outgrowth of rebelling against my father’s authority. Whatever.

What I found in my recent solo anal play is that I’ve got hangups I didn’t know were limiting my fun.

Me squeamish? Seriously?

I can’t begin to count how many times I believed that I arrived only to find how much more there was to look at. With my unshakable self-image, I was sure I could handle unlimited pleasure. At least until I bumped up against the edge of my comfort zone and found my own limits.

So again and again I dedicated myself to practice until I released “all” resistance. Usually it wasn’t long before I had to pick myself up and realize how much more inner work awaited me.

The Sensible Hygiene Of Anal Play

A case in point is the hygiene of anal play. As my sex life has been expanding in recent years, I’ve welcomed any gentle-at-first penetration back there from lovers I trust. Lovers who are as fun and fastidious as I am.

Damn, I’ve had so much pleasure when they put things in my butt: fingers, toys, and vajras (penises).

But I discovered that I’m reluctant to put my own fingers in my butt.

Really?

Any young woman whose mother taught her not to wipe forward realizes we all want to keep the bacteria from the rosetta (asshole) away from the yoni (vagina). Or either gender’s mouth for that matter.

Such programming was a critical part of my Tantric sexual healing that opened up my backdoor initially. Tight-assed is more than a social slur, it’s a diagnosis of the energy blockages that inhibited lovers and people in general have.

When the issues are in the tissues, especially around the rosetta, they restrict one’s sexual freedom and lots more.

You see, I love to play full out without inhibitions. That’s partly a result of my robust libido. But even more so it stems from the personal growth I’ve done around becoming more sex-positive.

Damn Those Restrictive Inner Rules

So, as I was saying, what I found was that I had all sorts of inner rules about where I could put my hands when playing with myself. When I lube up a sex toy and slide it in my butt, undoubtedly that hand gets contaminated with the kind of germs we don’t want to spread.

My Tantric training, or call it conscious sexuality, included always being alert to what one touches with those dirty digits. That’s wise to avoid later unwanted infections. But when I got an urge to, for example, add my second hand to massage my cockhead, I heard a loud “No!” from my inner critic.

Since I can’t put my vajra in my mouth in my most limber moments, there was no chance of making myself sick. And since this was solo play, there was no chance of infecting my beloved’s yoni. And yet I was unwilling to follow my whims and play with whatever part of my body wanted attention.

That’s where spiritual sex came to the rescue. It’s all about witnessing what’s going on in my body, mind, and soul while I’m reveling in pleasure. Not only was I conscious of what I wanted to do to myself, I was also conscious of what was holding me back.

So I lubed up my second hand and slowly slid it in and out of my rosetta. Wow, was it great! It supercharged the pleasure that my other hand was creating by stroking my vajra.

It felt so good that after a while I got the urge to grab vajra’s head with my dirty hand. Sure enough the injunction was still there. I looked at and decided there was no harm as long as I washed up afterwards.

As a result, for a few minutes I had the most ecstatic two-handed masturbation you can imagine.

Letting My Freak Flag Fly

What I was discovering was that my self-pleasuring habits followed well-worn grooves. These were uninspected patterns that limited what I would let myself enjoy.

I thought I was a devoted disciple of the spirit of David Crosby’s song “Almost Cut My Hair” which advocated letting my freak flag fly.

One of the things all my Tantric sex ebooks advocate is whimsy. That’s recognizing when you’ve got a whim and acting on it. Like you want to switch from the top to the bottom or the reverse while making love. Or pull out and lick the juices from your coupling or swivel around to enjoy some luscious 69. Or play with yourself while you’re going at it.

Honor your whims instantly is the secret to fully letting yourself go. Sexual energy is a continuous river of potential pleasure. Let yourself go with the flow and passion engulfs you.

My inner blockages to my own whims created mental grooves that restricted my sexual freedom. When a whim surfaced, I would ignore it without even considering it. My old worn-out beliefs were blindly blocking my consciousness at decision points.

That’s exactly what happened when I got the urge to use both hands to stroke my cock but one had just been in my rosetta.

When a lover is passionately steaming down the road towards a Big O, they rarely notice what happens at these pleasure crossroads.

Like when the vibrator that I was sitting on which felt great a moment ago stopped generating pleasure. This was a crossroads. The thought occurred to me to lube it up and shove it inside my butt. I was sure I had loosened up enough so that I could take it and love it even more.

But instead of going for it, instead of following my bliss in the moment, my puritan programming blocked it.

We all seek balance in life. I thought I was operating with a good balance between pleasure and cleanliness. But I realized I was a victim of my own overly hygienic fastidiousness.

Now I’m not into deep psychoanalysis that drives me to figure out why I was inhibited. Just witnessing what I’m doing gives me the choice to change. So seeing how I was limiting my options for pleasure allowed me to change my habits.

Different Than a Sudden Flash of Clarity

This didn’t happen like a sudden flash of clarity. It evolved in stages. First, I let my fingers have their way with my rosetta. But at first I was still uncomfortable using that hand for anything else. So I decided it would be OK to play with my balls while my other hand was busy sliding up and down my shaft.

Next I realized there was really no harm in using the contaminated hand on my vajra as well. It wasn’t going anywhere dangerous. So I had fun for a while enjoying some two-handed self-pleasure.

Then I needed more lube. And I shocked myself with the thought that both hands were now dirty and would contaminate the lube bottle. But so what? This was my private stash that stayed by my computer while I was enjoying my carefully curated porn collection.

So I threw caution to the winds and declared my lube “on-limits,” too. That’s the opposite of off-limits if you missed the reference.

These were just a few of the layers peeling off the onion that I went through. It’s still continuing each time I play with myself. But now I’m extra excited when I bump into another internal barrier. I can look at it sensibly and decide if I’m being held back by outmoded restrictions or if there’s no danger in letting my freak flag fly.

In retrospect my story is an isolated example of the kind of sexual healing we all need over and over. Hopefully I’ve inspired you to look at what’s holding you back from what your body, mind, and spirit want. And then go for it.

Enjoy! And I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Love, Somraj