Label What You’re Doing to Make Tantric Sex More Orgasmic

My vajra (cock) was happily stroking away inside my wife Jeffre’s yoni (pussy) when she said, “where’s Tiani?”

No, that’s not our girlfriend’s name. It’s a little U-shaped vibrator from Lelo that’s designed for clio (clitoris) stimulation during jewel union. (We’re spiritual teachers so we don’t like to call it fucking until we know that graphic language doesn’t offend whoever we’re working with.)

So I turned Tiani on and brought it to where our jewels (genitals) were connected. Magically, one prong of Tiani’s U slipped inside her yoni. I figured that was what she wanted since she moaned louder, spread her legs wider, and pushed back on my in-strokes.

That’s when Jeffre asked if Tiani was inside her. My mistake, I should have told her what I was doing.

A basic part of Tantric sex is communication. In this case, the giver of pleasure informs the receiver about what they’re doing and what’s going on down there. Even with lots of practice we don’t always know what our playmate is doing where we can’t see. Most people are so out of touch with their bodies, especially their private parts, so that they can’t really connect the sensations they’re getting with their specific body parts.

I call telling your playmate what you’re doing to them and where labeling your actions.

Not verbally labeling what I was doing with Tiani wasn’t a major felony. In spite of my omission, we both exploded in a big simultaneous orgasm. It’s just that I missed an opportunity to improve Jeffre and Tiani’s relationship. Sure, the relationship between a live person and a sex toy is different than the marriage we share. But Tiani is a new member of our sex team and we’re still learning where, when, and how to use her.

The importance of labelling is on my mind lately while I’m revising our latest book into a new version entitled Pathways to Super-Natural Sex. In it I go to great lengths to explain how important partnership is to help us we both reach high peaks of pleasure. I feel blessed that I’ve been so well trained by my hot wife and other sexy lovers to satisfy them.

But that doesn’t mean that in every moment I know what a woman is feeling and wants more of and less of.

Part of our sexual teamwork is that we keep each other informed about what we’re experiencing. I don’t mean we talk all the time. That would disturb the sense of otherworldly rapture that Tantric Sex specializes in. It would put us in heads too much which would distract us from being able to run and stream orgasmic energy.

With just a few words we usually inform each other of changes that we liked or changes that are needed.

After Jeffre asked what our new toy was up to, I explained where Tiani’s two legs were. Then she could tell what was causing the sensations that were making her wail and flail in a good way. I had Tiani’s flat flange inside her yoni. It’s designed to allow room for my erection’s thrusts in her canal.

When I placed Tiani’s rounded vibrating leg against her clio, she almost levitated off the bed and rattled my spine with her gyrations.

If you haven’t been following my orgasmic sex feed lately, you might not have read about how critical clio stimulation is for women’s orgasms. Studies have shown that 70% of women need it to come regardless of what’s happening inside their yoni. Jeffre can come without it, but a vibe on her pearl often makes it easier and quicker.

Which is probably one of the reasons she exploded in just about ten minutes with my vajra and our new friend Tiani. Oh, I forgot to mention that the vibration does wonderful things to my sensations, too. That’s probably why I came with her this time.

Afterwards Jeffre said she really liked Tiani. That was gratifying as the U-vibe had been a present for our last anniversary that we hadn’t taken full advantage of. I’m hoping we’ll use it more now when we’re lusting for something more. And the more I label what I’m doing with Tiani, the more aware Jeffre will be about what causes the sensations she craves. Then she’ll be more able to ask for what she wants and guide me to make every stroke extra special.

This is a great example of one of the foundations of orgasmic Tantric Sex. I’m not all knowing so I don’t dominate all the proceedings. We do change off being in charge. But even when one of us is receiving, we’re also leading. So when she feels Tiani working on her, she lets me know how to get the most out of it.

Another example is when Jeffre is using my favorite vibe in my rosetta (anus). At first I couldn’t tell what she was doing. But the more she announces and explains, the better I can guide her actions. Frankly once one of us gets in an ecstatic groove, it’s the shrieks and gyrations of pleasure that we heed. Little chance of talking when we’re flying so high.

I know letting it all hang out is challenging for lots of lovers. Once I was super inhibited, too. But if you have a willing and loving partner, why don’t you experiment with talking more and showing your turn-on.

I bet you’ll love it. Or should that be “try it you’ll like it”?

 

 

 

Love, Somraj

Guess What I Learned About Myself When I Let My Freak Flag Fly and Played With My Butt

My Solo Anal Play Yielded Profound Personal Growth and Liberating Spiritual Sexual Healing

 

Playing with my butt has been one of the most revealing personal growth experiences I’ve ever had.

Am I saying that anal sex is a spiritual practice? Well, I guess I am. But that depends on how you approach it.

Recognizing that certain sex acts vault me to higher sexual orbits is what prompted this exploration where the sun don’t normally shine. (I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in my blog post entitled “Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones.”)

Even though I know that personal freedom is an inner journey, I’ve been expanding myself through spiritual sex for nearly twenty years now. It’s taught me more about myself than all talk therapies in the world combined. So how exactly does that work?

Spiritual sex means to be aware of your body, mind, and soul while you accept your sexual desires and act on them fully.

Let’s Get Drunk And Screw

Being a somewhat evolved horny guy, I’m not against the age-old relationship axiom — “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Today that probably shows up more as “Let’s get stoned and make divine love.”

But for me erotic play is so much richer when I’m conscious of everything that’s happening. Then I can steer the action so I get everything I want while I’m attending to my partner’s needs and wants. Often I get new pleasures that I didn’t expect.

My whole life I’ve sought to rid myself of inhibitions. Maybe, like so many other teenagers, that’s an outgrowth of rebelling against my father’s authority. Whatever.

What I found in my recent solo anal play is that I’ve got hangups I didn’t know were limiting my fun.

Me squeamish? Seriously?

I can’t begin to count how many times I believed that I arrived only to find how much more there was to look at. With my unshakable self-image, I was sure I could handle unlimited pleasure. At least until I bumped up against the edge of my comfort zone and found my own limits.

So again and again I dedicated myself to practice until I released “all” resistance. Usually it wasn’t long before I had to pick myself up and realize how much more inner work awaited me.

The Sensible Hygiene Of Anal Play

A case in point is the hygiene of anal play. As my sex life has been expanding in recent years, I’ve welcomed any gentle-at-first penetration back there from lovers I trust. Lovers who are as fun and fastidious as I am.

Damn, I’ve had so much pleasure when they put things in my butt: fingers, toys, and vajras (penises).

But I discovered that I’m reluctant to put my own fingers in my butt.

Really?

Any young woman whose mother taught her not to wipe forward realizes we all want to keep the bacteria from the rosetta (asshole) away from the yoni (vagina). Or either gender’s mouth for that matter.

Such programming was a critical part of my Tantric sexual healing that opened up my backdoor initially. Tight-assed is more than a social slur, it’s a diagnosis of the energy blockages that inhibited lovers and people in general have.

When the issues are in the tissues, especially around the rosetta, they restrict one’s sexual freedom and lots more.

You see, I love to play full out without inhibitions. That’s partly a result of my robust libido. But even more so it stems from the personal growth I’ve done around becoming more sex-positive.

Damn Those Restrictive Inner Rules

So, as I was saying, what I found was that I had all sorts of inner rules about where I could put my hands when playing with myself. When I lube up a sex toy and slide it in my butt, undoubtedly that hand gets contaminated with the kind of germs we don’t want to spread.

My Tantric training, or call it conscious sexuality, included always being alert to what one touches with those dirty digits. That’s wise to avoid later unwanted infections. But when I got an urge to, for example, add my second hand to massage my cockhead, I heard a loud “No!” from my inner critic.

Since I can’t put my vajra in my mouth in my most limber moments, there was no chance of making myself sick. And since this was solo play, there was no chance of infecting my beloved’s yoni. And yet I was unwilling to follow my whims and play with whatever part of my body wanted attention.

That’s where spiritual sex came to the rescue. It’s all about witnessing what’s going on in my body, mind, and soul while I’m reveling in pleasure. Not only was I conscious of what I wanted to do to myself, I was also conscious of what was holding me back.

So I lubed up my second hand and slowly slid it in and out of my rosetta. Wow, was it great! It supercharged the pleasure that my other hand was creating by stroking my vajra.

It felt so good that after a while I got the urge to grab vajra’s head with my dirty hand. Sure enough the injunction was still there. I looked at and decided there was no harm as long as I washed up afterwards.

As a result, for a few minutes I had the most ecstatic two-handed masturbation you can imagine.

Letting My Freak Flag Fly

What I was discovering was that my self-pleasuring habits followed well-worn grooves. These were uninspected patterns that limited what I would let myself enjoy.

I thought I was a devoted disciple of the spirit of David Crosby’s song “Almost Cut My Hair” which advocated letting my freak flag fly.

One of the things all my Tantric sex ebooks advocate is whimsy. That’s recognizing when you’ve got a whim and acting on it. Like you want to switch from the top to the bottom or the reverse while making love. Or pull out and lick the juices from your coupling or swivel around to enjoy some luscious 69. Or play with yourself while you’re going at it.

Honor your whims instantly is the secret to fully letting yourself go. Sexual energy is a continuous river of potential pleasure. Let yourself go with the flow and passion engulfs you.

My inner blockages to my own whims created mental grooves that restricted my sexual freedom. When a whim surfaced, I would ignore it without even considering it. My old worn-out beliefs were blindly blocking my consciousness at decision points.

That’s exactly what happened when I got the urge to use both hands to stroke my cock but one had just been in my rosetta.

When a lover is passionately steaming down the road towards a Big O, they rarely notice what happens at these pleasure crossroads.

Like when the vibrator that I was sitting on which felt great a moment ago stopped generating pleasure. This was a crossroads. The thought occurred to me to lube it up and shove it inside my butt. I was sure I had loosened up enough so that I could take it and love it even more.

But instead of going for it, instead of following my bliss in the moment, my puritan programming blocked it.

We all seek balance in life. I thought I was operating with a good balance between pleasure and cleanliness. But I realized I was a victim of my own overly hygienic fastidiousness.

Now I’m not into deep psychoanalysis that drives me to figure out why I was inhibited. Just witnessing what I’m doing gives me the choice to change. So seeing how I was limiting my options for pleasure allowed me to change my habits.

Different Than a Sudden Flash of Clarity

This didn’t happen like a sudden flash of clarity. It evolved in stages. First, I let my fingers have their way with my rosetta. But at first I was still uncomfortable using that hand for anything else. So I decided it would be OK to play with my balls while my other hand was busy sliding up and down my shaft.

Next I realized there was really no harm in using the contaminated hand on my vajra as well. It wasn’t going anywhere dangerous. So I had fun for a while enjoying some two-handed self-pleasure.

Then I needed more lube. And I shocked myself with the thought that both hands were now dirty and would contaminate the lube bottle. But so what? This was my private stash that stayed by my computer while I was enjoying my carefully curated porn collection.

So I threw caution to the winds and declared my lube “on-limits,” too. That’s the opposite of off-limits if you missed the reference.

These were just a few of the layers peeling off the onion that I went through. It’s still continuing each time I play with myself. But now I’m extra excited when I bump into another internal barrier. I can look at it sensibly and decide if I’m being held back by outmoded restrictions or if there’s no danger in letting my freak flag fly.

In retrospect my story is an isolated example of the kind of sexual healing we all need over and over. Hopefully I’ve inspired you to look at what’s holding you back from what your body, mind, and spirit want. And then go for it.

Enjoy! And I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Love, Somraj

Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones

Something magical has been happening to us lately when we make love. Often we’re catapulted to a pleasure state where everything feels sensational. And just keeps feeling that way.

We started talking about it on the seventeenth floor of a hotel this last weekend. That was after a long afternoon in which every round of sex launched us up to this lofty level of passion.

Each time the day before it only took a few strokes after first penetration. Suddenly we found ourselves propelled into a higher sexual energy orbit. Our hunger for each other and our sensations abruptly became more intense and stayed that way as long as we coupled.

I’ve written a lot recently about riding up and down pleasure peaks. (Click here to read my latest post, Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks: How to Use Them to Trigger Different Kinds of Orgasms.)

But this higher orbit was different. It was more like a stable plateau where the sexual electricity just kept flowing of its own accord.

I liken these orbits to the energy states of electrons spinning around an atom’s nucleus. The innermost electrons have the lowest energy and the furthest have the most. We were certainly soaring in some rarified atmosphere.

My conclusion was obvious. Pump more energy into bodies spinning in sexual delight and they ascend to a higher orbit. It’s like the game changes when we land in an elevated new playing field.

Of course the game I’m talking about is exchanging pleasure. In the higher orbit we move way past the opening gambits of foreplay that are
dedicated to getting each other fully aroused and erect. This applies to women as well as men as my previous post explained (Full-Body Erections: He and She Both Need One for Satisfying Sexual Penetration and All 12 Types of Orgasm).

What’s It Like In A Higher Orbit?

In the higher state it’s amazing how much more we feel. And how many different sensations we experience. Our bodies become more sensitive and more receptive. It feels like more cells are awake and vibrating, sending off their own streamers of sexual electricity.

Can cells actually orgasm? It sure feels like it.

After we settle into the higher orbit, we feel our sensory fields open to a wider spectrum of sensations. And the impact of those sensations is dramatically magnified. To get the idea, imagine you’re looking through a telescope at one spot on the moon and all at once your vision widens to cover the whole moon. And that’s happening to your sense of touch, smell, taste, and hearing at the same time.

It’s like going from black and white to color. Like jumping from two dimensions to three. Like flying where we were once walking.

It seems to me that our pleasure becomes more intense in a higher orbit due to the continuous streaming of sexual passion. Because the current is steady we don’t have to work at it. Any touch, lick, or stroke seems to detonate ecstasy grenades like splashes in a still lake. And without anything in the way, they keep rebounding.

Every bit of arousal is preserved and amplified. The sexual electromagnetism is flooding strongly through and between us. But since there’s little resistance, the surface of the pond remains still while the current below is gets stronger.

Oddly enough, in the higher orbit our desire is supercharged. We love what we’re feeling yet we want more, More, MORE!

How Can You Launch Yourselves To A Higher Sexual Orbit?

Maybe you’ve unexpectedly found yourselves in a higher sexual energy orbit and loved it. But don’t for a moment believe that you have no control over launching yourselves into a loftier zone.

Before our Tantra training we typically rushed towards maximum turn-on and orgasm. And usually missed. Now, after nearly twenty years of practice, we instead build, conserve, and make our sexual energy last. Sure, sometimes we slow down. But lots of the time we pump away as frantically as any wild animal.

Whatever we’re doing, we instinctively spread the excitement in our jewels (genitals) all throughout our bodies. Our aim is to pump passion into our pleasure balloons, those energy bubbles that normally stay collapsed in our groins. That is, until we expand them to fill the field that surrounds us.

That’s how we get all our cells, organs, and tissues turned-on. It’s rare for us to soar to a higher orbit before we’re sizzling, vibrating, and shaking all over.

Because we don’t always release lots of sexual energy in premature explosive orgasm, we often move there quickly without much warmup. It seems like the excitement is still percolating below the surface from our last session a day or two earlier.

Other times we have to consciously manage our pleasure peaks. As we reach for more and more turn-on, we let the peaks come and go as they will. We ride the upswells and relax into the down-swells without fighting them.

It’s normal for lovers untrained in this ancient art of spiritual energy sex to tense up when hit with sudden surges of excitement. A sudden influx of sexual electricity can shock even the strongest of us. Many feel they have to control it or regulate it or push to make something happen when they’re inundated by such intense sensations.

But we don’t resist. We relax, let go, and surrender to the power coursing through us.

The gurus say that surrendering is the key to transforming pleasure into sexual ecstasy. From our extensive research in our bed, we’ve found that letting go is the portal into higher orbits of passion.

As our pleasure balloons expand to fill our whole bodies, our peaks rise higher and stretch out. The sensations at the summits get stronger at the same time as the descents mellow. This skill of peaking causes these high points to coalesce into plateaus.

Then, at some point, there’s this boom that seems to levitate us. It feels like the flood gates open and pour huge amounts of sexual energy into our inner rivers. That’s what fuels us scaling above the peaks into the higher orbit.

How Can Sexual Techniques Help You Reach Higher Orbits?

Now I realize what I’ve written so far has mostly been energy theory. Yet, the sexual techniques we employ have a lot to do with our reaching ecstatic states. If you’re interested, you’ll want to discover what works best for you and your partner. Here are some vital fundamentals.

Stimulating a woman’s nineteen erogenous zones and a man’s nine is essential. Changing speed, depth, length, and angle of sexual strokes affects a lover’s level of arousal. All of that requires reading each other in order to respond with what produces the biggest jolt at each moment. That might include a hand, a mouth, or a sex toy depending on what each prefers in the moment.

Many sexologists frequently urge lovers to address the biggest sex organ, namely all of the skin. We agree wholeheartedly as they ascend to a higher orbit. But once there following what the body wants works better than hard and fast rules.

We find that the jewels, being so sexually responsive, are the passion generating engines. So, as we’re touching, licking, and stroking in-and-out, we’re directing the sexual electricity to fill the whole body.

You’ve probably realized that different lovers respond to different moves. My wife Jeffre, for example, finds that spreading her legs invites me all the way inside her. It’s more than my hard organ going deeper. The physical action prompts the energetic opening.

For both of us, titillating a second orgasmic trigger boosts the energy current. In our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making we call this a “hot link.” You open a passion circuit inside when the energy generated in two or more sensitive pleasure spots coalesce.

I do this by playing with her nipples or clio (clitoris) while we’re making love. She does that by caressing my balls or backdoor. We found a startling rise in our excitement this weekend when we kissed while our jewels were sliding in and out.

Creating hot links is the key to one of the 12 major types of orgasm, the blended one. This is where you climax in two places at once like the clio and G-Spot.

Is This Something You Want To Practice Like We Do?

We’re always disheartened when we hear longterm lovers who get bored or disinterested in sex. After twenty years, we experience more sensational pleasure every time we make love. Maybe the above energy practices explain why.

Our pleasure receivers are better tuned to each other. We’re better at knowing what we want, asking for it, and letting each know how it’s working. We spend a fair share of our awareness reading each other, tuning in to what produces the biggest impacts, and synchronizing our lovemaking.

I’d be lying if I let you think that our life in bed as well as out of it is a perfect dance. But with these tools we’re more in harmony more of the time. And we can easily get back in sync on the higher orbit launching pad.

It’s so much fun, who wouldn’t want to practice, practice, practice.

Hopefully these observations will help you soar in higher orbits more of the time.

Love, Somraj

Hitting The Right Spot: Triggering a Big O by Targeting A Woman’s Shallow Erogenous Zones (X-Rated)

If you want more orgasmic sex, it helps to hit the right spot. Or more specifically, it helps to excite erogenous zones like the G-Spot. Those are areas of the body particularly sensitive to sexual stimulation. 

Our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making describes how to take full advantage of a woman’s ten outer and nine inner pleasure spots. You can read all about them in our earlier blog post Tantra Newsletter: 19 Women’s Erogenous Zones – Part 1.

Though true, it’s a gross oversimplification to say that the jewels (genitals) are erogenous zones. Sure, playing with a guy’s vajra (penis) will usually turn him on. But if you know how to fondle, stroke, and lick his cock’s five specific erogenous zones, you’ll be even more indispensable to him. I’m referring to the head, crown, frenulum, shaft, and base. Soon I’ll add an article detailing all of these and more.

Yes, there are more. But a savvy male lover also knows how to us those five penile erogenous zones while thrusting inside his female playmate’s yoni (vagina). My January blog post entitled Intersecting Erogenous Zones focused on the deeper orgasmic trigger spots inside a woman. These are three areas at the upper end of the yoni around the cervix. 

But last night we had an amazing encounter with my sweetheart’s shallower ones.

We had just had a talk about the unique characteristics of Eddie’s prick. He was the male partner of a couple we met many years ago at a sacred sexuality workshop and played with one fun night. Eddie’s vajra was rather thin but long and boney. Plus he was very astute about hitting the right spots with it. Especially her cul-de-sac. This is the erogenous zone past the cervix at the deepest point inside the yoni. When he prodded her there, she let out some of the most memorable shrieks. Memorable enough that we both remember the intense experience.

Now my vajra is long enough to reach her cul-de-sac when I’m super hard. But otherwise the head of my cock can be a bit spongy which apparently doesn’t prod that deep crevice in the best possible way. Last night, though, during jewel union (sexual intercourse) my erection excelled at boniness. So I made it a point to slide past her cervix into her cul-de-sac quite often. I knew each time I did because I heard those memorable shrieks.

Of course, that’s not the only sexual stroke I used. Women have taught me that variety always tops monotony. Unless they’re at a pleasure peak and want to go over the top.
But we weren’t there yet. We were having so much fun as I shifted from one kind of thrust to another, from one stroking pattern to another. (There are chapters in Long Hot Tantric Love Making that present the whole story about all those things in illustrated detail.)

Oddly enough, one sort of shallow stroke was evoking a strong reaction, too. A loud and jackknifing one. So I played with it a little more, shifting from deep long strokes to short  jabs around yoni’s mouth.

As I changed angle, depth, speed, and pressure to target different spots, I realized rubbing her outlet was really turning her on.

“Outlet” is the name we use for what’s scientifically named the “urethral meatus.” It’s the opening of the tube that conducts urine out of the body from the bladder. The outlet lies on the top side of yoni’s mouth, usually just a bit inside the vaginal canal.

Because it’s highly sensitive, it’s a shame the outlet doesn’t get more of the attention it deserves. You see, it’s intimately connected with a woman’s G-Spot. Well, actually that’s a misnomer. What colloquially is called the G-Spot isn’t just one fixed spot. It actually refers to a whole series of little glands and ducts in the spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra. As a result, the whole area on the upper wall of the yoni can be aroused, awakened, and engorged producing unique and powerful sexual satisfaction.

But we’re focusing here on another erogenous zone, the outlet. Well, OK, the spongy tissue deemed the G-Spot extends into the outlet itself. So you might say it’s all part and parcel of the same pleasure organ. However you define it, massaging the outlet feels damn good to many women. Some adventuresome sorts even like something small and well-lubed — like a very gentle little finger — inserted a bit. Just be super clean and careful if you want to try this. Mistreatment can cause painful inflammation and damage.

There wasn’t any risk with what I was doing with my cockhead. No, the more I returned there, the more spectacular were her responses. After experimenting I found that her favorite in these moments were one to two inch strokes with crown of vajra’s head pressing firmly just inside yoni’s mouth.

That’s when her breathing changed in that special way that alerts me to her being close.

If you’ve read of my other articles or blog posts, you know that I always choose longies over quickies. It feels so good I just don’t want it to end. But, hey, after 15 minutes I got an offer I couldn’t refuse. “If you make me come, I’ll do you for as long as I can.”

So instead of switching things up, I kept up that short outlet stroke going continuously. She had several pleasure peaks which rose in intensity. Then to speed things up, she added just a little clitoral vibration from her favorite sex toy, the Pocket Rocket.

Wow, the explosion from her Big O was monumental. It was an intense, long, loud, shaking one. Yoni’s sphincter convulsed so strongly that I was hard pressed to keep the identical stroke going without being forcefully expelled. Trust me, she doesn’t like her orgasm interrupted with premature withdrawal.

And the aftershock was mind-blowing, too. We had been making love in the Scissors Position, her on her back and me on my side with my legs under her spread-open ones. When she put her legs together as the contractions subsided, it triggered another climax. Now when we stay connected and relax after an orgasm, it’s natural for the expanding sexual energy to spur one or two mini-orgasmic spasms. But this massive one was off the charts.

It’s an extra special good time when she gets two for the price of one.

But I believe there’s a more important moral to the story. I’m not savvy enough to figure out what to give her each time for maximum satisfaction. It changes so much I just can’t predict what will happen next time. What I do instead is follow her energy. I test, listen, experiment, watch and do more of what makes her crazy.

Well, gotta go. We have another wild time planned.

May you have as much fun as we do.

Love, Somraj