Here are links to some great articles that will help you understand and enjoy Orgasmic Sex…
5 Tips For An Earth-Shattering Orgasm You HAVEN’T Already Tried – mindbodygreen
Here are links to some great articles that will help you understand and enjoy Orgasmic Sex…
5 Tips For An Earth-Shattering Orgasm You HAVEN’T Already Tried – mindbodygreen
I didn’t count how many orgasms I had last night, but it was at least six. Which was great because my wife was done early with a quick explosive climax leaving me wanting lots more.
You read that right, I’m a guy who has multiple orgasms. I didn’t always. It’s something I learned through lots of practice.
Now I didn’t say I ejaculated each time. In fact, I didn’t at all. The series of sexual crescendos was so satisfying that I didn’t need to.
One of the first things I learned in Tantra training was to separate orgasm from ejaculation. So my series of multiple orgasms were decidedly different than making a big wet spot. In fact, they were each quite unique. That’s partly because most of my climaxes were Tantric energy orgasms. That’s where you have all the glorious sensations of coming without the ejaculatory spasms that drain your energy.
Here’s how things went down. After a little break that allowed her to recover, she gave my vajra (penis) some delicious sucking until I was hot and hard. My excitement soared in surges of passion, but she stopped before I got too high. When she moved between my legs, my hands took over so she could concentrate on my rosetta (asshole).
If you’re new to the whole idea of orgasmic sex, you should know that we don’t rush headlong to the biggest explosion possible. Instead we stay as high as we can for as long as we want. I call it the O-Zone where you make those powerful sensations just before coming continue on and on.
The way we do orgasmic sex, whether we’re giving pleasure, self-pleasuring, or just fucking, is in cycles. That means we soar up to a peak of pleasure, maybe float there a bit, and then come down and relax for a moment before another cycle. My first couple peaks happened in vajra’s head from the stroking up and down my shaft that felt so electric.
When you play in the Tantric arena of energy orgasms, sometimes it’s hard to say if a sexual peak is high enough to qualify as an orgasm. Well, classifying them was less important than the delight that the rising tide triggered inside me as the peaks got higher.
But there was more going on than a little solo masturbation. As my wife was lubing up and fingering my rosetta, the locus, the exact location, of the turn-on began to shift. Then I had my next orgasm culminating in rolling anal convulsions. The physical phenomenon resembled the pulsing of my prostate gland when I do ejaculate. Except it was happening in the sphincters and muscles around rosetta’s short canal.
That orgasm was more on the physical side than purely energetic ones that spread heat, electricity, and vibration throughout my body. But it did release some rays of electricity that excited more of the surrounding tissues. It was those energy rays that triggered my next one. It felt like sound waves propagating up my spine. Kind of like the reverberations you would feel if you stood in front of the bassist’s speaker at a rock concert.
As my wife replaced her fingers with my favorite vibrator stroking in and out of my rosetta, the erotic charge expanded and filled more of my body’s bioenergetic field. That became clearer when cascades of prickly heat shot up my torso. That upwelling of sexual energy made my scalp bristle and my hair stand on end.
Now that one was way different from the previous three or four. And so was the next one. It felt like passion grenades exploding in my prostate. That sent blossoms of excitement reaching everywhere.
I call what we were doing to my body a hot link. That’s a sexual energy channel that connects two erogenous zones. In this case, my vajra and backdoor. Actually there are eighteen of these sweet spots in and around a guy’s crotch. And I surely had connected several hot links between several of these hot areas.
Then the energy in my prostate and vajra’s head started pulsing and sending out flares of erotic charge. Looking down inside it felt like a barbell with fireworks detonating at each end of the hot link. That climax felt like the barbell vibrating and sending off streamers of excitement throughout my body. I’ve felt that before, when the locus of boiling sensation shifts from one end of the energy channel to the other and back again.
I think it was the energy surging back and forth on the vajra-prostate barbell that triggered my big one. It launched me into the orbit of the O-Zone for maybe two minutes. This final orgasm was truly a blended one, combining many of the sensations of all the previous ones. The rolling thunder pulsed here, exploded there, and kept shifting around to many of my sweet spots.
Even though I didn’t drain any sperm, having my body reverberate so intensely for nearly an hour did leave me spent. But it was the kind of temporary exhaustion that let me revel in all the ecstatic feelings I’d experienced.
If you’d like to learn how to do this, please email me. I’ll likely suggest you get a copy of my Male Multiple Orgasm book or download my Tantric Male Multiple G-Spot Orgasm. I also do coaching and training for singles and couples.
For the ultimate guidebook, you’ll have to wait until Fall 2019 when our new book Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex is published by Llewellyn Worldwide.
Until then, have fun and lots of sexual pleasure. You can bet I will.
Here are links to some articles that explain vital aspects of Orgasmic Sex…
Tantric Sex & Taoism: The Energetic Implications of Sex & How You Can Make It Work For You – Collective Evolution
Your Guide to Making Anal Sex More Enjoyable | Women’s Health
The Orgasm Gap: Why Some People Orgasm More Than Others & Why Orgasms Are So Misunderstood – Collective Evolution
My vajra (cock) was happily stroking away inside my wife Jeffre’s yoni (pussy) when she said, “where’s Tiani?”
No, that’s not our girlfriend’s name. It’s a little U-shaped vibrator from Lelo that’s designed for clio (clitoris) stimulation during jewel union. (We’re spiritual teachers so we don’t like to call it fucking until we know that graphic language doesn’t offend whoever we’re working with.)
So I turned Tiani on and brought it to where our jewels (genitals) were connected. Magically, one prong of Tiani’s U slipped inside her yoni. I figured that was what she wanted since she moaned louder, spread her legs wider, and pushed back on my in-strokes.
That’s when Jeffre asked if Tiani was inside her. My mistake, I should have told her what I was doing.
A basic part of Tantric sex is communication. In this case, the giver of pleasure informs the receiver about what they’re doing and what’s going on down there. Even with lots of practice we don’t always know what our playmate is doing where we can’t see. Most people are so out of touch with their bodies, especially their private parts, so that they can’t really connect the sensations they’re getting with their specific body parts.
I call telling your playmate what you’re doing to them and where labeling your actions.
Not verbally labeling what I was doing with Tiani wasn’t a major felony. In spite of my omission, we both exploded in a big simultaneous orgasm. It’s just that I missed an opportunity to improve Jeffre and Tiani’s relationship. Sure, the relationship between a live person and a sex toy is different than the marriage we share. But Tiani is a new member of our sex team and we’re still learning where, when, and how to use her.
The importance of labelling is on my mind lately while I’m revising our latest book into a new version entitled Pathways to Super-Natural Sex. In it I go to great lengths to explain how important partnership is to help us we both reach high peaks of pleasure. I feel blessed that I’ve been so well trained by my hot wife and other sexy lovers to satisfy them.
But that doesn’t mean that in every moment I know what a woman is feeling and wants more of and less of.
Part of our sexual teamwork is that we keep each other informed about what we’re experiencing. I don’t mean we talk all the time. That would disturb the sense of otherworldly rapture that Tantric Sex specializes in. It would put us in heads too much which would distract us from being able to run and stream orgasmic energy.
With just a few words we usually inform each other of changes that we liked or changes that are needed.
After Jeffre asked what our new toy was up to, I explained where Tiani’s two legs were. Then she could tell what was causing the sensations that were making her wail and flail in a good way. I had Tiani’s flat flange inside her yoni. It’s designed to allow room for my erection’s thrusts in her canal.
When I placed Tiani’s rounded vibrating leg against her clio, she almost levitated off the bed and rattled my spine with her gyrations.
If you haven’t been following my orgasmic sex feed lately, you might not have read about how critical clio stimulation is for women’s orgasms. Studies have shown that 70% of women need it to come regardless of what’s happening inside their yoni. Jeffre can come without it, but a vibe on her pearl often makes it easier and quicker.
Which is probably one of the reasons she exploded in just about ten minutes with my vajra and our new friend Tiani. Oh, I forgot to mention that the vibration does wonderful things to my sensations, too. That’s probably why I came with her this time.
Afterwards Jeffre said she really liked Tiani. That was gratifying as the U-vibe had been a present for our last anniversary that we hadn’t taken full advantage of. I’m hoping we’ll use it more now when we’re lusting for something more. And the more I label what I’m doing with Tiani, the more aware Jeffre will be about what causes the sensations she craves. Then she’ll be more able to ask for what she wants and guide me to make every stroke extra special.
This is a great example of one of the foundations of orgasmic Tantric Sex. I’m not all knowing so I don’t dominate all the proceedings. We do change off being in charge. But even when one of us is receiving, we’re also leading. So when she feels Tiani working on her, she lets me know how to get the most out of it.
Another example is when Jeffre is using my favorite vibe in my rosetta (anus). At first I couldn’t tell what she was doing. But the more she announces and explains, the better I can guide her actions. Frankly once one of us gets in an ecstatic groove, it’s the shrieks and gyrations of pleasure that we heed. Little chance of talking when we’re flying so high.
I know letting it all hang out is challenging for lots of lovers. Once I was super inhibited, too. But if you have a willing and loving partner, why don’t you experiment with talking more and showing your turn-on.
I bet you’ll love it. Or should that be “try it you’ll like it”?
I spent a lot of years having sex that didn’t involve my butt. It was usually great but I had no idea what I was missing.
How come? Well, I was worried that it was dirty. And I was so tight-assed that first attempts at entry hurt.
But mostly I had no idea how incredible it could be.
Three things helped me change all that. First was my Tantra training 20 years ago. That’s how I learned about pelvic armoring. Armoring is when parts of the body get perennially stiff and tense from false beliefs, traumas, and other negative experiences. An armored crotch is a common byproduct of toilet training. As is getting caught masturbating or doing it in the back of your old Chevy. It’s a condition many of us share due to frustrating, stressful, or painful sexual experiences.
Tantra taught me that slow, gentle, deep bodywork can help clear armoring back there. And other places too like a woman’s yoni (vagina).
Over the years I’ve had a lot of this kind of clearing thanks to my wife’s supportive sex-positive attitude. And my FOMO (fear of missing out). Gradually the tension was replaced with more relaxation and more pleasure.
Why does anal play feel so good? Well, it’s naughty and some of us like to walk on the wild side. Yes, that includes me, first in line for something new and kinky. Plus, the tissues are connected to my other highly sensitive jewels. You remember what that old song says, “the ass bone is connected to the cock bone?”
Oh, yeah, let’s not forget how many nerve endings are down there.
The second thing was my longtime girlfriend who is a colonic hydrotherapist. That is to say that she specializes in enemas. Now this is a beautiful and sexy woman who is very butt friendly. And always clean.
Not to mention how much she likes me fucking her fresh butt.
Now I’ve tried enemas before and thought it wasn’t really worth all the trouble. Well, until I got hooked on ass play. Then we remodeled our bathroom and installed a bidet so that we’d have cleaner jewels all the time. Little did I realize how motivated I’d be to wash my butt after each visit to the toilet.
So after this third thing I had no excuse but to start using fingers and toys in my backdoor. The more I did it, the more I loved it.
It seems to me that anal play adds more cylinders to my 4-cylinder sexual motor. The pleasure I get is now more like the power of a high-performance V8 engine.
Something else is happening too. While a hand, mouth, or yoni is stroking my cock, active fingers or a vibrating butt plug supercharges my pleasure. It’s more than just stronger sensations. Backdoor stimulation blends in a whole new sort of rocket fuel into the mix.
You might wonder why that would be. If you know anything about a guy’s orgasm control center, you understand. I’m talking about the prostate gland. Or what some call the male G-Spot.
When my G-spot is prodded, it’s as if a swarm of pleasure bees are released inside. They wait in the hive around my prostate until they’re awakened. Then their fast little wings massage me from the inside and make me swoon each time they stream through my body.
Last night I had several 30 to 60 second orgasms that way. They were a new variety that I’ve only had before with my vajra (penis) being excited. I call them dry orgasms because there’s no ejaculation.
Still, everything in my pelvis was vibrating at a high frequency spreading waves of sensation everywhere. Like I was driving 100 mph on the freeway until I blasted into orbit. The muscles that make me squirt were convulsing big time except the one around my prostate gland that ejects semen. That’s why I can have them over and over for a long while.
In my new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making three of the twelve different types of orgasm are exclusively for men: Ejaculation, G-spot, and Dry. So I was having lovely energy eruptions that blended the last two.
You know, I’ve been practicing Tantric Sex for 20 years now and it’s amazing how much I keep discovering. If you’re like me and love to explore your inner erotic world, I highly recommend it.
Playing with my butt has been one of the most revealing personal growth experiences I’ve ever had.
Am I saying that anal sex is a spiritual practice? Well, I guess I am. But that depends on how you approach it.
Recognizing that certain sex acts vault me to higher sexual orbits is what prompted this exploration where the sun don’t normally shine. (I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in my blog post entitled “Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones.”)
Even though I know that personal freedom is an inner journey, I’ve been expanding myself through spiritual sex for nearly twenty years now. It’s taught me more about myself than all talk therapies in the world combined. So how exactly does that work?
Spiritual sex means to be aware of your body, mind, and soul while you accept your sexual desires and act on them fully.
Let’s Get Drunk And Screw
Being a somewhat evolved horny guy, I’m not against the age-old relationship axiom — “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Today that probably shows up more as “Let’s get stoned and make divine love.”
But for me erotic play is so much richer when I’m conscious of everything that’s happening. Then I can steer the action so I get everything I want while I’m attending to my partner’s needs and wants. Often I get new pleasures that I didn’t expect.
My whole life I’ve sought to rid myself of inhibitions. Maybe, like so many other teenagers, that’s an outgrowth of rebelling against my father’s authority. Whatever.
What I found in my recent solo anal play is that I’ve got hangups I didn’t know were limiting my fun.
Me squeamish? Seriously?
I can’t begin to count how many times I believed that I arrived only to find how much more there was to look at. With my unshakable self-image, I was sure I could handle unlimited pleasure. At least until I bumped up against the edge of my comfort zone and found my own limits.
So again and again I dedicated myself to practice until I released “all” resistance. Usually it wasn’t long before I had to pick myself up and realize how much more inner work awaited me.
The Sensible Hygiene Of Anal Play
A case in point is the hygiene of anal play. As my sex life has been expanding in recent years, I’ve welcomed any gentle-at-first penetration back there from lovers I trust. Lovers who are as fun and fastidious as I am.
Damn, I’ve had so much pleasure when they put things in my butt: fingers, toys, and vajras (penises).
But I discovered that I’m reluctant to put my own fingers in my butt.
Any young woman whose mother taught her not to wipe forward realizes we all want to keep the bacteria from the rosetta (asshole) away from the yoni (vagina). Or either gender’s mouth for that matter.
Such programming was a critical part of my Tantric sexual healing that opened up my backdoor initially. Tight-assed is more than a social slur, it’s a diagnosis of the energy blockages that inhibited lovers and people in general have.
When the issues are in the tissues, especially around the rosetta, they restrict one’s sexual freedom and lots more.
You see, I love to play full out without inhibitions. That’s partly a result of my robust libido. But even more so it stems from the personal growth I’ve done around becoming more sex-positive.
Damn Those Restrictive Inner Rules
So, as I was saying, what I found was that I had all sorts of inner rules about where I could put my hands when playing with myself. When I lube up a sex toy and slide it in my butt, undoubtedly that hand gets contaminated with the kind of germs we don’t want to spread.
My Tantric training, or call it conscious sexuality, included always being alert to what one touches with those dirty digits. That’s wise to avoid later unwanted infections. But when I got an urge to, for example, add my second hand to massage my cockhead, I heard a loud “No!” from my inner critic.
Since I can’t put my vajra in my mouth in my most limber moments, there was no chance of making myself sick. And since this was solo play, there was no chance of infecting my beloved’s yoni. And yet I was unwilling to follow my whims and play with whatever part of my body wanted attention.
That’s where spiritual sex came to the rescue. It’s all about witnessing what’s going on in my body, mind, and soul while I’m reveling in pleasure. Not only was I conscious of what I wanted to do to myself, I was also conscious of what was holding me back.
So I lubed up my second hand and slowly slid it in and out of my rosetta. Wow, was it great! It supercharged the pleasure that my other hand was creating by stroking my vajra.
It felt so good that after a while I got the urge to grab vajra’s head with my dirty hand. Sure enough the injunction was still there. I looked at and decided there was no harm as long as I washed up afterwards.
As a result, for a few minutes I had the most ecstatic two-handed masturbation you can imagine.
Letting My Freak Flag Fly
What I was discovering was that my self-pleasuring habits followed well-worn grooves. These were uninspected patterns that limited what I would let myself enjoy.
I thought I was a devoted disciple of the spirit of David Crosby’s song “Almost Cut My Hair” which advocated letting my freak flag fly.
One of the things all my Tantric sex ebooks advocate is whimsy. That’s recognizing when you’ve got a whim and acting on it. Like you want to switch from the top to the bottom or the reverse while making love. Or pull out and lick the juices from your coupling or swivel around to enjoy some luscious 69. Or play with yourself while you’re going at it.
Honor your whims instantly is the secret to fully letting yourself go. Sexual energy is a continuous river of potential pleasure. Let yourself go with the flow and passion engulfs you.
My inner blockages to my own whims created mental grooves that restricted my sexual freedom. When a whim surfaced, I would ignore it without even considering it. My old worn-out beliefs were blindly blocking my consciousness at decision points.
That’s exactly what happened when I got the urge to use both hands to stroke my cock but one had just been in my rosetta.
When a lover is passionately steaming down the road towards a Big O, they rarely notice what happens at these pleasure crossroads.
Like when the vibrator that I was sitting on which felt great a moment ago stopped generating pleasure. This was a crossroads. The thought occurred to me to lube it up and shove it inside my butt. I was sure I had loosened up enough so that I could take it and love it even more.
But instead of going for it, instead of following my bliss in the moment, my puritan programming blocked it.
We all seek balance in life. I thought I was operating with a good balance between pleasure and cleanliness. But I realized I was a victim of my own overly hygienic fastidiousness.
Now I’m not into deep psychoanalysis that drives me to figure out why I was inhibited. Just witnessing what I’m doing gives me the choice to change. So seeing how I was limiting my options for pleasure allowed me to change my habits.
Different Than a Sudden Flash of Clarity
This didn’t happen like a sudden flash of clarity. It evolved in stages. First, I let my fingers have their way with my rosetta. But at first I was still uncomfortable using that hand for anything else. So I decided it would be OK to play with my balls while my other hand was busy sliding up and down my shaft.
Next I realized there was really no harm in using the contaminated hand on my vajra as well. It wasn’t going anywhere dangerous. So I had fun for a while enjoying some two-handed self-pleasure.
Then I needed more lube. And I shocked myself with the thought that both hands were now dirty and would contaminate the lube bottle. But so what? This was my private stash that stayed by my computer while I was enjoying my carefully curated porn collection.
So I threw caution to the winds and declared my lube “on-limits,” too. That’s the opposite of off-limits if you missed the reference.
These were just a few of the layers peeling off the onion that I went through. It’s still continuing each time I play with myself. But now I’m extra excited when I bump into another internal barrier. I can look at it sensibly and decide if I’m being held back by outmoded restrictions or if there’s no danger in letting my freak flag fly.
In retrospect my story is an isolated example of the kind of sexual healing we all need over and over. Hopefully I’ve inspired you to look at what’s holding you back from what your body, mind, and spirit want. And then go for it.
Enjoy! And I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
A robust sex life is natural and healthy. Yet few of us learn how to extract all the pleasure we can out of making love with others and with ourselves. We can do better if we fully adopt a sex-positive attitude. Here’s how we define that in our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making…
An attitude and mindset of lovers who know that sex is a good thing, that it’s a natural part of life, that it’s healthy, and that they deserve as much pleasure as they can get in any way they choose to get it.
If you’re really sex-positive, you’ll explore and expand three sexual roles: adventurer, exhibitionist, and voyeur.
Now before you freak and think I mean you have to become a promiscuous pervert, take a breath. No, you can do all three in the privacy of your primary relationship. Or with yourself.
Sexual adventurers are lovers who are willing to try new things, to experiment, and to expand their comfort zones. That might include doing more creative self-pleasuring and enjoying yourself more often. That’s our fancy name for masturbation which, to most people, means getting yourself off. But to us Tantric types it’s more about learning what your body likes, expanding your repertoire, and making it last. We usually choose a hot longie over a primal quickie. Well, not always.
Sex toys are a natural complement that can broaden your inner horizons. For example, I can’t comfortably reach my rosetta (anus) for long. So when I want to add anal pleasure to my self-love, a butt plug or vibrator is a welcome addition.
With a partner, being more adventuresome might include asking for more manual, oral, or anal play. How about getting a Kama Sutra book and trying new positions? Why not try it in every room and on every piece of furniture in your house? We still remember the rug burns from the stairs during one of our awesome tours some time back. Or in the shade of the forest or in the car at night with a panoramic view of the city? Mulholland Drive overlooking Los Angeles was one of my teenage fantasies that I didn’t get to enjoy enough. Anyway the windows steam up pretty quick, right?
Being a sexual adventurer starts with taking an honest look at what you’re getting and what you want more of. If you’re coupled, that means both doing that and then talking about it. No doubt, sexual communication is one of the major challenges in long-term relationships. But if you’re aiming to become a thoroughly sex-positive adventurer, it all starts with honesty, authenticity, and transparency. I know, big words that mean be real and be open.
When you’re ready to go public, taking a sex workshop can be eye-opening. Most respect your boundaries and comfort level so they don’t usually resemble an orgy. Jeffre and I met at one — a class not an orgy — so we’re strong advocates of attending a type of group that strikes your fancy. In fact, we met at a series of six Sex, Love, & Intimacy workshops conducted by the Human Awareness Institute. There aren’t any optional public sexual activities until midway through the levels. But we did make love the second night in our private tent. The rest is history.
We’re active in the Sex Positive Meetup group in our area. We understand there are many others around the country. These are groups of people of all sexual preferences who get together regularly to talk, learn, and practice. We do workshops for them as do other sexologists. They’re very respectful as they help new members explore their turn-ons and discover their true sexual identity.
These are just a smattering of ideas. For sure, there are lots more opportunities a little Googling can uncover in your area.
A primer on becoming more sexually adventuresome wouldn’t be complete without mentioning walking on the wild side with assorted kinks and fetishes. Cross-dressing, dressing up, dressing down begin the list. And then there’s ropes and restraints, leashes and handcuffs. The popularity of 50 Shades Of Grey has certainly raised awareness about BDSM practices (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). We have a thorough survey of the whole spectrum of vanilla to extreme sexual play in our new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making.
Since monogamy has been the norm for many generations, sexual adventurers also engage in various forms of open relationships. It might look like swinging, sex parties, or polyamory. The politically-correct term today is CNM, consensual non-monogamy. Though most everyone you’ve ever met has cheated or come close to it, CNM is different. It’s having sex with outside lovers with the knowledge and blessing of your partner. And sometimes all together. Though some lovers actually form families larger than two, our practice is to play with a small circle of intimates once or twice a month. Our current extended family includes two hetero couples and one single woman.
So how far out of your comfort zone have I pushed you so far? If you’re a bit uncomfortable reading this short list of some of the possible options should convince you that we all live in an inhibited puritanical culture. There are so many satisfying ways to have adult fun that you might get off on but probably aren’t even trying. Are you ready to move out of your comfort zone and and stretch your boundaries?
I’m not trying to persuade you to do things that you have no curiosity and or attraction to. But when something piques your interest, maybe it’s time to test the waters. That’s what sex-positive lovers do. Consciously, carefully, and after extensive communication with partners.
Admittedly, practicing exhibitionism sounds inappropriate, if not illegal in most places. But if you’re on the path of becoming totally sex-positive, shouldn’t you be proud of demonstrating your sexual prowess?
If orgasms are a divine gift as most sexologists acknowledge, who does it serve to keep them private?
Again, I’m not urging that you follow the Beatles advice and do it in the road. In fact, I’m reminded of my first wife’s prejudice again public male masturbators. She grew up in Sweden and enjoyed lots more sexual freedom than I did in the US. Yet she scoffed at the frequent “village idiots” as she called them who would expose themselves as she walked around town. Her response was to look down at their crotches and laugh. That usually put them off their game immediately.
No, we’re talking about sexual pride with a belief system like, “My body is my temple and I’m proud of it. I value the pleasure it brings me and want to share my good feelings with those I love. I welcome them watching me enjoying myself.” Where appropriate and welcomed, it can be highly erotic to parade your pleasure.
I was able to develop my exhibitionist personality by attending nudist clubs and camps. Many years ago a few close friends camped at a clothing-optional community that was hosting Nudestock. That was a recreation of Woodstock with local bands and no clothes. Way fun.
If you need any evidence that showing off your privates is hot, consider the popularity of sexting. Doesn’t receiving a boob pic, pussy pic, or dick pic from your main squeeze turn you on? Or an acquaintance you’ve been lusting for? I’m not endorsing strangers showering you with sexts, but where there’s already a connection, it’s certainly a welcome growth area for foreplay.
I first experienced a thrill from public self-pleasuring during my formative Tantra training at Margot Anand’s Love And Ecstasy Training. One evening all 80 students created their own little nest in our huge classroom. As the lights dimmed and the soft music played, we all started playing with ourselves. We couldn’t really see how our neighbors were enjoying their bodies, but we could sure hear them. Knowing that my classmates were surfing orgasmic peak after orgasmic peak as I was, added to my excitement.
This ritual undoubtedly prepared me to join the Center For Sex And Culture‘s National Masturbation Day event some years later. At a theatre in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District, several hundred of us pranced around naked playing with ourselves. No touching or sexual contact even with our partners was allowed. It was all about honoring self-love. Some even put on a show in front of a live webcam. I wasn’t ready for that then, but I did have my first experience with a sex machine with a small audience.
There other opportunities not limited to the public eye. You can exercise your innate exhibitionism at home through mutual masturbation. For some couples, touching themselves in front of their partner is a stretch all by itself. But if you’re sex-positive, why not? Like stripping and dancing naked, being watched while you touch yourself can be super steamy. When you both do yourselves at the same time, the synergy can be off the charts. Foreplay, sex breaks, afterplay – I can think of lots of times when it’s a wonderful thing. Maybe I need to be harder, maybe she needs to be wetter, or maybe we’re just up for a shift in the energy. Or when one of us is playing hard to get and we want to prove that we can look after ourselves if need be.
Sure, sometimes the surprise of what I’m doing to my playmate is way hot. But, let’s face, my lovers know their bodies better than me. So if they want to touch themselves, I say “go for it.” It’s really hot watching. Besides, I might learn something. I have one lover who swoons whenever I play with myself in front of her. She certainly has trained me to put on a show for her even at those moments when she’s not ready to be penetrated.
A central theme of our new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making is opening and flooding energy channels with sexual electromagnetism. One prominent technique we call the “Add-On.” That’s when you or your partner plays with another erogenous zone while you’re making love. I particularly love stroking myself while my honey is using my favorite vibrating butt plug inside me.
When you’re ready to experiment with opening your relationship, you’ll need your inner exhibitionist to come out and play. Isn’t that obvious? You’ll be naked and hopefully partaking of the action in front of someone else. Would a stranger or a close friend be more comfortable or hotter?
A relatively easy way to wade in is via soft swapping. That’s when you make love in the same room with another person or couple. Maybe you’ve dreamed of a lusty threesome with that busty or well-hung friend. But are you ready for the other lover — or your partner — watch you go at it?
I remember a threesome with my wife and another beautiful woman at a party that demonstrated this. The other woman laid next to us as we made love, holding each of our hands. She didn’t want to participate at that moment, but we shared our bubble of orgasmic energy with her. She was lapping it up, smiling, moaning right along with us. It really turned us on that we could revel in ecstasy next to her while she was celebrating our passion.
Many progressive sexuality workshops will handle the gradient of exposure delicately. And modern professionals will demand enthusiastic consent without pressure before you get involved at any level. So when you’re ready, learning groups can be an ideal way to dip a naked toe in the water here and there.
Sex parties probably require the most developed exhibitionists. Sure, sometimes swing clubs have private rooms. But the real action tends to happen out in the open on the multiple mattresses next to each other. When you’re ready for that, watching and being watched sure intensifies the sexual energy.
My first experience of that was actually in a Tantra workshop where I served as an assistant instructor. As a demonstration for new students, my wife Jeffre gave me an elaborate two-hour Multiple Orgasm With Ecstasy session surrounded by about 100 students and staff. I had never been that high for so long before, likely due to in being so public. Because I was so energetically open to everyone’s rapt attention, I vibrated with ecstasy for an hour after everywhere else left.
A person who gains sexual pleasure by watching others is a voyeur. The triangle holds that it’s an essential healthy sexual activity.
So am I pro porn? You bet!
Of course, anything can be abused. But admiring others’ bodies and watching them make love online can sure get your juices flowing. For me, it’s an essential part of self-pleasuring. But again, I’m not doing it to get myself off as fast as possible. I’m using erotic images to amplify the sexual energy flowing through my body. My aim is to make myself feel as excited as I can for as long as I can. It’s so satisfying that I rarely ejaculate.
You benefit from your voyeuristic tendencies when you watch your partner playing with themselves. Many men love to watch their woman with another man. Or another woman. Or one after the other after the other. I can remember many times at parties when my wife or girlfriend were making love with others. To be perfectly frank, I’m not immune to jealousy. But my best memories are being thrilled at how much they were enjoying it. In the polyamory world that’s called “compersion,” where you receive pleasure from the pleasure your beloved is receiving.
You need a healthy dose of compersion when you attend a swing party. Sure, you can just watch though I’ve never been able to stay out of the action for long. I do remember the first time I played with another man at a friend’s swing house. The play areas were set up with railings all around. No doubt the crowd watching me fueled my appetite for the other guy’s body.
Memories — playing sex tapes of past experiences in your head — qualify as voyeurism in my book. The standard line is that guy’s are turned-on more by images while women are impacted more by words and feelings. Maybe that explains why romance novels sell the biggest share of books. I guess reading a steamy story about the perfect hunk or babe you conjure up in your mind qualifies as voyeurism.
Sorry, but I don’t have much more to add about voyeurism right now. I pretty much shot my wad in the exhibitionist section. So just look back and reverse the roles.
We first learned about what I now call the sex-positive triangle in the Quodoshka workshops. That’s the name given to the Native American sacred sexuality practices based in Arizona. If you want to expand your three corners of adventurism, exhibitionism, and voyeurism, that would be a powerful option. Or we’d love for you to join us at our Private Tantra Workshops.
Whatever you do, I’d recommend taking baby steps first. Look inside and find out what you’re really seeking. Do some serious reading and talk to people ahead of you on the path. If you’re in relationship, talk openly about what you want and how you want to get it. Then find some venues where you can explore and experiment.
By no means have I covered every possible angle. So I look forward to your comments and questions.
May you find everything you’re looking for in and out of bed.
My vajra (penis) was having an awesome time stroking in and out of her yoni (vagina). So good that I was dancing on the verge of orgasm for minutes at a time.
That’s different than edging where you repeatedly approach the brink of coming but back down. When you dance on the verge you don’t back off much. You stay on the edge of the cliff continuously. And it feels great.
After a resounding shared peak of ecstasy, she relaxed for a moment and said “Would you like me to fuck you?” She was referring to using my favorite vibrating butt plug in my asshole. But her real meaning was “I want you to make me come now.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said, and then added “I’m gonna use James Harrison because I’m teetering on the edge of ejaculating and don’t want to come.” I was referring to her favorite extra large vibrating dildo. Her pet name for James comes from her favorite football player, #92 of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
The alter ego of the once definsive player of the year did his magic in no time. At least until my dog came to investigate and distracted her from making it last even longer. But it was a great “rolling thunder” kind of climax all the same.
Then, gladly, it was my turn to receive. I was still pretty hard even after washing the water-based lube off my vajra. I much prefer oil-based lube for the handjob that I love while getting fucked. Then it stays slippery much longer so I don’t have to break to reapply.
Then her little finger started to meander around my rosebud. Because she lubed it so well, it just slipped right in. And those sensitive tissues shuddered in delight.
You know, there was a time not too long ago when even a little finger in my butt would have been painful. But, with lots of healing and regular practice, I cleaned out all my tight-assed resistance so now I can fully relax and enjoy anal play.
What a godsend!
I gotta admit her fingers inside me were instantly intoxicating. It only took a few thrusts for me to reach a pleasure peak which started me shaking and moaning. A few of those waves were all I needed to start vibrating all over.
Then (slowly) she put the Lust in. That’s the name of my favorite toy, a curved vibrating butt plug made by Lelo. When its bulgy end passes my sphincters, it sure feels big. But after it slides all the way in, it’s the greatest thing ever to hit my prostate.
As she ramped up fucking me with my Lust, I started peaking higher and higher. It’s like I was being blown from wavetop to wave top of excitement.
That’s what launched my plateauing phase. When your excitement at the top of the peak doesn’t subside, you’re plateauing. The high level of turn-on stays high for 10, 20, 30 seconds or more.
When you relax enough, the orgasmic energy starts streaming all over throughout every part of your body. Then it’s not only your jewels (genitals) filling with blood and spasming, it’s happening everywhere. My body undulates, my pelvic muscles are contracting and releasing, and I’m bellowing at the top of my lungs. Which I couldn’t do without the incredibly deep breathing I’m pushing to the limit.
If this sounds like an orgasm, I agree. But it’s triggered by the flood of orgasmic energy rather than stimulating your body’s erogenious zones. Well, to be honest, it’s not one or the other. A monumental physical climax releases waves of energy. And intense waves of energy trigger pelvic contractions.
So it’s like a coming continuously. Which is why we call it the Orgasm Zone, or O-Zone, for short.
These plateaus sure feel awesome like every cell is coming. But it can also be quite draining. Breath, muscles, and nerves are all working overtime on top of each plateau of ecstasy. Maybe when I was younger and fitter I could have maintained that sexual high for longer. Now it seems that 30 seconds to a minute on the plateau is all I can handle physically. Even when my libido is still boiling, sometimes my body needs a rest. So I take a few seconds coming down, relax with a few deep breaths, and start that yummy climb again.
After a few 60 to 90 second phenomenal energy orgasms with breaks in between, I settled into a one-minute orgasmic cycle that went on and on. I was so turned-on that all it took was five to ten seconds of stroking to detonate each new energy orgasm. I’d writhe and shake and bellow for 30 seconds before letting go. Then I’d relax and slide down the backend of the plateau of pleasure for a few seconds. With the little pause before I had to have more, each cycle lasted about a minute.
I think I rode this particular wave of bliss for maybe 15 minutes. I can’t remember spending that long in the O-Zone before.
From the outside, energy orgasms are nearly indistinguishable from physical ones. Everything happens to your voice and metabolism and sensations except for the pubic spasms that cause guys to ejaculate. These crescendos feel awesome and it’s so much easier for me to recharge in a few seconds. Then I can enjoy ten or twenty of them in a row. I can’t do that without waiting hours or days after I ejaculate.
Does it make sense that I’m pretty much a dedicated dyed-in-the-wool full-0n O-Zone junkie? Once you learn how to keep your whole body at such a high crescendo of ecstasy for so long, you might be, too.
Even as I cycled up and down from peak arousal, it seemed my sex drive continued to rise. The few-second breaks allowed by libido to refuel my body’s energy tanks. Maybe that’s why I was able to keep plateauing for nearly 40 minutes non-stop. Well except for sliding up and down those delicious waves of intoxicating sensation.
I think I’m going back for more today.