Getting Back to Orgasms

Well, that will teach me to take a long summer wilderness camping vacation and ignore my blog. Seems we’ve been hacked. I wonder why. Oh, well. I’ll clean up the junk and get back to posting now that we’re home and getting ready for winter

Yes, as the Starks from Game of Thrones remind us, winter is coming  We even had 4 inches of snow here in Lake Tahoe already this week.

To kick off the Fall Orgasmic Sex season, I suggest you read this great article from the Sex research team at Columbia University. I considered going there for grad school when I was a chemist so I it has a special place in my heart. Or head maybe.

Here’s the link…

Male and female orgasm — different? | A startling thorough and up-to-date review of orgasm | Go Ask Alice! http://ow.ly/mHaG30fnW9F

 

How We Routinely Do Strange Sex After 20 Years (X-Rated)

You might wonder how, after making love two or three thousand times, we found a new sex position. I guess it just comes with being so hot for each other after 20 years. When you routinely have the best sex of your life, that’s easy to maintain.

Warning: Explicit Sexuality

Because I couldn’t wait for our typical sensuous warm-up, we started out with some luscious pussy licking. But she was as ravenous as me and shifted around so she could suck my cock at the same time with us both on our sides. Sometimes 69 is just the perfect foreplay, don’t you think?

I don’t want to mislead you. These things aren’t strange for us. But the position we morphed into was.

I slid down until the head of my vajra (penis) could rub her wet engorged pussy lips. I’d never had this urge before. Well, I’d done it a lot of other configurations but never in this awkward position with our feet in each others’ faces.

Using a Hand Assist I masssged her yoni (vagina) with vajra’s head for many minutes, making us both moan and shake with glee. At first, penetration didn’t seem likely. But we were both craving what we call Jewel Union. I sure was. And it became clear what she wanted when she said forcefully, “Can you stick it in already?”

You know when the creator invented the intercourse arrangement of bodies, he or she figured the naturally uprising male tool would enter from below and ascend. But we were in the opposite configuration.

With some freative flexibility and pelvic rotations on both our parts, we did it! Sure, vajra had to flex way down but it was worth it. Except a couple times when I withdrew too far and he popped out. But we don’t suffer from Fallout Syndrome which makes some lovers freak a bit when their jewels disconnect. We just take it as a great opportunity for a little more pussy massage before reentry.

One ancient name for this sexual posture is the Windmill. But we call it Reverse Scissors. It was way hot but we couldn’t keep it up for long. That didn’t stop us from finding more exciting ways both new and old to have lots more fun. For example, did you ever have an insatiable urge to break from the old in-and-out and go oral? Well, we both did several times.

We changed positions much more often than usual. I guess it was the raging lust that was driving us. Maybe that’s why I got a special surprise at my back door.

In the regular Scissors Position I rotated my upper leg across her chest. I wasn’t just trying to bang her breast with my knee which she liked if I was gentle enough. I was also trying to aim vajra’s strokes into the deep erogenous zone in her yoni called the Cul-De-Sac. Thrusts there way up past her cervix produce some delightful prodding of her uterus. They’ve been known to create unusually powerful orgasms.

When she reached to put a finger in my rosetta (asshole), it a led up my turn-on tremendously. But it was a long stretch for her while our jewels (genitals) were pummeling away at each other. If you’ve read any of our books you know that physical discomfort can retard the flow of orgasmic energy. So she grabbed a long vibrating dildo and found it easier to massage my sensitive orifice. What a turn-on!

What can we learn from this spontaneous coupling? Well, follow your whims. Both ask permission and then go for what you want. Use a lot of variety and creativity in your lovemaking.

And don’t rush towards the Big O. See how much pleasure you create for each other before you explode in a blaze of glory.

Love, Somraj

The Joys of Orgasm

If you know anything about Tantra, you’re aware that we focus on making pleasure last. That means we don’t make orgasms our goal. Though when we have them they’re uniquely powerful. That said, I wanted to share a post from Mariah Freya about the joys of orgasm.

Love, Somraj

—  written by Mariah Freya —

I am all about orgasm and how to tap into an ecstatic life.

I am not just doing it for my personal fun and pleasure. Also of course :-), but that’s only half the truth. I am doing it because I support simple human freedom that comes with this kind of work. I believe that liberating orgasm means liberating the very being, which then ripples with the same speed and effect into society. Meaning orgasms can breakthrough all global chains that are keeping love still on a short leash.

Let me remind you again why I am such a raving fan of this state of being:

Orgasm is your life source by human right. It’s that fountain of youth that is telling you to take a sip and heal your whole being from inside out.

Orgasm is that powerful engine in you, helping you manifest the life you desire. Orgasm is your inner drive that makes you go out on the street and march for what you believe in.

Orgasm is the rocket in you that can fly to other galaxies further than just Mars.

Orgasm is not just pleasure; it’s the highway to the divine if you are a curious seeker.

Orgasm is love in it’s rawest energy form, anytime available to make you drunken high and feeling naturally powerful from within (better than any drug out there).

And the awesome thing is: You ain’t gotta do anything for it. Because orgasm is always surrounding you, moving through you.

You just got to tap into the very moment of your human sensual experience, right now.

Feeling your body, smelling the air, tasting the food, kissing your partner, hearing the birds, touching your skin and singing into the sky. Just that.

This week I have an interview for you with the wonderful Dr. Andrea Pennington. She also committed her work as a doctor to improving self-confidence, health & relationships with orgasms. She prescribes orgasm for healing her patients, how awesome is that?! I am a fan.

Listen to our insightful talk here:

mariah-youtube_9afe9c9b9261bcfff82f8af3512ca10b.jpg

http://mariahfreya.com/orgasm-prescription-doctor-doesnt-tell-libido/

With orgasmic love,

Mariah

How to Make Sex Less Confusing: The Ten Facets That Define Your Personal Sexual Philosophy – Part 2

The first half of this article appeared in our Sacred Sexual Secrets newsletter. Read it here. You can receive future free articles in your email inbox by clicking here.

 

6. Adventuresomeness

We learned in a Native American sacred sexuality workshop that there are three roles that fully realized sexual beings play: exhibitionist, voyeur, and adventurer. For sure, you need lots of confidence to get off on being nude or more in front of others. But are you adventuresome enough to self-pleasure in front of your partner? Or more publicly at a party or on a web cam?

Does watching others do it turn you on or make you uncomfortable? Clearly, avid porn viewers enjoy voyeurism at some level.

How do you feel about disclosing these behaviors to family, friends, and the world at large? It’s one thing to declare that you’re sex positive, but if you proudly put yourself out there with exhibitionism and voyeurism, you’re doing so much more than just boasting.

The third corner of the three-role triangle defines how complacent versus adventuresome you are about the kind of sex you have. Are you happy with the way your sex life is and don’t want to rock the boat? Or are you committed to realize your full sexual potential? Do you read books, take workshops, and talk to sexually savvy friends or experts so you can experiment?

True sexual explorers develop a robust repertoire to pleasure every available orifice and hungry erogenous zone. And find an acceptable way to enjoy multiple partners.

For many, how adventurous you want to be is central to their sexual philosophy. How would you feel about being called sexless, frigid, or inhibited? Or for that matter, horny, randy, slutty, promiscuous, sex-addicted, or a nymphomaniac? Are these good things or put-downs in your personal lexicon?

7. Satisfying

How satisfied are you with what you consider normal sex? Review your past sex life, what you like about it, and what you’d like to be different.

How openly do you want to be about asking for it? What kinds of erotic invitations most tempt you? Would that include sexting explicit pictures? Would you enjoy an hour of foreplay? What would it include?

What parts of your body do you want to be titillated before, during, or after sex? What are you willing to do with your hands and mouth? What do you want your lover to do with theirs? How to you feel about sex toys before and during intercourse?

Does having sex to you have to include intercourse? If so, how long and what kind? How many positions should it include? Do you want it to include anal penetration?

Tantric lovers don’t rush towards orgasm. We prefer to draw things out, creating more and more pleasure for longer times. How important is quick orgasm instant and gratification for you? Or, for that matter, multiple and simultaneous orgasms?

Is intimate bonding as important or more important than coming to you? Or would you rather go for broke and break records every time you make love?

8. Risks

If you choose to be adventurous, you’d be wise to decide how to manage the risks of unplanned pregnancy, STDs and STIs (sexually transmitted diseases and infections).

Certainly, there are many birth control practices today that are socially acceptable. What form will you use and how will you address your choices with new partners?

With new partners, it’s essential to discuss your sexual histories, past infections, and how you want to avoid health risks. Your openness determines how you will approach what many call the “Pre-Sex Interview.”

Do you require condoms for penetration or even other barriers for manual and oral play? What are your firm boundaries for safer sex and what grey areas are you willing to negotiate about? What kinds of new partners would you be uncomfortable connecting with? There’s much more to talk about before coupling as the following sections suggest.

9. Power

How much responsibility do you want to exercise about what happens in the sack? Or on the floor? Or in the back yard? Or in the park?

Is your best sex when you’re leading? Or do you prefer to be swept off your feet and taken? Would you rather assert what you want, or do you get more turned on when you’re passive? If you’ve been afraid of taking charge, do you want to grow out that?

Would your rather be on the top or the bottom? Aficionados of the BDSM world (bondage, domination, submission, sadism, masochism) generate incredible amounts of excitement by playing with power. Do you prefer dominating, submitting, or switching? Do you get off on being tied up, led around on a leash, spanked, or more?

My preference is the cooperative style of Tantric Love Making where we share power and exchange leading and following. Sometimes one of us calls the shots while the other goes with the flow. But often we alternate who’s giving and who’s receiving.

Being responsible for your own pleasure doesn’t require being aggressive. Skilled receivers learn to direct the action not only with their words but with non-verbal feedback. How willing are you to show your turn-on by moving your body and letting your moans and screams out? I guess that boils down to how passionate you’re willing to be.

10. Kinky

Are you open to kinky play? What’s normal and what’s kinky to you? What are you comfortable with and what freaks you out? Fo example, does talking dirty do anything for you?

This part of your sexual philosophy defines how much satisfaction you derive by stretching your comfort zone. Just a little exploration of the BDSM world online will demonstrate how many options on the wild side there are to experiment with. Many lovers relish playing with pain and humiliation. If the whole idea doesn’t float your cork at first, don’t be so hasty. Like so many things outside the box, you might not appreciate how much excitement you might receive until you dip a toe in the water.

There are as many fetishes that turn people on as there colors in the rainbow. Fascination with shoes, fluids, and unexpected body parts come to mind. Years ago I stayed with a girlfriend whose roommates dragged us to a radio-station’s public fetish party. The guys went shopping for skirts, had their nails painted, and wore makeup. (I drew the line at shaving my beard.) The gals wore outrageously revealing wisps of fabric. It turned out to be good clean titillating fun. Too bad it was before Facebook.

We all have fantasies so you should also consider how you want to deal with them. Do you think it’s healthy in a relationship to share them? We always tell each other our dreams and what we’d like to do with sexy strangers we encounter. But how far do you want to go? Do you want to dress up and play out your fantasies for each other or in public? Would you enjoy strip clubs?

Depending on your relationship values above, you might opt for bar pickups leading to kinky sport sex. Or swing clubs or private parties where you can sample the wares. Are there any orgies in your future?

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So where do you fit in each category?

Don’t just blindly accept the cultural norms we’re all immersed in, especially when they do’t serve you. Use the above questions to start an honest and in-depth conversation with yourself. And your long-term partner if you have one.

I don’t intend to pass right or wrong judgments about what you decide. You don’t have to wildly go for it with any of the facets. I just hope these musings will help you to make your beliefs conscious. Being mindful about your own sexual philosophy can only help you enjoy the passionate parts of your life more.

Finally, let me acknowledge that defining who you are sexually is a moving target. Do we every really know ourselves fully? And even when we do, we change.

To create thoroughly fulfilling sex lives, my partners and I continuously reevaluate our sexual philosophies. And venues. And actions. And what we want to do with whom.

I suggest, however far you get with clarifying your sexual identity, that you consider it the beginning of a lifelong dialogue with yourself.

I’m sure there are more things to consider. I’d love to hear your additions and reactions in the comments below.

Love, Somraj

How to Make Sex Less Confusing: The Ten Facets That Define Your Personal Sexual Philosophy – Part 1

Do you realize how much your mind influences the kind, quality, and amount of sex you have? Well, it’s a lot. Good business leaders, good parents, and even good artists and musicians study their craft and make plans to succeed. But what about lovers?

To be a good lover and enjoy all the gifts our sexual bodies promise, we need to get clear on what we want and how we’re going to get it.

Have you ever asked yourself what kind of sex you want more of? Or less of? What kind of lover you are and want to become?

I think that’s one of the reasons a summary of tweets I just read rated sex as one of the top three most confusing parts of life. Well, sure, if you don’t define your erotic identity you’ll show up more like a pinball than a Casanova.
I’m not urging you to ignore attraction, love, desire, libido, hormones, and sexual chemistry. No, I’m suggesting that you can improve your sex life dramatically if you actively and consciously define your personal sexual philosophy.

You do realize that, in our largely sex-negative culture, few of us have honestly and mindfully molded a clear concept of our preferred lovemaking style. Maybe that’s because our elders didn’t have role models like Madonna to steer us away from the mindset of sin towards the overwhelming benefits of a healthy sex life.

Whatever the causes, I want to offer you an easy way to examine your core beliefs and values around sex. If you answer the questions in the following ten categories, I firmly believe your coming sex life will get less and less confusing. And more and more satisfying.

1. Importance

How important is sex to you? For me I’ve always accepted how strong my sex drive was. How high you put lovemaking on your list of life priorities certainly dictates how often you’ll want it and for how long.

There was an era where Saturday night sex was a woman’s duty purely to satisfy her husband. Whether you’re male or female, is that enough for you?

Of course, your libido changes as your hormones come and go. You might find aging, health problems, work stresses, or menopause causing the importance of sex to drop. Or not, if you deem it central to a happy fulfilling life and choose to adapt as we have in our seventies.
2. Relationship

Those still enrolled in the old school may still save sex for marriage. Others believe that they should only make love with the one they love. And then there are those who prefer sport sex while playing the field. In the swinging world, anonymous one-nighters without any sort of relationship are in vogue.

So ask yourself about the role of emotional connection in your sex life. Should your hormones and potential partner’s pheromones determine who you engage with? Or is it all about good looks for you? How important is sexual chemistry? Should you let the infatuation of NRE, new relationship energy, determine who you bed? At least as long as it lasts.

Let’s also consider how committed your are to monogamy. For some that means having sex with only one person your whole life. For others being faithful only applies to the one you’re with this year or month or week. Studies have shown that 60-70% of married people have cheated on their spouse, apparently more so for men. Where do you stand on fidelity?

How do you feel about the growing hook-up culture, especially on college campuses? Are you open to picking people up at bars for one-night stands or having one or more friends with benefits?

Historical research has shown that lifelong monogamy has not always been the accepted pattern of relationship. More and more couples are engaging in polyamory, openly having outside lovers, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. Several studies put it at 5% in the U.S.

So what are your relationship principles?

3. Gender

An essential element in sexual philosophy is whether you’re only attracted to members of the opposite gender or same-sex partners. You could also choose to be bisexual.

Some say bi people are confused while others like me believe they’re just more open to more forms of pleasure. As a bisexual man, I don’t have the same emotional chemistry with men than I do with women. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy playing with other men’s bodies.

Are you strictly heterosexual, curious, or ready for whatever shows up?

Of course, your gender and relationship preferences are strongly interrelated. What does it mean to you if you have intimate same-sex friends? If you also like to fool around with them, does that mean you’re gay or lesbian?

4. Openness

How awkward is it for you to talk about sex? How shy or assertive are you about asking for what you want? Do you talk about your sexual joys and dilemmas with friends and family? Many therapists will tell you how vital full and authentic sexual communication is especially with your longterm partners.

I didn’t used to be particularly forthcoming about what was going on inside my body and mind, but now my wife and I are completely transparent with what we’re experiencing. And since we have an open relationship, sometimes that means sharing what we’re doing and feeling with other lovers. You might be shocked by how graphic we are around the dinner table with our circle of friends.

To craft this part of your sexual philosophy, ask yourself questions like…

  • How much should I talk with my lovers before, during, and after sex?
  • How much should I ask for what I want and give feedback about whether I’m getting it or not?
  • Should I reveal to my partner(s) when I self-pleasure, get attracted to others, and even make it with other lovers?
  • What is appropriate to keep private about my sex life and from whom?
  • Who should I talk to openly if I have a sexual problem? A friend? A sex therapist?
  • What should I say to my kids about my sex life and their sex lives at what ages?

5. Confidence

Do you feel deserve pleasure? Do you feel good enough about your body to prance around naked with a new — or even an old — lover? How well do you understand your body’s needs so you can give yourself pleasure and ask for what satisfies you?

And how confident are you in giving all sorts of pleasure to your partner? Do you feel good about how you give and receive foreplay, erotic massage, oral sex, and intercourse? If you feel good about your sexual abilities, would it turn you on  or off to make love in front of others?

Let’s not forget the ability to orgasm. Are you in touch enough with your own pleasure pathways that you know all the ways to make yourself climax?  Though there are many more aspects to sex than climaxing, it sure builds confidence if you know how to get your lover off when the time is right.

When delineating your personal sexual philosophy, be sure to make it clear how proud you are of your sexual prowess and fulfillment.

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The second half of this article appears in another post on our Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board. Click here to read the other five elements of crafting a personal sexual philosophy.

Down With Mental Pollution

What mental pollution do you allow in your emotional space? I’m very selective about what I let in to my inner bull pen.

Meanwhile I’m learning fascinating things about the modern world while building an uplifting Twitter following to promote my orgasmic sex blog and new Tantric ebook.

Like how many singles and couples travel full time and blog about it.

Like how many submissives aren’t the least bit shy about how hard they try to please their masters.

Like how many artists offer their work online. Like how many openly LGBTQ people there are today.

Like how many twenty somethings who emote wildly have tens of thousands of followers.

Like how many people of all ages are so openly graphic, i.e. loving hard dicks, enjoying masturbating, saying fuck and such.

And then there are the lovers who want everyone to know how awesome their partners are.

What a world!  Of course, I stay away from haters and Trump denouncements.

What do you think would happen to you if you focused on good news, exciting progress, and upbeat human interest stories? See, I’m following my own advice by not saying fuck the media.

Whoops! I think I just contradicted myself. Sorry.

My Exuberant Mission Statement

My wife Jeffre gave me a shamanic soul retrieval recently to help improve my emotional state. Interesting to find such garbage I’ve been carrying around for too long. So I wrote this mission statement for all of us who want to enjoy life more.

Part of who you really are is a fully exuberant sexual being. I am one. Desires, dreams, loves, lusts, fantasies both kinky and pure are healthy and natural. Revel in everything erotic in and out of bed. Let go of your old worn anti baggage. Step out of your comfort zone to have more fun. Pleasure and orgasms fuel a robust life. Major in enjoyment with conscious consent. Find out how much joy and ecstasy you can handle and then aim for more. That’s what I’m doing. Creating heaven on earth.

Big Science Words Don’t Help Real People Have Better Sex

I used to be a scientist. Well, OK, I was a research wannabe. Even though I’m relatively intelligent and got into and graduated from one of the best science schools, it was just way hard for me to understand the overly complex language they used in their journals. So I opted for something more real — to me anyway —  teaching communication, people skills, and team-building. That was before I became a self-appointed sexologist.

Now I read a lot of articles about sex research and still run into the same mind-boggling obfuscations. See what I mean? I could have said words that make things unnecessarily complicated. Though I’m not declaring war on anything, I hope you’ll bear with me for a few examples…

Female Copulatory Vocalization

When women make sounds during jewel union (sexual intercourse). “Wow, honey, your female copulatory vocalization stimulated a harmonious neurotropic reaction in my pudendal nerve.” Really?

Psychogenic Erection

When the mind gives both women and men an erection from seeing a naked body or sexy picture or reading an erotic story. I used to stewing at the drop of a hat as a teenager. And up to 50 or so. Good for sexting I guess.

Epididymal Hypertension

Blue balls, you know what happens if a guy gets aroused and doesn’t cum or move the energy out of his jewels (genitals) after lengthy sexual play. We should all be so lucky, right?

Arousal Concordance

When your body gets turned-on but you don’t feel sexually aroused, or vice versa. The definition I read was “when bodies evince arousal without being accompanied by a subjective sense of physical tumescence.”

If you run across any others, please comment and add to this list.

How I Proved That Size Doesn’t Matter That Much

After a little spat that turned our afternoon delight love bomb into a dud yesterday, we had a yummy MNF last night.  No, not Monday Night Football. We watched that recording the day before. To us MNF means Middle of the Night Fuck. It’s kind of rare for us because it doesn’t really fit our biorhythms. But it was hot and healing.

Being unusual, it was kinda a quickie, only half an hour. The interesting thing was that my erection was way fluky. Fortunately I was firm enough to enter and stroke. So it didn’t get in the way of our pleasure much because we’re both very adept at adapting. There’s a chapter about soft penetration in our new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making which we made full use of. More about that in another post.

At times my vajra (penis) shrunk to nearly half its erect length and girth. When I’m totally hard I’m a little over the national average of about six inches. Last night Mr. Happy cycled from seven down to three and everywhere in between.

And yet my sweetie was obviously still having a great time — as I was. She was breathing deep, making lots of ooos, and ahs, and even a few “oh gods” now and then. At her loudest peaks I could feel her yoni (vagina) muscles spasming, too. Most dramatic was her body shivering when I thrust (sometimes with the help of a Hand Assist).

For sure I wasn’t reaching the deepest of the nine erogenous zones inside her yoni. But I was obviously hitting the other ones with great gusto. (See my other posts about all of a woman’s erogenous zones if you don’t where they all are.)

I’m posting this to reassure any lovers who have smaller or unreliable organs like I do at times. It reminds me of a dear friend and lover (way well endowed, by the way) who would give up in frustration if he wasn’t rock hard. I hope he’s reading this and voys to use his big soft tool whenever he can. And you too.

I Wonder Why My Anal Sexercise Last Night Was Different

Last night I truly appreciated two wonderful advantages of helping my honey reach orgasm. The obvious one is how great it felt when the one I love exploded in ecstasy in response to my erection stroking inside her. The other benefit is that I got a turn in receiving first her fingers and then my favorite vibrator in my rosetta.

Though some call it the rosebud, rosetta is the Tantric term we prefer (so we don’t have to keep writing asshole over and over).

Anal play feels fantastic to me, and not just because of all the nerve endings down there. It’s the prodding and vibrating against my G-Spot that generates such intense sensations. If you understand anything about male genital anatomy, you realize that  the prostate is male orgasm central. This walnut sized gland below the bladder and in front of the rectum is where ejaculation is triggered.

As a result, it’s one of a man’s most sensitive orgasmic triggers. That’s true whether you use the male G-Spot to go for a big wet climax or save it for later like I usually do.

Getting “done”down there didn’t always send me to the moon like it does now. After my yearlong Tantra training, it took me a couple years of regular practice to gradually relax and open to backdoor pleasure. I admit it, I didn’t really need that long, but I was a bit of a hard case. I’m way happy my wife and I persevered in opening what we sometimes call a man’s sacred gate to sexual ecstasy.

Though rosetta penetration always makes me writhe and moan in spectacular pleasure, last night’s ride was somewhat unusual. I didn’t have many extended pleasure highs that often last for dozens of seconds or a minute or two.

Don’t get me wrong, each short peak was wonderful and I had a few dozen of them over the space of nearly an hour. That kind of aerobic sexercise bathed me in sweat and made my throat dry.

After our Long Hot Tantric Love Making ebook teaches how to reach and ride orgasmic peaks, it concentrates on how to make the crests of these pleasure waves last longer. Once you know how to open the valve and let orgasmic electricity flood your body, you naturally want to keep the flow going as long as you can stand such intense sensation.

But last night my excitement kept shooting up and dropping down again quickly.

It was great fun so I’m not complaining. It’s just interesting how different the experience was. Wish I knew what was up. Guess I need to do more deep dark research.

 

If you’re interested in opening your backdoor to these remarkable orgasm-central pleasure pinnacles, download our new ebook here.