I had an amazing date this weekend with an old lover I haven’t played with much in recent years. Our final two-hour coupling hit some startling new highs of passion. It wasn’t just my magic wand stroking in and out of this dear friend that drove us both wild. It was the sexual energy that we created together and passed back and forth. Frankly, it blew our minds.
One of my early Tantra teachers urged us to shift from friction sex to energy sex. Back then in the 90s, this was an intoxicating concept, at least first. Putting more attention on the sensations the energy created a mysterious mystical aspect to the physical fun my body and my lovers bodies craved. And still does.
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The meaning of friction sex should be obvious: rubbing your jewels (genitals) to get turned-on. And when your excitable zones are rubbing your partner’s jewels, you hopefully experience the pleasure at the same time. Jewel union (sexual intercourse) doesn’t necessarily always result in a simultaneous orgasm, a rarer occurrence than most lovers realize. But it sure is wonderful anytime you’re sharing intense sensations with someone you love.
Sharing sensations, by the way, is the simplest way to define energy sex. To understand it more deeply, it’s good to start with grasping what kundalini is, the ancient name for sexual energy. When we refer to energy in Tantra, we mean the percolating life force in the body that drives your heart, fuels your emotions, excites your nerves, and awakens clarity in your mind.
Our new book Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex, due out this July, concentrates on how to maximize kundalini. Its subtitle, “A Groundbreaking Look at the Chemistry of Sexual Electricity,” says it another way. Turn-on results from releasing and flowing sensual electricity in your body. If you remember your basic physics, you know that moving electricity produces magnetism.
So we can formally define kundalini, sexual energy, as bio-electric-magnetism.
When your body gets excited from your favorite kind of sexual friction, blood flows to your jewels, your heart rate and breathing increase, and your skin gets flushed. That’s the physical side of the game.
But it’s kundalini that’s primarily responsible for those delicious sensations. Tickles, tingles, and twitches. It’s like prickly heat on the inside of your skin. And preferably deeper. The energy makes the sensations spark, pulse, blossom, and explode.
Though I developed some mastery of energy sex that first year of my Tantra training, it’s taken me many years to be able to make the shift intentionally. Now I can switch from animalistic sexual stroking to kundalini consciousness pretty easily when I choose.
That doesn’t mean I can orgasm without any touching. Being in my seventies, my sensual juices just don’t start flowing instantly any more.
So looking back on that Tantra class, I resent that teacher urging me to make a choice between friction and energy sex. You see, Tantra — the ancient art of spiritual growth through harnessing one’s physical potential — sees sex and spirit as one form of energy. Sure, it feels different when awakened in the loins or the heart or the head. But it’s kundalini that drives all of your senses and abilities and machinery.
So I’m NOT exhorting you to give up rubbing your parts in and around your sweetie’s body. I am, however suggesting your pleasure can be amplified by adding energy sex to your coupling.
What seems to work best for me and my lovers is like a ram jet. I believe those were the first kind of jet engines aeronautical engineers experimented with.
Any jet engine develops thrust by igniting fuel in a stream of compressed air inside a cylinder. It’s the exhaust that propels the aircraft. But if the incoming air doesn’t get compressed, nothing much happens. There are fancy ways to compress the air in today’s jets, but back in the middle of the last century they started with a simple solution. Get a propellor-driven plane up to top speed and maybe dive to reach a high enough velocity to compress the incoming air. That started the ram jet’s combustion.
This is an article about sex, not science, so I hope you’ll forgive this scientifically trained Tantra teacher’s analogy. My point is that I use friction to launch energy sex the way speed ignites a ram jet. The difference between jewel union and a jet plane is that pumping too fast may result in a quick orgasm (at least for the guy) instead of an extended flight of orgasmic passion.
You see, Tantric training opens the door to orgasmic sex. Though that might include multiple orgasms, orgasmic sex is more about getting into the lofty zone where every breath, touch, and stroke feels like you’re coming. Instead of aiming for one or more climax events, you reach for a state of continuous orgasm. For minutes without interruption. Or when you’re really experienced, for a couple hours like we did last weekend.
For example, after multiple encounters that could only be classified as foreplay, I slowly entered my lover. We both had the nearly irresistible compulsion to ramp the speed up and go for it. But we didn’t. We meandered, speeding up very slowly in fits and starts. The occasional little bouts of deep, hard, and fast stroking were totally ecstatic.
But the majority of our attention was on feeling as much as we could in each moment. Feeling our own pleasure and reaching inside to feel each other’s pleasure. That’s even a better definition of energy sex, don’t you agree?
Hopefully this gives you a clearer sense of the fork in the road this article is about. The decision point early in your coupling is where you get to choose what you want. Wham, bam, going for a quick explosion? Or pace yourselves so you can ignite that passion for as long as you want?
We used friction sex to ignite energy sex just as increased speed ignites a ram jet’s combustion. But that doesn’t mean we ignored rubbing our hot bits together. I mean, if something feels good, don’t you want more of it? So why would you denounce sliding your excitable organs together? Not me.
Using friction and energy sex together in concert is the best of both worlds. Kind of like decades ago when hi-fidelity music systems added another channel to go from monaural to stereo.
Now that’s a great example of the part of the Tantric attitude that encourages you to choose pleasure first wherever and whenever you can.
There are other channels you can activate, too. I’m obviously a guy with a high sex drive who loves sexual friction. On the other hand, some of my female lovers, my wife paramount among them, need a different boost to get her engine running. Yes, I’m referring to the L word. Words of love that ignite the heart are essential for many lovers before their sexual juices ramp up and flow with gusto.
What works for each of us is certainly somewhat different. So I don’t expect that the formula that ignites my jet engine into high gear is the best one for you. I write these words to encourage you to do something I love to do all the time: experiment with sex.
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