Sex and Energy, Anal Sex, the Orgasm Gap

Here are links to some articles that explain vital aspects of Orgasmic Sex…

Tantric Sex & Taoism: The Energetic Implications of Sex & How You Can Make It Work For You – Collective Evolution

Your Guide to Making ​Anal Sex More Enjoyable | Women’s Health

The Orgasm Gap: Why Some People Orgasm More Than Others & Why Orgasms Are So Misunderstood – Collective Evolution

Sexual Muscles Are Important But You Can Overdo It

Question

I read your book about 3 years ago (Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery) and had gotten to a place with a few partners where I could last as long as I wanted.  About 18 months ago I started getting blood in the semen and it would backfill into my bladder.  I have had this on and off.  I have experimented with quick ejaculations not trying to delay with. I blood.  And it seems when I flex my PC muscle (pubococcygeal or the pelvic floor) 3 or more times during sex or masturbation, I get blood in my urine and ejaculate.  I went over this with my doctor and went and got scoped by a urologist.  They found nothing as it healed up.  Have you heard of this before?  What would you recommend I do to delay ejaculation?

Patrick Herbig (patherbig@gmail.com) reprinted with permission


Answer

Wow Patrick that doesn’t sound too good. But the same happens to me sometimes. I have an enlarged but otherwise healthy prostate. The last time I had it ultra sounded the experienced doctor said that was common with an oversized gland. So I don’t worry about it since it’s only occasional and temporary.

If yours is normal sized I really don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t heard of this from PC clenches alone.

There is a Tantric practice called vajroli that teaches men to evacuate into the bladder.  But it’s not something I’ve practiced or know much more about.
All I can say if it feels good and doctors see nothing abnormal in your gland, continue to enjoy yourself.
If you’re not comfortable with the way it is, I would ask the following…
  • Is the urologist you consulted experienced with similar conditions?
  • What is the size of your prostate?
  • Are you forcing Ejaculate into your bladder with intense contractions?
  • What does that feel like inside?
It could be that your success is physical. If you developed the advanced energy practices that depend more on relaxation than muscle contractions, you would be putting less pressure on your gland.
If you want some help with any of this, please let me know.
Love, Somraj

Hi Somraj,
Thanks so much for your response!
I think I have figured out that my PC muscle is so well developed and I am not using the relaxing techniques enough that I actually caused the damage by squeezing my pc muscle too much while very very erect.
It was very scary at first!
I finally told my doctor about your book and the methods I had learned and practiced and we figured it out.
I am in the process of going back through your book and practicing the relaxation techniques and spreading the energy away from my genitals.
I have had several very satisfied lovers as a result of your book and similar books!

Thanks again!

Patrick Herbig, PE

She Wants It Often, I Want It Longer

Our sexual patterns are different. Though we have so much in common and our sex life is great, after 21 years it’s a little surprising to discover new things.

Like she wants it more often and I want each time to last longer.

Maybe quicker sex is fine for her since we’ve been making so much progress on triggering her orgasms faster. She only needed about 20 minutes of thrusting last night to explode.

For most of my sexual life I couldn’t last anywhere near that long. But my Tantra training and extensive practice with a wife who loves sex has taught me to extend. Now I can surf from peak to peak until I’m ready to let go an hour or more.

I’m just saying that I f you’re quick on the draw there is hope.

So she wants it every other day which is more than I’ve ever had before. Of course I love to help her over the top. It feels great and it’s good for my fragile male ego. But when my motor gets revved up, I prefer to float in an orbit of ecstasy for a couple hours on a good night. Or on and off all weekend during one of our marathons.

Fortunately she really gets off on swapping roles and using my favorite vibrating dildo on me. After her big O she did me like for another 40 minutes. Still I wanted more so I went to my computer after she fell asleep. Though my “internet girlfriends” don’t really know who I am, their pictures help me imagine screwing them. Which keeps me dancing on the verge while playing with myself.

The best news is that we’re both accepting of each other’s preferences. So neither of us pressures the other to change. Being sex-positive means we don’t judge or resist the fantasies that our healthy libidos drive us towards.

Anyway, we’ve both been through lots of different phases in our 21 years together. What we each crave now will probably change soon. And my guess is that it will still be ecstatic.

 

Love, Somraj

Beating Premature Ejaculation Q & A

Somraj,

Hi there! I recently purchased your book about beating premature ejaculation and it’’s great and I really enjoy it! However I’’m still on the solo preparation chapter and my girlfriend is with me three nights a week and I feel I lose time on my workouts because she’’s there. Would it be a good or bad idea to incorporate her in the routines? I realize that would move me to the partner preparation chapter. But we could work on that when she’’s there and continue my way through solo prep and mastery when she’s not there.

Thank you!

Steve

(used with permission under a changed name)

__________________________

Steve,

Absolutely, Steve.  Involving her is a later stage that’s essential so the sooner the better as long as you can handle it.

Love, Somraj

__________________________

Somraj,

So it’s okay if I haven’t gotten through the solo prep to involve her but just go as slow as possible to work my way up on the 30 minutes for that first exercise of partner prep? Then on days she’s not there I’ll continue solo prep to solo mastery. Kind of like paralleling the two courses.

Steve

__________________________

Steve,

Sure. I wrote down the most reliable learning gradient for the program. But there’s no reason you can’t change it in any way that works for you. Sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders so you can make it work.

Love, Somraj

__________________________

Somraj,

Thanks so much for your quick responses, Somraj! Really reinforces my decision to buy your book. Hopefully if I can kick this PE issue, the lady and I will definitely be interested in more of your material.

Steve

__________________________

Somraj,

So my girlfriend knows about the routine and she’s interested in doing it but I have some reserve asking her to start. I guess I’m just nervous that I’m ruining the spontaneity of lovemaking by getting on this routine/regime. I don’t want to make this seem like a chore to her, and I want it to be just as pleasurable as lovemaking. Not only pleasurable but just as emotionally connecting as with lovemaking.
Also my question is while we’re still in solo prep do we still have sex while on the routine? She’s only here three days a week because of work, so it’s a tight time frame. If we do still have sex I feel like I’d be losing progress by bringing back bad habits that I’m trying to get rid of by following your routine.
It all boils down to I’m just a natural over thinker and she’s willing to start but I’m too nervous to initiate because of the aforementioned.
I guess I’m just nervous because she’s the love of my life and I know I am the same to her. I don’t any to screw anything up by complicating something that should be easy.

Steve

__________________________

I’m glad you’re taking all this so seriously. And please don’t stop having sex IF you’re both enjoying it.

When I was a counselor we had a strict protocol for starting sessions by saying “this is the session” at the start and “that’s it” at the end. I suggest you do the same, making a clear distinction between practice and fun. If it was me I’d say something like “let’s practice now” and then “enough practice, can I fuck you now?” But you may want to tone down your request if she’s not into talking dirty like my wife.

Being anxious is one of the main reasons for coming too quick. So I have to turn most of your questions back to you and ask… Which way are you most comfortable and least anxious?
The fact that your girlfriend is aware of your program is great. So many guys are too chicken to tell them which makes the whole program more pressurized.

Basically do whatever works best for you. And if what you try isn’t working, try something else. I’m sure you can experiment successfully.

Love, Somraj

Healing Sexual Trauma, Orgasms Alter Consciousness, Extraordinary Lovemaking

Here are some links to articles that can help you understand and practice Orgasmic Sex…

What is tantric sex, and how can it help heal sexual trauma? | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

Neuroscientist Explains How Orgasms Can Be Used To Reach An ‘Altered State of Consciousness’ – Collective Evolution

Bored With Sex? 3 Tips For Extraordinary Lovemaking – mindbodygreen

Links to Female Ejaculation, Tantric Intimacy, Tantra and Porn

Here are links to some articles that reveal practices of Orgasmic Sex…

How To Make Yourself Squirt During Sex | Women’s Health

Tantric Intimacy & Sex: Why It Can Be So Important – Collective Evolution

Tantra Is The Opposite Of Porn – Learning How To Actually Be Intimate – Collective Evolution

Don’t Believe These 10 Myths About Tantric Sex

This article appeared originally on Consumer Health Digest.
Myths About Tantric Sex

A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good.

But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”

That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood.

Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.

The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years-old spiritual practice mind you, not a sexual practice from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit.

And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people.

When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.

Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve* drastically.

But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.

To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.

Myth #1: Tantric Sex Means Wild Orgies

Wild Orgies

If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome anytime soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.

A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.

When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.

Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.

In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included.

Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.

Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms.

But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.

Myth #2: Tantric Sex Is Just A Front For Sex-Workers’ Services

If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.

Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?

I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.

I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called. That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred.

Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.

Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.

Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence.

That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.

While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.

Myth #3: Tantric Sex Is All About Sex

All About Sex

Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.

Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses.

We use terms of respect like Sweet Everything’s instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.

Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy.

Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.

Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.

Myth #4: Tantric Sex Is Slow Sex

I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.

When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused.

That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.

But not always.

My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping.

These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.

So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.

Myth #5: You Can’t Orgasm During Tantric Sex

Orgasm During Tantric Sex

LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.

Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.

Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure.

Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.

Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.

Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime.

It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.

But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?

Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies.

Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.

We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.

Myth #6: Quickies Have No Place In Tantric Sex

In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”

Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.

For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”

Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits.

When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels.

Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)

But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard.

When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.

Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.

But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs.
The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us.

It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.

Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.

So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.

Myth #7: Tantric Sex Requires Secret Sexual Techniques

Secret Sexual Techniques

No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else.

Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more.

Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.

Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into.

Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies are that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.

Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.

As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.”

It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.

If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve*.

But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.

Myth #8: Tantric Sex Isn’t Primal Or Kinky

Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.

I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals.

But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.

When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept.

And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.

In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.

So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.

Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.

Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords.

They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time.

When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.

Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.

Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.

Myth #9: Tantric Sex Is Only For Women

Tantric Sex Is Only For Women

Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.

In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.

In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?

Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”

But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female.

Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.

But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs.

Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.

And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.

Myth #10: Tantric Sex Is Magic*

Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic*. But not in the way you’re thinking.

As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex.

This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.

It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.

It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.

This isn’t magic*. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose.

From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic* wand that makes ecstasy happen.

It’s not magic*, it’s practice.

To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic* that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.

On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic*. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.

Read More: Frequently Asked Queries On Tantra To Maintain Healthy Relationship

Conclusion

There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths.

Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world.

Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.

If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.

May your sex life never be the same.

Love, Somraj

Author

Expert Author : Somraj Pokras (Consumer Health Digest)

Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter, on LinkedIn or you can email.

Label What You’re Doing to Make Tantric Sex More Orgasmic

My vajra (cock) was happily stroking away inside my wife Jeffre’s yoni (pussy) when she said, “where’s Tiani?”

No, that’s not our girlfriend’s name. It’s a little U-shaped vibrator from Lelo that’s designed for clio (clitoris) stimulation during jewel union. (We’re spiritual teachers so we don’t like to call it fucking until we know that graphic language doesn’t offend whoever we’re working with.)

So I turned Tiani on and brought it to where our jewels (genitals) were connected. Magically, one prong of Tiani’s U slipped inside her yoni. I figured that was what she wanted since she moaned louder, spread her legs wider, and pushed back on my in-strokes.

That’s when Jeffre asked if Tiani was inside her. My mistake, I should have told her what I was doing.

A basic part of Tantric sex is communication. In this case, the giver of pleasure informs the receiver about what they’re doing and what’s going on down there. Even with lots of practice we don’t always know what our playmate is doing where we can’t see. Most people are so out of touch with their bodies, especially their private parts, so that they can’t really connect the sensations they’re getting with their specific body parts.

I call telling your playmate what you’re doing to them and where labeling your actions.

Not verbally labeling what I was doing with Tiani wasn’t a major felony. In spite of my omission, we both exploded in a big simultaneous orgasm. It’s just that I missed an opportunity to improve Jeffre and Tiani’s relationship. Sure, the relationship between a live person and a sex toy is different than the marriage we share. But Tiani is a new member of our sex team and we’re still learning where, when, and how to use her.

The importance of labelling is on my mind lately while I’m revising our latest book into a new version entitled Pathways to Super-Natural Sex. In it I go to great lengths to explain how important partnership is to help us we both reach high peaks of pleasure. I feel blessed that I’ve been so well trained by my hot wife and other sexy lovers to satisfy them.

But that doesn’t mean that in every moment I know what a woman is feeling and wants more of and less of.

Part of our sexual teamwork is that we keep each other informed about what we’re experiencing. I don’t mean we talk all the time. That would disturb the sense of otherworldly rapture that Tantric Sex specializes in. It would put us in heads too much which would distract us from being able to run and stream orgasmic energy.

With just a few words we usually inform each other of changes that we liked or changes that are needed.

After Jeffre asked what our new toy was up to, I explained where Tiani’s two legs were. Then she could tell what was causing the sensations that were making her wail and flail in a good way. I had Tiani’s flat flange inside her yoni. It’s designed to allow room for my erection’s thrusts in her canal.

When I placed Tiani’s rounded vibrating leg against her clio, she almost levitated off the bed and rattled my spine with her gyrations.

If you haven’t been following my orgasmic sex feed lately, you might not have read about how critical clio stimulation is for women’s orgasms. Studies have shown that 70% of women need it to come regardless of what’s happening inside their yoni. Jeffre can come without it, but a vibe on her pearl often makes it easier and quicker.

Which is probably one of the reasons she exploded in just about ten minutes with my vajra and our new friend Tiani. Oh, I forgot to mention that the vibration does wonderful things to my sensations, too. That’s probably why I came with her this time.

Afterwards Jeffre said she really liked Tiani. That was gratifying as the U-vibe had been a present for our last anniversary that we hadn’t taken full advantage of. I’m hoping we’ll use it more now when we’re lusting for something more. And the more I label what I’m doing with Tiani, the more aware Jeffre will be about what causes the sensations she craves. Then she’ll be more able to ask for what she wants and guide me to make every stroke extra special.

This is a great example of one of the foundations of orgasmic Tantric Sex. I’m not all knowing so I don’t dominate all the proceedings. We do change off being in charge. But even when one of us is receiving, we’re also leading. So when she feels Tiani working on her, she lets me know how to get the most out of it.

Another example is when Jeffre is using my favorite vibe in my rosetta (anus). At first I couldn’t tell what she was doing. But the more she announces and explains, the better I can guide her actions. Frankly once one of us gets in an ecstatic groove, it’s the shrieks and gyrations of pleasure that we heed. Little chance of talking when we’re flying so high.

I know letting it all hang out is challenging for lots of lovers. Once I was super inhibited, too. But if you have a willing and loving partner, why don’t you experiment with talking more and showing your turn-on.

I bet you’ll love it. Or should that be “try it you’ll like it”?

 

 

 

Love, Somraj

Tantra Heals, The Orgasm Gap, Female Ejaculation Links

Here are some interesting articles that can help you understand Orgasmic Sex…

5 Ways Tantra Can Heal Our Society – Collective Evolution

The Orgasm Gap: Why Some People Orgasm More Than Others & Why Orgasms Are So Misunderstood – Collective Evolution

What exactly is Female Ejaculation? | elephant journal

 

Love, Somraj

http://tantraattahoe.com/blog

Sympathetic Orgasm: Coming Together Without Sexual Contact

Coming together is one of the great joys of jewel union (sexual intercourse). But how often does it really happen?

If you ask guys with egos (a high percentage undoubtedly), they would say almost all the time. But we probably can’t trust that percentage since those are the same guys who are unaware when their partners are faking it. Doing a Google search doesn’t turn up any reliable scientific studies on the subject of simultaneous orgasm. Guess it’s pretty hard to verify if you care about accuracy like scientists usually do.

There have been repeated reliable studies that show that it takes the average man five to ten minutes to climax, and the average woman twenty to forty minutes. So except for those rare guys who can get it up again real quickly unlike me, it seems very unlikely that lots of couples are detonating at the same time.

Our simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month now. Which isn’t very often considering that we typically make love three times a week. At least one of those weekly dates lasts a few hours. So we can estimate that we have a Big O together after dozens of hours of going at it.

I’m not complaining or looking for a sympathetic “too bad!” because this is intentional. You see, we always have lots and lots of different kinds of orgasms. But just not the explosive sort where I, the male partner, ejaculates.

My ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making groups orgasms into four categories: male physical, female physical, expanded, and energetic. The physical ones include ejaculation and muscle contractions along with the other great sensations we all crave. Expanded ones include multiples, blended ones from two or more erogenous zones, and simultaneous orgasms.

The secret to expanding your orgasmic repertoire, regardless of your gender or sexual preference, is the energy orgasm category. An energy orgasm results from the intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like pulsing electromagnetic waves than physical spasms. It’s also the secret to having multiple simultaneous orgasms.

One of the main things we learned from studying Tantra starting over twenty years ago was how to run sexual energy. That means sensing, harnessing, and consciously channelling the life-force that animates your body and drives sexual desire. The more energy you amass, the bigger, stronger, and longer your orgasms can be.

When we each learned how to run energy at will, we could synchronize our pleasure peaks much better. I usually support my wife in peaking a few times. At first these are simply sharp increases of pleasure. But after a few they morph into full-blown energy orgasms all over her body. When I feel I’ve been a good boy, I go for one myself. And then we alternate a few more times.

That’s when sympathetic orgasms begin to happen of their own accord. That means the excitement one of us is experiencing spikes so intensely and lasts so long that it triggers the other one’s energy orgasm. We’re so connected energetically and empathically that we can feel the sensations in each other’s body. So, for example, I can feel the fiery sensations streaming from her head to her toes and back again. Not only does it make all her cells vibrate wildly, but it sends my body into the same convulsions. And vice versa.

After a few of these, we start to ride the up and down waves of pleasure together, peaking at the same time. We might do this half a dozen times in a quickie and a dozen or more during each longie.

Sorry if I confused you when I wrote earlier that our “simultaneous explosive orgasms happen maybe once a month.” I was referring to physical ejaculatory orgasms that deplete the majority of our sexual energy. The ones that we have dozens of ones every week are simultaneous ENERGY orgasms. They don’t release much energy so we can have them over and over and use the energy to go higher and higher.

Since energy orgasms aren’t necessarily triggered by the body’s erogenous zones, theoretically we don’t need sexual contact to make them happen. In fact, in our experience, they don’t actually need a physical connection. One time we were at a Tantric sex party where all the lovers were well-trained and spiritual people. The two of us were playing with a beautiful woman. She had an unusually small yoni (vagina) so she wasn’t too comfortable with jewel union. She laid beside us as we made love and all three of us held hands. More to the point we included her in our energy bubble. As our sexual energy started to peak, we could feel her starting to vibrate. That turned us on and made the whole connection that much hotter. As we surfed the orgasmic waves, she stayed right with us having comparable energy orgasms.

That’s not the only time we’ve enjoyed sympathetic energy orgasms with other lovers, both male and female. Once when we practiced monthly with a group of students, five of us sat in a circle holding hands. We breathed in unison and all visualized sexual energy coming in our left hands and out our rights. Within a few minutes the air seemed to sizzle around us and we all felt a buzzing circulating through all of our bodies.

In fact, the first time Somraj experienced a sympathetic energy orgasm was when he was doing breathing exercises with a new male student. He didn’t really expect much to happen since the guy was a novice and an operating engineer in real life. But it turned out he was highly conscious of his sexual energy. Another example of how first impressions and judgements mislead us. As the two of them sat across from each other and synchronized their breath, energetic sparks started to zap between them. Before long they were both shaking as the erotic charge streamed up and down and across.

Now that we’ve got the hang of sympathetic orgasms likes this, they’re more common in all sorts of lovemaking situations. Giving oral sex is often enough to turn us on without any direct jewel contact. Being able to enter the energetic O-Zone of continuous orgasmic sensations truly opens the door to amazing experiences.

If you ever wondered what Tantric Sex really is, I think this serves as a perfect example. Let us know if you’re interested in learning more about it.

Love, Somraj