The Top 10 Myths About Tantric Sex You Shouldn’t Believe

By Somraj Pokras of TantraAtTahoe.com

(This article was originally published in October 2015 in Consumer Health Digest.)

A young woman in a new relationship recently asked, “We’ve been together for a month and our sex life is good. But now my boyfriend wants us to try Tantric Sex. OMG, what kind of kinky stuff have I gotten myself into?”

That’s just the tip of the iceberg in the sea of myths about Tantric Sex. Of all the modern new age practices people are diving into these days, Tantra may be one of the most misunderstood. Sting’s 8-hour sex claim on The Oprah Winfrey Show didn’t help. Neither do all the closed-minded men in my public events who vehemently denounce the whole idea of giving up ejaculating.

The truth is that Tantra is a thousands-of-years old spiritual practice — mind you, not a sexual practice — from India. It’s about raising consciousness and connecting up the mind, body, and spirit. And that’s all done by becoming more intimate with your own lifeforce energy, much of which is sexual for most people. When you do, you certainly heighten your sensations along with your sense of who you really are.

Sure, when you meditate more, feel more, and communicate more, your sex life can improve drastically. But I wouldn’t suggest pressuring your partner to try it until you get clear on what it is and what it isn’t.

To help, here is my list of the top ten myths about Tantric Sex. Don’t blindly accept them without looking into the real stories which follow.

Myth #1: Tantric Sex Means Wild Orgies

If wild orgies are what you’re looking for, then, sorry, practicing Tantra won’t guarantee you’ll find yourself in a threesome, foursome, or moresome any time soon. From its inception, Tantra was more about the solo practice of individuals reaching for enlightenment.

A key element of that journey is finding yourself, calming your mind, and getting fully into your body. Most of us have been so deeply programmed with inhibitions about feeling good that this is often an arduous process. Which is why practicing pleasure is a spiritual practice in Tantra.

When two partners make progress on that path, their relationship grows and evolves. For those partners who were raised with sex-negative puritanical beliefs, often the most resounding impact is on their sex lives.

Enter Tantric Sex, a heartfelt ritualistic way of physically bonding. Couples who practice Tantric Sex find the amount of pleasure they create and share expands dramatically.

In other words, in spite of the fact that I’ve been to quite a few deemed sacred ceremonies, wild sex parties aren’t automatically included. Now it’s true that couples who’ve dedicated themselves to more pleasure are more likely to dabble in open relationships like swinging and polyamory than those with the average boring sex life. But it’s not an integral part of Tantric practice.

Well, except for one thing. There are some little-known ancient Tantric manuscripts that describe group sex rituals in vague terms. But what little we know of these underground gatherings is that they were only attended by highly-trained adepts and focused on merging with the divine.

Myth #2: Tantric Sex Is Just A Front For Sex-Workers’ Services

If you take the above sentiments seriously, then clearly Tantric Sex is much more than a hooker’s scam. But without a doubt you can find a bevy of Tantric Goddesses in every major city today. Often they offer sensual sessions of Tantric massage.

Are they just prostitutes in colorfully flowing sheep’s clothing?

I’m sure there are some around. But for the most part, in my experience, no.

I am friends (and more) with quite a few Tantric “dakinis” as they’re called.  That’s the Sanskrit word for celestial helping spirits. They sincerely believe they are helping men transform their lovemaking into something more sacred. Many do hands-on sessions that teach men to satisfy women and avoid premature ejaculation. And there are male “dakas” who help women embrace their sexuality, too.

Are you aware of the well-established research on the orgasm gap? Many studies have shown how much more frequently men come than their female partners. The same isn’t true, by the way, of same-sex couples.

Ask any woman how sensitive, knowledgeable, and respectful many of her past lovers were and you’ll be inundated with horror stories of exploitation, abuse, and even violence. That’s a pretty damning evaluation of how successful parents and schools are with sex education.

While I’m sure there are many district attorneys who would disagree with my opinions, just maybe these Tantric sex workers are actually performing a valuable service to the current and future partners of these men.

Myth #3: Tantric Sex Is All About Sex

Because it concentrates on maximizing sexual energy, Tantric Sex doesn’t require any physical contact. Those dakinis offering Tantric massage might only use their hands while fully clothed.

Tantra is about raising consciousness. Consequently, Tantric Sex is more about intimacy, communication, and divine connection. It’s performed in a “sacred space,” a room that’s intentionally beautified to arouse all the senses. We use terms of respect like Sweet Everythings instead of Sweet Nothings and “jewels” instead of medical names for the genitals. And its rituals often include meditation, clear negotiation of consent, and reverence for each other’s spirit.

Though that’s far from most people’s definition of rampant sex, may find the bonding highly sexy. Again, by surveying the average woman, you’ll find how powerful these practices can be to awaken her erotic side.

Once into the crucible that these preparations create, the jewel union (our name for sexual intercourse) can be amazingly erotic, hot, and intense.

Myth #4: Tantric Sex Is Slow Sex

I’d have to agree that Tantric Sex is often slower than what you see in a porn flic. It takes time to set up the sacred space, build intimacy, and develop a trusting atmosphere.

When our senses our focused on cultivating and exchanging sexual energy, slower often serves us better. Tantric lovers develop the ability to relax even when highly aroused. That’s especially true when we’re catapulted into one of the altered states that Tantric Sex is known for.

But not always.

My Tantra-teacher wife has taught me how vital variety is for her sexual pleasure. We almost always start slow, waiting for our energy channels to fully open and link. But then we race off to spurts of hard pumping. These are typically sandwiched between moments of stillness where we catch our breath, relish our sensations, and check-in verbally.

So sometimes slow, yes. But sometimes medium and sometimes fast, too. Not to mention the tantalizing breaks using fingers and mouths on each other.

Myth #5: You Can’t Orgasm During Tantric Sex

LOL! That’s a really good one. If you could only see us when we decide to go for it.

Now it’s true that Tantric Sex is a departure from the increasingly instant-gratification-demanding culture that we live in. We cultivate pleasure and want to make it last. So pushing for a quick explosion isn’t our number one priority.

Instead, we aim to amass sexual energy and revel in it, using each other’s highs to springboard each other to even more intense excitement. We call these peaks of pleasure. Gourmet Tantric Sex lovers major in the skill of peaking. Often that looks like edging, coming up to the brink of climax and backing off. More often it resembles dancing on the verge of the cliff right before the point of no return.

Without training and practice, few lovers can withstand the assault of the powerful sensations just before orgasm. So they let go and enjoy the ten-second ride.

Sure, it feels great at the moment. But all too often, especially with men like me who take a long while to recover, ejaculating ends the playtime. It even happens to some women like my wife who are too sensitive after coming to continue without a long break.

But what if you could hover there and prolong that intense excitement?

Tantric Sex is often called Orgasmic Sex because we learn to dance on the verge of that all-consuming black hole. We vibrate, shake, and jackknife from the huge currents of sexual energy coursing up and down our bodies. Just like the classical ten-second physical release, our skin flushes, our nerves fire, our breathing deepens, and our voices raise. But we can make it go on and on.

We call these peaks “Tantric Energy Orgasms.” After a series of them, we’re propelled into a continuous state of ecstasy. And, of course, we have a name for that, too. The O-Zone. O for orgasm, of course.

Myth #6: Quickies Have No Place In Tantric Sex

In the classic movie Love At First Bite, when asked to have a quickie, Count Dracula played by George Hamilton replied, “No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.”

Now I’m not saying that Dracula was a Tantric master. Well, who really knows? But it must seem after my rousing exposition about longies that quickies have no place in Tantric Sex.

For the most part, you’d be right. But you see, Tantra isn’t a religion with a holy book and lots of dogma. So there are no rules about what you should and shouldn’t do. Which reminds me about our record-setting (short time) “laughgasm.”

Once, against our better judgement, we were separated for a week. That’s a very long time without doing it for us horny rabbits. When reunited, we set up a sacred space in front of the fireplace, began kissing and touching, and couldn’t wait to engage our jewels. Though it was a major challenge, I put it in ever so slowly so we could feel everything. (The slow part was the challenge, not the penetration part.)

But, dammit, she was too turned-on to take it easy. Pulling me tight, she started jerking and bucking violently. Like any supportive partner would, I matched her speed and pumped her hard. When her contractions grabbed me, I ejaculated violently. Fortunately, that made her scream and come, come and scream, and so on.

Just like the old days before Tantra, we lasted only a few strokes.

But the explosion was enormous. The feelings were so intense as the fireworks launched through our bodies that we shrieked at the top of our lungs. The funny part was when our mellow Golden Retriever put his snout right between our faces and bellowed right along with us. It was so funny that our orgasmic moans morphed into howls of laughter. That’s why we call it a laughgasm.

Usually, we make love in rounds with a few moments of stillness between them. They typically last longer than our howling quickie, from ten to thirty minutes. But sometimes they’re so intense that we collapse after a handful of minutes that makes us take a short break.

So I guess you could call those quickies. Maybe we should call our longies a long series of quickies.

Myth #7: Tantric Sex Requires Secret Sexual Techniques

No, that’s not true. There are no secret sexual techniques to do what you’ve just read. Tantric lovers use their eyes, breath, hands, mouths, and jewels like everyone else. Because they’re dedicated to pinnacles of pleasure, they study, talk, and practice more. Which probably makes them more skilled at a whole range of skills like massage, oral, genital, and anal sex. But they’re using the same tools we’ve all been issued with.

Some think that Tantric Sex depends on body-straining sex positions that only practitioners of Yoga can get into. Not true. The only Tantric guidelines about where you put your bodies is that they need to be comfortable so the energy can flow freely.

Those folks are confusing the spiritual sex practices of Tantra with the Kama Sutra. The later was a compilation of sexual and romantic behaviors of upper-class Indians about 1500 years ago. It had little to do with ritual, energy, and spirit.

As a naked Goddess once told me in response to my insistent come-ons at a Tantric workshop, “It’s all about the energy, baby.” It’s fair to say that we employ some tools to heighten arousal and intensify orgasmic sensations. But they’re far from secret. Little-used abilities in the bedroom like relaxing, focusing, breathing, moving, and sounding.

If you choose to practice Tantric Sex, it’s a good bet that your sexual techniques will dramatically improve. But that’s something you will develop as you become more open and more aware of what’s going on inside and out.

Myth #8: Tantric Sex Isn’t Primal or Kinky

Well, it’s true that the aim of sacred sex is NOT to see how kinky you can get. Christian Grey with his domination playroom from Fifty Shades may have made Anastasia come quick and hard, but he wasn’t very Tantric.

I know what it looks like. The whole idea of approaching sex with reverence for the divine presence within each other may sound contrary to cavorting like animals. But that’s only because you’re thinking of sex and spirit as separate. In Tantra, primal instincts and lofty spirituality are different flavors of the same meal.

When torrents of sexual energy are coursing through your jewels during Tantric Sex, you may well growl, flail, and wail like a wild animal. That lifeforce is as sacred as any prayer to a Tantric adept. And soft words and sweet sentiments of joy and appreciation for the sacred forces in all of us may be a huge erotic turn-on.

In Tantra, sex and spirit are one.

So there’s no reason why blowjobs in the park or anal sex in the garage can’t be sacred.

Largely due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, there is increased interest today in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). At first glance it might seem that playing with power and pain could never be Tantric. But think again.

Experienced kinksters are conscious of what they’re doing. They carefully negotiate who’s doing what to whom beforehand. They use failsafes like safewords. They establish “scenes” exactly suited to get the sexual energy of the players flowing big time. When one finally achieves that long-awaited total control over another and the other completely surrenders, barriers and inhibitions can be released in a way otherwise not possible.

Sometimes role-playing really gets our juices flowing. Many of my lovers use fantasies they’ve never told anyone to turn themselves on and push themselves over the edge of orgasm.

Who’s to say what any particular lover needs and wants to free their untapped reservoirs of erotic charge? If it’s dressing up as the Big Bad Wolf and taking Little Red Riding hood in the men’s room of your local dive, go for it.

Myth #9: Tantric Sex Is Only For Women

Over the years, we’ve primarily had two kinds of clients attend our Tantra trainings: women who brought their men to us so their guys could be better lovers, and men who dragged their women to us so they could be more orgasmic.

In other words, it’s all about women’s pleasure. In light of the orgasm gap, that’s certainly needed. So it is true that many of the benefits of Tantric Sex help women become more orgasmic.

In Tantra we recognize that sexual energy is feminine in nature and requires a feminine touch to fully unleash. So does that mean that women should lead when it comes to Tantric Sex?

Well, I do love it when she gets on top and takes charge. Or spreads her legs and shouts, “Give it to me hard, now, daddy!”

But giving women all the power is too simplistic. The Tantric view of genders is that everyone has an inner male and an inner female. Society conditions the majority of people’s values and behaviors to conform to their body type. As a result, most men act strong and women tend toward being supportive.

But as our current gender stereotype revolution demonstrates, everyone has the opportunity to develop both ends of the spectrum. Women love a sweet man who caters to their needs. Men like me love a strong woman who asks for what she wants and directs the action.

And while we’re on the subject of orgasms, men who practice Tantric Sex can enjoy the much wider spectrum of sexual climaxes that most women are capable of. I’m talking of multiple orgasms, blended orgasms, and non-genital orgasms, for example.

Myth #10: Tantric Sex is Magic

Well, you know, there might just be some truth to the mouth that Tantric Sex is magic. But not in the way you’re thinking.

As I’ve said, there are no hidden tools or mystical secrets that you need to achieve all the delights of Orgasmic Sex. This approach is readily available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or lifestyle. Same-sex partners can enjoy it as well as straight, cis heteros whether or not they engage in penetration with or without sex toys.

It’s no secret that few of us learn to use lion’s share of our mental faculties. Or focus on what’s going on in our bodies without distraction. Or master the ability to relax fully and receive pleasure without limit.

It’s no secret that we breathe deeply, moan loudly, and shimmy and shake when we’re coming.

This isn’t magic. And if you practice these natural functions, you can trigger orgasmic fireworks whenever you choose. From the outside, those adept in summoning, circulating, and exchanging sexual energy do look like magicians. But it’s not an arcane spell or special DNA or a magic wand that makes ecstasy happen.

It’s not magic, it’s practice.

To continue my contrarian tendency, I must mention that there is a practice called sex magic that some Tantriks practice. It’s the intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires in the physical world. But it’s no different than the affirmations and visualizations that many new age folks utilize.

On the other hand, maybe charging your vision with sexual energy is a form of magic. Try it, maybe you’ll like it.

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There are the ten myths of Tantric Sex. As you can see, the common misunderstandings cloud some powerful truths. Truths you can use to find you own way in the maze of sex, love, and relationship in the complex modern world. Tantra may have sprung from a culture thousands of miles and thousands of years away, but much of its practices are still beneficial today.

If I’ve set your mind straight, I’m pleased. If I’ve piqued your interest in exploring Tantric Sex, I’m thrilled. If you realize that the journey has to be one of your own making, then we’ve arrived at the same conclusion.

I’d love to receive your questions and comments by email (somraj@tantraattahoe.com) or on my blog (tantraattahoe.com/blog).

May your sex life never be the same.

Love, Somraj

Somraj Pokras is a sexologist and Tantra teacher who’s written 10 Tantric Sex books. You can find hundreds of his free articles on his TantraAtTahoe.com website where you can also subscribe to his Orgasmic Sex Blog. Follow him on Twitter @TantraTahoe and at LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/somrajpokras/.

Tantra Newsletter: Surfing Up and Down Sexual Peaks – Part 2

The Not-So-Well-Kept Secrets of Making Sex Feel Orgasmic All the Time

My last article delved deeper into the art and science of sexual peaking which you can read here. But we didn’t get all the way through to the secrets of Orgasmic Surfing. You’ll find them here in this second half.

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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #290 published 12/14/2017

Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees 

ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com

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Click here to comment, ask questions, or give feedback:.

This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.

                       Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

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At The Summit

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At first, most of this erotic charge is generated in our jewels. As we approach a peak, various forms of fireworks are ignited. Concentrations of energy may blossom outwards. Energy streamers may shoot out of our jewels. Flares may radiate up and down. Often starbursts detonate and fill much of our bodies. These orgasmic sensations make it clear that we’re experiencing mini energy orgasms.

Often, as I’m approaching a peak, the blossoms and flares of sexual energy in my vajra (penis) spread to my G-spot. (That’s what us Tantric males call our prostate glands since they function as a guy’s orgasm control center.) It really feels like a palpable channel that’s hot and sizzling. Sometimes the sensations are in one of these powerful erogenous zones, sometimes in the other, and sometimes somewhere on the channel between the two. Some of my best orgasms have happened when the whole energy conduit between my vajra and prostate seems like a radiant fire pulsing back and forth.

I documented a lot more about what happens inside in my posts Pleasure Peaks versus Energy Orgasms here and Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks here. 

Extra strong feelings seem to open electrical channels that extend from my crotch, and sometimes from my feet, all the way up to my head. These thrilling sensations seem to percolate from chakra to chakra before they boil over everywhere. A heat flush and goosebumps rise up my torso and settle on the back of my neck below my ears.

The streaming current feels like the plucking of a bass guitar string reverberating inside. That’s so intense that it makes me shiver and shudder, jerk and undulate.

There’s lots more about Sexual Energy Fireworks in my two blog posts that start here.

Alternate Peaking

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Similar things happen inside Jeffre, too. Her body is a clearcut turn-on meter because I can tell from her body language when she’s peaking. She breathes deeper, moans louder, and shivers more as her arousal rises. At the peak she bellows and her body starts jackknifing.

Like so many other guys I used to ask my lovers “did you come yet?” After making love with my passionate wife, it’s clear that the answer is always no if I have to ask. Her sexual peaks are not subtle.

After we’re momentarily resting in the valley for a moment or two, I usually check if she’s ready for another peak. I do this with little tickle from a finger on her clio (clitoris) or a little slow jab from my vajra inside her.

I remember one time, after a half-dozen tests like this, I didn’t get a very strong reaction like her pushing back or pulling my hips in. (She later admitted she had more sleepiness than sexual energy.) I thought, well it’s my turn. She did want to carry on, so during the next cycle I stroked and rocked and rolled simply to please myself. It propelled me up to an amazing pinnacle of pleasure.

I’ve heard other “experts” say that was selfish of me. But in Orgasmic Sex, we’re each responsible for our own pleasure — as long as it’s not at the expense of our partner’s comfort. Judging by Jeffre’s reaction this time, she didn’t mind at all. She followed right along and, in fact, it energized her next peak to a higher level than before.

Our typical practice is for her to reach a few peaks before I let myself go and enjoy several. We naturally find ourselves alternating for a few cycles. Sometimes, while I’m following her up a peak, the sexual charge floods my body, making me peak just after her. Then I notice the same happening to her. It’s like sexual ping pong.

Sometimes it feels like leapfrogging. Her energy fills and excites me causing me to peak. My peak triggers a higher one in her. And back and forth.

There’s more about Alternate Peaking in my blog post here.

Orgasmic Surfing

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I didn’t forget that this article is about orgasmic surfing. That’s why my friend John Hill, an Orgasmic Meditation coach, calls it when you sail from peak to peak. It’s just that everything you’ve read so far is necessary to get you to this place.

Jeffre and I find that when we get in the groove, we alternate peaks sometimes for as much as an hour. The first ones often are sharper and quicker. As we cycle up and down, two things happen: the peaks reach higher, and the peaks last longer. At the higher crests, the pleasure is more intense. At the longer ones, right, it keeps on and on.

While we do have some control over surfing from peak to peak this way, I think it needs more research. (I know, I always say that about sex.) Sometimes our peaks rise higher on their own and other times they seem to persist.

What I do know for sure is that after multiple peaks, they tend to coalesce into plateaus. That’s like a mesa in the southwest of the U.S. It’s a level upland elevated above the surrounding territory. In other words, the pleasure peak just carries on without us doing much.

To us, the great thing about jewel union (sexual intercourse) is that we both feel many of the same things at the same time. So when Jeffre is launched up to a plateau of excitement, I feel it. And it may well trigger a high peak in me that stretches out into a persistent plateau.

Typically one or both of us senses when our energy reserves are on the verge of waning. Never fear, we have options. Often we take a break for some snacks or wine. Other times, one of us decides to wrap up for the night with an explosive Big O. Or we just wind down, keeping our appetite a bit unsatisfied so we’re jonesing to do it again soon.

And sometimes, lofty plateaus launch us into orbit. We call that the Orgasmic Zone, when the current of orgasmic energy is running strong and full throughout our bodies. It’s amazing when we’re both vibrating together with sensational sexual ecstasy like this. It’s an altered energy state where the huge sexual tides surge through us on and on. See my post on Sexual Orbits which you can find in my blog here.

When I’m there, I use whatever conscious control I have to maintain my excitement at 80-90% of maximum. If I get too high, I go over the point of no return and end the fun. So I vary the speed, angle, and depth of my strokes to hover below the edge. Anytime I get over 90% the powerful erotic charge typically triggers pelvic contractions like a dry orgasm. Unless I’m ready to finish, I relax into the pulsing sensations and spread the energy so I don’t come yet.

Unfortunately There’s A Limit

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Now, alternating peaks and sharing plateaus can go on for many minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 30, sometimes approaching an hour. Though we sure don’t want them to stop, there is a limit to our physical stamina. Especially after a long day of work and exercise. The muscle contractions and heavy breathing are physically demanding. They take their toll on my stamina which limits how long I can stay there. Otherwise I’d just surf up there all day and all night.

I wish I had learned all this before turning 70. There’s no telling how long I would have surfed in the prime of life.

Not to worry. Sure, we can’t go as long as we used to. But it you’re younger, fit, and exercise regularly, the skies the limit. Carry on for as long as you’re flying.

Peaks and plateaus are as exciting as most ten-second tension-release orgasms. And there’s more of them that last and last and get stronger and stronger. That’s why orgasmic surfing is our preferred style of lovemaking.

Even sliding down the far side of a peak is delightful. Riding up can be more physically demanding from muscles firing and the body vibrating. But sliding down the far side of a peak is relaxing. It’s as if the bubble of sensations burst at the top, washing and massaging me inside and out with soft energetic fingers. Sliding towards the valley feels like falling into a huge pile of feathers that support and massage my body with flocks of little waves of pleasure.

Well, that’s the status of our scientific investigation into orgasmic surfing. It’s sure different than how I did sex for my first few decades. A little foreplay, a few strokes, and me coming with much awareness about my partner’s satisfaction. But I still craved it.

I hope this and my other peaking articles help you both do better than I did.

Love, Somraj

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Orgasmic Sex Blog

Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.

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Recents posts…

Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)

Down With Mental Pollution

Do Orgasms Knit Energy?

One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)

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with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016 TantraAtTahoe.com.”

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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA

Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…

     – deepen love and intimacy,

     – extend lovemaking, and

     – create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…

       heals your mind, body, and spirit,

     – connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and

       immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to

reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Privacy Statement…

We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe Or Unsubscribe…

To subscribe to the “Sacred Sexual Secrets” newsletter, click here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/reg/news.htm

Tantra Newsletter: Surfing Up and Down Sexual Peaks

The Not-So-Well-Kept Secrets of Making Sex Feel Orgasmic All the Time

You kiss, you hug, you rip each other’s clothes off, you stick in it, and, after a few strokes. you both come in a blaze of glory. That’s the Hollywood version of hot sex. And, no doubt, it’s wonderful when it happens.

But Orgasmic Sex looks different. It’s usually more intentional than “wham bam thank you ma’am” sex. It starts slower with lots of foreplay for both until she craves penetration as much as he does. Then, instead of rushing towards a big explosion, you consciously build the sexual energy together until you shake with ecstasy. And keep the high going as long as you can, sometimes for hours.

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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #289 published 11/16/2017

Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees 

ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com

To get these free monthly newsletters in your email, click here to register.

Click here to comment, ask questions, or give feedback:.

This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.

                       Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

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By edging and dancing on the verge of orgasm, the eventual climax is startlingly explosive and more often simultaneous. That is, if you choose the sex-research model of releasing all the tension and blowing your wad. On the other hand, if you’ve been sparking and vibrating and convulsing for an hour or more, that physical climax may not be the be all and end all of sex.

Practitioners of Orgasmic Sex instead enjoy a long series of Tantric Energy Orgasms. These are pinnacles of excitement resulting from intense streaming of sexual energy throughout the body. It’s more like electrical currents, electromagnetic waves, and sensational starbursts than ten-seconds of contractions in your crotch.

The best news is that you get to experience all the other wonderful feelings of orgasm without men ejaculating and women draining their batteries. More about this in my articles Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks and How to Spread a Peak of Pleasure Into a Full-Body Orgasm.

The not-so-well-kept secret of Orgasmic Sex is how to consciously surf up and down peaks of pleasure.

Conscious Peaking

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I’ve written a lot about sexual peaking in previous blog and newsletter articles. (If you want the whole story, start with this how-to article, The 5 S’s of Peaking. More links appear below.). But the more we make love, and we do it several times a week, the more we learn about this dance of love. So I’m adding to the evolving science of conscious peaking here. When all is said and done, maybe we’ll offer a college degree in Orgasmic Sex.

For those unfamiliar with this erotic talent, let me explain first that a peak is…

A sudden surge of turn-on in which your excitement rises to a high level and quickly drops back down sharply.

Conscious Peaking is…

The skill of intentionally adjusting sexual stimulation in order to rise to a peak of pleasure and then descend on the other side without an explosive orgasm. It’s fully enjoying a high level of excitement and then immediately changing, slowing, or stopping the stimulation.

Tantric lovers learn Conscious Peaking by developing their sensitivity and mastery of sexual energy. If this is a new concept to you, we define that as…

The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations. It’s sometimes referred to as Orgasmic Energy or Kundalini. 

There’s lots more about sexual energy in my article Sexual Electricity 101

Though what you’re doing with your hands, mouths, jewels (genitals), and minds controls the ebb and flow of your turn-on, learning to peak consciously requires a complementary set of skills. You need to refine your ability to summon, expand, guide, spread, and exchange sexual energy.

My awareness of the mechanics of peaking has been growing as our “research” into Orgasmic Sex continues. (By research I mean we screw often, watch what happens, and then talk about it.) We each have our own way of managing the soaring of our ascents and the settling down during our descents. Since we’re each much more aware of what’s happening to our personal erogenous zones, we have to guide each other. It takes verbal and non-verbal communication to make it clear what we want more of in each moment.

For me, an old guy, I have to create enough stimulation to stay hard and excited while at the same time not getting so sensitive that I ejaculate prematurely. My wife Jeffre adjusts her position, my hands, and sometimes her vibrator to maximize her passion before she falls back into a soft cushion of relaxed pleasure. Together we adjust our speed, angle, and depth of stroking to help us rise and fall.

Sexual Valleys

– – – – – – – – – – –

What I’ve been learning about Conscious Peaking recently is what we each do on the way up to peaks and the way down into sexual valleys. Since I was once a chemist, my natural tendency is to graph the progression of sexual peaks. I stroke, she pushes back, I change my pattern, she speeds up, I follow her, and we fly over the summit together. Or some such choreography.

When one or both of us peaks, we slow or still our movements to lessen the stimulation. This is a major element of our Tantra training: relax into states of high arousal and allow the energy to stream all over deliciously. You’ve heard it before, take your time to smell the roses.

As she relaxes, Jeffre tends to shiver, shimmy, and shake as she relaxes. I do the same sometimes, but just as often I let all my muscles go slack and savor the sensations of energy streaming through me.  Then, as we settle back for a few moments, all our attention is on the feelings washing through our bodies. In other words, neither of us does much for a moment or two except feeling those orgasmic sensations.

Are you getting the picture that our lovemaking consists of a series of cycles with short breaks in between? They usually last a few minutes each followed by a few second pause. But alternating peaks can’t happen unless the supporter is willing to give up their urgent need to push for the maximum excitement while their partner’s pleasure rises and falls.

Usually one of us prompts the other to start up again. I might gently flick a finger outside or stroke inside slowly to see if she reacts. She sometimes starts spreading her thighs and pushing into me which makes her shiver. And turns me on. We restart in a tentative way, waiting for a clear reaction before we get vigorous again. Sometimes I resume and she supports me, and other times the reverse.

This is one part of how we share the power of who’s leading and who’s following. A basic premise of Tantric Sex is that we’re each fully responsible for our own pleasure. Sure, at times that requires being a little self-centered. But who knows better than the one who’s receiving pleasure at each moment? So we both monitor our own arousal, ask for what we want, notice where our partner is at, and subsequently adjust what our bodies are doing.

Rising Up A Peak

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The physics of our excitement rising up to a peak isn’t mysterious. Sexual friction generates energy. The more we move, the hotter we get. The better we target our erogenous zones (her 20 and my 11), the more intense our arousal gets. Before we know it, the level of our turn-on suddenly ascends to a crest.

Sometimes though we’re just not that hot to trot. Then we concentrate on some Tantric tools to amplify whatever sexual energy is percolating inside. I call the most fundamental ones the five cruxes of ecstasy. These are being present in the body, deep belly breathing, moving erotically, making love sounds, and visualizing energy flow. After years of practice both during and apart from making love, we can usually  transform a few sparks into a full blaze of pleasure. Then the erotic charge streams more robustly and launches us to high peaks.

It’s pretty clear when our excitement is rising. Our breathing deepens and our moans get louder. Our muscles tense and our nerves fire. Heat and goosebumps surge upwards. Our jewels fill with blood and our erogenous zones are triggered. Our tissues vibrate and our bodies shake. This happens because we’re generating more and more sexual electrical current at higher and higher voltage.

That’s all for now. Sorry you’ll have to wait for the next issue to find out what happens at the summit of a peak. And then how you surf from peak to peak. Or if you can’t wait, click here to read the second half in our Orgasmic Sex blog.

Love, Somraj

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Orgasmic Sex Blog

Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.

           Welcome Instructions          Read/Comment         Post/Log-In                     

Recents posts…

Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)

Down With Mental Pollution

Do Orgasms Knit Energy?

One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)

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Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK

The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men

Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.

We cover everything you need to know to supercharge sex including foreplay, intimacy, oral and anal sex, sexual positions, and in-bed communication skills. You’ll read love secrets new and old that detail how to make an emotional connection first, target your erogenous zones, connect your passion circuits, create energy circles, and fill your whole bodies with pleasure every time.

Unlike many general sex books, it focuses on the mechanics, dynamics, and energetics of sexual intercourse with color illustrations. With a thorough review of modern science and classical techniques from the Kama Sutra and ancient China, we show you how to expand your intimacy into the full erotic union of heart, mind, and soul while you’re doing it. Plus, with our explicit step-by-step instructions, you’ll learn how to enjoy any of the 12 ways to orgasm that you’ve missed out on.

We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love.

Our exposė is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.

Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.

Click here to download it right now…

http://www.tantraattahoe.com/tantric-love-making/buy-tantric-love-making.htm

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SUMMARY STUFF

Contact Us…

Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees

11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161

Email: http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/news.htm

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Ebooks, Sex Toys, Adult Products, Tantra Services

       http://www.tantraattahoe.com/ebooks.htm

       http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm

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FREE Tantric Erotic Art Gallery

Dream juicy, colorful, steamy thoughts as you peruse our Tantric Erotic Gallery. It’s full of free sexy pictures and hot sex pics here

         https://www.icloud.com/sharedalbum/#B0M532ODWDw15R .

We hope some of these images turn you on and get sexual energy flooding your body. And we hope when you get turned on you’ll have somebody dear with whom you can share those life-giving forces. Enjoy!

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Past Articles…

To help you revolutionize your sex, love, and intimacy, check out previous articles in our newsletter archives at…  http://www.tantraattahoe.com/resource/news.htm

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Special Report

As a newsletter subscriber, you’re entitled to a free copy of our groundbreaking 70-page Special Report “The Top Ten Tantric Secrets Of Sex, Love, & Intimacy.” To begin receiving your secrets in installments, register here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/specialreport/register.htm

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Thanks For Passing It On…

Please, forward this newsletter to all anyone who might be interested! Quote anything

with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016 TantraAtTahoe.com.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SUPREME BLISS TANTRA

Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…

     – deepen love and intimacy,

     – extend lovemaking, and

     – create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…

       heals your mind, body, and spirit,

     – connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and

       immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to

reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Privacy Statement…

We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe Or Unsubscribe…

To subscribe to the “Sacred Sexual Secrets” newsletter, click here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/reg/news.htm

Alternate Peaking, The Key to Simultaneous Full-Body Orgasms

Coming is great.

But orgasms come and go so fast. Wouldn’t it be awesome to just float there in those intense sensations for as long as you want?

Well, that’s the promise of Orgasmic Sex. And the key to staying in the grip of that sexual electricity current is “peaking.” That’s when your excitement rises sharply but then drops quickly. Sure, an explosive orgasm, what we like to call the Big O, is a major peaking experience. But there are so many others available to those who love to explore their erotic limits.

I’ve written a lot about peaking and if you want to dig deeper into this critical but easy-to-learn technique, start with my post about The 5 S’s Of Peaking.

Lately I’ve noticed that my beloved and I alternate peaks when I’m stroking inside of her. I usually help her reach a big peak first, maybe after a series of little ones.

A major part of my Tantric training could be summarized as “she comes first.” Maybe that’s why I put most of my attention on her pleasure while we get deeper into the energy exchange of jewel union. That’s our name for sexual intercourse. Right, both of us have jewels down there.

Now, I don’t completely ignore my pleasure at any time. But once I’ve helped her shake, rattle, and roll, I figure it’s my turn. So I relax and focus more on my own feelings. Naturally, that makes my arousal spike and I soar over the top before coming back down a bit.

As my other posts have explained, I regulate my peaking by guiding and channeling my sexual energy. Sometimes her peaks energize mine which makes my excitement shoot upward suddenly. And I’m sure the same is happening to her. I can tell because, when I feel a tidal wave of electricity sparking inside, she starts moaning and gyrating in unison.

Once we’re both flowing a sizable current of erotic charge, we alternate peaking. She wails and flails as her pleasure spikes while I follow her up and down. But it’s her experience that we’re both concentrating on. And then I do the same while she supports me. No doubt, alternate peaking turns each of us on more and more. At first, one of us peaks while the other plays second fiddle.

But the amazing thing I’ve discovered recently is what happens after half-a-dozen or so of these ups and downs. We begin feeling each other’s energy. It’s as if our nervous systems get coupled (while we’re coupling). Her excitement streams into my body and mine fills hers.

It sure seems to me that that’s the physics of making each other higher.

Sometimes, while I’m following her up a peak, the sexual charge floods my body, making me peak just after her. Then I notice the same happening to her. It’s like ping pong. Her peak makes me peak, and mine triggers another one in her, back and forth.

Early in alternating peaks, we pause for a moment after we’ve each crested once. But as our erotic voltage levels increase, these peaks last longer, gradually morphing into pleasure plateaus. The duration of these high valleys of excitement far exceed that of the typical 10-second explosive physical orgasm.

The longer one of our plateaus lasts, the more likely we are to trigger the other’s launch into a continuous stream of earth-shaking sensations.

Now, alternating peaks and sharing plateaus can go on for many minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 30, sometimes approaching an hour. Though we sure don’t want them to stop, there is a limit to our physical stamina. Especially after a long day of work and exercise.

But often we find ourselves vibrating and undulating and shrieking together in a sensational plateau together. We sure need all the heavy breathing we can handle to fuel our bodies. It’s as if every nerve is firing and every cell is coming.

Without a doubt, that’s a simultaneous full-body orgasm.

Because the ramping up of these peaks and plateaus are all energy orgasms, our vital essence isn’t drained. We certainly experience lots of muscle contractions and jewel spasms. But we’re not in the uncontrollable grip of pelvic convulsions that make me ejaculate and her exhaust herself which spills the vast majority of erotic charge. That’s why we can go on and on, higher and higher. In effect we’re charging each other’s batteries back and forth.

Hopefully this gives you a better grasp of what we mean by Orgasmic Sex. It feels like we’re coming the whole time.

Have you ever heard your baby yell, “It feels so damn good. Don’t stop!” Well, now you both know how to keep it up for as long as you want.

Love, Somraj

Sexual Electricity 101: The Mysterious Secret of Full-Body Orgasm Revealed

The average length of sexual encounters is 5 to 10 minutes. Totally understandable because it’s so exciting. I often get swept away into a blaze of glory, too.

But when someone practices extended energy sex routinely as I do, they enter a totally different zone. By surfing from peak to peak of startling excitement instead of exploding, the whole experience changes. It changes from instant gratification to seeing how high I can make every cell in my body.

Until I dedicated myself to prolonging my pleasure, I barely noticed the currents of sensation streaming throughout my body.

In Tantra we call it sexual energy. My latest book Long Hot Tantric Love Making defines it this way…

The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations.

During my recent self-pleasuring sessions, I’ve been watching the ebbs and flows and movement of sexual energy. While surfing from crest to crest of pleasure peaks, I’ve become more aware of what’s actually happening in my body.

Sexual Electricity

I don’t have to convince you that the most powerful sexual energy comes our of your jewels (genitals). When I play with myself, not only does blood fill my vajra (penis) making it erect, but it gets way more sensitive. Before I knew how to spread the excitement out of my jewels, it quickly got more than I could handle.

When I channel the sexual energy away from my jewels, it feels like electricity running through the rest of my body. 

The more aware of sexual electricity I am, the longer I can make the zenith of pleasure last. You know, that irresistible force right before you come that feels so amazing.

By opening the energy conduits, I can spread the excitement which allows me to go higher for longer than I ever imagined. Feeling like I’m coming continuously. Orgasms that last so much longer than the typical 10-second sneeze. Sometimes minutes or more.

I guess that makes me a sexual electrician.

It’s a job title I’ve long aspired to. And a badge of office I will wear proudly. That’s because it’s sexual electricity that makes sex feel so sensational.

If you’re interested, here’s my first course outline for Sexual Electricity 101. It’s the primer for orgasmic sex leading to full-body orgasm. Hopefully appearing soon at major universities and elementary schools everywhere.

Your Sexual Energy Generator

Your jewels are powerful sexual energy generators. The hotter your sex, the more energy you create. The longer your sex, the more energy you create. The better your technique — or that of your lover — the more energy you create.

It feels so fucking good that you want more. And want it to last.

But it’s so intense when it’s compressed into the small zone of your groin. So you spread it. The buzzing and sizzling of your tissues widens and expands. This makes more of your body feel sensational.

And without all of your body feeling sensational, full-body orgasm is unlikely.

When I say “sensational,” I don’t just mean super exciting. I mean bubbling and percolating, roiling and boiling, and overflowing with sensation.

That’s what happens when the sexual electricity flows through your organs, muscles, and bones. Your nerves vibrate making your organs quiver, your muscles shiver, and your bones pulse. And the more all of this happens, the stronger the sensations.

So when you consciously open the energy valves, these sensations stream up and down your body. Ever curled your toes while coming? Ever felt your knees quake? Ever felt your legs bouncing off the bed? Well, that’s the energy descending.

Since there’s a lot more of you from the waist up, you need even more rising energy to blow your mind. To make your heart beat faster, your fingertips spark, your eyes roll, and your scalp tingle.

Sexual Electricity Patterns

I find sexual electricity follows certain patterns when it rises through me.

To understand them, let’s review what Thomas Edison discovered. When electrons flow in one direction through a wire from a battery to a light bulb, we call it DC or direct current.

I don’t really know the complete physics of sexual electricity, but to continue my lesson let’s just assume there are sexual elections. Little particles of energy that excite what they land on.

Edison found that more electrons were lost and waisted when DC had to travel longer. So he used AC, alternating current, when the electrons jiggle back and forth without moving too far. If you’ve ever been shocked from an appliance in your home, you’ve felt AC. Your nerves and muscles pulsate intensely without going anywhere. That’s why it’s hard to let go.

When you open the floodgates around your jewels, sexual energy flows out. This electrical current follows nerves and more subtle channels like the ones acupuncturists and Tantric adepts work with.

I can actually feel the prickly sensations in my crotch soften as the current moves up and down. That’s what makes other parts of my body turn-on.

When my channels fill with sexual electricity, it feels like AC current to me. The parts of my body affected quiver and quake with pleasure.

Amps Versus Volts

Now for those who want to become qualified as sexual electricians, it’s essential to understand how to maximize that turn-on. Which requires understanding the difference between amps and volts.

Amps measures how much current is flowing. How many sexual electrons have you generated and directed somewhere.

Or to use the analogy of a river, amperage is how much water is flowing. How wide and deep the river is. The bigger the channel, the stronger the sensations spreading to the extremities.

When I only generate a little sexual electricity, I might not even get hard. With more current, I might find my skin tingling a few places. With top output, my whole body shakes and vibrates with heat and magnetism.

It’s as if there’s a conduit of sexual electricity from head to toe pulsing like a guitar string. Or a smaller banjo string. Or a larger bass fiddle string.

Sometimes I can keep that peak flow going for 30 to 60 minutes without stopping. Other less-exciting times it surges for a few seconds or minutes. One of my favorites is when a ball of sexual energy seems to erupt with an expanding blossom of sensation. Like a pleasure grenade exploding in different spots inside.

Sometimes that erotic current reaches my legs, my chest, my neck, my head. I can actually feel the sensations streaming from my groin.

When I can keep the flow going for some minutes, I can sense the sexual elections moving continuously. Other times I feel pulses and surges following my energy channels. From inside they look like streamers of fire that can erupt into fireworks.

We can’t ignore sexual magnetism while we’re at it. Did you know that an electric current creates magnetism? So when you’re flowing sexual energy, it magnetizes your skin, muscles, and bones. This force not only energizes your passion, but also attracts others. Maybe it’s part of the pheromone phenomenon.

Sexual Volts

Volts measure how fast the river is flowing, how much pressure the current creates, how charged your tissues are. Haven’t you noticed that sometimes you touch your jewels and it’s instantly electric? Really sensitive, I mean. Almost like a spark jumps from your sex organ to your hand, mouth, or another’s sex organ.

Obviously, most of us need high voltage to reach orgasm. Without enough sexual charge, your chances for full-body orgasm are slim.

When your sexual voltage is high, it pushes the sensations faster and further around your body. That is, as long as there’s enough energy to excite everywhere it touches.

Sexual voltage tends to dissipate unless it’s continuously reinforced. So most of the time when you’re still during sex, your excitement gradually decreases. And the faster you go, the more intense the electrical charge you build .

Confining your sexual electricity in a relatively small space, like your loins, keeps the voltage high. So your sensations are stronger. Spreading it all over tends to lower the excitement.

Now if you can generate enough sexual electricity to fill your whole body at high voltage, you’ll almost levitate with passion.

Sexual Watts

Which takes us to another part of the lesson, namely watts. Watts measure how much power an electrical current contains. So the more watts, the stronger your pleasure and the bigger your orgasms.

You calculate sexual watts — the impact of your experience — by multiplying amps times volts. So the more current you’re generating at higher voltages, the more intense your passion.

Now it’s natural, as you first get turned-on, to push against the erotic current. By tensing up, a skilled sexual electrician is trying to confine the electricity to a smaller space. This increases the voltage so your sensations are more intense. That’s partly why doing pelvic muscle exercises can strengthen your pleasure and orgasms.

But when you tense up while turned-on, you reduce the current flow.

As a sexual electrician’s arousal rises and their loins erupt into a sizzling pot of sexual excitement, they relax and consciously open the valves. The electricity flows out. How turned on they get all over their body depends on how much current and how charged the voltage they’ve generated. The sexual watts — amps times volts — determines how much sensation the rest of their body feels.

Why would you want to fill your whole body with a huge volume of high-voltage sexual electricity?

Why, for full-body orgasms of course. Try it, you’ll like it.

No Doubt There’s More to Come

I hope this primer inspires you to practice managing your sexual electricity.

I’ve called it the 101 entry level course because my intuition suggests there’s lots more to learn. I’m looking forward to my coming practice sessions.

I hope you are, too.

Love, Somraj

How a Foursome Became an Orgy with our Best Friends by Letting Her Be On Top

If You Want the Passion to Be Real, You Can’t Pressure a Lover to Love You

At times some women get off on being taken.

I still remember fondly that cute young thing I met at a party who kept yelling at me, “Fuck me harder!” Frankly, it was a bit intimidating. But I did what I was told and we both had a great time.

Do you get off on walking on the wild side? Do you or your partner like rough sex? Undoubtedly it can be a turn-on to submit to another’s control. Maybe that’s why the slave-master fantasy is popular.

That reminds me of a famous science fiction series I read in the sixties. There were I think a couple dozen volumes in John Norman’s Chronicles of Counter-Earth. The story was set in a planet directly opposite the earth that had a medieval culture. Specifically, women were property and men were warriors. Yet, the women reveled in pleasing their men.

I think the belief that Norman was promoting so creatively was that this is only way the “weaker sex” can ever be sexually fulfilled.

Honestly, I enjoyed the books back then before I’d had any training as a Tantric lover who worships the Goddess in all women. Now I’m appalled at any stories about spousal or sexual violence.

Now I’m not advocating that abuse or rape is a good thing. Rather, I notice that it’s hot for some women at certain times to be restrained, dominated, disciplined, and punished.

Enthusiastic Consent Is Essential

There’s a right and wrong way to do this of course. In the BDSM world (bondage, domination, discipline, submission, sadism, masochism), negotiating consent is essential. So I have no problem with any practices that are discussed, planned, and agreed-upon in detail.

Negotiating consent requires mutual respect for the submissive’s power. If it turns a woman on for her partner to blindfold her, tie her up, and have his way with her, who am I to object. That is, when she clearly asks for it. Or she gave permission for him to do whatever he wants. Of course, wise players always have a safeword if it gets too intense.

Even though I’m an old guy, I guess that makes me a raving feminist. Well, so be it.

But without explicit consent, selfish exploitation amounts to taking advantage of a woman. In practice, this shows up as pressuring a partner to have sex. That might include a demand to give blow jobs, to receive anal sex, or to orgasm and even ejaculate on command.

Though we loved every episode of Fifty Shades of Grey, I winced every time Christian said “Come for me, baby.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing these things to a willing playmate. I love doing whatever I’m moved to do with a woman who really wants it. I love her screaming and jackknifing at my slightest touch.

Without a doubt, I really get off on a partner’s sexual pleasure, orgasm, and satisfaction.

Pressure Doesn’t Work

But pressuring a woman to perform on command just doesn’t seem to work for me. In fact, it makes me sick.

Unfortunately, pressure can block some women’s pleasure so much that it becomes abuse. Demanding she put out can block her enjoying it if she doesn’t consent.

We have to recognize that men in our modern world are conditioned to go for the gold, compete against all opponents, and push through obstacles. Yet this kind of conditioning is diametrically opposed to what most women need to blossom orgasmically.

So the question I want to address is how to get a woman to want it.

I spent a lot of years getting rejected and not getting any. And with my rampant libido, “no” was the last thing I wanted to hear. So I did my share of pressuring and demanding and pursuing without much luck. Fortunately, I didn’t take it to the extreme of stalking and the like.

Like any partnered guy, I’ve heard my share of not tonight, I’ve got a headache, and it doesn’t feel good down there. In response, I developed an approach that sometimes pays off.

My No-Pressure Desire Philosophy

I call it No-Pressure Desire. This philosophy basically says, “You’re beautiful, you’re sexy, I want you, I’m here, I’m interested — you pick the time and place.”

Here are some examples of how this works in practice. My wife loves sex more than any female I’ve ever known. And she’s damn good at it.

But she’s easily distracted. That doesn’t mean she’s shy or inhibited. It means the temperature in the room has to be right. The music and lighting have to create the perfect mood. She has to have her favorite glass of wine, and often something more. The dogs have to be OK so she doesn’t worry about them. And, I almost forgot, I have to be at least a little romantic.

I agree an erotic ambience has a strong effect on me, too. But when I’m hot to trot, hey baby, let’s trot. But I’ve learned that I need to heed my No-Pressure Desire policy. Part of that is helping to get each of us and the room ready. Starting without her total readiness never works. Otherwise the series of interruptions seriously bums me out.

The good news is that when everything is right, the passion is boundless.

Our closest girlfriend has many of the same requirements. But with her it’s as much about the mood as the time and place. She’s a dedicated planner-in-advance with a bursting schedule. Being a professional colonic therapist, extensive cleansing inside and out is essential for her comfort. Otherwise she holds her gargantuan libido back. Once she’s in the state of erotic rapture, the sky’s the limit.

Getting Janice to Play Again

I started thinking about all this recently while missing another of our closest lovers. Let’s call her Janice.

Janice has been going though some dramatic personal changes. She’s totally absorbed in building a demanding business which takes its toll on her energy. So after years of wild parties a couple times a month with no holds barred, she backed off. We still saw a lot of her and found our love and relationship growing deeper. But for many months only her husband accepted our invitations to play.

I have to admit to viscerally missing our erotic times together. When Janice and I make love, we blow the roof off. We roll around, vibrate all over, and scream bloody ardor.
But what was I to do?

Pressure her to play, offer her inducements, manipulate the circumstances, take advantage of her sweet loving nature?

Aside from the fact that coercion is not my way, it was clear from the get go that these tactics would backfire. Which brings me to my main point.

What is the nature of woman and how do we as their lovers meet them on as many levels as possible?

In Tantric terms, sexual energy — just one expression of the life force — is feminine. Modern teachers call this the power of the divine feminine. New agers typically refer to it as the Goddess in all women.

If you buy this, then you recognize that we both have to honor the river of life in our female partners. When it’s flowing freely, desire, love, passion, orgasms, and sexual ecstasy are abundant. When it’s blocked or constrained, not so much.

So to apply my No-Pressure Desire philosophy, I gave Janice space. I stayed in touch, asked how she was doing, and respected her choices. I tried to major in empathy and compassion with as little judgment as possible.

After about a year of this, I called her up and said, “I miss you. What do you need to be comfortable enough to enter our play space again?”

She said she still loved me and our hot times together, but was sorting things out and still needed more time. How about the summer still months away when work pressures would be less? Absolutely, I said. I was thrilled to hear we had a future together in spite of the vague commitment.

She Just Showed Up Suddenly

Then all of a sudden she showed up at a threesome we had scheduled with her husband. He and my wife make beautiful loud music together if you catch my drift.

Janice was hesitant at first, cautiously feeling her way. We spent some hours talking and massaging each other which got us all naked. Gradually her hands spent more and more time around my crotch with visible hard results. That’s when I decided to take a chance and asked, “What would you like?”


She didn’t say anything at first. She just pushed me onto my back and climbed on top. Oh, wow, so long in coming. But I didn’t since I was enjoying it so much that I wanted it to last.

Though she was quieter than I remembered, she got wilder and wilder as she rode me. And then started screaming in joy at pleasure peak after peak.

After a while I asked if I could get on top. She looked off into space obviously thinking. But then without a word, she pushed me down again and rode me even harder. We had a couple more rounds later after each spending time with our spouses. When we finally collapsed exhausted hours later, it left me thinking about why I was so lucky. Here’s what I came up with.

I respect the boundless strength that is deep with women. I don’t presume to know what’s best for them. Instead I inquire what they want, accept what they choose, and go with the flow wherever I can.

In modern spiritual terms, I honor however the Goddess shows up in each woman.

Or we could leave out the new-agey stuff and look at it terms of sovereignty. If you love someone, you have to accept them as they are and respect their choices.

With Janice, I had to let her walk her path and support her process. She needed the space and time to find her own truth before committing even tentatively to walking on the wild side again.

Let’s say I instead had used my wisdom and experience to shunt her into a growth path that I thought would ease her stress and encourage her sex drive. If it didn’t work, she would have resented it, creating even more distance. If it did, she might become dependent on my insight to deal with her own decisions. Either way, her innate confidence and power wouldn’t have grown.

Two Powerful Beings Letting Themselves Connect

You see, the kind of love we all embrace is when two powerful beings let themselves connect on all levels. Though I doubt it, I might have gotten Janice to do my bidding. But then we’d be playing the slave-master scenario and likely without full-hearted consent. I probably would have violated her boundaries or at least thrown her far outside her comfort zone. I would become the evil perpetuator not the loving partner.

There’s an old moral to the story from the Orient of what happens when you save someone’s life. They believe that you’re forever responsible for the life you saved. So even if I succeeded in resurrecting Janice, would she really be choosing to love me?

I knew when she chose to climb on top, have her way with me, and shout her passion to the universe, that it was totally real.

It’s all about volition. I want a lover who chooses me with her free will. There’s no way to get to that kind of relationship through pressure. If I trespassed on her boundaries, would she ever trust me again? If I assumed I knew better and usurped her power, would I really be connecting with the real Goddess inside her?

Of course, it certainly helped that my wife encouraged us to have all the fun we could. While she was doing the same thing.

Sometimes I fantasize about a playmate who’s up for spontaneous romping anytime, anywhere. Frankly, that may be a pipe dream. Before it comes true, I’m content to follow my lovers’s lead. And why not? It gets me where I want to go eventually.

Love, Somraj

The Woman’s Role in Helping Her Man Last Longer: Unlimited Sexual Stamina Requires Partnership, Communication, and Teamwork

As a guy who’s had lots of lovers who’ve enjoyed lots of pleasure, I can honestly say I’m not totally in control of a woman’s orgasm.

As I explained in my previous post Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together, I used to believe that if I could just last enough thrusting inside her would it eventually do the trick.

But from the woman’s perspective, orgasm is actually way more complicated than that.

She needs a safe, relaxed environment. She needs a sense of comfort and trust. She needs to understand her own body, her orgasmic triggers, and the pathways that get her all the way there. And once the action starts, she needs to be willing to guide her lover. All that does little good if her partner isn’t willing to be guided and follow her lead.

All that being said, it’s still a challenge for many women to orgasm during jewel union (sexual intercourse). If he can’t last long enough to help her over the big hump, her chances are even slimmer.

But once a guy develops adequate stamina by himself, it’s even more demanding for him when he gets close to her naked body with your legs spread. A bright conscious woman who wants more in bed can do a lot to support — or undermine — her partner’s sexual stamina. That’s why I’ve extracted the following advice from my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse.

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Orgasmic Sex Is a Partnership

Let go of the outmoded romantic notion that the best lover always knows intuitively what to do to make their sweetheart go wild. Sure, we all luck into such synchronicity at times, but to base a continuing love relationship on this myth will backfire.

The good news is that you can consciously co-create fresh, hot, juicy, ecstatic sex whenever you choose if you work – or better, play – together. That requires communication, confidence, and collaboration so you both learn what you want, how to ask for it, what your honey wants, and how to give it.

Since a major cause of premature ejaculation is performance anxiety, get that out of the way by being open, clearing the decks, and honoring each other’s needs instead of pressuring each other.

You know what I mean: he pressures her to come, she pressures him not to.

Separate Not Joint Experience

In our society, sex is a private experience for the most part because it’s such a taboo subject. We hide our insecurities, make rude jokes, and don’t talk about it openly. Too many of us obsess about when to make the first move, how to initiate with a long-time partner, and how to give or get an orgasm. No wonder so many of us build up the anxieties and tensions that can cause premature ejaculation.

We’re not taught that sex is communion between souls expressing their basic nature through the divine gift of bodies. Few of us learn to play these instruments in harmony to produce amazing ecstasy.
Where do we learn that sex is an energy exchange between conscious beings who want to both give and receive pleasure? And thereby get closer to the divine?

When you’re desired and accepted for who you are without big expectations about how you need to perform, then you can relax and let nature take it’s sexual course. That’s partly why the training program in my Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery ebook requires “partnering” between lovers. This means being aware of your needs and reactions, talking honestly about them, honoring those of your partner, and playing together as equals.

Instead of “doing” your partner, you’ll need to do new-age things like feeling, communicating, and sharing together.

Pleasure — Not Orgasm — Is The Aim

Orgasmic sex is a joint dance where each lover surrenders to inner waves of energy and both assist each other to reach higher and higher peaks. Pleasure, not orgasm, is the aim. By soaring together, each partner can reach unheard of peaks and plateaus that culminate in bigger, stronger, deeper, often simultaneous spiritual climaxes.

But pushing for the Big O (orgasm) puts your attention out of the moment and on the wrong thing. Of course, yielding to that familiar urge to squirt can short-circuit the whole deal.

If your lover is pushing for maximum stimulation and rushing headlong towards orgasm as quickly as possible while you’re trying to prolong the event, the two of you will be playing at cross purposes.

To prevent this, both of you need to agree on a different vision of lovemaking. This means accepting that you are each totally responsible for your own pleasure, asking for what you want, giving sensitive feedback, going slowly, and savoring physical and intimate delights together. This is how love partners stretch their communion out for long periods of time.

What Does Partnering Mean?

Different partners have different sexual responses. So who’s responsible for seeing that each partner gets the things that bring them the most pleasure? We each are fully responsible. Partnering means speaking your needs and honoring those of your partner. If we do anything else, we set up the dynamics that produce stress, mystery, and tension – a surefire prescription for the guy blowing his wad unexpectedly.

If you’re single and searching for a partner to satisfy sexually, this whole view of sex as communion may sound even more challenging than finding someone willing to jump in the sack.

Guys, if you expect that you alone will be able to satisfy any woman without their cooperation, you’re laboring under a big delusion. Drop the whole concept that it’s your job alone to satisfy your partner. This is a mutual dance and that’s the way most women love it.

What overall approach do you need to take to negotiate a cooperative partnership for fresh new sexual encounters every time?

  • Enter into loveplay and discussions about it with patience and sensitivity.
  • Adopt the mindset of gratitude for any gifts pleasure you receive.
  • Enlist your lover at every step by letting them choose to play instead of using force or manipulation to get them to cooperate.
  • Continue to provide reassurance of your love and commitment to the relationship.
  • Explain that you want this to be a joint experience of deeper intimacy, giving you both everything you ever dreamed of.

Now doesn’t that sound way different than depending on letting the world-class stud or ultimate hottie make you crazy?

Some Guidelines For Women Who Want Sex To Last Longer

Most of this post comes from a training program in my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse. You read right. The best way to extend your sexual play is by practicing. Here are some guidelines that, hopefully, will help you support your lover on your joint quest for unlimited sexual stamina.

Talk before, during, and after.

First, you’ve got to talk about what you bring to the party and what’s happening for each of you. Communication only works when you’re each willing to hear what’s going on for your partner. Be sure to explain your concerns, worries, and anything else that comes up for you so you can be real and really present. Then, stay in touch while making love and exchange feedback to stay in sync.

Ladies, maybe you’re thinking that you should be asking HIM to communicate more. I know, I know, most women are more willing and able to talk more than men. But we need to support him in opening up, not pressure him to become totally transparent. That never helps him stay in the game longer.

Drop Expectations

I’ve studied lots of communication skills in my forty years of training experience and they’ve all helped. But frankly, the most important thing you can do is drop all your goals, agendas, and expectations. I know this is easier said than done, but do your best.

What does that mean in practice? Don’t enter into a sexual situation desperately needing a big explosive orgasm within 15 minutes. Why? Well, because, if you do, you’ll be polarizing your team relationship, not to mention putting pressure on a process that doesn’t respond well to pressure, namely a man’s sensitivity to coming before you want him to when he’s under pressure.

Now, I’m totally in favor of you having lots of orgasms. So enlist his help before penetration or get yourself off before practicing. Then you can relax and support this longer sex program with less pressure.

And while we’re on the subject, that kind of pressure also is one of the primary ways women block their own orgasms.

Establish Signals

One fundamental thing that will help your practice sessions is to establish signals so you know how close he is to coming. Words like “whoa!” or gestures like gripping your shoulders are two examples.

In my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery and my Solo Premature Ejaculation Mastery Ecourse I’ve included exercises that show a guy how to measure his arousal from 0, the sleeping puppy, to 10, the roaring dragon who spouts fire, or at least semen. Having him report by number is a workable signal if he’s learned how to do this.

Your learning curve will depend on how well he clues you in when he’s climbing rapidly or approaching 9.9, that infamous point of no return past which there’s no pulling back from the edge of the cliff. But your learning curve also depends on how well you watch, listen, and sense when he’s getting super turned on and when that’s too much.

Track and Follow His Rhythm

Ladies, while the two of you are learning and whenever you need it, use your innate feminine supportive nature and nurturing qualities to follow his rhythm. In other words, develop your sensitivity by employing the natural tracking skills that my lesbian friends tell me are an essential part of every woman’s make-up and their lovemaking. Then you’ll know when he’s getting close to ejaculating because you’re tuned into his level of excitement.

This means sensing those moments when he’s extra sensitive and relaxing into the flow, as well as knowing when he needs more friction to stay hard inside your yoni (vagina). Specifically, you’ll notice when he stops moving and act accordingly.

Stopping and starting are basic skills you’ll both be using to prolong sex. So instead of going for it now you’ll slow or stop thrusting to invest in lots more later.

It’s clear that this is possible because my wife of twenty years is a total expert at monitoring my arousal. When I change my rhythm or shift my position, she often asks if I got too close. If I haven’t mentioned it already. For me it’s extremely comforting to know that it’s not all up to me, that we’re in this together.

Women, I realize I’m asking you not to push for your own orgasm when he’s not ready to help you go for it. Didn’t I already mention that the goal of orgasm creates the kind of pressure that makes many men come too soon (and prevents many women from having one)?

I hope this doesn’t sound like you’re going to have to sacrifice a lot for a long time because that’s not the aim here. It’s more like investing a little money regularly for a big payoff later.

Besides, always ending in a Big O is more a guy thing, isn’t it? Many women appreciate that there is a way to enjoy fully fulfilling sex together without a big explosion.

Play Like Kids

You can both get there by learning how to have a good time with all of this like kids do. Enjoying orgasmic sex partly means dropping the equation that sex means having a big orgasm quickly and every time. Instead, switch your focus to pleasure and play with the energy that you’ll generate together.

Try basic philosophy is to simply bask in the delicious sensations and let orgasm come to you when it’s ready. Savor the subtle sensations and develop your own appetite for subtler turn-on and those feelings will grow.

Yes, wait until a cosmic climax overtakes you without pursuing it.

The more you enjoy playing without any big expectation of success or failure, the faster your progress towards unlimited sexual stamina, multiple orgasms, and cosmic ecstasy.

This is how kids play. Not the sex or orgasm part, but the fooling around without any plan or fear of failure. Just have a good time with whatever you’re doing without much of an agenda.

For example, let’s say he’s having trouble avoiding shooting up to 9.9 when you’re giving him a hand job. You stroke him and he comes. You try later and he comes again. You do it five times and he keeps blowing his wad. An uptight adult might be frustrated, but a kid is all goo-goo eyed about all the fun.

Better if you think “Look what I keep doing to him. Ooo, all that delicious semen squirting all over the place. Aren’t I a powerful sexy lover, wow!” You see, it’s the childlike innocence of extracting fun from whatever happens. If you’re patient and don’t take these inevitable setbacks too seriously, so will he.

And, trust me, he’ll get it eventually if you just have fun playing around.

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I’ve had lovers who kept urging me “faster, faster!” and “harder, harder!” Unfortunately I couldn’t give them what they wanted in each moment. But I could have gone at it faster and harder for long periods if we’d been on the same page from the start. They just needed to know what you’ve read above.

Now you know the program for making it last as long as you both want. I sure hope you have lots of fun.

Love, Somraj

Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together

“When it comes to love I want a slow hand.” — The Pointer Sisters

I know it’s true that sometimes women really love hard fast pounding. But pushing for it too soon never worked for me. And I’ve heard the same from lots of others.

Even those go-for-it girls enjoy a little teasing that lets their excitement build. There’s a lot to recommend a long slow dance before racing to the finish.

When I was younger I didn’t understand the divine interplay of water and fire, of slow-to-awaken female lovers and what-are-we-waiting-for male ones. I couldn’t even imagine managing my hyper-sensitivity and finding my way up to a pleasure plateau where I could last as long as my female partner needed in order to orgasm.

Yes, Timing Is Everything

Sure, at 70 my sexual responses are slower than when I was a young buck. Then I would come within 2 to 5 minutes after penetration. Even though it was the worst thing for my sexual stamina, I would pump as fast as possible. I was laboring under the mistaken impression that jackhammering was how women come.

Now it does take me longer to reach the edge of the cliff, something like 10 to 15 minutes. Typically that’s not enough for my partners most of the time.

Still I find myself at the same precipice teetering on the edge of coming. Even with everything I’ve mastered, I can slip over in a headlong rush if I don’t pay attention. But fortunately I’ve learned how to extend my sexual longevity enough to enjoy fast sex at times.

Before my Tantra training, I didn’t understand much of anything about women, their bodies, minds, and souls, and their pathways to orgasm. Now I realize that the average man takes around 5 to 10 minutes to climax during intercourse while the average woman takes 20 to 40. If she’s lucky.

So after I learned when to slow down hand ow to extend, I actually gave my female partners more of a chance to explode in a blaze of glory. Once I developed the ability to pace myself past those first couple peaks of pleasure, I found myself in a less sensitive place. Then I could give her some short bouts of fast stroking. That allowed me to play in a hotter pleasure plateau and last longer.

How I Learned Sexual Stamina

How do I do that? Well, it starts with relaxation. That may sound contradictory, relaxing when you’re going at it. Sure, slowing down makes the action less arousing. But the kind of relaxation that I’m talking about, the kind of calmness that works for me, is inside.

When I’m not in the internal grip of sexual tension, I can relax even when the old in-out-in-out is fast.

I first had to drop the pressure to make her come. Orgasm is so much more complicated from a woman’s perspective. Maybe it’s the male ego that drives the false belief that if I hit her hard enough, I’ll succeed at making her come. I had to disabuse myself of that myth before I made any progress.

Then I had to learn how to follow a path that doesn’t push me over the edge too soon. When I have to continuously fight the urge to squirt, I can’t relax.

And most importantly, relaxing means relaxing the muscular sheath around my prostate gland that triggers ejaculation. That was a major learning curve for me that I documented in my first Tantric ebook, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery.

You see, it takes repeated practice to make that otherwise involuntary muscle chill.

Just Do It, Right?

Of course, this simple solution isn’t easy to master for most guys. Gosh, all that sexual electricity is pummeling you from the inside and my advice is to simply relax? Good luck without a program to retain your mind and body (like my ebook spells out).

The strategy I recommend is to learn to shift the sexual energy away from your jewels (genitals) where it’s generated mostly strongly. Managing that lifeforce that turns us on is central to the practices of Tantric Sex.

If you’re unfamiliar with Tantra, let’s just say it’s the ancient art of spiritual sexuality that originated in India thousands of years ago. Through easy exercises like breathing, yoga, and meditation, it helps you get more in touch with your mind, body, and soul. Then you can sense, amplify, and direct sexual energy.

So if you learn to relax inside and spread the excitement out of your jewels, you can extend your sexual stamina dramatically.

It Takes Two to Tango in Bed

After twenty years of practicing Tantric sexual stamina, I can honestly say that it is easy most of the time. I just tell the most aroused parts of my body to relax and they do. I imagine a channel opening up inside and it does. I intend to siphon some sexual energy out of my crotch and it flows up that channel.

This is no sacrifice when it makes me feel like I’m coming all over without squirting.

I have made this work with multiple lovers since I converted to the sexual style of pacing myself. But I can’t honestly promise that it will work with every woman. There are those who’ve wanted me to pump them frantically longer than I can stand.

So let’s leave it at this. It takes two to Tango in bed.

Fortunately, my partners have learned to sense my ups and downs and go with the flow. We’ve both discovered that slowing or shifting for a moment pays off in the long run.

Maybe my next post should be about the woman’s role in helping her man last longer.

 

P.S. Just did that next post The Woman’s Role in Helping Her Man Last Longer: Unlimited Sexual Stamina Requires Partnership, Communication, and Teamwork.

 

Love, Somraj

Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones

Something magical has been happening to us lately when we make love. Often we’re catapulted to a pleasure state where everything feels sensational. And just keeps feeling that way.

We started talking about it on the seventeenth floor of a hotel this last weekend. That was after a long afternoon in which every round of sex launched us up to this lofty level of passion.

Each time the day before it only took a few strokes after first penetration. Suddenly we found ourselves propelled into a higher sexual energy orbit. Our hunger for each other and our sensations abruptly became more intense and stayed that way as long as we coupled.

I’ve written a lot recently about riding up and down pleasure peaks. (Click here to read my latest post, Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks: How to Use Them to Trigger Different Kinds of Orgasms.)

But this higher orbit was different. It was more like a stable plateau where the sexual electricity just kept flowing of its own accord.

I liken these orbits to the energy states of electrons spinning around an atom’s nucleus. The innermost electrons have the lowest energy and the furthest have the most. We were certainly soaring in some rarified atmosphere.

My conclusion was obvious. Pump more energy into bodies spinning in sexual delight and they ascend to a higher orbit. It’s like the game changes when we land in an elevated new playing field.

Of course the game I’m talking about is exchanging pleasure. In the higher orbit we move way past the opening gambits of foreplay that are
dedicated to getting each other fully aroused and erect. This applies to women as well as men as my previous post explained (Full-Body Erections: He and She Both Need One for Satisfying Sexual Penetration and All 12 Types of Orgasm).

What’s It Like In A Higher Orbit?

In the higher state it’s amazing how much more we feel. And how many different sensations we experience. Our bodies become more sensitive and more receptive. It feels like more cells are awake and vibrating, sending off their own streamers of sexual electricity.

Can cells actually orgasm? It sure feels like it.

After we settle into the higher orbit, we feel our sensory fields open to a wider spectrum of sensations. And the impact of those sensations is dramatically magnified. To get the idea, imagine you’re looking through a telescope at one spot on the moon and all at once your vision widens to cover the whole moon. And that’s happening to your sense of touch, smell, taste, and hearing at the same time.

It’s like going from black and white to color. Like jumping from two dimensions to three. Like flying where we were once walking.

It seems to me that our pleasure becomes more intense in a higher orbit due to the continuous streaming of sexual passion. Because the current is steady we don’t have to work at it. Any touch, lick, or stroke seems to detonate ecstasy grenades like splashes in a still lake. And without anything in the way, they keep rebounding.

Every bit of arousal is preserved and amplified. The sexual electromagnetism is flooding strongly through and between us. But since there’s little resistance, the surface of the pond remains still while the current below is gets stronger.

Oddly enough, in the higher orbit our desire is supercharged. We love what we’re feeling yet we want more, More, MORE!

How Can You Launch Yourselves To A Higher Sexual Orbit?

Maybe you’ve unexpectedly found yourselves in a higher sexual energy orbit and loved it. But don’t for a moment believe that you have no control over launching yourselves into a loftier zone.

Before our Tantra training we typically rushed towards maximum turn-on and orgasm. And usually missed. Now, after nearly twenty years of practice, we instead build, conserve, and make our sexual energy last. Sure, sometimes we slow down. But lots of the time we pump away as frantically as any wild animal.

Whatever we’re doing, we instinctively spread the excitement in our jewels (genitals) all throughout our bodies. Our aim is to pump passion into our pleasure balloons, those energy bubbles that normally stay collapsed in our groins. That is, until we expand them to fill the field that surrounds us.

That’s how we get all our cells, organs, and tissues turned-on. It’s rare for us to soar to a higher orbit before we’re sizzling, vibrating, and shaking all over.

Because we don’t always release lots of sexual energy in premature explosive orgasm, we often move there quickly without much warmup. It seems like the excitement is still percolating below the surface from our last session a day or two earlier.

Other times we have to consciously manage our pleasure peaks. As we reach for more and more turn-on, we let the peaks come and go as they will. We ride the upswells and relax into the down-swells without fighting them.

It’s normal for lovers untrained in this ancient art of spiritual energy sex to tense up when hit with sudden surges of excitement. A sudden influx of sexual electricity can shock even the strongest of us. Many feel they have to control it or regulate it or push to make something happen when they’re inundated by such intense sensations.

But we don’t resist. We relax, let go, and surrender to the power coursing through us.

The gurus say that surrendering is the key to transforming pleasure into sexual ecstasy. From our extensive research in our bed, we’ve found that letting go is the portal into higher orbits of passion.

As our pleasure balloons expand to fill our whole bodies, our peaks rise higher and stretch out. The sensations at the summits get stronger at the same time as the descents mellow. This skill of peaking causes these high points to coalesce into plateaus.

Then, at some point, there’s this boom that seems to levitate us. It feels like the flood gates open and pour huge amounts of sexual energy into our inner rivers. That’s what fuels us scaling above the peaks into the higher orbit.

How Can Sexual Techniques Help You Reach Higher Orbits?

Now I realize what I’ve written so far has mostly been energy theory. Yet, the sexual techniques we employ have a lot to do with our reaching ecstatic states. If you’re interested, you’ll want to discover what works best for you and your partner. Here are some vital fundamentals.

Stimulating a woman’s nineteen erogenous zones and a man’s nine is essential. Changing speed, depth, length, and angle of sexual strokes affects a lover’s level of arousal. All of that requires reading each other in order to respond with what produces the biggest jolt at each moment. That might include a hand, a mouth, or a sex toy depending on what each prefers in the moment.

Many sexologists frequently urge lovers to address the biggest sex organ, namely all of the skin. We agree wholeheartedly as they ascend to a higher orbit. But once there following what the body wants works better than hard and fast rules.

We find that the jewels, being so sexually responsive, are the passion generating engines. So, as we’re touching, licking, and stroking in-and-out, we’re directing the sexual electricity to fill the whole body.

You’ve probably realized that different lovers respond to different moves. My wife Jeffre, for example, finds that spreading her legs invites me all the way inside her. It’s more than my hard organ going deeper. The physical action prompts the energetic opening.

For both of us, titillating a second orgasmic trigger boosts the energy current. In our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making we call this a “hot link.” You open a passion circuit inside when the energy generated in two or more sensitive pleasure spots coalesce.

I do this by playing with her nipples or clio (clitoris) while we’re making love. She does that by caressing my balls or backdoor. We found a startling rise in our excitement this weekend when we kissed while our jewels were sliding in and out.

Creating hot links is the key to one of the 12 major types of orgasm, the blended one. This is where you climax in two places at once like the clio and G-Spot.

Is This Something You Want To Practice Like We Do?

We’re always disheartened when we hear longterm lovers who get bored or disinterested in sex. After twenty years, we experience more sensational pleasure every time we make love. Maybe the above energy practices explain why.

Our pleasure receivers are better tuned to each other. We’re better at knowing what we want, asking for it, and letting each know how it’s working. We spend a fair share of our awareness reading each other, tuning in to what produces the biggest impacts, and synchronizing our lovemaking.

I’d be lying if I let you think that our life in bed as well as out of it is a perfect dance. But with these tools we’re more in harmony more of the time. And we can easily get back in sync on the higher orbit launching pad.

It’s so much fun, who wouldn’t want to practice, practice, practice.

Hopefully these observations will help you soar in higher orbits more of the time.

Love, Somraj

Full-Body Erections: He and She Both Need One for Satisfying Sexual Penetration and All 12 Types of Orgasm (X-Rated)

As a teenager and a younger man, any swish of a shapely butt would make me hard. Now that I’m a sexy senior citizen, my schwing reflex isn’t as reliable. But when I’m erect, that super sensitivity is still ultra wonderful.

My female lovers tell me that they experience much the same thing.

Wait, did I just say that women get erections?

Yes, I did. Now they may not be as visible from the outside as when a guy’s love tool reaches for the sky. But feminine jewels (genitals) undergo much the same arousal process as male ones.

I’m talking about the turn-on process. When any body gets excited, the spongey tissues down there fill with blood which makes them hotter, darker, and more flushed. Scientists call jewels that are swollen this way “engorged” or “tumesced.”

A penis becomes erect when its three inner cylinders whose names begin with “spongiosum” fill with blood. There’s an artistic softie on the right.

I don’t have to explain that a guy’s organ needs to be somewhat engorged to get hard enough for sexual penetration. It’s pretty difficult to cram a floppy noodle into a deep cavity, right? (Let’s not forget, however, that there are still lots of fun things to do with it.)

The Edge of Wetness

What may not be as obvious is that a woman’s yoni (vagina) needs to be sufficiently tumesced to enjoy jewel union (sexual intercourse). Check out the before and after pictures at the left for some idea of what I’m talking about.

One way to tell is how wet her yoni gets. If she’s not turned-on enough to be lubricated, dry sexual stroking won’t be pleasurable. In fact in can be downright painful. But due to age, medications, and physical condition, some women don’t lubricate regardless of how aroused they are. To deal with that, we’ve found our favorite water-based lube that we buy in cases and always keep at hand.

Johnny Carson used to do a skit regularly called “The Edge Of Wetness.” You couldn’t depend on those jokes to be wet either.

Since feminine wetness isn’t totally predictable, we all need a better indicator of the feminine erection. Sheri Winston, in her great book Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, calls this the “cuff.” That’s a snug, swollen, puffy, sensitive sleeve that surrounds yoni’s mouth when fully erect. Does the picture at the right give you an idea of a what this puffy sleeve looks like before penetration? It’s the cuff that molds around and squeezes a male erection (or a finger or toy) inserted inside.

The tissue that forms the cuff is actually a spongy network extending all throughout a woman’s groin. That includes her outer and inner lips, several deep parts of her clio (clitoris), her G-Spot, and other erectile tissues in and around her yoni.

Here’s how we described in our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making

The whole women’s web (WWW) is an integrated matrix of linked, excitable, erogenous zones within and around a woman’s jewels. When tumesced, these organs work together to create a “cuff” on all sides of yoni’s mouth. In its puffy erect state, the cuff is a snug, swollen, sensitive sleeve that surrounds and squeezes anything that’s inserted. Though elastic, it’s firmer and much more “grabby” than yoni’s mouth when unaroused. Until it’s plump and engorged, entry isn’t pleasurable. That’s why getting only one or two parts of the WWW excited limits a woman’s opportunity for passion, orgasm, and ecstasy.

To enjoy long passionate orgasmic sex and enjoy all twelve orgasms, it’s essential for the WWW to be fully aroused, engorged, and tumesced. In order to prevent premature penetration, make sure yoni’s cuff is fully erect first. That’s the only way to know for sure that you’re being invited inside.

Just like a male hard-on, a fully plump female cuff is essential to enjoy all twelve types of orgasms.

What About The Rest Of The Body?

 You can have lots of fun playing with male or female jewels without an erection. How else can we enjoy foreplay to get our privates ready for more vigorous action?

But the scope of this article is bigger than that, namely, the whole body.

OK, I admit that whole bodies are already filled with blood and aren’t likely to get more engorged without a major transfusion (joke). What I’m referring to here is the skin flush, goosebumps, and other manifestations of excitement.

A full-body erection is when you feel those same sensations all over.

In other words, after your jewels get erect you can spread those delicious feelings and get even more turned-on. Sexual arousal may start from some sort of sensual touch and trigger the brain to activate the arousal that feels so good. But it’s sexual energy that we’re actually feeling.

In Long Hot Tantric Love Making we define sexual energy as…

The electromagnetic lifeforce in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm.
Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations.

It’s the energy that causes a jewel erection. But when it collects in non-spongy tissues like your torso, legs, or head, it still feels like an erection.

So to have a full-body erection all you need to do is generate a lot of sexual energy and spread it all over. If you’re healthy, a robust sex drive is natural. When your libido is prompting you to play, getting turned-on should be easy.

All that’s left is to charge all your limbs, organs, cells, and every inch of your skin with sexual energy.

My previous blog post, The 5 S’s of Peaking: Mastering the Ups and Downs of Your Sexual Energy, explained how to expand the energy out of your jewels to fill your whole body.

Of course, an explosive orgasm usually drains this vital essence before you can stretch it out of your jewels. That’s why the art and science of full-body erections begins with delaying orgasm. The article referenced above explains how to edge and dance on the verge so you won’t come before your whole body is vibrating with sexual energy.

Why Bother?

I would think it obvious if jewel erections feel good that you’d want more of it more places. If you don’t yet belong to the cult of perpetual pleasure, you might want to consider joining. No registration fees, no rules, no mandatory meetings. Just make the passion grow and last with yourself and with a lover.

Without doing this, you’ll probably have difficulty enjoying all twelve types of orgasms. And it goes without say that without a full-body erection having full-body orgasms is pretty unlikely.

Love, Somraj