The 5 S’s of Peaking: Mastering the Ups and Downs of Your Sexual Energy

I still remember the homework that our Tantra instructor assigned us years ago. Pleasure yourself to a peak but back off without coming. Do it at least three times.

Back then this oversexed guy had no concept about delaying orgasm and extending lovemaking. But this three-peaks exercise completely changed my life. To be more specific, my sex life.

A sexual peak is when your excitement spikes before it drops suddenly. It’s when your turn-on suddenly shoots upward and bounces you off the bed. Sometimes it feels like you’re momentarily levitating before the eruption calms.

A peak is like a mini-orgasm that may lead to a Big O.

Obviously these are wonderful gifts we are all grateful for. Except when they make the guy come too soon. Or when a series of them drains the woman’s vital essence making it harder for her to come.

Lovers like us who specialize in orgasmic sex — having all the intense feelings as if we were coming the whole time — apply the skill of peaking every time we make love. That’s the conscious ability to manage the rising and falling of arousal.

Mastering Peaking

When you master the skill of peaking, you can float on the precipice where the pleasure is most intense. I call it dancing on the verge which you can do for minutes or more at a time. You might have heard of “edging,” that’s backing off when you get to close to coming. Both edging and dancing on the verge are two of the many peaking techniques which are vital tools of orgasmic sex.

Now you might ask what’s wrong with letting it all hang out and going for it. Well, nothing if you’re both so hot that all you crave is the explosive release of a quickie.

But all too often quickies drop you into the orgasm gap. That’s the well-documented phenomenon of him climaxing much more quickly than her. Further, it may cut your hard-to-come-by playtime short.

Once, after a weeklong business trip, we made a nest in front of the fireplace so we could enjoy hours of orgasmic sex. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), we were both so horny that we couldn’t last more than a few minutes. So we came together in an earth-shattering blaze of glory. The funniest part was our golden retriever putting his snout between our faces and howling right along with us. To be sure, an awesome moment. But we were hard pressed to get as turned-on for the next few hours.

To if you want to overcome premature ejaculation, build more excitement for bigger or easier orgasms, or make it last longer, you may want to get good at peaking.

Anatomy Of A Sexual Peak

To learn peaking, it helps to understand what’s happening with your sexual energy. Sexual energy is the electromagnetic life force in your body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers normally feel it as nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and spreading sensations.

So obviously building enough sexual energy is what causes a peak of pleasure.

Every sexual stroke — be it by hand, mouth, toy, or jewel (genital) penetration — creates a flow of passion current just like the output from an electrical generator. Some strokes may trigger energy blossoms that shoot streamers throughout your body. Some feel like fireworks exploding inside. Others feel like the hot cascades of an erotic waterfall.

If all the sexual energy you generate stays in your most erogenous zones around your crotch, the sensation is way intense. Too much concentrated energy is what makes men come uncontrollably before they’re ready. And by confining the fire around the jewels, it typically doesn’t lead to full-body orgasms.

This may not sound like much of a problem for you if you’re a multi-orgasmic woman, assuming your partner can keep up with you. It’s just that putting all your attention on orgasm can distract you from enjoying the journey. You know, taking time to smell the roses.

And when smelling the roses feels like the most powerful erotic explosion you’ve ever had, you don’t want it to end too soon.

Fill Your Pleasure Balloon

For perpetual orgasmic sex, lovers need to manage the energy build-up before and the release after the peak. And instead of wasting the passion, channel it to fill the whole body.

I use the analogy of the pleasure balloon to help understand how peaking works. Your pleasure balloon is an imaginary energy bubble inside your body that limits and regulates your capacity to feel. At rest, the pleasure balloon is collapsed around your jewels. As you get excited and sexual energy fills your container, it expands spreading the yummy sensations. If you fill it rapidly, it can pop, wasting all that life-giving passion before you’re ready to break.

But if you change your focus to pumping sexual energy into your pleasure balloon, sex becomes more erotic, more intense, and longer lasting. You shift from pushing for or avoiding the Big O to enjoying the trancey feeling of lightness and the percolating sensations of pleasure all over.

It’s your pleasure balloon — the energy bubble filling your whole body — that makes you feel like you’re levitating.

When you’re enjoying orgasmic sex, you maintain the feeling that the tidal wave of sexual energy causes just before a huge climax. You float on the edge of the cliff without sliding over.

Are you getting just a little bit interested in using those electric sexual strokes to hover at sexual peaks while you fill your pleasure balloon instead of keeping your accelerator floored?

How To Peak

I’m a guy with a college-trained brain that needs formulas to remember things. So I use the 5 S’s to describe peaking. These were first described in my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery which later came out in print as Male Multiple Orgasm. The 5 S’s are…

  • Stop
  • Slow
  • Switch
  • Sound
  • Spread.

If you feel like you’re about to be catapulted uncontrollably over the precipice, you don’t need a college degree to figure out you should stop moving. If it’s the friction on your jewels that is pumping that sexual electricity into your pleasure balloon, turn off the generator for a moment. Duh!

Of course, when those urges are driving you, that’s sometimes easier said than done. But managing peaks usually starts by learning to how stop moving altogether. If you’re with a partner, this may not be the most popular technique but it is fundamental step on the peaking learning curve.

When you do stop in the middle of the action, you’ll take a break in funneling sexual energy into your pleasure balloon. This should make your sensations subside. I find if I take a couple deep breaths and relax as much as possible, I can reset for another ascent pretty quickly.

Sometimes the dip in excitement isn’t instantaneous. Your arousal might keep rising for a bit as you get still. That’s why a major part of each lover’s learning curve has to do with timing. But stopping is reliable at slowing the sharp ascent. And you may find the crest rounding a bit as your excitement settles down.

Slowing And Switching

When you have success with stopping, it shouldn’t be a great leap to softening your peaks by slowing. Again, this should be pretty straightforward. If you’re stroking in and out once every 2 seconds, try one every 3, 4, or 5 seconds. It’s not that different than stopping for a count of two before your next stroke.

If stopping and slowing are elementary school techniques, when you’re ready to master switching you’ve graduated to high school. Switching simply means changing what you’re doing. Change the depth, angle, or pressure of your strokes. Shift sexual positions so the friction is less or creates different sensations.

One advanced way of switching is to adjust the pattern of your strokes. For example, if you’re making two deep pumps followed by one shallow, change to one deep and two shallow. That assumes shallower strokes are less arousing at that moment. If the reverse is true for you, well, reverse them.

As you learn switching, you’ll probably find some stroking adjustments will feel more exciting and might push you over the edge. All in the learning curve, baby. But gradually you’ll discover ways to adjust your lovemaking to ease your peaking without stopping or slowing.

Even Higher Sexual Education

The last two of the 5 S’s, sounding and spreading, are definitely the arena of higher sexual education. That’s because they deal with regulating the generation and flow of sexual energy directly. While most women tend to grasp this ability more readily than most men, it’s a major shift for most lovers.

Sounding simply means to make love sounds. Frankly, that can include any kind of noise. You know, sighs, moans, groans, shrieks, and screams. Personally, I find that I can use my voice to release a sudden surge of energy as I’m rising to a peak. Growling seems to be most effective for me.

Again, most women are better at this than macho guys trained in the stoic school of acting. Might there be a connection in the fact that these women seem more passionate than their men of few words?

The last S, spreading, is the province of sexual energy Ph.D. candidates. By the way, this last S doesn’t mean spreading your legs. Spreading is all about moving the energy out of your jewels or wherever it’s concentrated at the moment. It means consciously funneling it into your pleasure balloon so it expands to fill your whole body.

The Five Cruxes of Ecstasy


Masters of orgasmic sex develop the capacity to manage their sexual energy. In our latest ebook,
Long Hot Tantric Love Making, we present the five tools for doing this: breath, sound, movement, visualization, and presence. We call them the Cruxes of Ecstasy. The first three S’s were all about movement, and we just explained how sounding functions to release too-intense energy bursts.

Another movement that’s very effective in moving sexual energy is the PC pump. PC stands for the pubococcygeal muscles that support the pelvic floor. You might have heard them called “Kegels” after the obstetrician who developed exercises for women after childbirth. When your PC muscles are strong and toned, squeezing them pumps energy up out of your jewels and into your pleasure balloon. Very effective for guys, too.

Using the breath is one of the most powerful tools descended from Eastern yogis and Tantric adepts. To slow the rise towards the peak, breathe deeper and slower in the belly. To let the energy shoot upwards, breathe faster. You may find the same thing happens when you hold your breath.

As your awareness and sensitivity of sexual energy increases, you’ll be able to make it expand, contract, and move simply by visualizing it. After twenty years of practice, I often find I can boost one of my ebbs or calm one of my hyper moments through intention alone.

If this sounds challenging, you’ll understand why I call it graduate level education. But it’s not that difficult if you have a seasoned teacher. In ancient times disciples had to apprentice to a master for years and years to receive these secrets. Back then, one-on-one worked best to provide the discipline and personalized coaching necessary to refine these skills.

But without the last cruz of ecstasy, presence, the journey to orgasmic energy mastery will be overly long and less likely of success. Presence means being present here and now. Being conscious, being aware, being mindful.

Our presence curriculum starts with relaxation, continues with improving sensitivity, and in the end becomes surrender. Not in the sense of giving up the fight but in the sense of letting things go and letting whatever is going to happen happen.

You can’t control sexual energy with an iron fist. You have to guide it subtly and let it do it’s thing. That’s one of the main reasons orgasmic sex only succeeds when you have no goal of orgasm and no rote agenda to get there.

Mastering Your Sexual Peaks

Learn to spread sexual energy and you will easily become the master of your peaks.

At first, you’ll find the ups and downs steep and the crest quite sharp with a few-second break between. I call those masculine peaks. But as you develop the skills of the five S’s, you’ll learn to rise and fall more slowly. You’ll be able to boost the summit’s height when you choose and lower it when you need to.

Eventually you’ll find your arousal won’t dip down as far. You’ll find your sharp peaks becoming more rounded and morphing into extended plateaus. These are more feminine peaks.

Maybe the most sought-after benefit of peaking is having an energy orgasm. That’s where you have all the physical sensations of orgasm without releasing much sexual energy. Or semen for guys. In an energy orgasm you might find yourself jackknifing, crying out, and vibrating all over. It feels like every cell is coming. When this happens in an extended plateau, I call it the orgasm zone or O-Zone for short.

I’ve blogged about all of this a lot. If you want to go deeper, check out these two earlier posts…

Or for the full training program to become a sexual energy aficionado, download a copy of our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making.

If this raises any questions, please comment below and I’ll answer them right away.

Until next time.

Love, Somraj

A Spiritual Alternative to Viagra: Timing Your Ejaculations to Extend Your Sexual Stamina

As much as we seek to release all attachment, many of us aging lovers are still attached to getting and maintaining our own or our partner’s erection.

While I don’t see anything spiritually wrong with medicines like Viagra, I prefer natural alternatives. Being a sexually-active 70-year-old male, I’ve tried many herbal potions with varying results. Although some are frauds, I want to offer my belated thanks to the Kama Sutra for introducing aphrodisiacs into the world.

Actually I don’t need much help getting it up. But being Tantrically trained, I love to make love several times a week for an hour or more at a time. So my erectile experiments have centered around staying hard as long as we’re having fun.

It turns out that my erection stamina has less to do with what I put in my body than what I let out. Or to be more accurate, how often I ejaculate.

According to ancient spiritual traditions like Tantra and Taoism , a man’s semen is his life essence. One venerable teacher called it “Original Spirit.” According to these bygone sexologists, spilling your seed decreases your vitality, energy, and libido. Which, of course, diminishes your ability to get and stay erect.

I have a friend who can come ten times in a row without much break. That’s never been me. Even as a young man my desire to do it again wouldn’t return for many hours. Now that I’m a sexy senior citizen, that’s become days. For me my most powerful virility option is repeatedly surfing on the edge of coming without squirting.

If your hackles just rose rise up in horror, bear with me. I know how good it feels to explode into a big wet spot. Or to push your male partner over that ecstatic precipice. I still remember that student years ago who refused to listen any further exclaiming, “You want me to give up my favorite part of sex? No way!”

One thing I learned from Tantra is that orgasm and ejaculation are two different things. So I said to him, “What if I could show you how to have orgasm after stronger orgasm for as long as you want instead?” That got his attention fast. It wasn’t too long afterwards that I published my Male Multiple Orgasm book about how to do just that.

When I released the goal of frequent orgasm and mentally pivoted towards longer pleasure instead, my erection stamina soared. Does this inspire you in any way to learn to float in a continuous and higher orgasmic state instead of pushing for a quick release?

My point is that we all need to find our own personal ejaculation frequency. For me, that’s every few weeks. I learned how to conserve my vital essence by studying two early traditions.

Tantra is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice that teaches how to harness the life forces that innervate body, mind, and spirit. Tantric adepts harness sexual energy to fuel consciousness, love, and enlightenment. When applied to lovemaking, conserving the energy of orgasm is essential. It was through Tantric practices that I mastered the art of multiple energy orgasms without ejaculating.

The study of Taoism has helped me as well. Taoism is an ancient Chinese philosophy about finding “the way” in harmony with natural order and the principles of yin and yang. Ancient Taoist physicians specialized in extending longevity. They gave men specific guidelines about how often to ejaculate based on age, strength, and health.

One such recommended schedule for strong males comes from Su Nü who wrote under the pseudonym the Plain Girl. She was a concubine of the famous Yellow Emperor during the Chinese Yin Dynasty 5000 years ago. Here’s what she advised: Teenagers can afford to ejaculate twice a day, while 30-year-olds can come daily. Men of 40 should ejaculate only once every three days and 50-year-olds only every five days. Men of 60 can release every ten days and those of 70 once a month. This famous concubine of the emperor doubled these durations for weaker men and advised weak 70-year-olds to give up ejaculating altogether.

Master Sun, born in 581 AD and lived for 101 years, prescribed a stricter schedule. He advised that men who could make love 100 times without an emission would live a very long life. Since few could achieve that, he suggested two ejaculations per month. His detailed schedule was: one emission every four days for 20-somethings, every eight days for 40-year-olds, and only once every 20 days for men in their 50s. He recommended those above 60 give it up altogether unless they were exceptionally healthy.

Chinese longevity specialists advised that every man needs to find his own right interval. Expert guidance to find my own way has always inspired my rebellious nature. When I first started enjoying extended Tantric lovemaking at 50, I came every time we made love. Several times a week was too often for me. I discovered that I could maintain my erections better if I limited my emissions to twice a week. Ten years later, once a week was necessary. Now a three-week schedule seems best.

The Taoist doctors advised that it was unhealthy to give up ejaculating altogether except in extreme circumstances. That’s been my experience, too. After quite a few lovemaking sessions I sometimes experience testicle pressure often called “blue balls.” Though there’s been little relevant scientific research, doctors say it’s nothing serious that isn’t resolved by coming. Fortunately, a little massage and energy-spreading breathwork resolves it quickly for me. Or I decide my body is telling me it’s time to release.

Undoubtedly, your mileage may vary. Mine does based on how I’m feeling physically and emotionally and how much action I’ve had recently. Hopefully I’ve given you enough grounding in the art and science of ejaculatory timing to find a schedule that keeps you hot and hard and virile well into old age. I figure with my expertise and experience I’ve got another few decades of Tantric sex ahead of me.

Love, Somraj

Orgasmic Energy Sex is Safe Sex, Passionate Foreplay, and Sometimes a Phenomenal Main Event

I want to tell you about an orgasmic all-nighter I had some years ago with my clothes on. And her clothes on. Let me assure you that our garments in no way impeded the magnetic exchange of sexual energy.

We were teaching Tantric LoveMaking at the Lifestyles Convention, the annual international gathering of 5000 swingers in Las Vegas. In our hour-long class there was a beautiful blind Tantra masseuse who was very interested in what we were presenting. With the guidance of a friend, she came up afterwards to meet us. She peppered us with questions about how we learned, how we practiced, and how she could get more involved. Obviously she shared our values that conscious consensual Tantric Sex is a high form of sacred communion.

When we invited her to join us for our community’s all-night celebration, she instantly and enthusiastically agreed.

Each year one of our friends rented a suite in the Lifestyles hotel and hosted a party starting at midnight. He only invited a couple dozen people who were responsible, spiritual, and uninhibited. After relating our conversation, he welcomed her. When we called to confirm the invitation and offered to pick her up at her room, she was excited. But she assured us her friend — apparently platonic and not interested in our antics — would deliver her on time.

Though there is always lots of coupling and shifting around at such get-togethers, it’s not a free-for-all orgy. We always start responsibly and ritually. Sure, we’re there to have fun and maximize pleasure, but our foremost aim is to honor the divine in each one we meet. So the opening includes a bit of ceremony, presentation of safe-sex and consensual ground rules, and discussion of desires, concerns, and boundaries.

With the agreement of my other partners and lovers, I made a beeline to seek her out in the small crowd. She knew me instantly and welcomed the chance for us to get more intimate.

We talked, we kissed, and talked some more. The sensations that our interacting bioenergetic fields were creating in each of us were delightful. I knew she was feeling it to because Tantric practice is transparent, open, and conscious.

Well, sure, I wanted to rip her clothes off and jump her. But I’ve learned to sink into the glory of each new moment and savor the journey. She was excited to hear how much I wanted her and how patient I was. So we agreed to go with the flow and let whatever happened happen organically.

Actually, my body was responding so strongly to hers that it was like having physical sex. That’s one of the advantages of energy sex. You avoid the distractions of undressing, condoms, finding a comfortable place for arms and legs.

So what is “energy sex?” Well, if you remember what your body feels like when you’re getting close to orgasm, but you’re not even touching, that’s energy sex.

One way to explain it is by understanding the bioenergetic field that surrounds every human body. I call it the “biofield.” You know that there’s electricity flowing through your nerve channels. And that an electrical current creates a magnetic field. The more you use the three Tantric keys of harnessing sexual energy — breathing, moving, and sounding — the stronger those fields. Of course, the more turned-on you get, the deeper you breathe, the more you shake and undulate, and the louder your moans and screams.

All of this charges your biofield and makes it surge and pulse. It feels to me like electrical streamers spreading throughout my body. Sometimes they’re geysers shooting up from my jewels (genitals). Sometimes they’re more like cascades of goosebumps falling down.

One of the best things you can learn from Tantric practice, once you learn to charge your biofield, is to connect with someone else’s. That starts by opening your awareness to feel those streamers inside your playmate’s body. Then you can open passion circuits between the two of you and exchange sexual energy. When you have two or more such connections, you can create energy circles. Our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making, describes how to do all of this in detail.

Now self-pleasuring is great fun and an important way to increase your sensitivity and harness your sexual energy. But the synergy of feeling your lover’s excitement, adding to it, and passing it back and forth is one of the divine’s greatest gifts to humankind.

That’s what we did for hours. Sure, there was some touching and hugging and lots of kissing. From the outside it certainly looked a lot more vanilla than making the beast with two backs. But from the inside it was intense, powerful, and downright cataclysmic.

When I noticed a hint of dawn through the windows and mentioned it, she asked what time it was. It turned out she had an early flight back to Denver. So I called her caretaker and that was that.

I suppose if you ask me now if I was disappointed, I’d probably say a bit. But right then I was vibrating so peacefully and strongly that I gracefully surrendered to whatever happened.

There’s no doubt that this was a perfect prescription for a first date. And since we didn’t exchange any fluids, perfectly safe sex. And since we didn’t arrive at any skin-on-skin sex acts, most would call it foreplay.

But I still remember those continuous orgasmic sensations flooding my body. And as she related, she experienced much the same.

Isn’t that the whole point of sex anyway? To give and receive enormous pleasure?

So I still believe it was a phenomenal main event.

Love, Somraj