Sexual Inventory: A Great Tool for Taking Charge of your Own Pleasure

Enthusiastic consent to sexual play is essential for empowered pleasure that prevents abuse. Here is a great tool developed for teens but seems totally applicable for all kinds of lovers. It’s a list of all sorts of intimate activities, a long one to be sure, that you can study or check off yourself. Even better, go over it with your partner to let each other know what you need and want in bed.

Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist | Scarleteen

Help Your Man Last Longer in Bed: 9 Tips to Make Sex Orgasmic for Both of You

Many surveys show that sex averages 5 to 10 minutes max. If you’re a woman, that usually isn’t enough to bring you to orgasm. Women need at least 20 minutes but usually 40 or more. If you’re a man, coming in a few minutes can be fun. But wouldn’t you want to maintain the level of pleasure that you feel just before you orgasm for an hour or more?

After years in the 5 to 10 minute zone, Tantra taught me how to last as long as we both want. But I’m a highly-sensitive man and it takes two to Tantra for a long time. My first Tantric Sex book, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery, laid out the complete program of solo exercises for men.

But neither of you can make it happen by yourself. You have to learn how to share the power so you both get what you need. And since pleasure is a moving target, you’ve got to stay in the now and and learn to roll with the punches gracefully.

That starts by dropping the myth that the man is always in charge of making his lover orgasm. It takes teamwork and partnership. You both have to be more conscious of what you and your lover are feeling in each moment. You both have to be more expressive with words and body language. And that’s not much good unless you both pay attention to what’s happening with your partner as well as yourself.

For example, when I’m getting real close to coming, my wife knows it. She slows down when I need to. When she’s climbing, I find a way to lessen my excitement so I can help her over the top without losing it myself.

OK, that’s the theory. But if you haven’t studied Tantric Sex yet, what should you do if you want to put this strategy into action? Here are nine practical tips.

1. Take Turns

Take turns leading and following. Don’t expect him to be totally in charge of your pleasure all the time. When you need something more, guide him so he can lead. But when he’s approaching the point of no return, let him do what he needs to back off. Learn when to put your demands first and when to put his sensitivity first.

2. Communicate Verbally

Partnering for orgasmic sex doesn’t work best like a silent auction. Even your first time together, there’s a graceful way to ask for what you prefer. In fact, before we take our clothes off, I like to ask about my partner’s likes and dislikes. Where’s your G-spot? What does it and your clio (clitoris) prefer? What can I do to help you reach orgasm if that’s what you want? The woman can ask similar questions to help build a working partnership.

Does that spoil the mood? Well, maybe, the kind of rip-your-clothes-off can’t-wait-another-second unrealistic movie couplings. But we find that talking about what we’re going to do to each other and that we really want it is a huge turn-on.

Communication is even more important once you start making love. How are you feeling? What do you want more of and less of right now? What are you loving about your partner’s body and what it’s doing to you? Many say this kind of intimacy is even more erotic than non-stop humping.

3. Ask Him to Reveal How Close He Is

The most important fact to share frequently is how close you each are to coming. Sexologists recommend using a 10-point scale where 0 equals feeling nothing and 10 equals climaxing. Or maybe it’s enough for him to say “I’m close” when he needs to slow down. Sharing like this requires that he pays attention to his excitement level. And it brings the secret (how likely is it that he’ll come in a few seconds) out into the open so you can share the responsibility.

4. Welcome Him Showing How Close He Is

It’s true that announcing a number every few seconds may not help your erotic mood. Verbal communication is important, but it does require thinking when you’re trying to concentrate on feeling. So it’s even better to encourage your guy to SHOW his turn-on with non-verbal communication. He doesn’t want to inhibit his body doing its thing. Respond passionately when he breathes heavily, moves sensuously, wails and flails. Applaud when he makes love sounds. Celebrate it every time he lets his freak flag fly. Then they’ll be less need for play-by-play announcements and fewer unexpected surprises.

5. Monitor His Body Language

It won’t help much if he’s opening up but you’re not paying attention. Monitor his body language. The more you make love with someone, the better you’ll get at reading his signals. My wife can tell when I pull out or stop moving. Pretty obvious. But she can also tell when I tense up or just get less relaxed. Maybe it’s part telepathy. But I think she’s just staying awake and noticing my changes.

Watching him does require that you devote some of your RAM, your mental computer’s memory, away from your own pleasure. It’s a fundamental Tantric principle that “energy flows where attention goes.” So monitoring him the whole time may take you out of your own experience. That’s why alternately leading and following, focusing on him at times and yourself at times, is so helpful.

Some say that the three keys to a successful bar, store, or restaurant is location, location, location. Maybe so. But I do know that the three keys to coming together is timing, timing, timing.

6. Let Him Choose Positions

Some sexologists believe that it’s better for the guy if the woman is on top. Supposedly he can relax and not work as hard. That never seems to work for me. Sure, I love it when she’s riding me if I’m not too close. But when I’m hypersensitive, I’m much better able to regulate my excitement in different sexual positions where I have more control. Me on top or both of us on our sides work better for me. The also allow for a looser fit as well as other postures when she can spread her legs. I save the tighter fit positions for times I’m able to pump to her heart’s delight.

7. Let Him Choose the Pace

When he needs to manage his excitement, let him choose the pace. When he slows down to keep from going over the edge, follow him. When he’s less sensitive and goes faster, lose yourself and enjoy it.

8. Experiment With Strokes 

The better you understand the ten sweet spots (erogenous zones) on your man’s vajra (penis), the easier it will be to find sexual strokes that he’s less sensitive to. Sex books commonly say that the head and crown are the most excitable.

For the first 30 minutes or so that’s usually true for me. But after I’ve peaked multiple times without coming, lower on my shaft becomes “sweeter.” Before we understood this, the spasms of my wife’s yoni (vagina) usually made me climax. Now I switch to shallower strokes when I know she’s on the verge. This allows me to maintain the angle and speed of my thrusts while reducing my excitement.

Agree that you will play with speed, angle, depth, length, and pressure of sexual strokes to find thrusting patterns that keep him going while you’re climbing.

9. Sync Your Sexual Energy

How much sexual energy you generate determines how turned-on you each get. When you’re both climbing to a peak together, you can go for it. If he’s fully pumped up and you’re not, you need to learn to enjoy slow and subtle coupling. If he’s not as excited as you, you can become fully absorbed in your own pleasure.

But the flow of sexual electricity typically isn’t steady for long. It comes and goes in peaks and troughs. So a vital part of part of your orgasmic sex partnership is to synchronize the ebbs and flows of your passion. Adjusting your pace — speeding up or slowing down — is the most obvious way to respond to each other’s energy currents.

But since excitement is a moving target, how to stay in sync with each other’s energy is bound to change and morph. For example, after a few peaks I get less sensitive. So we tend towards looser postures and a slower pace at first. I don’t stick with the same thrusting pattern for long. My wife has learned to love drawing out the build-up with lots of tantalizing variety instead of pushing to come right away. Then when my genital boil simmers down, I can speed up, thrust deeper, and give her spells of the more vigorous pumping she’s craving.

***

So there are the nine ways you can help your man last longer in bed. As you can see, extended coupling isn’t some silver bullet that one of you needs to learn how to shoot. Or not, as the case may be.

Is orgasmic sex natural? Well, the primal urge that makes beasts want to procreate might be. But the pursuit of maximum pleasure by conscious lovers isn’t. It’s a partnership that requires teamwork. It takes letting go of your fears and showing up fully. And it takes lots of experimenting, give and take, and practice.

I know this lovemaking style doesn’t match the fake-news porn-driven myth of animal lust that makes you both come in a couple minutes in a blaze of glory. When that rare fantasy comes true, enjoy it. But when it doesn’t, now you have nine things you can try so you’ll both get more of what you want.

Learning to make sex continuously orgasmic for long periods of time doesn’t come instantly. So expect that they’ll be fits and starts, ravings and stumblings, before you get it. It took us years to be able to do these nine things effortlessly. But isn’t lovemaking something that you’ll enjoy practicing no matter how well you do? It has been for us and continues to be after 21 years. And there’s no end to the orgasms in sight.

 

 

 

Love, Somraj

Reimagine Sexual Consent, Be More Sex-Positive, the Male Orgasm

Here are l9nks to some articles that will make your sex more orgasmic…

It’s time to reimagine consent in our romantic lives – Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

10 Ways to Be More Sex Positive | The Everygirl

Why the Male Orgasm Is Not as Simple as Everyone Tries to Tell You – Beducated Magazine

Tantra Newsletter: Merging Sex, Love and Spirit through Tantra – 2

Tantra Doesn’t Divide Sex and Spirit, Orgasms and the Divine

Last month I sent you part 1 of this article. Here is the second half which dives into pleasure, love, and the merger of chakras energies.

(If you missed the first installment, you can read it in our archives here…   http://www.tantraattahoe.com/news/10272016.htm )

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“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #295 published 7/24/18

Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees http://www.TantraAtTahoe.com

ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2018 by TantraAtTahoe.com

To get these free monthly newsletters in your email, click here to register…

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This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.          Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

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PLEASURE

Don’t you agree that you want all of your lifeforce energies alive and percolating when you couple? If something is bugging you, or if you have a desire that hasn’t been fulfilled, or if you don’t feel you have enthusiastic consent to take your relationship to a higher place, then you’ll have energy that’s not connecting with your partner’s.

To deal with disconnects, it helps to understand the role of pleasure in a Tantric life.

When you look at the choices you make, you’ll see that at some level you believe what you decide will make you feel better. But too often it doesn’t turn out that way.

To many people navigate through life based on what they think they’re supposed to do, what others want them to do, or what’s expected of them. That’s not how the Tantric attitude operates.

Instead of being motivated to avoid discomfort, embarrassment, or pain in life, Tantra guides us to directly and actively seek what makes us feel good. Cut out the middle man and go right for the gusto.

Which is why one of Tantra’s basic principles is, ”Nothing is more important than that you feel good right now.”

To do this you need to learn to heighten your experience of the moment, get in touch with your feelings, and judge what brings you pleasure. Then, according to the Tantric sages, your life will expand and evolve just the way you want it to.

Since many of us are programmed with a strong injunction against selfishness, this Tantric guideline is hard for many to swallow. We’re raised believing that thinking only of ourselves is a big sin. So we don’t put enough attention on our own mental health and physical well-being. As a result, we feel guilty when we look after ourselves or we do things that don’t bring us joy. Which makes us stressed, moody, grumpy, and resentful.

Tantra doesn’t encourage you to exclude other’s feelings, needs, and happiness. It just teaches that in order to help others, give emotional support, and be there for them, you’ve got to look after our own self first.

Only when you’re feeling good and your spirit is soaring can you truly love.

Wouldn’t it be better to be happy so you’re more able to cheer up everyone around you? Would you rather have a depressed lover who clings to you or an independent one who bubbles over with their zest for life and drags you forward instead of backwards?

That’s the spirit of Tantra in a relationship. Do your own personal work and grow spiritually so you can fully connect at body, mind, and soul with your beloved.

RELATIONSHIP

If you embrace the Tantric attitude described above, you’ll be much more lovable and capable of loving.

It’s a Tantric truth that one who seeks love with a mate, family, community, or world, must first be in a joyous place. Then you’re more whole, more complete, more present. If you’re only 10% present, there’s only a little part of you to love. And it may well be the most tarnished part.

Compassion from a dejected soul brings down the recipient. Buddha was renown for the compassion he felt for all living things. That compassion sprang from his heart when he became enlightened and wholly himself.

We’re all conditioned with the expectation that loving someone means to think of them first, which is of course in stark contrast to the Tantra ideals we’ve explained. Are you the primary one who’s responsible for your beloved’s feelings, reactions, and happiness? Most relationships, after the initial honeymoon, settle in to a parade of resentments focused on the other person…

— “What you said hurt me.”

— “If you loved me you would have done it.”

— “I don’t know if I can forgive you for felling that way.”

All of these are based on unexpressed expectations. Tantra teaches us to approach each new moment without expectation. Certainly we have desires and intentions, especially of the ones we love. But walking into any situation with the requirement that it follows certain rules or ends with defined outcomes is a surefire prescription for frustration. Which too often results in us blaming our beloved.

As a result of surviving lots of struggles and eventually finding some happiness, I’ve settled on what to me is a primary Tantric rule of relationships, ”Look at yourself and things get better, look at the other and they get worse.”

Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. It’s the most giving thing you can do to maintain your aware, vibrant, loving spiritual center.

This is how Tantric personal responsibility becomes the springboard for honest communication, deeper intimacy, and the hottest sex of your life. Instead of being dependent on your mate’s struggles, successes, and swings of mood, you become more and more stable yourself. Then there’s more of you to love, be loving, and uplift the one you care the most about.

MERGER

That’s a little about the Tantric approach to merging love, sex, and spirit.

Tantric lovemaking is as much about harnessing your sexual energy consciously as it is about sexual techniques. You reach more intense levels of ecstasy by accessing the huge inner reservoirs of untapped power that lie dormant within. When you make love Tantrically, you maximize the flow of orgasmic energy within you and between you and your lover.

Learning Tantric lovemaking can help you become the blissful, playful, energetic lover you were born to be. A lover who has the desire and capacity for making love last for hours. A lover who gives and receives untold pleasure and stronger ecstasy regardless of your gender or sexual preference.

One thing that sets a Tantric relationship apart is how much sexual ecstasy you can create and how long you can make it last. Ecstasy is the overwhelming feeling of excitement, joy, and happiness that produces a trancelike state of euphoric rapture.

Whatever your gender identity and sexual preferences, you still need to blend masculine and feminine energies. All bodies have the potential for awakening your inner Shiva and your inner Shakti. It takes finding all parts of yourself to do this.

That’s the Tantric prescription for ecstatic love, sex, and spiritual connection.

Love,

Somraj

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Orgasmic Sex Blog

Do you have questions about sex? Want to try what other lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit blog for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here… 

    Welcome/Register        http://tantraattahoe.com/blog/welcome/

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This is the adult educational journal of TantraAtTahoe.com where anyone can post what’s up in their sex life. And what’s down. Here we post our experiences and encourage you to do the same. Did you have a great time list night? A lousy time? A troubling time? Tell us in graphic detail. We want to know and help. This isn’t porno, it’s sex education. Freely post your questions and we’ll do our best to answer them. And at the same time we can all learn to be more open about this vital part of everyone’s life.

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SUMMARY STUFF

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Contact Us…

Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees

11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161

Email: http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/news.htm

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Ebooks, Sex Toys, Adult Products, Tantra Services

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FREE Tantric Erotic Art Gallery

Dream juicy, colorful, steamy thoughts as you peruse our Tantric Erotic Gallery. It’s full of free sexy pictures and hot sex pics here

         https://www.icloud.com/sharedalbum/#B0M532ODWDw15R .

We hope some of these images turn you on and get sexual energy flooding your body. And we hope when you get turned on you’ll have somebody dear with whom you can share those life-giving forces. Enjoy!

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Past Articles…

To help you revolutionize your sex, love, and intimacy, check out previous articles in our newsletter archives at…  http://www.tantraattahoe.com/resource/news.htm

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Special Report

As a newsletter subscriber, you’re entitled to a free copy of our groundbreaking 70-page Special Report “The Top Ten Tantric Secrets Of Sex, Love, & Intimacy.” To begin receiving your secrets in installments, register here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/specialreport/register.htm

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Please, forward this newsletter to all anyone who might be interested! Quote anything

with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016 TantraAtTahoe.com.”

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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA

Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…

     – deepen love and intimacy,

     – extend lovemaking, and

     – create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…

       heals your mind, body, and spirit,

     – connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and

       immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to

reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

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Privacy Statement…

We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

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7 Chakra Love, Good Oral Sex, Slut Manifesto

If you want to learn more about practicing Orgasmic Sex, here are some links to articles that will help…

How To Raise Your Erotic Consciousness by Making Love On The 7  Chakras (A limited intro to this powerful practice. Many more things you can do at each level but a good start to expanding your secpxaul energy connection.)

The Art of Giving Good Oral – A Sex Expert Tells Us How (a detailed how-to guide from a sexy woman) | Man of Many

A Slutty Girl’s Manifesto | This is a powerful and wise set of sex-positive guidelines that all of us regardless of gender or preference should adopt. | Slutty Girl Problems

 

Over the Top: Timing Is Everything When It Comes to Orgasm

Our lovemaking last night was interesting. And we coordinated even better this morning so that she could go over the top to orgasm.

This whole episode started yesterday evening as she got close. My natural reflex (and I think of a lot of guys) is to speed up when she approaches a sexual climax. But my Tantra training has taught me not to change anything as she’s peaking.

Now I realize that guideline can be confusing to lovers who’ve realized that women especially prefer lots of variety. Otherwise, after repeated strokes hitting one sweet spot (erogenous zone), her tissues get desensitized for a bit. So another part of my Tantric lovemaking repertoire is to change things up as I search for strokes and spots that generate the most passionate responses.

See, it’s all about timing. Vary your sexual moves most of the time, but keep on keeping on with what’s working when she’s getting close.

I thought I was following both guidelines during our evening delight. When the reaction to one stroke leveled or petered out, I would change the angle, depth, speed, or target. Everything seemed to be turning her on more and more since she was breathing deeper, moaning louder, and moving more erotically. As she peaked, she murmured “don’t change anything.” So I maintained the exact same thrusts that brought her near the edge.

Or at least I thought I did.

Unfortunately, it was my previous type of sexual stroke that was propelling her excitement upwards. You might have noticed that it’s sometimes hard to verbalize when passion is overwhelming your mind. She couldn’t get the words out fast enough last night. So by the time I heeded her guidance, I had already switched to a new kind of stroke. It was the last one she wanted me to continue. But I didn’t know that at the time.

Still, she came and loved it. But it seemed to both of us that, had I kept up the previous rhythm, the explosion would have been bigger and stronger. No point in being regretful about longing for what could have been. And it was all good, right? Besides, as we talked about what happened, we agreed there’s always tomorrow.

This morning things evolved in a similar way. But when she got near the edge this time, she simply said “slow.” Now, I’m pretty damned sure I was matching the speed her body wanted. She’s so passionate a lover that her body language was clearly communicating what was turning her on. So it seemed to me that we were in sync when she said “slow.” Regardless, from her point of view I was going too fast.

Fortunately, ego plays little part in our sexual play. So I slowed down and she had a big roaring over-the-top orgasm. Probably a whole new one, not a leftover from last night.

I’ve done this a lot of times on my own as she peaked. Apparently, when the thrusting slows it makes her push herself over the precipice. This time she asked for it and it was exactly the right thing.

If you want a moral to the story, here it is. For orgasmic sex, you have to monitor each other and communicate to stay in sync. You may follow some patterns that have worked in the past, but even more you have to stay present in the moment. Be easy, have fun, and enjoy yourself all you can.

 

Love, Somraj

Orgasmic Sex Play-By-Play (X-Rated)

Unusually, it had been a few days since we made love so we were way hot for each other. Before diving in, we exchanged some sweet everythings and slow sensual massage. We call light all-body caresses with consciousness, “Tantric Touch.”

That’s all it took for our jewels (genitals) to get erect.

We moved to the next level when, with her permission, I put my vajra (penis) inside her. My hard-on descended slowly and shallowly at first. When, after a few initial thrusts, her body language made it clear that she was craving more, I gradually stroked faster and deeper. That propelled us to the next level. Our excitement propelled us to alternate at higher and higher peaks.

Sometimes her G-spot near the opening of her yoni (vagina) prefers to be rubbed or rammed directly. But this time deeper thrusts were producing stronger reactions. She’s so passionate that there’s no doubt what she wants most in each moment.  How loud her moans are, how heavy her breathing is, and how strongly she pushes back tells me more than words could. I call passionate lovers like this responsive.

For fun, instead of having my thrusts penetrate straight in, I rotated my pelvis down so my vajra was entering from below. This prodded the upper wall of her yoni all the way in near the neck of the bladder. Sexologists call that the A-spot where the A stands for anterior. The A-spot is near the fabled G-spot but much further inside. She liked those strokes, but it didn’t make her wail and flail. I love to make her crazy.

I switched by rotating my pelvis upward which aimed my vajra downward as far as it would go into her cul-de-sac. That’s the little crevice behind the cervix up against the womb. Her deeper breathing and louder moans told me that these thrusts made her peaks more dramatic.

But I had a problem. All this energetic in-and-out pushed me too close to the edge of coming. Each time I pushed my cockhead into her cul-de-sac, I almost came. (I’ve always been ultra-sensitive but fortunately Tantra training taught me how to handle the intense precipices of sexual energy.) I had to back off the speed and depth of my thrusts so I could hover on the edge of the cliff without losing it. That’s how I’ve learned to last most of the time as long as we both want. Unfortunately backing off a bit reduced her excitement.

But no worries. We like to dance on the verge for an hour or more at a time. The point where I had to slow up was maybe after a half-an-hour of jewel union (sexual intercourse). In the long run, though, everything worked out perfectly.

Up to this point I had been Tri-Fingering her clio (clitoris) while my vajra was sliding in and out of her yoni. You see, studies have shown that 70% of women need clio stimulation for maximum turn-on and orgasm. She’s one of them most of the time.

Tri-Fingering is my name for using three fingers on her clio. To do that during jewel union, I put my two middle fingers of one hand on either side of my thrusting cock and rub her pussy lips. At the same time with my index finger, I massage her clio.

In spite of her still wanting more (I love that about her), my fingers started to get tired. So she grabbed one of her favorite little vibrators called the Tiani from Lelo, the great Swedish sex toy company. It’s a U-shape with a vibrating bulb in one end that her clio loves. The other end is a little flat prong that inserts into her yoni. Amazingly it holds the Tiani in place so we can go at it hands free.

More bad news. As usual, the inserted prong made penetration tighter. At that moment I was too sensitive for more excitement. When I explained, she just held the vibe on her clio. That made her passion ramp up again. And allowed us to have lots more fun surfing up and down many waves of pleasure.

If you’re into long Orgasmic Sex like we are, you learn that nothing seems to keep producing the same passion for long. Psychologists call it habituation when the sensitivity of tissues gets accustomed to the same repeated stimulation.

When her clio got habituated, she switched to another longtime favorite, the white Pocket Rocket. It’s a slender 3-inch cylinder powered by just one AA battery.  The white one is a few years old and has lost some of its punch. But there’s something about its frequency that’s perfectly tuned to her clio. Someday I hope to sponsor a scientific study of vibration characteristics. I never see manufacturers specifying vibe strength and frequency.

Anyway, whitey on her clit sent her off into a few more cycles of skimming pleasure crests which I happily followed.

Now the good news heading into 45 minutes of coupling was that my sensitivity started to level out. The peaks weren’t threatening to make me loose it as much. So I could stick to my gun, I mean the rhythm that was bringing her close to a climax.

I guess her peaks were leveling a bit too as we approached an hour. Since we play this way on average every other day, we don’t always demand an explosive release. You see, the peaks are so exciting and propagate so much energy through and between our bodies that physical orgasm isn’t always necessary. That’s why we call it Orgasmic Sex instead of sex pressuring us both towards with orgasm. The orgasmic sensations go on and on unlike just a few seconds of them.

We usually play in rounds (yeah, like boxers but much less violent) that typically last 30 to 60 minutes. Sure, sometimes we have shorter quickies. Our longies string together several rounds of going at it like that.

Sorry, I don’t have a name for one round like we were enjoying. A mediumie? No, not a great term. Can you suggest a better one?

As we neared the end of this round she clearly wanted to go over the top. I realized that when she grabbed her newest Pocket Rocket. Since it’s purple, we call it Miss Violet. I bought several different ones from Amazon so we’d have a backup to the aging whitey. It turned out they were all from the same manufacturer in China. The fresh Miss Violet packs a stronger punch and added what she needed for an explosive climax.

It was a classic blended orgasm. That’s one triggered by hitting two sweet spots (erogenous zones) at once. In this case my vajra pumping in and out of the cul-de-sac inside her yoni and Miss Violet on clio’s pearl (erect tip).

Even with all that stimulation, the rhythm of my strokes had to be perfect. Moments when I had to back off interrupted her ascent. But finally I was able to keep on keeping on as she approached climax. Maybe the fourth or fifth peak triggered her explosive orgasm or what we like to call a Big O.

Do you ever pull out right away after coming? We don’t. Orgasmic Sex is such a connection of multiple energy streams that we much prefer to keep my shrinking vajra inside as long as possible.

At first she needs me to be still as the sensations sweep through her. Plus, staying inside allows us to enjoy aftershocks. Sometimes they’re just an involuntary twitch as the energy boils over. But after a couple moments I like to give her another slow stroke. That often triggers a mini-orgasm like it did this time. Actually that worked three or four more times until she was totally spent.

I know we’re there when she covers her suddenly hyper-sensitive clio with hand or pulls away.

And if you’re wondering, no, I didn’t come. The multiple high peaks of pleasure are thoroughly satisfying to me. And in my seventies ejaculating releases too much energy. That can leave me out of the game sometimes for a few days. Taoist physicians specify that at my age I should never come. But I’m a Tantric which means the only rules I follow are what works for my body. At this point it’s been quite a few weeks since I made a big wet spot. Well see when it asks for. I love that preservingjy sexual energy this way  keeps my old body horny, hard, and desiring more.

Well, that’s one of our Tantric mottos: more, More, MORE! I hope you have fun going for more like I’ve just described.

 

 

Love, Somraj

 

 

 

P.S. Many of these techniques are excerpted from our new book, Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex, which will be published by Llewellyn Worldwide next spring. If you’re interested, make a comment below or shoot me an email here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/somrajemailform.htm

Sacred Sex Game

I ran across this fascinating fun way to spice up your relationship, the Sacred Sex Game. Check it out.

You won’t hear from me much the rest of April as my wife and I will be vacationing in the UK. Enjoy the burgeoning spring.

Love, Somraj

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If you are looking for a new way to rejuvenate your sex life and experience a fun and unique way to deepen your intimacy, Sacred Sex Game could be for you.

Sacred Sex Game is more than a mere game; it is designed to be a relationship and conscious communication tool for couples. The game has a multi-dimensional play that will help participants to access personal blocks, clear the way to greater communication and bliss, and open the pathways to a greater sacred sexual union. It can create opportunities to work through stagnation in your relationships, think critically about sexual issues, learn the tools to move sexual energy to heal yourself and enjoy kinky and spontaneous encounters with your beloved.

Sacred Sex Game was created by Shane and Heather, a husband and wife creative team located in Arizona. Shane and Heather are artists, seekers, and lovers. With their extensive knowledge and practice of tantra and conscious communication, came their desire to create a game based on these ideals. The game is a functional piece of art designed with sacred geometry and embedded with ancient symbolism. Their intention for this game is to help people open the lines of communication and nurture a positive sexual relationship.

Sacred Sex Game can open you up to spontaneity. Every Game is different! In fact, the game is designed to be an inter-personal sacred sexuality workshop.

Dive deep into your personal sexual energy and that of your beloved.

www.sacredsexgame.com

Shane Brandolini & Heather Kadar

The Woman’s Role in Helping Her Man Last Longer: Unlimited Sexual Stamina Requires Partnership, Communication, and Teamwork

As a guy who’s had lots of lovers who’ve enjoyed lots of pleasure, I can honestly say I’m not totally in control of a woman’s orgasm.

As I explained in my previous post Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together, I used to believe that if I could just last enough thrusting inside her would it eventually do the trick.

But from the woman’s perspective, orgasm is actually way more complicated than that.

She needs a safe, relaxed environment. She needs a sense of comfort and trust. She needs to understand her own body, her orgasmic triggers, and the pathways that get her all the way there. And once the action starts, she needs to be willing to guide her lover. All that does little good if her partner isn’t willing to be guided and follow her lead.

All that being said, it’s still a challenge for many women to orgasm during jewel union (sexual intercourse). If he can’t last long enough to help her over the big hump, her chances are even slimmer.

But once a guy develops adequate stamina by himself, it’s even more demanding for him when he gets close to her naked body with your legs spread. A bright conscious woman who wants more in bed can do a lot to support — or undermine — her partner’s sexual stamina. That’s why I’ve extracted the following advice from my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse.

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Orgasmic Sex Is a Partnership

Let go of the outmoded romantic notion that the best lover always knows intuitively what to do to make their sweetheart go wild. Sure, we all luck into such synchronicity at times, but to base a continuing love relationship on this myth will backfire.

The good news is that you can consciously co-create fresh, hot, juicy, ecstatic sex whenever you choose if you work – or better, play – together. That requires communication, confidence, and collaboration so you both learn what you want, how to ask for it, what your honey wants, and how to give it.

Since a major cause of premature ejaculation is performance anxiety, get that out of the way by being open, clearing the decks, and honoring each other’s needs instead of pressuring each other.

You know what I mean: he pressures her to come, she pressures him not to.

Separate Not Joint Experience

In our society, sex is a private experience for the most part because it’s such a taboo subject. We hide our insecurities, make rude jokes, and don’t talk about it openly. Too many of us obsess about when to make the first move, how to initiate with a long-time partner, and how to give or get an orgasm. No wonder so many of us build up the anxieties and tensions that can cause premature ejaculation.

We’re not taught that sex is communion between souls expressing their basic nature through the divine gift of bodies. Few of us learn to play these instruments in harmony to produce amazing ecstasy.
Where do we learn that sex is an energy exchange between conscious beings who want to both give and receive pleasure? And thereby get closer to the divine?

When you’re desired and accepted for who you are without big expectations about how you need to perform, then you can relax and let nature take it’s sexual course. That’s partly why the training program in my Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery ebook requires “partnering” between lovers. This means being aware of your needs and reactions, talking honestly about them, honoring those of your partner, and playing together as equals.

Instead of “doing” your partner, you’ll need to do new-age things like feeling, communicating, and sharing together.

Pleasure — Not Orgasm — Is The Aim

Orgasmic sex is a joint dance where each lover surrenders to inner waves of energy and both assist each other to reach higher and higher peaks. Pleasure, not orgasm, is the aim. By soaring together, each partner can reach unheard of peaks and plateaus that culminate in bigger, stronger, deeper, often simultaneous spiritual climaxes.

But pushing for the Big O (orgasm) puts your attention out of the moment and on the wrong thing. Of course, yielding to that familiar urge to squirt can short-circuit the whole deal.

If your lover is pushing for maximum stimulation and rushing headlong towards orgasm as quickly as possible while you’re trying to prolong the event, the two of you will be playing at cross purposes.

To prevent this, both of you need to agree on a different vision of lovemaking. This means accepting that you are each totally responsible for your own pleasure, asking for what you want, giving sensitive feedback, going slowly, and savoring physical and intimate delights together. This is how love partners stretch their communion out for long periods of time.

What Does Partnering Mean?

Different partners have different sexual responses. So who’s responsible for seeing that each partner gets the things that bring them the most pleasure? We each are fully responsible. Partnering means speaking your needs and honoring those of your partner. If we do anything else, we set up the dynamics that produce stress, mystery, and tension – a surefire prescription for the guy blowing his wad unexpectedly.

If you’re single and searching for a partner to satisfy sexually, this whole view of sex as communion may sound even more challenging than finding someone willing to jump in the sack.

Guys, if you expect that you alone will be able to satisfy any woman without their cooperation, you’re laboring under a big delusion. Drop the whole concept that it’s your job alone to satisfy your partner. This is a mutual dance and that’s the way most women love it.

What overall approach do you need to take to negotiate a cooperative partnership for fresh new sexual encounters every time?

  • Enter into loveplay and discussions about it with patience and sensitivity.
  • Adopt the mindset of gratitude for any gifts pleasure you receive.
  • Enlist your lover at every step by letting them choose to play instead of using force or manipulation to get them to cooperate.
  • Continue to provide reassurance of your love and commitment to the relationship.
  • Explain that you want this to be a joint experience of deeper intimacy, giving you both everything you ever dreamed of.

Now doesn’t that sound way different than depending on letting the world-class stud or ultimate hottie make you crazy?

Some Guidelines For Women Who Want Sex To Last Longer

Most of this post comes from a training program in my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse. You read right. The best way to extend your sexual play is by practicing. Here are some guidelines that, hopefully, will help you support your lover on your joint quest for unlimited sexual stamina.

Talk before, during, and after.

First, you’ve got to talk about what you bring to the party and what’s happening for each of you. Communication only works when you’re each willing to hear what’s going on for your partner. Be sure to explain your concerns, worries, and anything else that comes up for you so you can be real and really present. Then, stay in touch while making love and exchange feedback to stay in sync.

Ladies, maybe you’re thinking that you should be asking HIM to communicate more. I know, I know, most women are more willing and able to talk more than men. But we need to support him in opening up, not pressure him to become totally transparent. That never helps him stay in the game longer.

Drop Expectations

I’ve studied lots of communication skills in my forty years of training experience and they’ve all helped. But frankly, the most important thing you can do is drop all your goals, agendas, and expectations. I know this is easier said than done, but do your best.

What does that mean in practice? Don’t enter into a sexual situation desperately needing a big explosive orgasm within 15 minutes. Why? Well, because, if you do, you’ll be polarizing your team relationship, not to mention putting pressure on a process that doesn’t respond well to pressure, namely a man’s sensitivity to coming before you want him to when he’s under pressure.

Now, I’m totally in favor of you having lots of orgasms. So enlist his help before penetration or get yourself off before practicing. Then you can relax and support this longer sex program with less pressure.

And while we’re on the subject, that kind of pressure also is one of the primary ways women block their own orgasms.

Establish Signals

One fundamental thing that will help your practice sessions is to establish signals so you know how close he is to coming. Words like “whoa!” or gestures like gripping your shoulders are two examples.

In my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery and my Solo Premature Ejaculation Mastery Ecourse I’ve included exercises that show a guy how to measure his arousal from 0, the sleeping puppy, to 10, the roaring dragon who spouts fire, or at least semen. Having him report by number is a workable signal if he’s learned how to do this.

Your learning curve will depend on how well he clues you in when he’s climbing rapidly or approaching 9.9, that infamous point of no return past which there’s no pulling back from the edge of the cliff. But your learning curve also depends on how well you watch, listen, and sense when he’s getting super turned on and when that’s too much.

Track and Follow His Rhythm

Ladies, while the two of you are learning and whenever you need it, use your innate feminine supportive nature and nurturing qualities to follow his rhythm. In other words, develop your sensitivity by employing the natural tracking skills that my lesbian friends tell me are an essential part of every woman’s make-up and their lovemaking. Then you’ll know when he’s getting close to ejaculating because you’re tuned into his level of excitement.

This means sensing those moments when he’s extra sensitive and relaxing into the flow, as well as knowing when he needs more friction to stay hard inside your yoni (vagina). Specifically, you’ll notice when he stops moving and act accordingly.

Stopping and starting are basic skills you’ll both be using to prolong sex. So instead of going for it now you’ll slow or stop thrusting to invest in lots more later.

It’s clear that this is possible because my wife of twenty years is a total expert at monitoring my arousal. When I change my rhythm or shift my position, she often asks if I got too close. If I haven’t mentioned it already. For me it’s extremely comforting to know that it’s not all up to me, that we’re in this together.

Women, I realize I’m asking you not to push for your own orgasm when he’s not ready to help you go for it. Didn’t I already mention that the goal of orgasm creates the kind of pressure that makes many men come too soon (and prevents many women from having one)?

I hope this doesn’t sound like you’re going to have to sacrifice a lot for a long time because that’s not the aim here. It’s more like investing a little money regularly for a big payoff later.

Besides, always ending in a Big O is more a guy thing, isn’t it? Many women appreciate that there is a way to enjoy fully fulfilling sex together without a big explosion.

Play Like Kids

You can both get there by learning how to have a good time with all of this like kids do. Enjoying orgasmic sex partly means dropping the equation that sex means having a big orgasm quickly and every time. Instead, switch your focus to pleasure and play with the energy that you’ll generate together.

Try basic philosophy is to simply bask in the delicious sensations and let orgasm come to you when it’s ready. Savor the subtle sensations and develop your own appetite for subtler turn-on and those feelings will grow.

Yes, wait until a cosmic climax overtakes you without pursuing it.

The more you enjoy playing without any big expectation of success or failure, the faster your progress towards unlimited sexual stamina, multiple orgasms, and cosmic ecstasy.

This is how kids play. Not the sex or orgasm part, but the fooling around without any plan or fear of failure. Just have a good time with whatever you’re doing without much of an agenda.

For example, let’s say he’s having trouble avoiding shooting up to 9.9 when you’re giving him a hand job. You stroke him and he comes. You try later and he comes again. You do it five times and he keeps blowing his wad. An uptight adult might be frustrated, but a kid is all goo-goo eyed about all the fun.

Better if you think “Look what I keep doing to him. Ooo, all that delicious semen squirting all over the place. Aren’t I a powerful sexy lover, wow!” You see, it’s the childlike innocence of extracting fun from whatever happens. If you’re patient and don’t take these inevitable setbacks too seriously, so will he.

And, trust me, he’ll get it eventually if you just have fun playing around.

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I’ve had lovers who kept urging me “faster, faster!” and “harder, harder!” Unfortunately I couldn’t give them what they wanted in each moment. But I could have gone at it faster and harder for long periods if we’d been on the same page from the start. They just needed to know what you’ve read above.

Now you know the program for making it last as long as you both want. I sure hope you have lots of fun.

Love, Somraj