Tantric

Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together

Posted on by Somraj

“When it comes to love I want a slow hand.” — The Pointer Sisters

I know it’s true that sometimes women really love hard fast pounding. But pushing for it too soon never worked for me. And I’ve heard the same from lots of others.

Even those go-for-it girls enjoy a little teasing that lets their excitement build. There’s a lot to recommend a long slow dance before racing to the finish.

When I was younger I didn’t understand the divine interplay of water and fire, of slow-to-awaken female lovers and what-are-we-waiting-for male ones. I couldn’t even imagine managing my hyper-sensitivity and finding my way up to a pleasure plateau where I could last as long as my female partner needed in order to orgasm.

Yes, Timing Is Everything

Sure, at 70 my sexual responses are slower than when I was a young buck. Then I would come within 2 to 5 minutes after penetration. Even though it was the worst thing for my sexual stamina, I would pump as fast as possible. I was laboring under the mistaken impression that jackhammering was how women come.

Now it does take me longer to reach the edge of the cliff, something like 10 to 15 minutes. Typically that’s not enough for my partners most of the time.

Still I find myself at the same precipice teetering on the edge of coming. Even with everything I’ve mastered, I can slip over in a headlong rush if I don’t pay attention. But fortunately I’ve learned how to extend my sexual longevity enough to enjoy fast sex at times.

Before my Tantra training, I didn’t understand much of anything about women, their bodies, minds, and souls, and their pathways to orgasm. Now I realize that the average man takes around 5 to 10 minutes to climax during intercourse while the average woman takes 20 to 40. If she’s lucky.

So after I learned when to slow down hand ow to extend, I actually gave my female partners more of a chance to explode in a blaze of glory. Once I developed the ability to pace myself past those first couple peaks of pleasure, I found myself in a less sensitive place. Then I could give her some short bouts of fast stroking. That allowed me to play in a hotter pleasure plateau and last longer.

How I Learned Sexual Stamina

How do I do that? Well, it starts with relaxation. That may sound contradictory, relaxing when you’re going at it. Sure, slowing down makes the action less arousing. But the kind of relaxation that I’m talking about, the kind of calmness that works for me, is inside.

When I’m not in the internal grip of sexual tension, I can relax even when the old in-out-in-out is fast.

I first had to drop the pressure to make her come. Orgasm is so much more complicated from a woman’s perspective. Maybe it’s the male ego that drives the false belief that if I hit her hard enough, I’ll succeed at making her come. I had to disabuse myself of that myth before I made any progress.

Then I had to learn how to follow a path that doesn’t push me over the edge too soon. When I have to continuously fight the urge to squirt, I can’t relax.

And most importantly, relaxing means relaxing the muscular sheath around my prostate gland that triggers ejaculation. That was a major learning curve for me that I documented in my first Tantric ebook, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery.

You see, it takes repeated practice to make that otherwise involuntary muscle chill.

Just Do It, Right?

Of course, this simple solution isn’t easy to master for most guys. Gosh, all that sexual electricity is pummeling you from the inside and my advice is to simply relax? Good luck without a program to retain your mind and body (like my ebook spells out).

The strategy I recommend is to learn to shift the sexual energy away from your jewels (genitals) where it’s generated mostly strongly. Managing that lifeforce that turns us on is central to the practices of Tantric Sex.

If you’re unfamiliar with Tantra, let’s just say it’s the ancient art of spiritual sexuality that originated in India thousands of years ago. Through easy exercises like breathing, yoga, and meditation, it helps you get more in touch with your mind, body, and soul. Then you can sense, amplify, and direct sexual energy.

So if you learn to relax inside and spread the excitement out of your jewels, you can extend your sexual stamina dramatically.

It Takes Two to Tango in Bed

After twenty years of practicing Tantric sexual stamina, I can honestly say that it is easy most of the time. I just tell the most aroused parts of my body to relax and they do. I imagine a channel opening up inside and it does. I intend to siphon some sexual energy out of my crotch and it flows up that channel.

This is no sacrifice when it makes me feel like I’m coming all over without squirting.

I have made this work with multiple lovers since I converted to the sexual style of pacing myself. But I can’t honestly promise that it will work with every woman. There are those who’ve wanted me to pump them frantically longer than I can stand.

So let’s leave it at this. It takes two to Tango in bed.

Fortunately, my partners have learned to sense my ups and downs and go with the flow. We’ve both discovered that slowing or shifting for a moment pays off in the long run.

Maybe my next post should be about the woman’s role in helping her man last longer.

 

P.S. Just did that next post The Woman’s Role in Helping Her Man Last Longer: Unlimited Sexual Stamina Requires Partnership, Communication, and Teamwork.

 

Love, Somraj

Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones

Posted on by admin

Something magical has been happening to us lately when we make love. Often we’re catapulted to a pleasure state where everything feels sensational. And just keeps feeling that way.

We started talking about it on the seventeenth floor of a hotel this last weekend. That was after a long afternoon in which every round of sex launched us up to this lofty level of passion.

Each time the day before it only took a few strokes after first penetration. Suddenly we found ourselves propelled into a higher sexual energy orbit. Our hunger for each other and our sensations abruptly became more intense and stayed that way as long as we coupled.

I’ve written a lot recently about riding up and down pleasure peaks. (Click here to read my latest post, Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks: How to Use Them to Trigger Different Kinds of Orgasms.)

But this higher orbit was different. It was more like a stable plateau where the sexual electricity just kept flowing of its own accord.

I liken these orbits to the energy states of electrons spinning around an atom’s nucleus. The innermost electrons have the lowest energy and the furthest have the most. We were certainly soaring in some rarified atmosphere.

My conclusion was obvious. Pump more energy into bodies spinning in sexual delight and they ascend to a higher orbit. It’s like the game changes when we land in an elevated new playing field.

Of course the game I’m talking about is exchanging pleasure. In the higher orbit we move way past the opening gambits of foreplay that are
dedicated to getting each other fully aroused and erect. This applies to women as well as men as my previous post explained (Full-Body Erections: He and She Both Need One for Satisfying Sexual Penetration and All 12 Types of Orgasm).

What’s It Like In A Higher Orbit?

In the higher state it’s amazing how much more we feel. And how many different sensations we experience. Our bodies become more sensitive and more receptive. It feels like more cells are awake and vibrating, sending off their own streamers of sexual electricity.

Can cells actually orgasm? It sure feels like it.

After we settle into the higher orbit, we feel our sensory fields open to a wider spectrum of sensations. And the impact of those sensations is dramatically magnified. To get the idea, imagine you’re looking through a telescope at one spot on the moon and all at once your vision widens to cover the whole moon. And that’s happening to your sense of touch, smell, taste, and hearing at the same time.

It’s like going from black and white to color. Like jumping from two dimensions to three. Like flying where we were once walking.

It seems to me that our pleasure becomes more intense in a higher orbit due to the continuous streaming of sexual passion. Because the current is steady we don’t have to work at it. Any touch, lick, or stroke seems to detonate ecstasy grenades like splashes in a still lake. And without anything in the way, they keep rebounding.

Every bit of arousal is preserved and amplified. The sexual electromagnetism is flooding strongly through and between us. But since there’s little resistance, the surface of the pond remains still while the current below is gets stronger.

Oddly enough, in the higher orbit our desire is supercharged. We love what we’re feeling yet we want more, More, MORE!

How Can You Launch Yourselves To A Higher Sexual Orbit?

Maybe you’ve unexpectedly found yourselves in a higher sexual energy orbit and loved it. But don’t for a moment believe that you have no control over launching yourselves into a loftier zone.

Before our Tantra training we typically rushed towards maximum turn-on and orgasm. And usually missed. Now, after nearly twenty years of practice, we instead build, conserve, and make our sexual energy last. Sure, sometimes we slow down. But lots of the time we pump away as frantically as any wild animal.

Whatever we’re doing, we instinctively spread the excitement in our jewels (genitals) all throughout our bodies. Our aim is to pump passion into our pleasure balloons, those energy bubbles that normally stay collapsed in our groins. That is, until we expand them to fill the field that surrounds us.

That’s how we get all our cells, organs, and tissues turned-on. It’s rare for us to soar to a higher orbit before we’re sizzling, vibrating, and shaking all over.

Because we don’t always release lots of sexual energy in premature explosive orgasm, we often move there quickly without much warmup. It seems like the excitement is still percolating below the surface from our last session a day or two earlier.

Other times we have to consciously manage our pleasure peaks. As we reach for more and more turn-on, we let the peaks come and go as they will. We ride the upswells and relax into the down-swells without fighting them.

It’s normal for lovers untrained in this ancient art of spiritual energy sex to tense up when hit with sudden surges of excitement. A sudden influx of sexual electricity can shock even the strongest of us. Many feel they have to control it or regulate it or push to make something happen when they’re inundated by such intense sensations.

But we don’t resist. We relax, let go, and surrender to the power coursing through us.

The gurus say that surrendering is the key to transforming pleasure into sexual ecstasy. From our extensive research in our bed, we’ve found that letting go is the portal into higher orbits of passion.

As our pleasure balloons expand to fill our whole bodies, our peaks rise higher and stretch out. The sensations at the summits get stronger at the same time as the descents mellow. This skill of peaking causes these high points to coalesce into plateaus.

Then, at some point, there’s this boom that seems to levitate us. It feels like the flood gates open and pour huge amounts of sexual energy into our inner rivers. That’s what fuels us scaling above the peaks into the higher orbit.

How Can Sexual Techniques Help You Reach Higher Orbits?

Now I realize what I’ve written so far has mostly been energy theory. Yet, the sexual techniques we employ have a lot to do with our reaching ecstatic states. If you’re interested, you’ll want to discover what works best for you and your partner. Here are some vital fundamentals.

Stimulating a woman’s nineteen erogenous zones and a man’s nine is essential. Changing speed, depth, length, and angle of sexual strokes affects a lover’s level of arousal. All of that requires reading each other in order to respond with what produces the biggest jolt at each moment. That might include a hand, a mouth, or a sex toy depending on what each prefers in the moment.

Many sexologists frequently urge lovers to address the biggest sex organ, namely all of the skin. We agree wholeheartedly as they ascend to a higher orbit. But once there following what the body wants works better than hard and fast rules.

We find that the jewels, being so sexually responsive, are the passion generating engines. So, as we’re touching, licking, and stroking in-and-out, we’re directing the sexual electricity to fill the whole body.

You’ve probably realized that different lovers respond to different moves. My wife Jeffre, for example, finds that spreading her legs invites me all the way inside her. It’s more than my hard organ going deeper. The physical action prompts the energetic opening.

For both of us, titillating a second orgasmic trigger boosts the energy current. In our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making we call this a “hot link.” You open a passion circuit inside when the energy generated in two or more sensitive pleasure spots coalesce.

I do this by playing with her nipples or clio (clitoris) while we’re making love. She does that by caressing my balls or backdoor. We found a startling rise in our excitement this weekend when we kissed while our jewels were sliding in and out.

Creating hot links is the key to one of the 12 major types of orgasm, the blended one. This is where you climax in two places at once like the clio and G-Spot.

Is This Something You Want To Practice Like We Do?

We’re always disheartened when we hear longterm lovers who get bored or disinterested in sex. After twenty years, we experience more sensational pleasure every time we make love. Maybe the above energy practices explain why.

Our pleasure receivers are better tuned to each other. We’re better at knowing what we want, asking for it, and letting each know how it’s working. We spend a fair share of our awareness reading each other, tuning in to what produces the biggest impacts, and synchronizing our lovemaking.

I’d be lying if I let you think that our life in bed as well as out of it is a perfect dance. But with these tools we’re more in harmony more of the time. And we can easily get back in sync on the higher orbit launching pad.

It’s so much fun, who wouldn’t want to practice, practice, practice.

Hopefully these observations will help you soar in higher orbits more of the time.

Love, Somraj

Tantric Masturbation: What Happens Outside Looks Much The Same, But What Happens Inside Is Way Different (X-Rated)

Posted on by Somraj


Sexologists like me — and lots of normal people — believe that masturbation is good. It feels good, it’s good for your body and mind, and it’s the ultimate in safe sex. And when you’re climbing the walls, it’s a great way to relax. Plus it’s always close at hand.

If you’re in a relationship, it can be very educational when you use masturbation to improve your sex life. Doing yourself is a great way to learn what you need and shows you what you need to teach your partner.

Orgasms are a use-it-or-lose-it kind of ability for those who don’t come so easily.

If you haven’t tried doing it in front of each other, you have a fun experience ahead. One study showed that 85% of people masturbate while in relationship. So I suggest that a major part of embracing a fully sex-positive attitude is accepting that masturbation is a healthy and natural part of life.

Besides, those of us who enjoy getting themselves off aren’t likely to stop anytime soon. It seems to me better if we learn to make peace with it.

I’ve Enjoyed It Many Ways

As a youngster — and by that I mean from my teenage years until 50 — I did it a lot. More than daily at first and several times a week as I aged. And a lot of ways and in lots of places. Outside in nature was my favorite. And still is on my top-five list.

Being a young male without any sex education, my aim was release. You know, to relieve the pressure of lust preying on my otherwise brilliant, objective, and superior mind. For a while at least I was more able to treat people I found attractive with some degree of appropriate respect and maturity.

Oh, and so I didn’t get blue balls.

Yeah, I’ve always had a real strong sex drive. It was like a river during spring flood carrying me with it. And because I didn’t know any other way of coping, sometimes it was like an irresistible tsunami.

Sure, I felt a little embarrassed and guilty about my habit. But I didn’t think I had a problem or was particularly perverted. I just had this urge and found a private way to deal with it.

Then I found Tantra. If you’re unfamiliar with this ancient spiritual philosophy, just think of it as a way to accept yourself — your soul, mind, body, and sexuality — fully. Basically, Tantra is a bunch of practices beginning with meditation and breathing designed to help you harness your lifeforce energy. And, of course, when you’re horny there’s lots of energy alive within you that’s jerking you around looking for an outlet.

Transmute Your Sexual Desires?

You might expect a guru (not me) to advocate that you use spiritual practices to transmute your sexual desires into higher consciousness. Yogis have done it for millennia. Well, that’s a wonderful prescription if it works for you.

But all too often putting advice like this into action results in suppressing your innate erotic energy flows. Not good! Trying to dam the powerful current of libido usually fails. And with nowhere to go, the unreleased energy does cause perversions: unwanted sexual advances, damaging abuse, and traumatic violence.

This is not what the creator had in mind when endowing us with our natural sex drives. I firmly believe if even the weirdos amongst us had healthier sex lives the world would be much safer for women and children.

Now, even at 70, I make love a lot. With more longies than quickies. With more enduring pleasure than rushing headlong to ejaculation. With my Tantric training, I’ve learned to let the sexual tidal wave carry me to higher planes of satisfaction typically without a wet orgasm.

I guess I could say that I’ve made peace with my robust erotic current. I let it infuse me with vitality, joy, and creativity. It makes my life richer and more fun than when I was trying to repress my naturally sexy state.

Self-Pleasuring With The Emphasis On “Pleasure”

These days when I have sexual urges, desires, and fantasies, I self-pleasure. OK, from the outside that looks just like masturbation. But from the inside it’s different.

Tantric self-pleasuring doesn’t rush me headlong towards getting myself off and relieving the pressure as quickly as possible. Instead, it’s about giving myself pleasure. Long-lasting, more intense pleasure than I ever got from a quick squirt.

Some call it self-love. That’s a popular concept in new-age spiritual thought. Certainly, making myself feel good by playing with my body demonstrates that I love myself. But even more, it’s about being fully alive. Regulating, condemning, and going to war against my sexual nature always made me feel worse.

Today I use the easily recharged reservoir of sexual energy to keep myself young, fit, and happy.

Tantric masturbation — or self-pleasuring as I prefer to call it — is all about the energy flowing through my body. Since it’s mostly focused on my genitals, my practice raises, expands, and spreads the life-giving sensations everywhere.

In Tantra we call this “running energy.” It’s the conscious skill of infusing every cell, tissue, and system with the excitement that’s usually confined to the sex organs. Running energy makes me shiver, shudder, and shake. It feels like every cell is coming.

If you can recapture the sensory memories of how an orgasm feels, imagine those sensations lasting for minutes at a time all over. That’s my motivation for Tantric self-pleasuring.

So instead of trying to make myself ejaculate and relieve the pressure, I turn myself on and spread the excitement as long as I can. Sometimes that’s for hours, but at my age if I’m tired or achey my self-love sessions get somewhat limited.

How I Do It

There’s no Tantric magic in my personal hand-jobs. But there is in what’s going on inside.

Usually I watch my favorite brand of porn. Interestingly enough, the preferred visual fantasy seems to be a very personal choice amongst my best friends and lovers. Yes, we share even what many would consider theses most intimate privacies.

One boyfriend prefers videos of complete sex scenes. Another specializes in pictures and movies of coming. Another only gets super titillated from erotic stories.

Go figure, huh? Different strokes for different folks. Literally!

And in a different way, erotic images serve my female lovers, too. When really aroused and wanting to climax, immersing themselves mentally in one of their favorite fantasies often does the trick. That’s probably why there’s such a groundswell of interest in kinky role-playing these days, largely the result of the popularity of the 50 Shades Of Grey books and movies.

My preference is pictures or short animated clips of penetrative sex. Yes, the sexy bodies and glorious private parts entice me. But his erect tool entering her jade garden (that’s the ancient Chinese euphemism for the pussy) is my favorite.

You might ask how we all gravitate towards our favorite images. For me, it’s simple. How does it make me feel? Sometimes one configuration of a couple’s bodies does nothing for me while another one that’s not much different floats my cork big time.

That means it shoots streamers of sexual electricity inside and fills me with that delightful erotic magnetism. So to decide what I want to look at while I’m stroking myself, all I need to do recognize is how much energy is flowing inside me.

How Real Is It?

Recently I’ve noticed that some images actually make me feel like I’m penetrating that lover on my computer screen.

In other words, the experience of watching porn while self-pleasuring simulates the sensations of actual sex. It doesn’t seem to be as intense or last as long, so I’m not advocating doing away with making love with a real-life orgasmic partner.

But when I can realistically imagine what making love with that pornstar actually feels like, I thoroughly enjoy myself. Does my this fantasy world in my head make me lust after them? Well, yes, of course. But I view it as a consensual fantasy. They wouldn’t broadcast pictures of their bodies if they didn’t expect them to be used this way.

So what is Tantric masturbation all about, then? My aim is to make myself feel the supreme bliss that is everyone’s inherent birthright.

Hopefully this explains why Tantric self-pleasuring is a vital part of my spiritual practice. If I wasn’t proud of what I’ve developed, would I be sharing this so openly with you?

May you openly make peace with your own masturbation style and find a healthy way to infuse your life with such ecstasy.

Love, Somraj

Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks: How to Use Them to Trigger Different Kinds of Orgasms (X-Rated)

Posted on by Somraj

We had a great 12 hour sex party with a favorite girlfriend and a favorite boyfriend yesterday. We’re so close and trusting and intimate that the ecstasy and the laughter was life-altering.

And I learned even more about what happens with sexual energy during peaking. That’s the sudden ascent followed by the sudden descent of your turn-on. I’ve been studying pleasure peaks lately and just wrote what I thought was the definitive guide here. But we all had so many of them that I couldn’t help seeing deeper into what happens.

Even all being so turned on, we started out without many sharp, jarring peaks. I’m not just talking about first penetration. In our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric LoveMaking we devote a whole chapter to initial entry because it’s so critical to create an energetic connection before the action heats up. Yes, I’m referring to when his vajra (penis) first enters her yoni (vagina).

Sometimes the first strokes create off-the-charts sexual electricity. But yesterday we weren’t in any hurry and found the first few minutes enjoyable but not explosive. When you’re Tantrically-trained as we all are, we can devote a long time to savoring the delicious sensations without rushing.

Then the first pleasure spike hit me. Because I was so relaxed, I could see the sexual energy blossoming in vajra’s head as my excitement rose. After a few up-down cycles driven by many in-out cycles, I noticed the blossoming energy created a current. I could call it a flow of sexual electricity or use many other poetic images. But simply I could feel this hot buzzing sensation pulsing the end of my love tool. That was way real, not just some artistic reference or scientific factoid.

As our lovemaking continued, the sexual charge intensified. What I was feeling was more heat spreading down my shaft and into my G-Spot (prostate gland). When more energy infused my prostate, the tops of the peaks felt like bursts of fire in this orgasm-central gland. Undoubtedly it’s these intense G-Spot bursts that make many men come before they want to.

It occurred to me that some pleasure peaks are more physical in nature while others are more energetic. Of course, it’s sexual energy that creates all the great feelings of any kind of sex anywhere around the body. But what I’ve just described is what happens when you stimulate physical erogenous zones. In other words, hit the physical trigger and for sure you’ll generate sexual energy.

I wondered if some sexual peaks are triggered by energy first. I was sure this had happened to me a lot when I wasn’t paying much attention to these erotic physics. Sex can be way distracting, right? So I decided to play with the dense charge that the sexual strokes was creating. That was partly because the excitement in my vajra at the top of the peaks was getting too close to comfort. I needed to do something to prevent myself from ejaculating prematurely.

What I chose to do was spread the excitement up the central channel from my crotch to my heart. To do that I consciously used the 5 cruxes of ecstasy (breath, sound, movement, presence, and visualization) described in that previous blog post. (It’s entitled The 5 S’s of Peaking: Mastering the Ups and Downs of Your Sexual Energy.) At the next peak I felt a flare of sexual energy shoot up my body. After a couple more energy flares, my whole body started to tingle and vibrate like my cockhead alone did moments before.

These were peaks triggered by me intentionally moving energy, not just from sexual friction around my most sensitive pleasure spots.

By the way, spreading energy upwards like this is the secret to having full-body orgasms. Even though it wasn’t a full-blown climax this time, that’s what it felt like to my body. Have you ever found that what you were sharing felt so good that you never wanted it to stop? Sure you have. Well, that’s where I was.

After what seemed like nearly forever I noticed my sweetie making those sharp breaths and jerky movements that signals she’s close. I don’t know if this is your experience, but it’s much easier to get her close to coming than push her over the edge. So I thought I’d see if the high-voltage sexual charge in my vajra would help.

I visualized that the dense energy in vajra’s head started sending off sparks and bursts and flares into her yoni. Her reaction was instantaneous. One of the truly wonderful things about my beloved is that she wears her arousal on her sleeve. Sorry, bad idiom, as we were both naked. What I mean is that she makes how she’s feeling crystal clear. So there was no doubt in my mind that she was jolted by the streams of energy I was shooting into her yoni.

Sometimes we can hover on the edge of a Big O for many minutes. You know, approaching the brink and them inexplicably backing off. But not this time. I think all it took was two deep strokes of my vajra while it streamed sexual electricity. Suddenly she started to come. So I followed one of the 17 Orgasm Principles laid out in our new ebook. Namely, I didn’t change a thing. I maintained the same stroke speed, depth, angle, and pressure. And I kept directing energy bursts inside her.

Would you agree that my experiment was successful? I used sexual energy to trigger a resounding pleasure peak powerful enough to call it an explosive orgasm.

I’m really looking forward to more experiments soon. Once we both recover from yesterday’s marathon.

Love, Somraj

The 5 S’s of Peaking: Mastering the Ups and Downs of Your Sexual Energy

Posted on by Somraj

I still remember the homework that our Tantra instructor assigned us years ago. Pleasure yourself to a peak but back off without coming. Do it at least three times.

Back then this oversexed guy had no concept about delaying orgasm and extending lovemaking. But this three-peaks exercise completely changed my life. To be more specific, my sex life.

A sexual peak is when your excitement spikes before it drops suddenly. It’s when your turn-on suddenly shoots upward and bounces you off the bed. Sometimes it feels like you’re momentarily levitating before the eruption calms.

A peak is like a mini-orgasm that may lead to a Big O.

Obviously these are wonderful gifts we are all grateful for. Except when they make the guy come too soon. Or when a series of them drains the woman’s vital essence making it harder for her to come.

Lovers like us who specialize in orgasmic sex — having all the intense feelings as if we were coming the whole time — apply the skill of peaking every time we make love. That’s the conscious ability to manage the rising and falling of arousal.

Mastering Peaking

When you master the skill of peaking, you can float on the precipice where the pleasure is most intense. I call it dancing on the verge which you can do for minutes or more at a time. You might have heard of “edging,” that’s backing off when you get to close to coming. Both edging and dancing on the verge are two of the many peaking techniques which are vital tools of orgasmic sex.

Now you might ask what’s wrong with letting it all hang out and going for it. Well, nothing if you’re both so hot that all you crave is the explosive release of a quickie.

But all too often quickies drop you into the orgasm gap. That’s the well-documented phenomenon of him climaxing much more quickly than her. Further, it may cut your hard-to-come-by playtime short.

Once, after a weeklong business trip, we made a nest in front of the fireplace so we could enjoy hours of orgasmic sex. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), we were both so horny that we couldn’t last more than a few minutes. So we came together in an earth-shattering blaze of glory. The funniest part was our golden retriever putting his snout between our faces and howling right along with us. To be sure, an awesome moment. But we were hard pressed to get as turned-on for the next few hours.

To if you want to overcome premature ejaculation, build more excitement for bigger or easier orgasms, or make it last longer, you may want to get good at peaking.

Anatomy Of A Sexual Peak

To learn peaking, it helps to understand what’s happening with your sexual energy. Sexual energy is the electromagnetic life force in your body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers normally feel it as nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and spreading sensations.

So obviously building enough sexual energy is what causes a peak of pleasure.

Every sexual stroke — be it by hand, mouth, toy, or jewel (genital) penetration — creates a flow of passion current just like the output from an electrical generator. Some strokes may trigger energy blossoms that shoot streamers throughout your body. Some feel like fireworks exploding inside. Others feel like the hot cascades of an erotic waterfall.

If all the sexual energy you generate stays in your most erogenous zones around your crotch, the sensation is way intense. Too much concentrated energy is what makes men come uncontrollably before they’re ready. And by confining the fire around the jewels, it typically doesn’t lead to full-body orgasms.

This may not sound like much of a problem for you if you’re a multi-orgasmic woman, assuming your partner can keep up with you. It’s just that putting all your attention on orgasm can distract you from enjoying the journey. You know, taking time to smell the roses.

And when smelling the roses feels like the most powerful erotic explosion you’ve ever had, you don’t want it to end too soon.

Fill Your Pleasure Balloon

For perpetual orgasmic sex, lovers need to manage the energy build-up before and the release after the peak. And instead of wasting the passion, channel it to fill the whole body.

I use the analogy of the pleasure balloon to help understand how peaking works. Your pleasure balloon is an imaginary energy bubble inside your body that limits and regulates your capacity to feel. At rest, the pleasure balloon is collapsed around your jewels. As you get excited and sexual energy fills your container, it expands spreading the yummy sensations. If you fill it rapidly, it can pop, wasting all that life-giving passion before you’re ready to break.

But if you change your focus to pumping sexual energy into your pleasure balloon, sex becomes more erotic, more intense, and longer lasting. You shift from pushing for or avoiding the Big O to enjoying the trancey feeling of lightness and the percolating sensations of pleasure all over.

It’s your pleasure balloon — the energy bubble filling your whole body — that makes you feel like you’re levitating.

When you’re enjoying orgasmic sex, you maintain the feeling that the tidal wave of sexual energy causes just before a huge climax. You float on the edge of the cliff without sliding over.

Are you getting just a little bit interested in using those electric sexual strokes to hover at sexual peaks while you fill your pleasure balloon instead of keeping your accelerator floored?

How To Peak

I’m a guy with a college-trained brain that needs formulas to remember things. So I use the 5 S’s to describe peaking. These were first described in my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery which later came out in print as Male Multiple Orgasm. The 5 S’s are…

  • Stop
  • Slow
  • Switch
  • Sound
  • Spread.

If you feel like you’re about to be catapulted uncontrollably over the precipice, you don’t need a college degree to figure out you should stop moving. If it’s the friction on your jewels that is pumping that sexual electricity into your pleasure balloon, turn off the generator for a moment. Duh!

Of course, when those urges are driving you, that’s sometimes easier said than done. But managing peaks usually starts by learning to how stop moving altogether. If you’re with a partner, this may not be the most popular technique but it is fundamental step on the peaking learning curve.

When you do stop in the middle of the action, you’ll take a break in funneling sexual energy into your pleasure balloon. This should make your sensations subside. I find if I take a couple deep breaths and relax as much as possible, I can reset for another ascent pretty quickly.

Sometimes the dip in excitement isn’t instantaneous. Your arousal might keep rising for a bit as you get still. That’s why a major part of each lover’s learning curve has to do with timing. But stopping is reliable at slowing the sharp ascent. And you may find the crest rounding a bit as your excitement settles down.

Slowing And Switching

When you have success with stopping, it shouldn’t be a great leap to softening your peaks by slowing. Again, this should be pretty straightforward. If you’re stroking in and out once every 2 seconds, try one every 3, 4, or 5 seconds. It’s not that different than stopping for a count of two before your next stroke.

If stopping and slowing are elementary school techniques, when you’re ready to master switching you’ve graduated to high school. Switching simply means changing what you’re doing. Change the depth, angle, or pressure of your strokes. Shift sexual positions so the friction is less or creates different sensations.

One advanced way of switching is to adjust the pattern of your strokes. For example, if you’re making two deep pumps followed by one shallow, change to one deep and two shallow. That assumes shallower strokes are less arousing at that moment. If the reverse is true for you, well, reverse them.

As you learn switching, you’ll probably find some stroking adjustments will feel more exciting and might push you over the edge. All in the learning curve, baby. But gradually you’ll discover ways to adjust your lovemaking to ease your peaking without stopping or slowing.

Even Higher Sexual Education

The last two of the 5 S’s, sounding and spreading, are definitely the arena of higher sexual education. That’s because they deal with regulating the generation and flow of sexual energy directly. While most women tend to grasp this ability more readily than most men, it’s a major shift for most lovers.

Sounding simply means to make love sounds. Frankly, that can include any kind of noise. You know, sighs, moans, groans, shrieks, and screams. Personally, I find that I can use my voice to release a sudden surge of energy as I’m rising to a peak. Growling seems to be most effective for me.

Again, most women are better at this than macho guys trained in the stoic school of acting. Might there be a connection in the fact that these women seem more passionate than their men of few words?

The last S, spreading, is the province of sexual energy Ph.D. candidates. By the way, this last S doesn’t mean spreading your legs. Spreading is all about moving the energy out of your jewels or wherever it’s concentrated at the moment. It means consciously funneling it into your pleasure balloon so it expands to fill your whole body.

The Five Cruxes of Ecstasy


Masters of orgasmic sex develop the capacity to manage their sexual energy. In our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making, we present the five tools for doing this: breath, sound, movement, visualization, and presence. We call them the Cruxes of Ecstasy. The first three S’s were all about movement, and we just explained how sounding functions to release too-intense energy bursts.

Another movement that’s very effective in moving sexual energy is the PC pump. PC stands for the pubococcygeal muscles that support the pelvic floor. You might have heard them called “Kegels” after the obstetrician who developed exercises for women after childbirth. When your PC muscles are strong and toned, squeezing them pumps energy up out of your jewels and into your pleasure balloon. Very effective for guys, too.

Using the breath is one of the most powerful tools descended from Eastern yogis and Tantric adepts. To slow the rise towards the peak, breathe deeper and slower in the belly. To let the energy shoot upwards, breathe faster. You may find the same thing happens when you hold your breath.

As your awareness and sensitivity of sexual energy increases, you’ll be able to make it expand, contract, and move simply by visualizing it. After twenty years of practice, I often find I can boost one of my ebbs or calm one of my hyper moments through intention alone.

If this sounds challenging, you’ll understand why I call it graduate level education. But it’s not that difficult if you have a seasoned teacher. In ancient times disciples had to apprentice to a master for years and years to receive these secrets. Back then, one-on-one worked best to provide the discipline and personalized coaching necessary to refine these skills.

But without the last cruz of ecstasy, presence, the journey to orgasmic energy mastery will be overly long and less likely of success. Presence means being present here and now. Being conscious, being aware, being mindful.

Our presence curriculum starts with relaxation, continues with improving sensitivity, and in the end becomes surrender. Not in the sense of giving up the fight but in the sense of letting things go and letting whatever is going to happen happen.

You can’t control sexual energy with an iron fist. You have to guide it subtly and let it do it’s thing. That’s one of the main reasons orgasmic sex only succeeds when you have no goal of orgasm and no rote agenda to get there.

Mastering Your Sexual Peaks

Learn to spread sexual energy and you will easily become the master of your peaks.

At first, you’ll find the ups and downs steep and the crest quite sharp with a few-second break between. I call those masculine peaks. But as you develop the skills of the five S’s, you’ll learn to rise and fall more slowly. You’ll be able to boost the summit’s height when you choose and lower it when you need to.

Eventually you’ll find your arousal won’t dip down as far. You’ll find your sharp peaks becoming more rounded and morphing into extended plateaus. These are more feminine peaks.

Maybe the most sought-after benefit of peaking is having an energy orgasm. That’s where you have all the physical sensations of orgasm without releasing much sexual energy. Or semen for guys. In an energy orgasm you might find yourself jackknifing, crying out, and vibrating all over. It feels like every cell is coming. When this happens in an extended plateau, I call it the orgasm zone or O-Zone for short.

I’ve blogged about all of this a lot. If you want to go deeper, check out these two earlier posts…

Or for the full training program to become a sexual energy aficionado, download a copy of our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making.

If this raises any questions, please comment below and I’ll answer them right away.

Until next time.

Love, Somraj

A Spiritual Alternative to Viagra: Timing Your Ejaculations to Extend Your Sexual Stamina

Posted on by Somraj

As much as we seek to release all attachment, many of us aging lovers are still attached to getting and maintaining our own or our partner’s erection.

While I don’t see anything spiritually wrong with medicines like Viagra, I prefer natural alternatives. Being a sexually-active 70-year-old male, I’ve tried many herbal potions with varying results. Although some are frauds, I want to offer my belated thanks to the Kama Sutra for introducing aphrodisiacs into the world.

Actually I don’t need much help getting it up. But being Tantrically trained, I love to make love several times a week for an hour or more at a time. So my erectile experiments have centered around staying hard as long as we’re having fun.

It turns out that my erection stamina has less to do with what I put in my body than what I let out. Or to be more accurate, how often I ejaculate.

According to ancient spiritual traditions like Tantra and Taoism , a man’s semen is his life essence. One venerable teacher called it “Original Spirit.” According to these bygone sexologists, spilling your seed decreases your vitality, energy, and libido. Which, of course, diminishes your ability to get and stay erect.

I have a friend who can come ten times in a row without much break. That’s never been me. Even as a young man my desire to do it again wouldn’t return for many hours. Now that I’m a sexy senior citizen, that’s become days. For me my most powerful virility option is repeatedly surfing on the edge of coming without squirting.

If your hackles just rose rise up in horror, bear with me. I know how good it feels to explode into a big wet spot. Or to push your male partner over that ecstatic precipice. I still remember that student years ago who refused to listen any further exclaiming, “You want me to give up my favorite part of sex? No way!”

One thing I learned from Tantra is that orgasm and ejaculation are two different things. So I said to him, “What if I could show you how to have orgasm after stronger orgasm for as long as you want instead?” That got his attention fast. It wasn’t too long afterwards that I published my Male Multiple Orgasm book about how to do just that.

When I released the goal of frequent orgasm and mentally pivoted towards longer pleasure instead, my erection stamina soared. Does this inspire you in any way to learn to float in a continuous and higher orgasmic state instead of pushing for a quick release?

My point is that we all need to find our own personal ejaculation frequency. For me, that’s every few weeks. I learned how to conserve my vital essence by studying two early traditions.

Tantra is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice that teaches how to harness the life forces that innervate body, mind, and spirit. Tantric adepts harness sexual energy to fuel consciousness, love, and enlightenment. When applied to lovemaking, conserving the energy of orgasm is essential. It was through Tantric practices that I mastered the art of multiple energy orgasms without ejaculating.

The study of Taoism has helped me as well. Taoism is an ancient Chinese philosophy about finding “the way” in harmony with natural order and the principles of yin and yang. Ancient Taoist physicians specialized in extending longevity. They gave men specific guidelines about how often to ejaculate based on age, strength, and health.

One such recommended schedule for strong males comes from Su Nü who wrote under the pseudonym the Plain Girl. She was a concubine of the famous Yellow Emperor during the Chinese Yin Dynasty 5000 years ago. Here’s what she advised: Teenagers can afford to ejaculate twice a day, while 30-year-olds can come daily. Men of 40 should ejaculate only once every three days and 50-year-olds only every five days. Men of 60 can release every ten days and those of 70 once a month. This famous concubine of the emperor doubled these durations for weaker men and advised weak 70-year-olds to give up ejaculating altogether.

Master Sun, born in 581 AD and lived for 101 years, prescribed a stricter schedule. He advised that men who could make love 100 times without an emission would live a very long life. Since few could achieve that, he suggested two ejaculations per month. His detailed schedule was: one emission every four days for 20-somethings, every eight days for 40-year-olds, and only once every 20 days for men in their 50s. He recommended those above 60 give it up altogether unless they were exceptionally healthy.

Chinese longevity specialists advised that every man needs to find his own right interval. Expert guidance to find my own way has always inspired my rebellious nature. When I first started enjoying extended Tantric lovemaking at 50, I came every time we made love. Several times a week was too often for me. I discovered that I could maintain my erections better if I limited my emissions to twice a week. Ten years later, once a week was necessary. Now a three-week schedule seems best.

The Taoist doctors advised that it was unhealthy to give up ejaculating altogether except in extreme circumstances. That’s been my experience, too. After quite a few lovemaking sessions I sometimes experience testicle pressure often called “blue balls.” Though there’s been little relevant scientific research, doctors say it’s nothing serious that isn’t resolved by coming. Fortunately, a little massage and energy-spreading breathwork resolves it quickly for me. Or I decide my body is telling me it’s time to release.

Undoubtedly, your mileage may vary. Mine does based on how I’m feeling physically and emotionally and how much action I’ve had recently. Hopefully I’ve given you enough grounding in the art and science of ejaculatory timing to find a schedule that keeps you hot and hard and virile well into old age. I figure with my expertise and experience I’ve got another few decades of Tantric sex ahead of me.

Love, Somraj

Orgasmic Energy Sex is Safe Sex, Passionate Foreplay, and Sometimes a Phenomenal Main Event

Posted on by Somraj

I want to tell you about an orgasmic all-nighter I had some years ago with my clothes on. And her clothes on. Let me assure you that our garments in no way impeded the magnetic exchange of sexual energy.

We were teaching Tantric LoveMaking at the Lifestyles Convention, the annual international gathering of 5000 swingers in Las Vegas. In our hour-long class there was a beautiful blind Tantra masseuse who was very interested in what we were presenting. With the guidance of a friend, she came up afterwards to meet us. She peppered us with questions about how we learned, how we practiced, and how she could get more involved. Obviously she shared our values that conscious consensual Tantric Sex is a high form of sacred communion.

When we invited her to join us for our community’s all-night celebration, she instantly and enthusiastically agreed.

Each year one of our friends rented a suite in the Lifestyles hotel and hosted a party starting at midnight. He only invited a couple dozen people who were responsible, spiritual, and uninhibited. After relating our conversation, he welcomed her. When we called to confirm the invitation and offered to pick her up at her room, she was excited. But she assured us her friend — apparently platonic and not interested in our antics — would deliver her on time.

Though there is always lots of coupling and shifting around at such get-togethers, it’s not a free-for-all orgy. We always start responsibly and ritually. Sure, we’re there to have fun and maximize pleasure, but our foremost aim is to honor the divine in each one we meet. So the opening includes a bit of ceremony, presentation of safe-sex and consensual ground rules, and discussion of desires, concerns, and boundaries.

With the agreement of my other partners and lovers, I made a beeline to seek her out in the small crowd. She knew me instantly and welcomed the chance for us to get more intimate.

We talked, we kissed, and talked some more. The sensations that our interacting bioenergetic fields were creating in each of us were delightful. I knew she was feeling it to because Tantric practice is transparent, open, and conscious.

Well, sure, I wanted to rip her clothes off and jump her. But I’ve learned to sink into the glory of each new moment and savor the journey. She was excited to hear how much I wanted her and how patient I was. So we agreed to go with the flow and let whatever happened happen organically.

Actually, my body was responding so strongly to hers that it was like having physical sex. That’s one of the advantages of energy sex. You avoid the distractions of undressing, condoms, finding a comfortable place for arms and legs.

So what is “energy sex?” Well, if you remember what your body feels like when you’re getting close to orgasm, but you’re not even touching, that’s energy sex.

One way to explain it is by understanding the bioenergetic field that surrounds every human body. I call it the “biofield.” You know that there’s electricity flowing through your nerve channels. And that an electrical current creates a magnetic field. The more you use the three Tantric keys of harnessing sexual energy — breathing, moving, and sounding — the stronger those fields. Of course, the more turned-on you get, the deeper you breathe, the more you shake and undulate, and the louder your moans and screams.

All of this charges your biofield and makes it surge and pulse. It feels to me like electrical streamers spreading throughout my body. Sometimes they’re geysers shooting up from my jewels (genitals). Sometimes they’re more like cascades of goosebumps falling down.

One of the best things you can learn from Tantric practice, once you learn to charge your biofield, is to connect with someone else’s. That starts by opening your awareness to feel those streamers inside your playmate’s body. Then you can open passion circuits between the two of you and exchange sexual energy. When you have two or more such connections, you can create energy circles. Our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making, describes how to do all of this in detail.

Now self-pleasuring is great fun and an important way to increase your sensitivity and harness your sexual energy. But the synergy of feeling your lover’s excitement, adding to it, and passing it back and forth is one of the divine’s greatest gifts to humankind.

That’s what we did for hours. Sure, there was some touching and hugging and lots of kissing. From the outside it certainly looked a lot more vanilla than making the beast with two backs. But from the inside it was intense, powerful, and downright cataclysmic.

When I noticed a hint of dawn through the windows and mentioned it, she asked what time it was. It turned out she had an early flight back to Denver. So I called her caretaker and that was that.

I suppose if you ask me now if I was disappointed, I’d probably say a bit. But right then I was vibrating so peacefully and strongly that I gracefully surrendered to whatever happened.

There’s no doubt that this was a perfect prescription for a first date. And since we didn’t exchange any fluids, perfectly safe sex. And since we didn’t arrive at any skin-on-skin sex acts, most would call it foreplay.

But I still remember those continuous orgasmic sensations flooding my body. And as she related, she experienced much the same.

Isn’t that the whole point of sex anyway? To give and receive enormous pleasure?

So I still believe it was a phenomenal main event.

Love, Somraj