lovemaking

Over the Top: Timing Is Everything When It Comes to Orgasm

Posted on by Somraj

Our lovemaking last night was interesting. And we coordinated even better this morning so that she could go over the top to orgasm.

This whole episode started yesterday evening as she got close. My natural reflex (and I think of a lot of guys) is to speed up when she approaches a sexual climax. But my Tantra training has taught me not to change anything as she’s peaking.

Now I realize that guideline can be confusing to lovers who’ve realized that women especially prefer lots of variety. Otherwise, after repeated strokes hitting one sweet spot (erogenous zone), her tissues get desensitized for a bit. So another part of my Tantric lovemaking repertoire is to change things up as I search for strokes and spots that generate the most passionate responses.

See, it’s all about timing. Vary your sexual moves most of the time, but keep on keeping on with what’s working when she’s getting close.

I thought I was following both guidelines during our evening delight. When the reaction to one stroke leveled or petered out, I would change the angle, depth, speed, or target. Everything seemed to be turning her on more and more since she was breathing deeper, moaning louder, and moving more erotically. As she peaked, she murmured “don’t change anything.” So I maintained the exact same thrusts that brought her near the edge.

Or at least I thought I did.

Unfortunately, it was my previous type of sexual stroke that was propelling her excitement upwards. You might have noticed that it’s sometimes hard to verbalize when passion is overwhelming your mind. She couldn’t get the words out fast enough last night. So by the time I heeded her guidance, I had already switched to a new kind of stroke. It was the last one she wanted me to continue. But I didn’t know that at the time.

Still, she came and loved it. But it seemed to both of us that, had I kept up the previous rhythm, the explosion would have been bigger and stronger. No point in being regretful about longing for what could have been. And it was all good, right? Besides, as we talked about what happened, we agreed there’s always tomorrow.

This morning things evolved in a similar way. But when she got near the edge this time, she simply said “slow.” Now, I’m pretty damned sure I was matching the speed her body wanted. She’s so passionate a lover that her body language was clearly communicating what was turning her on. So it seemed to me that we were in sync when she said “slow.” Regardless, from her point of view I was going too fast.

Fortunately, ego plays little part in our sexual play. So I slowed down and she had a big roaring over-the-top orgasm. Probably a whole new one, not a leftover from last night.

I’ve done this a lot of times on my own as she peaked. Apparently, when the thrusting slows it makes her push herself over the precipice. This time she asked for it and it was exactly the right thing.

If you want a moral to the story, here it is. For orgasmic sex, you have to monitor each other and communicate to stay in sync. You may follow some patterns that have worked in the past, but even more you have to stay present in the moment. Be easy, have fun, and enjoy yourself all you can.

 

Love, Somraj

Meditation Helps Sex, Appreciating the Nude Male Body,

Posted on by admin

Want to learn more about Orgasmic Sex? Here are a few links to articles that can help…

How To Use Meditation To Improve Your Sex Life – mindbodygreen

A Love Letter to Naked Men: No More Double Standards – Appreciating the Nude Male Body

12 Crazy Amazing Facts About The Clitoris | HuffPost

Six Key Ways to Just Follow the Energy, Baby

Posted on by Somraj

“Follow the energy” is way common new-age advice that especially applies to Orgasmic Sex.

The first time I got this guidance was from a gorgeous nude woman at a naturist social gathering at my house. Back then I was so militant a nudist that I used to answer the door naked. Well, at least to my naturist friends. Later when I sat down to flirt with her, all she would reply was “It’s all about the energy, baby.” Since that was as close as I ever got to hooking up with her, I made a point of exploring her advice.

That was one of the reasons I started studying Tantra. Well, that and also because a new woman I was hot for was studying to be a Tantra teacher. I didn’t want to disappoint her even though I didn’t know at the time that we would be married not long after. We’ve been together and practicing Orgasmic Sex for 21 years now.

Tantra is an ancient eastern spiritual practice that utilizes lifeforce energy to raise consciousness. Since we’re so hung up about sex in the modern world, there’s lots of suppressed sexual energy waiting to be released. And enjoyed. As a result, most people new to the philosophy equate Tantra with Tantric Sex.

But it’s actually more about raising your awareness of yourself, your soul, your body, and your sensations. The way you experience all those things is through lifeforce energy.

I suppose it would help to define energy for those of you who find this sometimes vague term too vague to translate into the bedroom. Our latest book, Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex (to be published by Llewellyn Worldwide spring 2019), defines sexual energy this way…

The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations. Also known as Orgasmic Energy and Kundalini. 

Now, there are a lot of forms of this bioenergy. When it’s pulsing in your heart, you feel it as love. When it’s buzzing in your third eye behind your forehead, your wisdom and intuition are sharpened. When you’re receiving a massage, it’s undoubtedly invigorating your whole nervous system. In fact, there are seven primary forms of lifeforce energy which is why Tantrics study the chakras, the seven energy centers arrayed along the spine from the pelvic floor to the crown of the head.

Horny lovers are often driven by lust which stems from the urge to propagate the species at the first chakra. When you rip each other’s clothes off and hump your way to a quick explosive release, no doubt you’re following that kind of energy. But when we talk about Orgasmic Sex, we’re referring to generating and exchanging energy at multiple chakras. All-chakra lovemaking undoubtedly creates the most ecstatic pleasure.

With all that in mind, let’s look at the six main ways to follow the energy, baby.

Search for Sweet Spots

I call erogenous zones sweet spots. Those are places on or inside your body that erupt with sensation when touched or stimulated. Rubbing or poking a sweet spot causes sexual energy to stream out and shower the body with pleasure. In Orgasmic Sex we target 43 distinct sweet spots, 18 in the male body and 25 in the female one. Hopefully you’re familiar with one of a woman’s most powerful ones, the clio (clitoris). Actually though a woman’s clio has seven different sweet spots: hood, pearl, shaft, two legs, and two bulbs. There’s also five distinct sweet spots on the head of a man’s vajra (penis) alone. 

The first way to follow the energy is to wander around and play with different sweet spots to find out what feels good right now.

Keep Doing What Causes a Reaction

Sometimes we get so caught up in how good it feels that we forget our partner. You won’t know what your playmate is enjoying if you don’t pay attention. Body language provides clearcut communication if your honey lets their passion show. And if you monitor his or her skin color, breath, body motions, and sounds.

When you notice what’s causing turn-on, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that you should keep doing it. The energy is telling you where to concentrate.

Move Your Focus

Sexual stimulation is a moving target. Say you’re licking something for a while and the reaction subsides. You’re not doing anything wrong. That’s just how bodies are. Excitement comes and goes. So you need to move your focus.

Sure, sometimes your sucking or stroking is so right on that you can make your baby climb all the way to orgasm. But even then, if you want to make Orgasmic Sex last as long as you can like we do, you might want to switch to other sweet spots.

When the sensitivity decreases in one zone and increases in another, follow it.

Let It Spread

Energy pooled in one place can stream out and settle in another. We really love it when kundalini spreads, excites other sweet spots, and ultimately fills our whole body. Then you have two or more erogenous zones generating turn-on in your body. Letting it flow where it will is the path to blended full-body orgasms. So when your excitement grows, follow it.

Reach Out Psychically

I think great lovers listen to their intuition. When I first started practicing Tantra, brief visions of erotic moves would flash through my mind. Like changing positions. Or pulling out and going down for a taste of oral sex. But at first I didn’t notice these fleeting images.

When I got more experience and confidence, I realized that these inspirations were subtle kundalini talking to me. So I started to heed them. Which makes me a much more unpredictable lover now. Fortunately, my lovers seem to get off on me changing things up. At least until they’re ready for me to help them over the top.

I call this skill whimsy and it’s a key practice in our latest book. So to follow the energy, let your whims lead you. Now you might ask if it’s your energy or you sweetie’s that’s calling to you? Could be one, or the other, or both. But really who cares as long as you’re keep each other’s body guessing and having lots of fun.

Share the Energy

You can enjoy sexual energy in the above ways just by playing with yourself. In Tantra we definitely celebrate self-pleasuring.

But there is a final key when making love with another energy-aware person. When you’re both following the energy, it can arc between you. A sweet spot in each of your bodies can hook up and create a passion circuit.  Any chakra that’s open, charged, and firing can link up with your playmate’s.

Which is why touching, kissing, and looking into each other’s eyes while your jewels (genitals) are coupling is so much sweeter. In fact, that allows you to open multiple passion circuits at once. Then the kundalini can cycle in and out between you in energy circles.

When the passion starts leaping back and forth, isn’t that something you love to follow?

# # #

There you have it: six ways to just follow the energy, baby…

  • Search for sweet spots
  • Keep doing what causes a reaction
  • Move your focus
  • Let it spread
  • Reach out psychically
  • Share the energy.

After making love this way thousands of times in our over twenty years together, Orgasmic Sex never gets old, stale, or boring.

But maybe you’ve got some other tricks to follow the energy and keep things fresh. Please comment below or shoot me an email here. I’d love to learn what turns you on.

 

Love, Somraj

Orgasmic Sex Play-By-Play (X-Rated)

Posted on by Somraj

Unusually, it had been a few days since we made love so we were way hot for each other. Before diving in, we exchanged some sweet everythings and slow sensual massage. We call light all-body caresses with consciousness, “Tantric Touch.”

That’s all it took for our jewels (genitals) to get erect.

We moved to the next level when, with her permission, I put my vajra (penis) inside her. My hard-on descended slowly and shallowly at first. When, after a few initial thrusts, her body language made it clear that she was craving more, I gradually stroked faster and deeper. That propelled us to the next level. Our excitement propelled us to alternate at higher and higher peaks.

Sometimes her G-spot near the opening of her yoni (vagina) prefers to be rubbed or rammed directly. But this time deeper thrusts were producing stronger reactions. She’s so passionate that there’s no doubt what she wants most in each moment.  How loud her moans are, how heavy her breathing is, and how strongly she pushes back tells me more than words could. I call passionate lovers like this responsive.

For fun, instead of having my thrusts penetrate straight in, I rotated my pelvis down so my vajra was entering from below. This prodded the upper wall of her yoni all the way in near the neck of the bladder. Sexologists call that the A-spot where the A stands for anterior. The A-spot is near the fabled G-spot but much further inside. She liked those strokes, but it didn’t make her wail and flail. I love to make her crazy.

I switched by rotating my pelvis upward which aimed my vajra downward as far as it would go into her cul-de-sac. That’s the little crevice behind the cervix up against the womb. Her deeper breathing and louder moans told me that these thrusts made her peaks more dramatic.

But I had a problem. All this energetic in-and-out pushed me too close to the edge of coming. Each time I pushed my cockhead into her cul-de-sac, I almost came. (I’ve always been ultra-sensitive but fortunately Tantra training taught me how to handle the intense precipices of sexual energy.) I had to back off the speed and depth of my thrusts so I could hover on the edge of the cliff without losing it. That’s how I’ve learned to last most of the time as long as we both want. Unfortunately backing off a bit reduced her excitement.

But no worries. We like to dance on the verge for an hour or more at a time. The point where I had to slow up was maybe after a half-an-hour of jewel union (sexual intercourse). In the long run, though, everything worked out perfectly.

Up to this point I had been Tri-Fingering her clio (clitoris) while my vajra was sliding in and out of her yoni. You see, studies have shown that 70% of women need clio stimulation for maximum turn-on and orgasm. She’s one of them most of the time.

Tri-Fingering is my name for using three fingers on her clio. To do that during jewel union, I put my two middle fingers of one hand on either side of my thrusting cock and rub her pussy lips. At the same time with my index finger, I massage her clio.

In spite of her still wanting more (I love that about her), my fingers started to get tired. So she grabbed one of her favorite little vibrators called the Tiani from Lelo, the great Swedish sex toy company. It’s a U-shape with a vibrating bulb in one end that her clio loves. The other end is a little flat prong that inserts into her yoni. Amazingly it holds the Tiani in place so we can go at it hands free.

More bad news. As usual, the inserted prong made penetration tighter. At that moment I was too sensitive for more excitement. When I explained, she just held the vibe on her clio. That made her passion ramp up again. And allowed us to have lots more fun surfing up and down many waves of pleasure.

If you’re into long Orgasmic Sex like we are, you learn that nothing seems to keep producing the same passion for long. Psychologists call it habituation when the sensitivity of tissues gets accustomed to the same repeated stimulation.

When her clio got habituated, she switched to another longtime favorite, the white Pocket Rocket. It’s a slender 3-inch cylinder powered by just one AA battery.  The white one is a few years old and has lost some of its punch. But there’s something about its frequency that’s perfectly tuned to her clio. Someday I hope to sponsor a scientific study of vibration characteristics. I never see manufacturers specifying vibe strength and frequency.

Anyway, whitey on her clit sent her off into a few more cycles of skimming pleasure crests which I happily followed.

Now the good news heading into 45 minutes of coupling was that my sensitivity started to level out. The peaks weren’t threatening to make me loose it as much. So I could stick to my gun, I mean the rhythm that was bringing her close to a climax.

I guess her peaks were leveling a bit too as we approached an hour. Since we play this way on average every other day, we don’t always demand an explosive release. You see, the peaks are so exciting and propagate so much energy through and between our bodies that physical orgasm isn’t always necessary. That’s why we call it Orgasmic Sex instead of sex pressuring us both towards with orgasm. The orgasmic sensations go on and on unlike just a few seconds of them.

We usually play in rounds (yeah, like boxers but much less violent) that typically last 30 to 60 minutes. Sure, sometimes we have shorter quickies. Our longies string together several rounds of going at it like that.

Sorry, I don’t have a name for one round like we were enjoying. A mediumie? No, not a great term. Can you suggest a better one?

As we neared the end of this round she clearly wanted to go over the top. I realized that when she grabbed her newest Pocket Rocket. Since it’s purple, we call it Miss Violet. I bought several different ones from Amazon so we’d have a backup to the aging whitey. It turned out they were all from the same manufacturer in China. The fresh Miss Violet packs a stronger punch and added what she needed for an explosive climax.

It was a classic blended orgasm. That’s one triggered by hitting two sweet spots (erogenous zones) at once. In this case my vajra pumping in and out of the cul-de-sac inside her yoni and Miss Violet on clio’s pearl (erect tip).

Even with all that stimulation, the rhythm of my strokes had to be perfect. Moments when I had to back off interrupted her ascent. But finally I was able to keep on keeping on as she approached climax. Maybe the fourth or fifth peak triggered her explosive orgasm or what we like to call a Big O.

Do you ever pull out right away after coming? We don’t. Orgasmic Sex is such a connection of multiple energy streams that we much prefer to keep my shrinking vajra inside as long as possible.

At first she needs me to be still as the sensations sweep through her. Plus, staying inside allows us to enjoy aftershocks. Sometimes they’re just an involuntary twitch as the energy boils over. But after a couple moments I like to give her another slow stroke. That often triggers a mini-orgasm like it did this time. Actually that worked three or four more times until she was totally spent.

I know we’re there when she covers her suddenly hyper-sensitive clio with hand or pulls away.

And if you’re wondering, no, I didn’t come. The multiple high peaks of pleasure are thoroughly satisfying to me. And in my seventies ejaculating releases too much energy. That can leave me out of the game sometimes for a few days. Taoist physicians specify that at my age I should never come. But I’m a Tantric which means the only rules I follow are what works for my body. At this point it’s been quite a few weeks since I made a big wet spot. Well see when it asks for. I love that preservingjy sexual energy this way  keeps my old body horny, hard, and desiring more.

Well, that’s one of our Tantric mottos: more, More, MORE! I hope you have fun going for more like I’ve just described.

 

 

Love, Somraj

 

 

 

P.S. Many of these techniques are excerpted from our new book, Tantric Pathways to Supernatural Sex, which will be published by Llewellyn Worldwide next spring. If you’re interested, make a comment below or shoot me an email here… http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/somrajemailform.htm

New Twist: Polishing the Pearl

Posted on by Somraj

My sweetie likes it a lot when I play with her clio (clit) while we’re fucking. How can I tell? Well, it’s downright obvious when she bucks and howls in sync with my finger strokes.

We’ve fucked maybe 2000 times in our 21 years together. So how is it that I keep stumbling on new moves that move her?  Just luck? No, I think it’s the dedicated practice of Orgasmic Sex. Let me explain.

We we’re stroking away last night in our favorite position when we’re tired and stoned: the scissors with her on her back and me on my side at a right angle.

I was stroking her erect clio with my middle finger at the same time that my first and third fingers were fiddling around the edges. After about 15 minutes, her reactions made it clear that she wanted something even stronger. So I started tapping her swollen pearl which made her butt keep bouncing up to meet my fingers.

When your lover pushes back in rhythm, you know what you’re doing is working. But one side effect was that it made vajra’s strokes (Tantric for penis) shallower. As a result, my cock head was vigorously rubbing just inside yoni’s mouth (vagina) on her outlet. That’s the most exposed end of her G-spot where her urethral canal opens to the outside world. Because the spongy tissue surrounding the canal is so sensitive, this vajra stroke excited her even more.

That’s when I invented a new thrilling new move. Actually it was an accident. Because my vajra was entering at a sharp angle from below and prodding just inside the upper wall of yoni’s mouth, it popped out across her clio. In Orgasmic Sex we have a don’t panic rule when something untoward happens. So I slightly shifted my finger taps onto my cock head and pushed it back in without missing a beat.

Her higher-pitched squeal confirmed that I was onto something worthwhile. So I repeated the move over and over. Eventually it morphed into me pushing vajra’s head down across her erect pearl and her outlet with my fingers on vajra’s in-stroke. I lightened the pressure from my fingers on the out-stroke which let my erect cock head emerge. Pushing in again allowed my vajra to polish her clio upwards. In effect, I was alternating pushing inside her yoni and rubbing across her vestibule. That’s the courtyard inside the inner lips from yoni’s mouth across the outlet and up to clio’s base.

I never read about this sexual stroke in all my studies of the Kama Sutra and Tantric texts. I guess it goes to show that Orgasmic Sex never gets old and boring if you pay attention and go with the flow.

Let me know how you like my new Pearl Polishing stroke. And I look forward to hearing about new strokes that you invent, too.

 

 

 

Love, Somraj

Femininity And Menopause Myths, Female Desire

Posted on by admin

Check out these articles which amplify critical aspects of Orgasmic Sex…

4 Myths about Femininity That Some People Still Believe – Beducated Magazine

5 things to know about female desire according to this sex researcher – Collective – Bellesa – Porn for Women

Myths About Menopause – You don’t have to give up health and sex because of the change – mindbodygreen

Tantric Massage, Sex is Integral to Life, Blended Orgasms

Posted on by Somraj

Check out the following articles if you want to understand more about Orgasmic Sex…

What Is Tantric Massage? | StyleCaster

Sex is an integral part of life | Sexuality is especially taboo for LGBTQ and shouldn’t be closeted for anyone | Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

What You Need To Know About Blended Orgasms and How to Have One Solo and with a Partner – mindbodygreen (This is a great intro to one kind blended orgasm for women, but there are lots more for both sexes.)

Sacred Sex Game

Posted on by Somraj

I ran across this fascinating fun way to spice up your relationship, the Sacred Sex Game. Check it out.

You won’t hear from me much the rest of April as my wife and I will be vacationing in the UK. Enjoy the burgeoning spring.

Love, Somraj

—————————————————————

If you are looking for a new way to rejuvenate your sex life and experience a fun and unique way to deepen your intimacy, Sacred Sex Game could be for you.

Sacred Sex Game is more than a mere game; it is designed to be a relationship and conscious communication tool for couples. The game has a multi-dimensional play that will help participants to access personal blocks, clear the way to greater communication and bliss, and open the pathways to a greater sacred sexual union. It can create opportunities to work through stagnation in your relationships, think critically about sexual issues, learn the tools to move sexual energy to heal yourself and enjoy kinky and spontaneous encounters with your beloved.

Sacred Sex Game was created by Shane and Heather, a husband and wife creative team located in Arizona. Shane and Heather are artists, seekers, and lovers. With their extensive knowledge and practice of tantra and conscious communication, came their desire to create a game based on these ideals. The game is a functional piece of art designed with sacred geometry and embedded with ancient symbolism. Their intention for this game is to help people open the lines of communication and nurture a positive sexual relationship.

Sacred Sex Game can open you up to spontaneity. Every Game is different! In fact, the game is designed to be an inter-personal sacred sexuality workshop.

Dive deep into your personal sexual energy and that of your beloved.

www.sacredsexgame.com

Shane Brandolini & Heather Kadar