Click HERE to return to newsletter archives Table of Contents

Your Tantra Newsletter: How to Make Sex Less Confusing: The Ten Facets That Define Your Personal Sexual Philosophy

Do you realize how much your mind influences the kind, quality, and amount of sex you have? Well, it’s a lot.

Good business leaders, good parents, and even good artists and musicians study their craft and make plans to succeed. But what about lovers?

To be a good lover and enjoy all the gifts our sexual bodies promise, we need to get clear on what we want and how we’re going to get it.

Have you ever asked yourself what kind of sex you want more of? Or less of? What kind of lover you are and want to become?

"Sacred Sexual Secrets" Newsletter #280 published 1/25/2017
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by
To get these free monthly newsletters in your email, click here to register...
Comments, questions, feedback:

This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training. Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

I think that’s one of the reasons a summary of Tweets I just read rated sex as one of the top three most confusing parts of life. Well, sure, if you don’t define your erotic identity you’ll show up more like a pinball than a Casanova.

I’m not urging you to ignore attraction, love, desire, libido, hormones, and sexual chemistry. No, I’m suggesting that you can improve your sex life dramatically if you actively and consciously define your personal sexual philosophy.

You do realize that, in our largely sex-negative culture, few of us have honestly and mindfully molded a clear concept of our preferred lovemaking style. Maybe that’s because our elders didn’t have role models like Madonna to steer us away from the mindset of sin towards the overwhelming benefits of a healthy sex life.

Whatever the causes, I want to offer you an easy way to examine your core beliefs and values around sex. If you answer the questions in the following ten categories, I firmly believe your coming sex life will get less and less confusing. And more and more satisfying.

1. Importance
How important is sex to you? For me I’ve always accepted how strong my sex drive was.
How high you put lovemaking on your list of life priorities certainly dictates how often you’ll want it and for how long.

There was an era where Saturday night sex was a woman’s duty purely to satisfy her husband. Whether you’re male or female, is that enough for you?

Of course, your libido changes as your hormones come and go. You might find aging, health problems, work stresses, or menopause causing the importance of sex to drop. Or not, if you deem it central to a happy fulfilling life and choose to adapt as we have in our seventies.

2. Relationship
Those still enrolled in the old school may still save sex for marriage. Others believe that they should only make love with the one they love. And then there are those who prefer sport sex while playing the field. In the swinging world, anonymous one-nighters without any sort of relationship are in vogue.

So ask yourself about the role of emotional connection in your sex life. Should your hormones and potential partner’s pheromones determine who you engage with? Or is it all about good looks for you? How important is sexual chemistry? Should you let the infatuation of NRE, new relationship energy, determine who you bed? At least as long as it lasts.

Let’s also consider how committed your are to monogamy. For some that means having sex with only one person your whole life. For others being faithful only applies to the one you’re with this year or month or week. Studies have shown that 60-70% of married people have cheated on their spouse, apparently more so for men. Where do you stand on fidelity?

How do you feel about the growing hook-up culture, especially on college campuses? Are you open to picking people up at bars for one-night stands or having one or more friends with benefits?

Historical research has shown that lifelong monogamy has not always been the accepted pattern of relationship. More and more couples are engaging in polyamory, openly having outside lovers, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. Several studies put it at 5% in the U.S.

So what are your relationship principles?

3. Gender
An essential element in sexual philosophy is whether you’re only attracted to members of the opposite gender or same-sex partners. You could also choose to be bisexual.

Some say bi people are confused while others like me believe they’re just more open to more forms of pleasure. As a bisexual man, I don’t have the same emotional chemistry with men than I do with women. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy playing with other men’s bodies.

Are you strictly heterosexual, curious, or ready for whatever shows up?

Of course, your gender and relationship preferences are strongly interrelated. What does it mean to you if you have intimate same-sex friends? If you also like to fool around with them, does that mean you’re gay or lesbian?


Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Tantra Discussion Board for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.
Welcome Instructions

Recents posts…
• Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage
• Down With Mental Pollution
• My Exuberant Mission Statement
• Do Orgasms Knit Energy?
• One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)

4. Openness
How awkward is it for you to talk about sex? How shy or assertive are you about asking for what you want? Do you talk about your sexual joys and dilemmas with friends and family? Many therapists will tell you how vital full and authentic sexual communication is especially with your longterm partners.

I didn’t used to be particularly forthcoming about what was going on inside my body and mind, but now my wife and I are completely transparent with what we’re experiencing. And since we have an open relationship, sometimes that means sharing what we’re doing and feeling with other lovers. You might be shocked by how graphic we are around the dinner table with our circle of friends.

To craft this part of your sexual philosophy, ask yourself questions like…

• How much should I talk with my lovers before, during, and after sex?

• How much should I ask for what I want and give feedback about whether I’m getting it or not?

• Should I reveal to my partner(s) when I self-pleasure, get attracted to others, and even make it with other lovers?

• What is appropriate to keep private about my sex life and from whom?

• Who should I talk to openly if I have a sexual problem? A friend? A sex therapist?

• What should I say to my kids about my sex life and their sex lives at what ages?

5. Confidence
Do you feel deserve pleasure? Do you feel good enough about your body to prance around naked with a new — or even an old — lover? How well do you understand your body’s needs so you can give yourself pleasure and ask for what satisfies you?

And how confident are you in giving all sorts of pleasure to your partner? Do you feel good about how you give and receive foreplay, erotic massage, oral sex, and intercourse? If you feel good about your sexual abilities, would it turn you on or off to make love in front of others?

Let’s not forget the ability to orgasm. Are you in touch enough with your own pleasure pathways that you know all the ways to make yourself climax? Though there are many more aspects to sex than climaxing, it sure builds confidence if you know how to get your lover off when the time is right.

When delineating your personal sexual philosophy, be sure to make it clear how proud you are of your sexual prowess and fulfillment.


The second half of this article appears in our Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board. Click here to read the other five elements of crafting a personal sexual philosophy.

Love, Somraj and Jeffre


“Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK: The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men”

Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.

We cover everything you need to know to supercharge sex including foreplay, intimacy, oral and anal sex, sexual positions, and in-bed communication skills. You’ll read love secrets new and old that detail how to make an emotional connection first, target your erogenous zones, connect your passion circuits, create energy circles, and fill your whole bodies with pleasure every time.

Unlike many general sex books, it focuses on the mechanics, dynamics, and energetics of sexual intercourse with color illustrations. With a thorough review of modern science and classical techniques from the Kama Sutra and ancient China, we show you how to expand your intimacy into the full erotic union of heart, mind, and soul while you’re doing it. Plus, with our explicit step-by-step instructions, you’ll learn how to enjoy any of the 12 ways to orgasm that you’ve missed out on.

We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love.

Our expos? is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.

Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.
Click here to download it right now…


Contact Us...

Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161

Tantra Sex Blog

Do you have questions about sex? Want to try what other lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit blog for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here… This is the adult educational journal of where anyone can post what’s up in their sex life. And what’s down. Here we post our experiences and encourage you to do the same. Did you have a great time list night? A lousy time? A troubling time? Tell us in graphic detail. We want to know and help. This isn't porno, it's sex education. Freely post your questions and we'll do our best to answer them. And at the same time we can all learn to be more open about this vital part of everyone's life.

Ebooks, Sex Toys, Adult Products, Tantra Services

FREE Tantric Erotic Art Gallery

Dream juicy, colorful, steamy thoughts as you peruse our Tantric Erotic Gallery. It’s full of free sexy pictures and hot sex pics here .
We hope some of these images turn you on and get sexual energy flooding your body. And we hope when you get turned on you’ll have somebody dear with whom you can share those life-giving forces. Enjoy!

Past Articles...

To help you revolutionize your sex, love, and intimacy, check out previous articles in our newsletter archives at...

Special Report

As a newsletter subscriber, you're entitled to a free copy of our groundbreaking 70-page Special Report "The Top Ten Tantric Secrets Of Sex, Love, & Intimacy." To begin receiving your secrets in installments, register here...

Thanks For Passing It On...

Please, forward this newsletter to all anyone who might be interested! Quote anything
with the following attribution: "Reprinted from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter ©2016"


Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to...
- deepen love and intimacy,
- extend lovemaking, and
- create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra...
- heals your mind, body, and spirit,
- connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
- immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

Privacy Statement...

We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided "AS IS" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

Subscribe Or Unsubscribe...

To subscribe to the "Sacred Sexual Secrets" newsletter, click here...

Tantric Sex HOME | Affiliates | Adult Store | Articles | Contact | DVD/Video | Ebooks | FAQs | Newsletter | FREE Tours | Resources | SEARCH | Services | Site Map | Specials | Tell Friends | Sex Toys | WebMaster