Questions

Sexual Muscles Are Important But You Can Overdo It

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Question

I read your book about 3 years ago (Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery) and had gotten to a place with a few partners where I could last as long as I wanted.  About 18 months ago I started getting blood in the semen and it would backfill into my bladder.  I have had this on and off.  I have experimented with quick ejaculations not trying to delay with. I blood.  And it seems when I flex my PC muscle (pubococcygeal or the pelvic floor) 3 or more times during sex or masturbation, I get blood in my urine and ejaculate.  I went over this with my doctor and went and got scoped by a urologist.  They found nothing as it healed up.  Have you heard of this before?  What would you recommend I do to delay ejaculation?

Patrick Herbig (patherbig@gmail.com) reprinted with permission

Answer

Wow Patrick that doesn’t sound too good. But the same happens to me sometimes. I have an enlarged but otherwise healthy prostate. The last time I had it ultra sounded the experienced doctor said that was common with an oversized gland. So I don’t worry about it since it’s only occasional and temporary.

If yours is normal sized I really don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t heard of this from PC clenches alone.

There is a Tantric practice called vajroli that teaches men to evacuate into the bladder.  But it’s not something I’ve practiced or know much more about.
All I can say if it feels good and doctors see nothing abnormal in your gland, continue to enjoy yourself.
If you’re not comfortable with the way it is, I would ask the following…
  • Is the urologist you consulted experienced with similar conditions?
  • What is the size of your prostate?
  • Are you forcing Ejaculate into your bladder with intense contractions?
  • What does that feel like inside?
It could be that your success is physical. If you developed the advanced energy practices that depend more on relaxation than muscle contractions, you would be putting less pressure on your gland.
If you want some help with any of this, please let me know.
Love, Somraj
Hi Somraj,
Thanks so much for your response!
I think I have figured out that my PC muscle is so well developed and I am not using the relaxing techniques enough that I actually caused the damage by squeezing my pc muscle too much while very very erect.
It was very scary at first!
I finally told my doctor about your book and the methods I had learned and practiced and we figured it out.
I am in the process of going back through your book and practicing the relaxation techniques and spreading the energy away from my genitals.
I have had several very satisfied lovers as a result of your book and similar books!

Thanks again!

Patrick Herbig, PE

Beating Premature Ejaculation Q & A

Posted on by Somraj

Somraj,

Hi there! I recently purchased your book about beating premature ejaculation and it’’s great and I really enjoy it! However I’’m still on the solo preparation chapter and my girlfriend is with me three nights a week and I feel I lose time on my workouts because she’’s there. Would it be a good or bad idea to incorporate her in the routines? I realize that would move me to the partner preparation chapter. But we could work on that when she’’s there and continue my way through solo prep and mastery when she’s not there.

Thank you!

Steve

(used with permission under a changed name)

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Steve,

Absolutely, Steve.  Involving her is a later stage that’s essential so the sooner the better as long as you can handle it.

Love, Somraj

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Somraj,

So it’s okay if I haven’t gotten through the solo prep to involve her but just go as slow as possible to work my way up on the 30 minutes for that first exercise of partner prep? Then on days she’s not there I’ll continue solo prep to solo mastery. Kind of like paralleling the two courses.

Steve

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Steve,

Sure. I wrote down the most reliable learning gradient for the program. But there’s no reason you can’t change it in any way that works for you. Sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders so you can make it work.

Love, Somraj

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Somraj,

Thanks so much for your quick responses, Somraj! Really reinforces my decision to buy your book. Hopefully if I can kick this PE issue, the lady and I will definitely be interested in more of your material.

Steve

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Somraj,

So my girlfriend knows about the routine and she’s interested in doing it but I have some reserve asking her to start. I guess I’m just nervous that I’m ruining the spontaneity of lovemaking by getting on this routine/regime. I don’t want to make this seem like a chore to her, and I want it to be just as pleasurable as lovemaking. Not only pleasurable but just as emotionally connecting as with lovemaking.
Also my question is while we’re still in solo prep do we still have sex while on the routine? She’s only here three days a week because of work, so it’s a tight time frame. If we do still have sex I feel like I’d be losing progress by bringing back bad habits that I’m trying to get rid of by following your routine.
It all boils down to I’m just a natural over thinker and she’s willing to start but I’m too nervous to initiate because of the aforementioned.
I guess I’m just nervous because she’s the love of my life and I know I am the same to her. I don’t any to screw anything up by complicating something that should be easy.

Steve

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I’m glad you’re taking all this so seriously. And please don’t stop having sex IF you’re both enjoying it.

When I was a counselor we had a strict protocol for starting sessions by saying “this is the session” at the start and “that’s it” at the end. I suggest you do the same, making a clear distinction between practice and fun. If it was me I’d say something like “let’s practice now” and then “enough practice, can I fuck you now?” But you may want to tone down your request if she’s not into talking dirty like my wife.

Being anxious is one of the main reasons for coming too quick. So I have to turn most of your questions back to you and ask… Which way are you most comfortable and least anxious?
The fact that your girlfriend is aware of your program is great. So many guys are too chicken to tell them which makes the whole program more pressurized.

Basically do whatever works best for you. And if what you try isn’t working, try something else. I’m sure you can experiment successfully.

Love, Somraj

How To Help Teens Deal With Their Powerful Sex Drive

Posted on by Somraj

From Dr. Denny Coates on LinkedIn:

Somraj, great resources for healthy adult sex! I have a question – What should teens do as they experience their new, powerful sex drive to avoid STDs, unwanted pregnancy, sexual bullying, porn addiction, and the teen hook-up culture and grow healthy attitudes about their sexuality? I know this is a difficult question, but these kids deserve good guidance, you’ve given sexuality a lot of thought, and I’d love your input.

Best, Denny

Wow Denny, that’s quite a question. I appreciate you asking. The simple answer is starts with  appropriate sex education years before when they start to become aware of their bodies and private parts. This needs more than just early grade education from trained teachers. It needs parents understanding how to model intimacy, give positive messages, and reinforce that sex is natural and healthy.

My premise (as yet thoroughly untested) is to create a sex-positive attitude of normalcy around sex before the hormones hit big time. But of course the formative Sex Ed needs to be followed by realistic segments as they mature. We’re talking about a culture change here so gradual will be the watchword.

I’m a revolutionary so personally I’m in favor of young sexual experimentation via the hookup culture. But not until teenagers (and college students afterwards) have the grounding in sexual health and pleasure, acceptance of orientation diversity, and respect for others. Undoubtedly this response is influenced by my current reading of Robert Heinlein’s “Time Enough For Love” where he paints a decidedly pro-body, love, and sex culture ruled by understanding and celebration of desire in all from from an early age.

I’m working on a Holistic Sex Education Manifesto which will give a longer answer. If it’s OK with you I’d like to post your question on my blog and hopefully get more comments.

 

 

Love, Somraj

Emerging From Virginity – I Need Your Help

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Been working on the Holistic Sex Ed Manifesto. With my subconscious chewing it over, I woke up today wondering what’s the best way to lose one’s virginity. No, that sounds too negative. Besides, holistic means to consider sex as more than just genital penetration.

What’s the most healthy, joyful, life-affirming way for young people to first have sex of any kind?

If I was an activist revolutionary (why I try to avoid), I might start a campaign to popularize and propagate playing doctor. You know, when kids investigate each other’s bodies, especially down there. Not a bad idea for adults either, as a progressive sexual education initiative, don’t you think?

Instead I would like your help starting a dialogue about ideal early sex. If you want to contribute, you could comment below by answering…

1. What was your first sexual encounter like?

2. What would have made it better?

I’m working on doing the same. With your help, soon I hope to add a section to my Holistic Sex Ed Manifesto entitled something like “The Best Way To Emerge From Virginity.” Or would you suggest a better name?

Love, Somraj

Cervical and Other Types of Women’s Orgasms

Posted on by Somraj
Matt: Is there a new way to describe cervical orgasms that moves away from David Deida?

Somraj: Thanks for the question, Matt. Could you be more specific? What about David Deida’s description are you asking about?

Matt: He had broken orgasm two three levels: clitoral, vaginal and cervical with cervical being the most deep/profound. I guess I’m asking if there’s better/newer language to describe the deepest level. Maybe a better question is how do you describe the deepest level?

Somraj: Well there’s nothing really definitive about the whole subject. Scientific research is ongoing. Different women describe different kinds of orgasms different, like clitoral being sharp or superficial, and g-spot being deeper and spreading. But I’ve read the opposite as well. There are fewer commentaries on cervical ones but they tend to refer to uterine jostling which creates a deeper and more profound experience. Your question seems to be aimed towards the physical experience. In Tantric Sex we focus on and expand the sensations created by the flow and flood of sexual energy. Those perceptions are even more all over the map, which in my opinion is a good thing. More up to a lover’s preferences and creativity. (If you don’t mind, I’m going to post your question and this answer, any any subsequent dialogue, on my blog at TantraAtTahoe.com/blog.)

Here are some excerpts from my latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making, on different vaginal orgasms…

Yonigasms (Orgasms in Yoni, or Vagina)

As wonderful as Cliogasms are (a orgasm from the clio or clitoris), climaxes induced inside yoni have their own special qualities. The exact role that the womb and G-Crest (G-Spot) play in Yonigasms is still under scientific study. The Singers and others have written that pure yoni orgasms occur in the uterus as a result of jostling the cervix. Some believe the G-Crest is the physical pathway to yonigasm. Though there hasn’t been any extensive study comparing G-Crest, cervical, A-Spot, and Cul-De-Sac orgasms, we believe the effects are similar. Though research is still underway today, some things are clear.

Many women find that yonigasms last longer than Cliogasms on average. Some report that they commonly last 45 seconds, while others say they can go on for many minutes. We’ve read up to 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and even 40 minutes. Thirty per cent of the women studied claim that they can have a Big O from penetration that targets the G-Crest alone.

Yonigasms tend to be deeper and more emotional than those of the shorter Cliogasm variety. Women say that Yonigasms aren’t rhythmic but create constant waves that spread out from the pulsing cuff. When fully engaged, they more strongly impact the deep pelvic muscles including the big muscles of the uterus.

In contrast, there are women who describe Yonigasms as further down in the body but less intense than Cliogasms. It feels like a pressure slowing building that explodes deep inside, expanding throughout the entire body. One sexologist called this the “leg shaker.”

Cervical Orgasms

Some women find that contact with their cervix is extremely uncomfortable, even painful, especially during certain times of the month. But those who have healed and awakened this sensitive tissue at the bottom of the uterus can experience unique and powerful orgasms. Climaxes triggered in the cervix have been described as connecting a woman with her second heart and her inner self. We’ve heard that they cause women to laugh, cry, erupt in joy, and get catapulted into a pure bliss zone.

Because they produce a lot of heat and a shower of stars, cervical orgasms tend to feel different than sharp peaks of pleasure. And cause metabolic responses stronger than cliogasms. Because they cause kundalini to rise up, they feel more like an expansion into a seemingly endless flow.

We’ve also heard that reverse tenting occurs with cervical orgasms. That’s when deep yoni contracts and yoni’s mouth relaxes as the cervix opens and closes. The release of the thick viscous fluid that accompanies this kind of climax may contribute to the sucking feeling that possibly draws sperm into the womb.

The Taoists believed that there are three gates to orgasm: clio, G-Crest, and cervix. Maybe that’s why they recommended awakening the G-Crest first. How that applies to their other suggestion, the screwing technique, is not clear. They said that making small spirals of the sacrum, shaking the hips, and undulating the spine in wavelike motions made climaxing easier. We find that moving vajra’s (penis’s) head or a dildo side to side across the cervix is effective, too.

Being so uniquely intense, there may well be a little-understood connection between cervical orgasm and giving birth. Some women have shared that this most challenging event of their lives has been one of the most orgasmic. We have a dear friend, a mother of four, who can attest to enjoying intense climaxes while her children were born or when breast feeding. If you’ve ever seen a woman come when being fisted (having her yoni penetrated by an entire hand), you can begin to understand what’s happening.

Do Orgasms Knit Energy?

Posted on by Somraj

One of my FaceBook friends, Nico, asked me the following question…

“Hi Somraj, am I right in thinking that when a woman orgasms that her energies knit with the male?”

Well, yes, Nico, that’s very possible. But in my experience it’s not guaranteed. More like a personal choice. Let me explain a bit more.

We all live in an energy field that the movements in our body creates — nerve impulses, blood flow, breathing, etc.  I call this bioenergetic field your BioField. When you’re having sex and your bodies are so close, your BioFields typically merge, at least to some degree.

But we all have limits to our comfort zone of letting others into our personal space.
During la petite mort, the French name for orgasm that means “the little death,” we all tend to lose the tight reins on our protecting our personal space. In modern usage this refers to “the brief loss or weakening of consciousness” that climax triggers.

So yes, women may open their channels more and flood you with sexual energy. Or even draw some of your suble life force in.

In fact, there were ancient Chinese schools that taught women to siphon off the lifeforce of men for their own power and longevity. Not something we advocate.

I remember picking up a woman at an upper west side meat market bar in New York. I really wanted to hook up with her hot girlfriend but she was hanging all over my boss. So my date took me to a closet-sized apartment infested with cockroaches. I wasn’t into her (well, ok, I did get it into her just long enough to come) and wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. Partly because I could feel her not being into me or letting me into her BioField much

That was decades before I learned the Tantric art of long energy merging.

Now I know about connecting at multiple levels first — heart, mind, soul — so that we’re both comfortable, desired, and excited to welcome each other inside.

With a little training and practice, all lovers can learn to harness and flow their orgasmic energy even before orgasm. You do this by filling your Pleasure Balloons, opening Passion Circuits, and connecting physical and psychic Energy Circkes between you.

If this interests you, download a copy of our new Long Hot Tantric Love Making ebook which explains it all and much, much more. Click here for our free online guided tour which offers all the details.

Thanks for the insightful question, Nico.  I hope this helps or at least gets you started on the path to figuring it all out

Love, Somraj