Tantra, as you know, is a spiritual practice based on sexual energy. Polyamory is a lifestyle in which couples and singles openly build relationships with multiple lovers.
Which explains why Tantra and Polyamory are different things. Being involved in one doesn't require embracing the other. But those who practice both find, sometimes with great effort, they reinforce each other.
Although Tantra is fundamentally an individual path, most find it glorious and enhancing to join with another to expand and increase the sexual orgasmic energy that is available. Tantra honors all forms of sexual expression including solo sex (those that choose celibacy), same gender sex, and having multiple partners, because Tantrikas are conscious loving beings who choose to act with full awareness.
Though the vast majority of indigenous cultures behaved otherwise, most of the people reading this, as most of the people in the world, consider themselves monogamous. Though statistics prove that marriages are less and less stable in the modern world, most have chosen serial monogamy of one sort or another.
Doesn't that seem a bit incongruous to you? Why do you think that 80% of all men and about 60% of all women in the US admit to having at least one sexual contact outside of their committed relationship, marriage?
We think it is natural to be attracted to others. In our sexually repressed society, we are often unconscious of our sexual urges and desires. These repressed feelings will express themselves in an often uncontrolled way when the person isn't really in touch with all they are.
Tantra is a magical way to learn about who you are, what you want and how to free yourself from destructive societal dogma. It's not a prescription for any particular lifestyle or sexual preference. On the contrary, it's a manifesto for each of us to experiment and find our own true calling.
But since it's new to many, let's consider the "poly" choice. Polyamory is a lifestyle that has a myriad of flavors from separate dating to occasional sharing to cohabitation. The broad spectrum of poly styles ranges from swinging, dating, parties, extended loving community, "married" threesomes, cohabitating foursomes, and more.
What they all have in common is that polyamorous lovers believe there is plenty love and sex to go around and that they shouldn't be restricted to just one beloved at a time.
The core similarity between poly people is the belief that you can openly love and have consensual sex with more than one partner at a time. In the mature world of Tantra, consensual means with the knowledge and consent of your primary partner as well as your new one.
Needless to say, this requires a high level of consciousness and complete honesty. This is not having an affair. There is no secrecy. It is done with full awareness of all involved. For some this may mean a communal living arrangement. For others this may mean a loose (or tight) family of lovers and friends that are practicing polyfidelity. Polyfidelity means being sexually faithful to the family, maybe because of the fear of STDs. Issues of integrity and honesty are up front all the time.
If you choose the Tantric path, this doesn't in any way commit you to a open sexual lifestyle or having sex with anyone other than your committed partner. We completely honor your desires and your personal boundaries.
Some equate Tantra or Polyamory with swinging, which usually means mate swapping or sometimes anonymous party sex. Though there's lots of ways to swap swinging partners, polyamory always depends on a heart connection in conjunction with open sexuality. It is something you choose for yourself and with your committed partner.
Those who choose a polyamorous lifestyle find they can expand love relationships but that it's emotionally and psychologically demanding. You must continuously look at yourself and your motives while honing your communication skills with your partners. You can't get away with game playing. Jealousy and insecurity propel you dramatically into learning more about yourself, your relationship and your connection to all that is.
It's these consciousness-raising demands that makes Polyamory a wonderful match for Tantra. If personal growth is defined by finding out who you really are, a relationship with another really puts these questions in your face big time. Multiple relationships increase the need for growth exponentially.
In Tantra, you learn to let your basic nature choose....
- One lover?
- Many lovers individually?
- Serial monogamy?
- Polyamory (multiple lovers openly and together),
- Polyfidelity (being faithful to one group of lovers)?
- Extended family cohabitation?
When you know yourself, you know what will bring you lasting joy.
If you're interested in exploring Tantra Polyamory, we suggest you review our Play Principles and Event Guidelines first. Then, we're available to coach couples about how to best proceed.
If you are ready to move on to learning how Tantra can help heal old wounds, click continue now.