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Your Tantra Newsletter: Are You An Active Or A Passive Lover?
Two Steps To Taking Charge Graciously When Your Legs Are Spread

Let’s revisit the old debate about whether natural sex is better than the learned conscious style we teach in Supreme Bliss Tantra.

There are lots of styles of love making, starting with being the active dominator to being completely passive and just letting things happen. There’s also fantasy role-playing, routine late-night between the sheets, wild animal lust, slow and sweet, fast and furious, bondage and domination, drunken and uninhibited, taking turns giving and receiving — just to name a few. As a general rule, we’re in favor of whatever floats your cork in the moment.

But if you want more pleasure and higher levels of ecstasy— or if your desire is waning, your orgasms are elusive, or your equipment doesn’t work like it used to — you just might want to learn Tantric Sex. That’s an ancient sacred style where you heighten your sensitivity to kundalini, the traditional word for orgasmic energy, and learn to summon it, expand it, and steer it even while you’re receiving.

For more about kundalini see our January 5, 2005 newsletter here… . It’s more of an inside job, you see.

"Sacred Sexual Secrets" Newsletter 10/28/14
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2014 by
Comments, questions, feedback:

This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to stop them) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training. Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

While it’s true that too many lovers are too quiet about what they’re feeling, what they’re wanting, and what gets them off, we’re not advocating that the one on the bottom talks non-stop. Sometimes a good heart-to-heart beforehand or during a break can clear the bed for easier fun and more pleasure all around. Such a conversation recently made Somraj realize that he was being too accepting of things that often were great but occasionally were mistimed.

So talking about your experience, especially when it’s focused on giving detailed appreciation for what your lover did, can help refresh, renew, and revitalize your sex life. But if you're micromanaging your partner with frequent play-by-play instructions, you’ll discourage instead of encourage and maybe put you both squarely into your heads when you want to be more and more in your bodies.

To help you understand the formula that we’ll offer you in a moment, ask yourself these questions…

How often do you ask for exactly what you want?

How loud are you when you get turned on?

How much do you let yourself go?

How much do you really show your excitement physically?

If you’re quiet and reserved during lovemaking, maybe your unavoidable early programming about shame, guilt, and sin is blocking you from having exciting natural sex. Maybe you’re passive while making love because you don’t fully accept your sexual self as an integral and divine part of you as a spiritual being.

If you want to change all that, open your dormant kundalini channels, and reach for your full and untapped sexual potential, we’re going to suggest two steps you can take to take charge of what’s happening inside of you while you're receiving pleasure…

Ask for what turns you on,
Respond actively to what you’re feeling.

ASK: We like to start making love with a quick check-in about how we’re feeling and what we’re wanting. It’s also a great idea in the midst of loveplay to ask for something more, something less, or something different when you need to.

Letting your partner know that what they’re doing feels good is certainly a major component in asking. How about saying… “Wow, that feels good,” or “Oh, yes, yes, yes,” or simply “Yum!”

Of course, if all you do is make requests (or demands), you won’t seem the most appreciative and cooperative lover. That certainly doesn’t stimulate your sexual energy to build and exchange.

So you might want to include some less directive communication techniques which we call “responding.”

RESPOND: A receiver doesn’t need words to guide the giver. Moans are a highly effective and natural method of giving feedback. If you lie there without reacting or moving, your partner won’t know exactly what’s working and what’s not.

A prime foundation of our Supreme Bliss Tantra workshops is Orgasmic Breathing. This is learning to consciously breathe, move, and sound like you do when you’re coming. We wouldn’t want you to fake it, but if you purposely accentuate these instinctual responses to turn-on, you will be giving vital feedback to your partner.

If your breathing noticeably deepens at times, your lover will learn that you like them touching you there in that certain way. If a particular stroke of licking and sucking makes your honey moan or growl deep in their throat, they’ll know that you want more of that. And if you push back when your lover strokes inside you, you’ll encourage them to go deeper.

Sure, this won’t be much help in guiding a lover who doesn't listen or pay attention. If you just lay there without a sound, the unconscious playmate might not realize what’s happening right then isn’t working for you. Then you probably need to resort to talking, yes, right then, and if they’re unwilling to follow your lead, find something who is more interested in you and how you react to different things.

To an observant sexual partner who’s watching for your cues, you moving away tells them clearly to back off. If you push back more slowly against their strokes, they’ll get the idea to slow down. And when you speed up, they will, too.

A receiver that’s constantly sending these kind of signals is actually in charge of the target, the pace, the angle, the rhythm, and the depth of lovemaking. From a guy’s point of view, how are we supposed to know how you want it if you don’t guide us this way? Maybe women have inadvertently bred a race of inconsiderate lovers by being too inhibited when they should be passionately showing their reactions. Let’s forget the tired and failed macho anthem that you’ll take what I give the way I want to and you’ll like.

For example, how does a guy know how to help a woman orgasm if she doesn’t direct him? Many women like lots of variety in their lovemaking until they get close to the edge. Then they want you to keep doing the same thing at the same speed with the same pressure letting the energy build into an explosion. So when your partner starts that unique panting and her pelvis gets more tense and her moans turn to screams —or whatever your beloved’s unique pre-orgasm signals are — you know to keep doing what you’re doing. That’s how a woman can steer her lover to take the lead in her own pleasure.

If you’re passive, sure you can feel good enjoying what your skilled lover is doing to your body. But he or she might miss milking an erogenous zone for all it’s worth if you don’t encourage them to stay there. Or they might keep on doing something that isn’t exciting any more if you don’t lead them diplomatically to something else. They might go too fast when it’s making you numb out. They might go to slow when you want more.

Don’t settle by letting them shift too soon or go to fast or too slow. Aim for peak sensations. You deserve all you can get.

One cornerstone of the Tantric Attitude is that you are 100% responsible for your own pleasure. If you’re active in responding while you’re receiving without micromanaging, your kundalini can build naturally the way it was designed to. Your body can respond to the energy as it grows and expands and all you have to do is let it.

You’ve all heard the new-age maxims about getting to where you want to go by getting out of your own way. Surrendering to pleasure is a good thing and for many it needs to be learned and cultivated. But that doesn’t mean abdicating your own role as manager of your own pleasure.

Taking responsibility is the only path to the supreme bliss.

Love, Somraj & Jeffre


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Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.

Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to...
- deepen love and intimacy,
- extend lovemaking, and
- create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.

By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra...
- heals your mind, body, and spirit,
- connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
- immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.

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We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided "AS IS" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.

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