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Your Tantra Newsletter: Taking Versus Giving
Shifting Your Attention During The Phases Of Tantric LoveMaking

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We’ve completed a major edit of our new ebook, Long Hot Tantric LoveMaking, and hope to release it in a few weeks. Here’s another excerpt that highlights the shifting balance of attention that lovers pay to each other at different stages of Tantric LoveMaking. Those phases are…
1) LovePlay
2) Initial Entry
3) Valley
4) Climbing
5) Closing.
This material comes out of our chapter about sexual peaks, the sudden upsurge of excitement followed by a steep drop. Peaking, the ability to regulate turn-on to extend pleasure and get close to the edge of coming, is a critical skill of making sex last with multiple orgasms. For more about it see our September 30, 2015 article entitled Peaking: The Tantric Secret To Hours Of Multiple Orgasms here… .

"Sacred Sexual Secrets" Newsletter #275 published 9/30/16
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2016 by
Comments, questions, feedback:

This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to stop them) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training. Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex

Developing the joint ability for partner peaking takes cooperation. That means you need to focus on the ebbs and flows of your partner’s arousal. It’s a wonderful lover who helps their partner get turned on, feel good, float at multiple peaks in the valley, and go over the top when they’re ready.
But it still takes two to tango. If you forget about your own pleasure, peaking, edging, and climaxing, you won’t come as easily, especially in multiples. Does that mean to be a good lover you need to be selfish? To a degree, yes.
Unless you desire your own ecstasy and focus on filling your own pleasure balloon, you won’t get as excited as you can. Unless you’re present to the sensations in your own body, spreading your kundalini will be more difficult. Unless you’re aware in each moment of what’s happening to you, how will you be able to guide your playmate to help you peak and explode? How will you direct your partner to use different stroke depth, length, speed, angle and pressure? How will you get their help to target your erogenous zones with the perfect stimulation? How will you know what to ask for to boost your energy and help you climb when the time is right?
Consequently, we heartily endorse “taking” pleasure as a part of good partnership. It should come as no surprise that we’re yet again invoking the sex-positive attitude that directs lovers to take responsibility for their own pleasure. They not only focus on their playmate’s special needs and responses, but they also address their own unique pathways and orgasmic triggers. Even while you’re helping your sweetheart reach for new peaks of pleasure, you need to manage your own orgasms.
Another way to say it is that Tantric LoveMaking sex requires a good balance of taking versus giving.
We were talking recently about our own balance of trade during jewel union (sexual intercourse). We asked each other how much attention we keep on ourselves and how much we put on the other during the five phases of orgasmic sex. This evolved into a fascinating conversation about how partnership plays out during each act of our play. For some odd reason we’d never thought of sharing this before. We ended up with much more insight into how we both trade off focus on ourself and our partner.
Sure, it was obvious to both of us that we naturally exchange attention on each other during loveplay. Usually we alternate caressing each other’s back and front. Then we trade some jewel (genital) massage and oral sex. We both spend a little time taking pleasure and then giving it. Which means sometimes we’re focusing on our own turn-on and erection and sometimes on our playmate’s.
But when we enter into jewel union the balance starts shifting. After decades of being selfish in bed, Somraj was trained that the woman gets off first. So at the start of jewel coupling he almost exclusively focuses on her and what’s happening in her yoni (vagina). Or on him and his rosetta (anus) with male partners. And, as you might expect, the receiver is hyper-alert to what’s penetrating them. Both are united in partnership and focus on what’s entering the receiver’s body. That’s the essential discipline of first strokes.
As we enter the valley phase, the middle stage of Tantric LoveMaking, and she starts responding, we monitor each other’s turn-on. Is Somraj’s vajra (penis) hard enough or too sensitive? Is Jeffre’s yoni awake and sufficiently engorged for vigorous thrusting? Can we speed up and go deeper yet or should we take it easy? Where are the best sweet spots this time?
During this short receiver-centric period, he first helps her peak several times. As he gets more and more excited, he gradually focuses more and more on his own pleasure. When it gets too intense for him, he starts peaking and extending the peaks which often streams into energy orgasm. As we peak alternately and sometimes simultaneously, the division of attention approaches 50-50 overall. Here we tend to surrender to the flow of passion and let the kundalini be our guide. Instead of thinking about our partner as much as ourself all the time, our balance of focus typically swings back and forth from 80% on ourself to 80% on the other.
The the Valley Phase when Somraj is on top he usually controls sexual stroking 60 to 80%. That means he usually chooses the stroking scheme, speed, depth, erogenous zone target, and rhythm. When Jeffre is on top that’s reversed. When we’re on our sides it’s more of a toss-up. We find it feels different if we’re leading or following, but both can be ecstatic. But that doesn’t mean that the one who’s following is passive. The receiver still pushes back, shifts their pelvis, and regulates the speed to direct the thrusting pattern.
After Jeffre has had two or three energy orgasms, then Somraj lets himself go for one himself. When he’s coming this way, Jeffre instinctively has most of her attention on supporting him and not making him ejaculate. She’s watching, listening, feeling, and enjoying his experience. She lets his motions determine the speed and rhythm of sexual stroking as he’s reaching for and coming down from the peak. When it’s her turn he does much the same. Though we both divide our attention between ourself and the other, our concentration oscillates back and forth as we alternate orgasming. Most of our attention is on the one who’s climaxing at the moment.
This absorption continues when we transition to the Climbing Phase, the fourth stage of Tantric LoveMaking when we’re aiming to go over the top. If it’s not obvious, the one of us who is ready for a Big O alerts the other and asks for help. This might entail shifting positions or adding a vibrator or hand somewhere else. While we’re doing everything we can to make our partner’s explosion climactic, we’re not thinking that much about ourselves. As you might expect, it’s challenging to divide attention in this situation. That’s why we’re not as wedded to making every explosive orgasm simultaneous. That’s a joy we reserve for special occasions when everything feels just right.
In the Closing Phase it’s natural for lovers to pull their awareness back to themselves as their body’s excitement diminishes and returns to normal. Sometimes we go with this flow and nod off to a blissful slumber. But more often we again put as much attention on our partner as ourselves with hugs, sharings, and cuddling.
Of course, your experience of partner peaking might be a little different. But if you’re aware of the shifting sands of who and what you’re focused on in each moment, you’ll find the pattern that works for the two of you.

Love, Somraj & Jeffre


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