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Are You a Sexual Adventurer, Exhibitionist, and Voyeur? To Be Fully Sex-Positive, You Need At Least Some of All Three.
A robust sex life is natural and healthy. Yet few of us learn how to extract all the pleasure we can out of making love with others and with ourselves. We can do better if we fully adopt a sex-positive attitude. Here's how we define that in our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making...
An attitude and mindset of lovers who know that sex is a good thing, that it’s a natural part of life, that it’s healthy, and that they deserve as much pleasure as they can get in any way they choose to get it.
If you're really sex-positive, you'll explore and expand three sexual roles: adventurer, exhibitionist, and voyeur.
Now before you freak and think I mean you have to become a promiscuous pervert, take a breath. No, you can do all three in the privacy of your primary relationship. Or with yourself.
"Sacred Sexual Secrets" Newsletter #282 published 3/28/2017
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com
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This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.
Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex
Sexual adventurers are lovers who are willing to try new things, to experiment, and to expand their comfort zones. That might include doing more creative self-pleasuring and enjoying yourself more often. That's our fancy name for masturbation which, to most people, means getting yourself off. But to us Tantric types it's more about learning what your body likes, expanding your repertoire, and making it last. We usually choose a hot longie over a primal quickie. Well, not always.
Sex toys are a natural complement that can broaden your inner horizons. For example, I can't comfortably reach my rosetta (anus) for long. So when I want to add anal pleasure to my self-love, a butt plug or vibrator is a welcome addition.
With a partner, being more adventuresome might include asking for more manual, oral, or anal play. How about getting a Kama Sutra book and trying new positions? Why not try it in every room and on every piece of furniture in your house? We still remember the rug burns from the stairs during one of our awesome tours some time back. Or in the shade of the forest or in the car at night with a panoramic view of the city? Mulholland Drive overlooking Los Angeles was one of my teenage fantasies that I didn't get to enjoy enough. Anyway the windows steam up pretty quick, right?
Being a sexual adventurer starts with taking an honest look at what you're getting and what you want more of. If you're coupled, that means both doing that and then talking about it. No doubt, sexual communication is one of the major challenges in long-term relationships. But if you're aiming to become a thoroughly sex-positive adventurer, it all starts with honesty, authenticity, and transparency. I know, big words that mean be real and be open.
A great way to start investigating practices that you might like is by reading books about sex. Details about the 10 we've written are here. Not to forget the thousands you can find on Amazon.
When you're ready to go public, taking a sex workshop can be eye-opening. Most respect your boundaries and comfort level so they don't usually resemble an orgy. Jeffre and I met at one -- a class not an orgy -- so we're strong advocates of attending a type of group that strikes your fancy. In fact, we met at a series of six Sex, Love, & Intimacy workshops conducted by the Human Awareness Institute. There aren't any optional public sexual activities until midway through the levels. But we did make love the second night in our private tent. The rest is history.
We're active in the Sex Positive Meetup group in our area. We understand there are many others around the country. These are groups of people of all sexual preferences who get together regularly to talk, learn, and practice. We do workshops for them as do other sexologists. They're very respectful as they help new members explore their turn-ons and discover their true sexual identity.
These are just a smattering of ideas. For sure, there are lots more opportunities a little Googling can uncover in your area.
A primer on becoming more sexually adventuresome wouldn't be complete without mentioning walking on the wild side with assorted kinks and fetishes. Cross-dressing, dressing up, dressing down begin the list. And then there's ropes and restraints, leashes and handcuffs. The popularity of 50 Shades Of Grey has certainly raised awareness about BDSM practices (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism). We have a thorough survey of the whole spectrum of vanilla to extreme sexual play in our new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making.
Since monogamy has been the norm for many generations, sexual adventurers also engage in various forms of open relationships. It might look like swinging, sex parties, or polyamory. The politically-correct term today is CNM, consensual non-monogamy. Though most everyone you've ever met has cheated or come close to it, CNM is different. It's having sex with outside lovers with the knowledge and blessing of your partner. And sometimes all together. Though some lovers actually form families larger than two, our practice is to play with a small circle of intimates once or twice a month. Our current extended family includes two hetero couples and one single woman.
So how far out of your comfort zone have I pushed you so far? If you're a bit uncomfortable reading this short list of some of the possible options should convince you that we all live in an inhibited puritanical culture. There are so many satisfying ways to have adult fun that you might get off on but probably aren't even trying. Are you ready to move out of your comfort zone and and stretch your boundaries?
I'm not trying to persuade you to do things that you have no curiosity and or attraction to. But when something piques your interest, maybe it's time to test the waters. That's what sex-positive lovers do. Consciously, carefully, and after extensive communication with partners.
Admittedly, practicing exhibitionism sounds inappropriate, if not illegal in most places. But if you're on the path of becoming totally sex-positive, shouldn't you be proud of demonstrating your sexual prowess?
If orgasms are a divine gift as most sexologists acknowledge, who does it serve to keep them private?
Again, I'm not urging that you follow the Beatles advice and do it in the road. In fact, I'm reminded of my first wife's prejudice again public male masturbators. She grew up in Sweden and enjoyed lots more sexual freedom than I did in the US. Yet she scoffed at the frequent "village idiots" as she called them who would expose themselves as she walked around town. Her response was to look down at their crotches and laugh. That usually put them off their game immediately.
No, we're talking about sexual pride with a belief system like, "My body is my temple and I'm proud of it. I value the pleasure it brings me and want to share my good feelings with those I love. I welcome them watching me enjoying myself." Where appropriate and welcomed, it can be highly erotic to parade your pleasure.
I was able to develop my exhibitionist personality by attending nudist clubs and camps. Many years ago a few close friends camped at a clothing-optional community that was hosting Nudestock. That was a recreation of Woodstock with local bands and no clothes. Way fun.
If you need any evidence that showing off your privates is hot, consider the popularity of sexting. Doesn't receiving a boob pic, pussy pic, or dick pic from your main squeeze turn you on? Or an acquaintance you've been lusting for? I'm not endorsing strangers showering you with sexts, but where there's already a connection, it's certainly a welcome growth area for foreplay.
I first experienced a thrill from public self-pleasuring during my formative Tantra training at Margot Anand's Love And Ecstasy Training. One evening all 80 students created their own little nest in our huge classroom. As the lights dimmed and the soft music played, we all started playing with ourselves. We couldn't really see how our neighbors were enjoying their bodies, but we could sure hear them. Knowing that my classmates were surfing orgasmic peak after orgasmic peak as I was, added to my excitement.
This ritual undoubtedly prepared me to join the Center For Sex And Culture's National Masturbation Day event some years later. At a theatre in San Francisco's Tenderloin District, several hundred of us pranced around naked playing with ourselves. No touching or sexual contact even with our partners was allowed. It was all about honoring self-love. Some even put on a show in front of a live webcam. I wasn't ready for that then, but I did have my first experience with a sex machine with a small audience.
There other opportunities not limited to the public eye. You can exercise your innate exhibitionism at home through mutual masturbation. For some couples, touching themselves in front of their partner is a stretch all by itself. But if you're sex-positive, why not? Like stripping and dancing naked, being watched while you touch yourself can be super steamy. When you both do yourselves at the same time, the synergy can be off the charts. Foreplay, sex breaks, afterplay - I can think of lots of times when it's a wonderful thing. Maybe I need to be harder, maybe she needs to be wetter, or maybe we're just up for a shift in the energy. Or when one of us is playing hard to get and we want to prove that we can look after ourselves if need be.
Sure, sometimes the surprise of what I'm doing to my playmate is way hot. But, let's face, my lovers know their bodies better than me. So if they want to touch themselves, I say "go for it." It's really hot watching. Besides, I might learn something. I have one lover who swoons whenever I play with myself in front of her. She certainly has trained me to put on a show for her even at those moments when she's not ready to be penetrated.
A central theme of our new ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making is opening and flooding energy channels with sexual electromagnetism. One prominent technique we call the "Add-On." That's when you or your partner plays with another erogenous zone while you're making love. I particularly love stroking myself while my honey is using my favorite vibrating butt plug inside me.
When you're ready to experiment with opening your relationship, you'll need your inner exhibitionist to come out and play. Isn't that obvious? You'll be naked and hopefully partaking of the action in front of someone else. Would a stranger or a close friend be more comfortable or hotter?
A relatively easy way to wade in is via soft swapping. That's when you make love in the same room with another person or couple. Maybe you've dreamed of a lusty threesome with that busty or well-hung friend. But are you ready for the other lover -- or your partner -- watch you go at it?
I remember a threesome with my wife and another beautiful woman at a party that demonstrated this. The other woman laid next to us as we made love, holding each of our hands. She didn't want to participate at that moment, but we shared our bubble of orgasmic energy with her. She was lapping it up, smiling, moaning right along with us. It really turned us on that we could revel in ecstasy next to her while she was celebrating our passion.
Many progressive sexuality workshops will handle the gradient of exposure delicately. And modern professionals will demand enthusiastic consent without pressure before you get involved at any level. So when you're ready, learning groups can be an ideal way to dip a naked toe in the water here and there.
Sex parties probably require the most developed exhibitionists. Sure, sometimes swing clubs have private rooms. But the real action tends to happen out in the open on the multiple mattresses next to each other. When you're ready for that, watching and being watched sure intensifies the sexual energy.
My first experience of that was actually in a Tantra workshop where I served as an assistant instructor. As a demonstration for new students, my wife Jeffre gave me an elaborate two-hour Multiple Orgasm With Ecstasy session surrounded by about 100 students and staff. I had never been that high for so long before, likely due to in being so public. Because I was so energetically open to everyone's rapt attention, I vibrated with ecstasy for an hour after everywhere else left.
A person who gains sexual pleasure by watching others is a voyeur. The triangle holds that it's an essential healthy sexual activity.
So am I pro porn? You bet!
Of course, anything can be abused. But admiring others' bodies and watching them make love online can sure get your juices flowing. For me, it's an essential part of self-pleasuring. But again, I'm not doing it to get myself off as fast as possible. I'm using erotic images to amplify the sexual energy flowing through my body. My aim is to make myself feel as excited as I can for as long as I can. It's so satisfying that I rarely ejaculate.
You benefit from your voyeuristic tendencies when you watch your partner playing with themselves. Many men love to watch their woman with another man. Or another woman. Or one after the other after the other. I can remember many times at parties when my wife or girlfriend were making love with others. To be perfectly frank, I'm not immune to jealousy. But my best memories are being thrilled at how much they were enjoying it. In the polyamory world that's called "compersion," where you receive pleasure from the pleasure your beloved is receiving.
You need a healthy dose of compersion when you attend a swing party. Sure, you can just watch though I've never been able to stay out of the action for long. I do remember the first time I played with another man at a friend's swing house. The play areas were set up with railings all around. No doubt the crowd watching me fueled my appetite for the other guy's body.
Memories -- playing sex tapes of past experiences in your head -- qualify as voyeurism in my book. The standard line is that guy's are turned-on more by images while women are impacted more by words and feelings. Maybe that explains why romance novels sell the biggest share of books. I guess reading a steamy story about the perfect hunk or babe you conjure up in your mind qualifies as voyeurism.
Sorry, but I don't have much more to add about voyeurism right now. I pretty much shot my wad in the exhibitionist section. So just look back and reverse the roles.
We first learned about what I now call the sex-positive triangle in the Quodoshka workshops. That's the name given to the Native American sacred sexuality practices based in Arizona. If you want to expand your three corners of adventurism, exhibitionism, and voyeurism, that would be a powerful option. Or we'd love for you to join us at our Private Tantra Workshops.
Whatever you do, I'd recommend taking baby steps first. Look inside and find out what you're really seeking. Do some serious reading and talk to people ahead of you on the path. If you're in relationship, talk openly about what you want and how you want to get it. Then find some venues where you can explore and experiment.
By no means have I covered every possible angle. So I look forward to your comments and questions.
May you find everything you're looking for in and out of bed.
ORGASMIC SEX BLOG
Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.
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• Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)
• Down With Mental Pollution
• Do Orgasms Knit Energy?
• One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)
“Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK: The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men”
Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.
We cover everything you need to know to supercharge sex including foreplay, intimacy, oral and anal sex, sexual positions, and in-bed communication skills. You’ll read love secrets new and old that detail how to make an emotional connection first, target your erogenous zones, connect your passion circuits, create energy circles, and fill your whole bodies with pleasure every time.
Unlike many general sex books, it focuses on the mechanics, dynamics, and energetics of sexual intercourse with color illustrations. With a thorough review of modern science and classical techniques from the Kama Sutra and ancient China, we show you how to expand your intimacy into the full erotic union of heart, mind, and soul while you’re doing it. Plus, with our explicit step-by-step instructions, you’ll learn how to enjoy any of the 12 ways to orgasm that you’ve missed out on.
We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love.
Our expos? is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.
Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.
Click here to download it right now.
Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161
Contact us via Email.
Orgasmic Sex Discussion Board
Do you have questions about sex? Want to try what other lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit blog for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here. This is the adult educational journal of TantraAtTahoe.com where anyone can post what’s up in their sex life. And what’s down. Here we post our experiences and encourage you to do the same. Did you have a great time list night? A lousy time? A troubling time? Tell us in graphic detail. We want to know and help. This isn't porno, it's sex education. Freely post your questions and we'll do our best to answer them. And at the same time we can all learn to be more open about this vital part of everyone's life.
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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to...
- deepen love and intimacy,
- extend lovemaking, and
- create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra...
- heals your mind, body, and spirit,
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- immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
We respect the privacy of our readers. We NEVER provide our subscriber list to ANYONE. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Tantra At Tahoe on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. We provide this free advice in the hopes that your conscious use will improve your sexual life. If you have a medical or psychological condition, please contact your health professional before acting on this advice. Our guidance is not intended as medical or psychological treatment, psychotherapy, or services best performed by a health professional. Information provided in this document is provided "AS IS" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You assume the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of suggestions in this document. Without our personal services, your results may vary.
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