Sexologists like me — and lots of normal people — believe that masturbation is good. It feels good, it’s good for your body and mind, and it’s the ultimate in safe sex. And when you’re climbing the walls, it’s a great way to relax. Plus it’s always close at hand.
If you’re in a relationship, it can be very educational when you use masturbation to improve your sex life. Doing yourself is a great way to learn what you need and shows you what you need to teach your partner.
Orgasms are a use-it-or-lose-it kind of ability for those who don’t come so easily.
If you haven’t tried doing it in front of each other, you have a fun experience ahead. One study showed that 85% of people masturbate while in relationship. So I suggest that a major part of embracing a fully sex-positive attitude is accepting that masturbation is a healthy and natural part of life.
Besides, those of us who enjoy getting themselves off aren’t likely to stop anytime soon. It seems to me better if we learn to make peace with it.
I’ve Enjoyed It Many Ways
As a youngster — and by that I mean from my teenage years until 50 — I did it a lot. More than daily at first and several times a week as I aged. And a lot of ways and in lots of places. Outside in nature was my favorite. And still is on my top-five list.
Being a young male without any sex education, my aim was release. You know, to relieve the pressure of lust preying on my otherwise brilliant, objective, and superior mind. For a while at least I was more able to treat people I found attractive with some degree of appropriate respect and maturity.
Oh, and so I didn’t get blue balls.
Yeah, I’ve always had a real strong sex drive. It was like a river during spring flood carrying me with it. And because I didn’t know any other way of coping, sometimes it was like an irresistible tsunami.
Sure, I felt a little embarrassed and guilty about my habit. But I didn’t think I had a problem or was particularly perverted. I just had this urge and found a private way to deal with it.
Then I found Tantra. If you’re unfamiliar with this ancient spiritual philosophy, just think of it as a way to accept yourself — your soul, mind, body, and sexuality — fully. Basically, Tantra is a bunch of practices beginning with meditation and breathing designed to help you harness your lifeforce energy. And, of course, when you’re horny there’s lots of energy alive within you that’s jerking you around looking for an outlet.
Transmute Your Sexual Desires?
You might expect a guru (not me) to advocate that you use spiritual practices to transmute your sexual desires into higher consciousness. Yogis have done it for millennia. Well, that’s a wonderful prescription if it works for you.
But all too often putting advice like this into action results in suppressing your innate erotic energy flows. Not good! Trying to dam the powerful current of libido usually fails. And with nowhere to go, the unreleased energy does cause perversions: unwanted sexual advances, damaging abuse, and traumatic violence.
This is not what the creator had in mind when endowing us with our natural sex drives. I firmly believe if even the weirdos amongst us had healthier sex lives the world would be much safer for women and children.
Now, even at 70, I make love a lot. With more longies than quickies. With more enduring pleasure than rushing headlong to ejaculation. With my Tantric training, I’ve learned to let the sexual tidal wave carry me to higher planes of satisfaction typically without a wet orgasm.
I guess I could say that I’ve made peace with my robust erotic current. I let it infuse me with vitality, joy, and creativity. It makes my life richer and more fun than when I was trying to repress my naturally sexy state.
Self-Pleasuring With The Emphasis On “Pleasure”
These days when I have sexual urges, desires, and fantasies, I self-pleasure. OK, from the outside that looks just like masturbation. But from the inside it’s different.
Tantric self-pleasuring doesn’t rush me headlong towards getting myself off and relieving the pressure as quickly as possible. Instead, it’s about giving myself pleasure. Long-lasting, more intense pleasure than I ever got from a quick squirt.
Some call it self-love. That’s a popular concept in new-age spiritual thought. Certainly, making myself feel good by playing with my body demonstrates that I love myself. But even more, it’s about being fully alive. Regulating, condemning, and going to war against my sexual nature always made me feel worse.
Today I use the easily recharged reservoir of sexual energy to keep myself young, fit, and happy.
Tantric masturbation — or self-pleasuring as I prefer to call it — is all about the energy flowing through my body. Since it’s mostly focused on my genitals, my practice raises, expands, and spreads the life-giving sensations everywhere.
In Tantra we call this “running energy.” It’s the conscious skill of infusing every cell, tissue, and system with the excitement that’s usually confined to the sex organs. Running energy makes me shiver, shudder, and shake. It feels like every cell is coming.
If you can recapture the sensory memories of how an orgasm feels, imagine those sensations lasting for minutes at a time all over. That’s my motivation for Tantric self-pleasuring.
So instead of trying to make myself ejaculate and relieve the pressure, I turn myself on and spread the excitement as long as I can. Sometimes that’s for hours, but at my age if I’m tired or achey my self-love sessions get somewhat limited.
How I Do It
There’s no Tantric magic in my personal hand-jobs. But there is in what’s going on inside.
Usually I watch my favorite brand of porn. Interestingly enough, the preferred visual fantasy seems to be a very personal choice amongst my best friends and lovers. Yes, we share even what many would consider theses most intimate privacies.
One boyfriend prefers videos of complete sex scenes. Another specializes in pictures and movies of coming. Another only gets super titillated from erotic stories.
Go figure, huh? Different strokes for different folks. Literally!
And in a different way, erotic images serve my female lovers, too. When really aroused and wanting to climax, immersing themselves mentally in one of their favorite fantasies often does the trick. That’s probably why there’s such a groundswell of interest in kinky role-playing these days, largely the result of the popularity of the 50 Shades Of Grey books and movies.
My preference is pictures or short animated clips of penetrative sex. Yes, the sexy bodies and glorious private parts entice me. But his erect tool entering her jade garden (that’s the ancient Chinese euphemism for the pussy) is my favorite.
You might ask how we all gravitate towards our favorite images. For me, it’s simple. How does it make me feel? Sometimes one configuration of a couple’s bodies does nothing for me while another one that’s not much different floats my cork big time.
That means it shoots streamers of sexual electricity inside and fills me with that delightful erotic magnetism. So to decide what I want to look at while I’m stroking myself, all I need to do recognize is how much energy is flowing inside me.
How Real Is It?
Recently I’ve noticed that some images actually make me feel like I’m penetrating that lover on my computer screen.
In other words, the experience of watching porn while self-pleasuring simulates the sensations of actual sex. It doesn’t seem to be as intense or last as long, so I’m not advocating doing away with making love with a real-life orgasmic partner.
But when I can realistically imagine what making love with that pornstar actually feels like, I thoroughly enjoy myself. Does my this fantasy world in my head make me lust after them? Well, yes, of course. But I view it as a consensual fantasy. They wouldn’t broadcast pictures of their bodies if they didn’t expect them to be used this way.
So what is Tantric masturbation all about, then? My aim is to make myself feel the supreme bliss that is everyone’s inherent birthright.
Hopefully this explains why Tantric self-pleasuring is a vital part of my spiritual practice. If I wasn’t proud of what I’ve developed, would I be sharing this so openly with you?
May you openly make peace with your own masturbation style and find a healthy way to infuse your life with such ecstasy.
Love, Somraj