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Any consensual, pleasurable sex is better than no sex, don’t you think?
In our Tantric view of life where feeling good is paramount, regular sexual pleasure, whether with a partner or by yourself, is essential. So we study and practice how to make it feel better.
But few lovers enter into the rapture zone where the ecstasy is mind-blowing and the spirit is transformed. You know, where you can’t help but screaming “Oh, my God!” even if you’re not religious.
I’m talking about physical play that’s so intense that all kinds of sensational fireworks are shooting off inside your body. By sensational I mean that the sensations are so strong that they make you shout, shake, and levitate.
In Tantra we aim to make life in general – and frequent sex – a spiritual experience. That’s why Tantric Sex is often called Spiritual Sex. You know you’re making the most of lovemaking when every second feels like you’re orgasming. Which is why Orgasmic Sex is another synonym for all of this.
“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #287 published 9/29/2017
Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by TantraAtTahoe.com
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This free ezine (scroll to the end if you want to unsubscribe) offers practical sex tips derived from modern sex research and the ancient wisdom of Tantra and the Kama Sutra. We teach Supreme Bliss Tantra to help you deepen relationship intimacy and reach astounding heights of sexual ecstasy through long-distance learning and hands-on training.
Our Motto: Deeper Into The Heart Of Sex
How Do You Make Sex More Spiritual and Continuously Orgasmic?
If you want to play frequently and continuously in the rarefied atmosphere of sexual ecstasy, you may want to study and practice how to make sex more orgasmic, like we do. Which is why we wrote our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making. It’s a complete do-it-yourself program to enjoy orgasmic sex every time you do it.
Here I want to introduce you to some evolving research about the inner fireworks that orgasmic sex produces in your body. By research I’m talking about experimenting in our sexual escapades with all sorts of moves, strokes, positions, roles, toys, etc.
But most of all when we make love we play with sexual energy. That’s what we’ve mastered to a large degree in our 20 years of Tantric practice. Undoubtedly, we have lots more to discover and learn. That’s good news since applying spiritual consciousness to physical pleasure is so much fun.
Learning how to sense, summon, harness, and exchange sexual energy is the crux of our joint research. If you’re not super clear on what sexual energy is, here’s the definition from Long Hot Tantric Love Making…
The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations.
Some sexologists call it erotic charge. Others refer to it as sexual electricity. Whatever you call it, you CAN can feel it. The more energy you generate, the more intense your sensations become.
It’s what makes your breathing heavy, your muscles tense, and your body vibrate when you get turned on. It’s what makes your skin flush and chills or goosebumps spread up your body. It’s what makes you moan, groan, and cry out as you approach coming.
To make sex more orgasmic, there are three main things we do with sexual energy: generating more, making it last, and spreading it.
Generating More Sexual Energy
Sexual energy is the life force that animates every one of your cells. So feeling vitality everywhere is natural. But few of us are raised to recognize it, welcome it, and cherish it. Instead too many lovers are distracted, embarrassed, and inhibited when they should just be letting go and having fun.
One of the primary lessons of Tantra training is how to feel more pleasure which lets your sexual energy expand and flow. If you learn how to get out of your head, into your body, and revel in all your senses, you’ll build more erotic charge. This can happen anywhere and everywhere around your body. That’s why some lovers, most often women, report having orgasms from kissing, sensual touch, and nipple play.
Since our aim is to generate and contain as much sexual energy as we can handle, we suggest concentrating on those body parts that naturally create erotic charge. I’m referring to the jewels here, our sweeter name for genitals. Sexologists call them erogenous zones, places that are particularly sensitive to sexual stimulation. I like to simply call them sweet spots.
Since we’re so horny and do so much conscious “research,” we’ve become aware of 30 such spots in and around the jewels. We’ve identified 20 of these sensitive pleasure zones in women’s bodies, and 10 in men’s. Many of these aren’t widely understood but you can read about them in our previous newsletter Women’s Erogenous Zones. Too many lovers don’t know how to find them all and titillate them.
So if you want sex to be more orgasmic, your first assignment is to learn to use all 30 erogenous zones to induce more sexual energy.
Making It Last Longer
The second thing we do to generate more sexual energy is to take our time and make sex last longer.
In modern life, we’re all increasingly overstimulated and channeled towards seeking instant gratification. In the bedroom this translates into pushing for orgasm as fast as possible. Many surveys substantiate that sex on average only lasts a few minutes.
I’ve written a lot about the orgasm gap, the situation that men come more quickly and often than women. But my point here is not that sex needs to last longer for women to orgasm.
My point is that rushing headlong to a Big O just doesn’t give you enough time to amass all the sexual energy – and excitement and pleasure – that you need to transform physical sensations into spiritual transformation. And to thoroughly enjoy it for as long as you want.
Orgasmic sex is a different style than you see in most porn flics. It’s not always hard and fast. It’s more like a dance in response to what each lover needs to get higher and higher each moment. Yes, sometimes there’s vigorous pumping. But there’s lots more slow sex. And alternating who’s on top. And shifting positions. And all sorts of other inventive changes like incorporating oral, toys, fantasies, etc.
If you want to routinely reach the peaks of pleasure you’ve been missing, you need to take your time. Then you can both feel more in more places, more intensely, and climb higher and higher. When even subtle movements or being still while coupled feels orgasmic, you’ll certainly be more willing to go slow and smell the, uh, roses.
How can you get there? Well, slow down. Communicate more. If you’re not excited enough, ask for what you need. If you’re too excited, switch to finger play or oral sex for a bit. Aim for pleasure, not finishing.
As the name indicates, our Long Hot Tantric Love Making ebook addresses this in much greater depth. A key technique is one method of delaying orgasm, commonly called edging. That means approaching coming but backing off before you fall over the edge to the point of no return. For years, I’ve referred to it as dancing on the verge.
Spreading the Erotic Charge
The third element of building erotic charge is learning how to spread it. Most Tantrikas simply call this running energy.
You see, it’s sexual electricity, and electricity flows in currents. But untrained lovers don’t know how to let it stream.
Learning how to run energy begins with being relaxed. Physical tension blocks the flow of sexual energy. The kind of negative beliefs about sex that we were all raised with often cause this. Abuse, violence, and other traumas imbed blockages in the tissues making them armored against any sensations.
So the foundation of Tantric practice is learning to accept how to simply feel pleasure. That’s what is meant by being in your body.
Regular meditation helps. Tantric sex is sometimes referred to as sexual meditation. Being able to clear your mind and focus on your body is essential to spreading erotic charge.
Once you’re willing and able to be fully present in a sexual situation, you can use the basic tools of Tantric practice: deep belly breathing, sensual movement, erotic sounds, and visualization. All these add up to being able to turn yourself on – or at least heighten those delicious subtle sensations – when you first feel them. We call this the art and skill of orgasmic breathing.
When you’ve mastered the ability of running energy, you might wonder where you should channel it. The first step is out of your jewels to fill your body. That’s the key to full-body orgasm, not to mention that for guys it’s a reliable technique to overcome premature ejaculation.
Plus, moving sexual energy up your body activates higher chakras. A chakra is a concentrated energy vortex where life force circulates. There are seven of them arrayed along your spine from the base of your pelvis to the top of your head. The lower chakras, nearer the jewels, regulate more physical processes like sex as you might expect. The higher ones deal with power, love, voice, wisdom, and divine connection. So the more energy you raise, the more spiritual your sex becomes.
When you can direct and channel sexual energy anywhere you want in your body, you’ll be able to exchange it with your partner. Not only does it take two to tango, but it takes sex with another energy generator to reach some of the most altered states. And it’s damn good for the health of your relationship.
You might have noticed that during all this talk of orgasmic sex I haven’t mentioned actually having orgasms much. If you thought Tantra was anti-orgasm, think again. We just want to build more and more erotic charge so the eventual explosions are bigger, stronger, and longer. Notice “explosions” is plural. For multiple orgasms you just need lots more energy.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Well, that’s all for now. Look for the second half of this article in next month’s Sacred Sexual Secrets email newsletter. There I will what those spectacular sexual fireworks look like and feel like. Or if you can’t wait, I’ve already posted it to my Orgasmic Sex blog which you can access here.
Orgasmic Sex Blog
Do you have questions about sex? Want to learn what other great lovers are doing? Join the dialogue in our explicit Orgasmic Sex blog for open sharing of sexual issues and erotic encounters here.
• Combo Strokes: Using 2 Fingers for Erotic Massage (X-Rated)
• Down With Mental Pollution
• Do Orgasms Knit Energy?
• One Easy Tip For Lasting Longer While Thrusting Inside (X-Rated)
Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK
The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men
Our tenth Tantric sex ebook is a how-to guide that shows you how to have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever dreamed of whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. Sure, sexual intercourse is natural, but so few lovers know how to make it super for both him and her.
We cover everything you need to know to supercharge sex including foreplay, intimacy, oral and anal sex, sexual positions, and in-bed communication skills. You’ll read love secrets new and old that detail how to make an emotional connection first, target your erogenous zones, connect your passion circuits, create energy circles, and fill your whole bodies with pleasure every time.
Unlike many general sex books, it focuses on the mechanics, dynamics, and energetics of sexual intercourse with color illustrations. With a thorough review of modern science and classical techniques from the Kama Sutra and ancient China, we show you how to expand your intimacy into the full erotic union of heart, mind, and soul while you’re doing it. Plus, with our explicit step-by-step instructions, you’ll learn how to enjoy any of the 12 ways to orgasm that you’ve missed out on.
We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love.
Our expos? is as much a sexual diary of our sex life as it is an easy-to-follow program to give you exactly what you want in bed. In these pages we’ve shared the ups and downs of our actual intimate encounters as if we were having a private, frank, but tasteful conversation with you in person.
Long Hot Tantric Love Making has three primary goals: 1) making lovemaking last longer, 2) expanding your sexual repertoire to include all 12 types of orgasm, and 3) making lovemaking so orgasmic that you will want to do it again and again. It’s the complete no-holds-barred graphic story of how we made our sex life more satisfying than we ever imagined possible. And how you can, too.
Click here to download it right now…
Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees
11260 Donner Pass Road C1#139, Truckee, CA 96161
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SUPREME BLISS TANTRA
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into expanded consciousness.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient Eastern spiritual path which uses sexual energy practices to…
– deepen love and intimacy,
– extend lovemaking, and
– create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being, and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra…
– heals your mind, body, and spirit,
– connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
– immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to
reach cosmic peaks of pleasure to make life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
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The average length of sexual encounters is 5 to 10 minutes. Totally understandable because it’s so exciting. I often get swept away into a blaze of glory, too.
But when someone practices extended energy sex routinely as I do, they enter a totally different zone. By surfing from peak to peak of startling excitement instead of exploding, the whole experience changes. It changes from instant gratification to seeing how high I can make every cell in my body.
Until I dedicated myself to prolonging my pleasure, I barely noticed the currents of sensation streaming throughout my body.
In Tantra we call it sexual energy. My latest book Long Hot Tantric Love Making defines it this way…
The electromagnetic life force in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm. Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations.
During my recent self-pleasuring sessions, I’ve been watching the ebbs and flows and movement of sexual energy. While surfing from crest to crest of pleasure peaks, I’ve become more aware of what’s actually happening in my body.
I don’t have to convince you that the most powerful sexual energy comes our of your jewels (genitals). When I play with myself, not only does blood fill my vajra (penis) making it erect, but it gets way more sensitive. Before I knew how to spread the excitement out of my jewels, it quickly got more than I could handle.
When I channel the sexual energy away from my jewels, it feels like electricity running through the rest of my body.
The more aware of sexual electricity I am, the longer I can make the zenith of pleasure last. You know, that irresistible force right before you come that feels so amazing.
By opening the energy conduits, I can spread the excitement which allows me to go higher for longer than I ever imagined. Feeling like I’m coming continuously. Orgasms that last so much longer than the typical 10-second sneeze. Sometimes minutes or more.
I guess that makes me a sexual electrician.
It’s a job title I’ve long aspired to. And a badge of office I will wear proudly. That’s because it’s sexual electricity that makes sex feel so sensational.
If you’re interested, here’s my first course outline for Sexual Electricity 101. It’s the primer for orgasmic sex leading to full-body orgasm. Hopefully appearing soon at major universities and elementary schools everywhere.
Your Sexual Energy Generator
Your jewels are powerful sexual energy generators. The hotter your sex, the more energy you create. The longer your sex, the more energy you create. The better your technique — or that of your lover — the more energy you create.
It feels so fucking good that you want more. And want it to last.
But it’s so intense when it’s compressed into the small zone of your groin. So you spread it. The buzzing and sizzling of your tissues widens and expands. This makes more of your body feel sensational.
And without all of your body feeling sensational, full-body orgasm is unlikely.
When I say “sensational,” I don’t just mean super exciting. I mean bubbling and percolating, roiling and boiling, and overflowing with sensation.
That’s what happens when the sexual electricity flows through your organs, muscles, and bones. Your nerves vibrate making your organs quiver, your muscles shiver, and your bones pulse. And the more all of this happens, the stronger the sensations.
So when you consciously open the energy valves, these sensations stream up and down your body. Ever curled your toes while coming? Ever felt your knees quake? Ever felt your legs bouncing off the bed? Well, that’s the energy descending.
Since there’s a lot more of you from the waist up, you need even more rising energy to blow your mind. To make your heart beat faster, your fingertips spark, your eyes roll, and your scalp tingle.
Sexual Electricity Patterns
I find sexual electricity follows certain patterns when it rises through me.
To understand them, let’s review what Thomas Edison discovered. When electrons flow in one direction through a wire from a battery to a light bulb, we call it DC or direct current.
I don’t really know the complete physics of sexual electricity, but to continue my lesson let’s just assume there are sexual elections. Little particles of energy that excite what they land on.
Edison found that more electrons were lost and waisted when DC had to travel longer. So he used AC, alternating current, when the electrons jiggle back and forth without moving too far. If you’ve ever been shocked from an appliance in your home, you’ve felt AC. Your nerves and muscles pulsate intensely without going anywhere. That’s why it’s hard to let go.
When you open the floodgates around your jewels, sexual energy flows out. This electrical current follows nerves and more subtle channels like the ones acupuncturists and Tantric adepts work with.
I can actually feel the prickly sensations in my crotch soften as the current moves up and down. That’s what makes other parts of my body turn-on.
When my channels fill with sexual electricity, it feels like AC current to me. The parts of my body affected quiver and quake with pleasure.
Amps Versus Volts
Now for those who want to become qualified as sexual electricians, it’s essential to understand how to maximize that turn-on. Which requires understanding the difference between amps and volts.
Amps measures how much current is flowing. How many sexual electrons have you generated and directed somewhere.
Or to use the analogy of a river, amperage is how much water is flowing. How wide and deep the river is. The bigger the channel, the stronger the sensations spreading to the extremities.
When I only generate a little sexual electricity, I might not even get hard. With more current, I might find my skin tingling a few places. With top output, my whole body shakes and vibrates with heat and magnetism.
It’s as if there’s a conduit of sexual electricity from head to toe pulsing like a guitar string. Or a smaller banjo string. Or a larger bass fiddle string.
Sometimes I can keep that peak flow going for 30 to 60 minutes without stopping. Other less-exciting times it surges for a few seconds or minutes. One of my favorites is when a ball of sexual energy seems to erupt with an expanding blossom of sensation. Like a pleasure grenade exploding in different spots inside.
Sometimes that erotic current reaches my legs, my chest, my neck, my head. I can actually feel the sensations streaming from my groin.
When I can keep the flow going for some minutes, I can sense the sexual elections moving continuously. Other times I feel pulses and surges following my energy channels. From inside they look like streamers of fire that can erupt into fireworks.
We can’t ignore sexual magnetism while we’re at it. Did you know that an electric current creates magnetism? So when you’re flowing sexual energy, it magnetizes your skin, muscles, and bones. This force not only energizes your passion, but also attracts others. Maybe it’s part of the pheromone phenomenon.
Volts measure how fast the river is flowing, how much pressure the current creates, how charged your tissues are. Haven’t you noticed that sometimes you touch your jewels and it’s instantly electric? Really sensitive, I mean. Almost like a spark jumps from your sex organ to your hand, mouth, or another’s sex organ.
Obviously, most of us need high voltage to reach orgasm. Without enough sexual charge, your chances for full-body orgasm are slim.
When your sexual voltage is high, it pushes the sensations faster and further around your body. That is, as long as there’s enough energy to excite everywhere it touches.
Sexual voltage tends to dissipate unless it’s continuously reinforced. So most of the time when you’re still during sex, your excitement gradually decreases. And the faster you go, the more intense the electrical charge you build .
Confining your sexual electricity in a relatively small space, like your loins, keeps the voltage high. So your sensations are stronger. Spreading it all over tends to lower the excitement.
Now if you can generate enough sexual electricity to fill your whole body at high voltage, you’ll almost levitate with passion.
Which takes us to another part of the lesson, namely watts. Watts measure how much power an electrical current contains. So the more watts, the stronger your pleasure and the bigger your orgasms.
You calculate sexual watts — the impact of your experience — by multiplying amps times volts. So the more current you’re generating at higher voltages, the more intense your passion.
Now it’s natural, as you first get turned-on, to push against the erotic current. By tensing up, a skilled sexual electrician is trying to confine the electricity to a smaller space. This increases the voltage so your sensations are more intense. That’s partly why doing pelvic muscle exercises can strengthen your pleasure and orgasms.
But when you tense up while turned-on, you reduce the current flow.
As a sexual electrician’s arousal rises and their loins erupt into a sizzling pot of sexual excitement, they relax and consciously open the valves. The electricity flows out. How turned on they get all over their body depends on how much current and how charged the voltage they’ve generated. The sexual watts — amps times volts — determines how much sensation the rest of their body feels.
Why would you want to fill your whole body with a huge volume of high-voltage sexual electricity?
Why, for full-body orgasms of course. Try it, you’ll like it.
No Doubt There’s More to Come
I hope this primer inspires you to practice managing your sexual electricity.
I’ve called it the 101 entry level course because my intuition suggests there’s lots more to learn. I’m looking forward to my coming practice sessions.
I hope you are, too.
At times some women get off on being taken.
I still remember fondly that cute young thing I met at a party who kept yelling at me, “Fuck me harder!” Frankly, it was a bit intimidating. But I did what I was told and we both had a great time.
Do you get off on walking on the wild side? Do you or your partner like rough sex? Undoubtedly it can be a turn-on to submit to another’s control. Maybe that’s why the slave-master fantasy is popular.
That reminds me of a famous science fiction series I read in the sixties. There were I think a couple dozen volumes in John Norman’s Chronicles of Counter-Earth. The story was set in a planet directly opposite the earth that had a medieval culture. Specifically, women were property and men were warriors. Yet, the women reveled in pleasing their men.
I think the belief that Norman was promoting so creatively was that this is only way the “weaker sex” can ever be sexually fulfilled.
Honestly, I enjoyed the books back then before I’d had any training as a Tantric lover who worships the Goddess in all women. Now I’m appalled at any stories about spousal or sexual violence.
Now I’m not advocating that abuse or rape is a good thing. Rather, I notice that it’s hot for some women at certain times to be restrained, dominated, disciplined, and punished.
There’s a right and wrong way to do this of course. In the BDSM world (bondage, domination, discipline, submission, sadism, masochism), negotiating consent is essential. So I have no problem with any practices that are discussed, planned, and agreed-upon in detail.
Negotiating consent requires mutual respect for the submissive’s power. If it turns a woman on for her partner to blindfold her, tie her up, and have his way with her, who am I to object. That is, when she clearly asks for it. Or she gave permission for him to do whatever he wants. Of course, wise players always have a safeword if it gets too intense.
Even though I’m an old guy, I guess that makes me a raving feminist. Well, so be it.
But without explicit consent, selfish exploitation amounts to taking advantage of a woman. In practice, this shows up as pressuring a partner to have sex. That might include a demand to give blow jobs, to receive anal sex, or to orgasm and even ejaculate on command.
Though we loved every episode of Fifty Shades of Grey, I winced every time Christian said “Come for me, baby.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love doing these things to a willing playmate. I love doing whatever I’m moved to do with a woman who really wants it. I love her screaming and jackknifing at my slightest touch.
Without a doubt, I really get off on a partner’s sexual pleasure, orgasm, and satisfaction.
But pressuring a woman to perform on command just doesn’t seem to work for me. In fact, it makes me sick.
Unfortunately, pressure can block some women’s pleasure so much that it becomes abuse. Demanding she put out can block her enjoying it if she doesn’t consent.
We have to recognize that men in our modern world are conditioned to go for the gold, compete against all opponents, and push through obstacles. Yet this kind of conditioning is diametrically opposed to what most women need to blossom orgasmically.
So the question I want to address is how to get a woman to want it.
I spent a lot of years getting rejected and not getting any. And with my rampant libido, “no” was the last thing I wanted to hear. So I did my share of pressuring and demanding and pursuing without much luck. Fortunately, I didn’t take it to the extreme of stalking and the like.
Like any partnered guy, I’ve heard my share of not tonight, I’ve got a headache, and it doesn’t feel good down there. In response, I developed an approach that sometimes pays off.
I call it No-Pressure Desire. This philosophy basically says, “You’re beautiful, you’re sexy, I want you, I’m here, I’m interested — you pick the time and place.”
Here are some examples of how this works in practice. My wife loves sex more than any female I’ve ever known. And she’s damn good at it.
But she’s easily distracted. That doesn’t mean she’s shy or inhibited. It means the temperature in the room has to be right. The music and lighting have to create the perfect mood. She has to have her favorite glass of wine, and often something more. The dogs have to be OK so she doesn’t worry about them. And, I almost forgot, I have to be at least a little romantic.
I agree an erotic ambience has a strong effect on me, too. But when I’m hot to trot, hey baby, let’s trot. But I’ve learned that I need to heed my No-Pressure Desire policy. Part of that is helping to get each of us and the room ready. Starting without her total readiness never works. Otherwise the series of interruptions seriously bums me out.
The good news is that when everything is right, the passion is boundless.
Our closest girlfriend has many of the same requirements. But with her it’s as much about the mood as the time and place. She’s a dedicated planner-in-advance with a bursting schedule. Being a professional colonic therapist, extensive cleansing inside and out is essential for her comfort. Otherwise she holds her gargantuan libido back. Once she’s in the state of erotic rapture, the sky’s the limit.
I started thinking about all this recently while missing another of our closest lovers. Let’s call her Janice.
Janice has been going though some dramatic personal changes. She’s totally absorbed in building a demanding business which takes its toll on her energy. So after years of wild parties a couple times a month with no holds barred, she backed off. We still saw a lot of her and found our love and relationship growing deeper. But for many months only her husband accepted our invitations to play.
I have to admit to viscerally missing our erotic times together. When Janice and I make love, we blow the roof off. We roll around, vibrate all over, and scream bloody ardor.
But what was I to do?
Pressure her to play, offer her inducements, manipulate the circumstances, take advantage of her sweet loving nature?
Aside from the fact that coercion is not my way, it was clear from the get go that these tactics would backfire. Which brings me to my main point.
What is the nature of woman and how do we as their lovers meet them on as many levels as possible?
In Tantric terms, sexual energy — just one expression of the life force — is feminine. Modern teachers call this the power of the divine feminine. New agers typically refer to it as the Goddess in all women.
If you buy this, then you recognize that we both have to honor the river of life in our female partners. When it’s flowing freely, desire, love, passion, orgasms, and sexual ecstasy are abundant. When it’s blocked or constrained, not so much.
So to apply my No-Pressure Desire philosophy, I gave Janice space. I stayed in touch, asked how she was doing, and respected her choices. I tried to major in empathy and compassion with as little judgment as possible.
After about a year of this, I called her up and said, “I miss you. What do you need to be comfortable enough to enter our play space again?”
She said she still loved me and our hot times together, but was sorting things out and still needed more time. How about the summer still months away when work pressures would be less? Absolutely, I said. I was thrilled to hear we had a future together in spite of the vague commitment.
Then all of a sudden she showed up at a threesome we had scheduled with her husband. He and my wife make beautiful loud music together if you catch my drift.
Janice was hesitant at first, cautiously feeling her way. We spent some hours talking and massaging each other which got us all naked. Gradually her hands spent more and more time around my crotch with visible hard results. That’s when I decided to take a chance and asked, “What would you like?”
She didn’t say anything at first. She just pushed me onto my back and climbed on top. Oh, wow, so long in coming. But I didn’t since I was enjoying it so much that I wanted it to last.
Though she was quieter than I remembered, she got wilder and wilder as she rode me. And then started screaming in joy at pleasure peak after peak.
After a while I asked if I could get on top. She looked off into space obviously thinking. But then without a word, she pushed me down again and rode me even harder. We had a couple more rounds later after each spending time with our spouses. When we finally collapsed exhausted hours later, it left me thinking about why I was so lucky. Here’s what I came up with.
I respect the boundless strength that is deep with women. I don’t presume to know what’s best for them. Instead I inquire what they want, accept what they choose, and go with the flow wherever I can.
In modern spiritual terms, I honor however the Goddess shows up in each woman.
Or we could leave out the new-agey stuff and look at it terms of sovereignty. If you love someone, you have to accept them as they are and respect their choices.
With Janice, I had to let her walk her path and support her process. She needed the space and time to find her own truth before committing even tentatively to walking on the wild side again.
Let’s say I instead had used my wisdom and experience to shunt her into a growth path that I thought would ease her stress and encourage her sex drive. If it didn’t work, she would have resented it, creating even more distance. If it did, she might become dependent on my insight to deal with her own decisions. Either way, her innate confidence and power wouldn’t have grown.
You see, the kind of love we all embrace is when two powerful beings let themselves connect on all levels. Though I doubt it, I might have gotten Janice to do my bidding. But then we’d be playing the slave-master scenario and likely without full-hearted consent. I probably would have violated her boundaries or at least thrown her far outside her comfort zone. I would become the evil perpetuator not the loving partner.
There’s an old moral to the story from the Orient of what happens when you save someone’s life. They believe that you’re forever responsible for the life you saved. So even if I succeeded in resurrecting Janice, would she really be choosing to love me?
I knew when she chose to climb on top, have her way with me, and shout her passion to the universe, that it was totally real.
It’s all about volition. I want a lover who chooses me with her free will. There’s no way to get to that kind of relationship through pressure. If I trespassed on her boundaries, would she ever trust me again? If I assumed I knew better and usurped her power, would I really be connecting with the real Goddess inside her?
Of course, it certainly helped that my wife encouraged us to have all the fun we could. While she was doing the same thing.
Sometimes I fantasize about a playmate who’s up for spontaneous romping anytime, anywhere. Frankly, that may be a pipe dream. Before it comes true, I’m content to follow my lovers’s lead. And why not? It gets me where I want to go eventually.
Playing with my butt has been one of the most revealing personal growth experiences I’ve ever had.
Am I saying that anal sex is a spiritual practice? Well, I guess I am. But that depends on how you approach it.
Recognizing that certain sex acts vault me to higher sexual orbits is what prompted this exploration where the sun don’t normally shine. (I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in my blog post entitled “Sexual Energy Orbits: How to Catapult Yourselves up to the Most Sensational Pleasure Zones.”)
Even though I know that personal freedom is an inner journey, I’ve been expanding myself through spiritual sex for nearly twenty years now. It’s taught me more about myself than all talk therapies in the world combined. So how exactly does that work?
Spiritual sex means to be aware of your body, mind, and soul while you accept your sexual desires and act on them fully.
Let’s Get Drunk And Screw
Being a somewhat evolved horny guy, I’m not against the age-old relationship axiom — “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Today that probably shows up more as “Let’s get stoned and make divine love.”
But for me erotic play is so much richer when I’m conscious of everything that’s happening. Then I can steer the action so I get everything I want while I’m attending to my partner’s needs and wants. Often I get new pleasures that I didn’t expect.
My whole life I’ve sought to rid myself of inhibitions. Maybe, like so many other teenagers, that’s an outgrowth of rebelling against my father’s authority. Whatever.
What I found in my recent solo anal play is that I’ve got hangups I didn’t know were limiting my fun.
Me squeamish? Seriously?
I can’t begin to count how many times I believed that I arrived only to find how much more there was to look at. With my unshakable self-image, I was sure I could handle unlimited pleasure. At least until I bumped up against the edge of my comfort zone and found my own limits.
So again and again I dedicated myself to practice until I released “all” resistance. Usually it wasn’t long before I had to pick myself up and realize how much more inner work awaited me.
The Sensible Hygiene Of Anal Play
A case in point is the hygiene of anal play. As my sex life has been expanding in recent years, I’ve welcomed any gentle-at-first penetration back there from lovers I trust. Lovers who are as fun and fastidious as I am.
Damn, I’ve had so much pleasure when they put things in my butt: fingers, toys, and vajras (penises).
But I discovered that I’m reluctant to put my own fingers in my butt.
Any young woman whose mother taught her not to wipe forward realizes we all want to keep the bacteria from the rosetta (asshole) away from the yoni (vagina). Or either gender’s mouth for that matter.
Such programming was a critical part of my Tantric sexual healing that opened up my backdoor initially. Tight-assed is more than a social slur, it’s a diagnosis of the energy blockages that inhibited lovers and people in general have.
When the issues are in the tissues, especially around the rosetta, they restrict one’s sexual freedom and lots more.
You see, I love to play full out without inhibitions. That’s partly a result of my robust libido. But even more so it stems from the personal growth I’ve done around becoming more sex-positive.
Damn Those Restrictive Inner Rules
So, as I was saying, what I found was that I had all sorts of inner rules about where I could put my hands when playing with myself. When I lube up a sex toy and slide it in my butt, undoubtedly that hand gets contaminated with the kind of germs we don’t want to spread.
My Tantric training, or call it conscious sexuality, included always being alert to what one touches with those dirty digits. That’s wise to avoid later unwanted infections. But when I got an urge to, for example, add my second hand to massage my cockhead, I heard a loud “No!” from my inner critic.
Since I can’t put my vajra in my mouth in my most limber moments, there was no chance of making myself sick. And since this was solo play, there was no chance of infecting my beloved’s yoni. And yet I was unwilling to follow my whims and play with whatever part of my body wanted attention.
That’s where spiritual sex came to the rescue. It’s all about witnessing what’s going on in my body, mind, and soul while I’m reveling in pleasure. Not only was I conscious of what I wanted to do to myself, I was also conscious of what was holding me back.
So I lubed up my second hand and slowly slid it in and out of my rosetta. Wow, was it great! It supercharged the pleasure that my other hand was creating by stroking my vajra.
It felt so good that after a while I got the urge to grab vajra’s head with my dirty hand. Sure enough the injunction was still there. I looked at and decided there was no harm as long as I washed up afterwards.
As a result, for a few minutes I had the most ecstatic two-handed masturbation you can imagine.
Letting My Freak Flag Fly
What I was discovering was that my self-pleasuring habits followed well-worn grooves. These were uninspected patterns that limited what I would let myself enjoy.
I thought I was a devoted disciple of the spirit of David Crosby’s song “Almost Cut My Hair” which advocated letting my freak flag fly.
One of the things all my Tantric sex ebooks advocate is whimsy. That’s recognizing when you’ve got a whim and acting on it. Like you want to switch from the top to the bottom or the reverse while making love. Or pull out and lick the juices from your coupling or swivel around to enjoy some luscious 69. Or play with yourself while you’re going at it.
Honor your whims instantly is the secret to fully letting yourself go. Sexual energy is a continuous river of potential pleasure. Let yourself go with the flow and passion engulfs you.
My inner blockages to my own whims created mental grooves that restricted my sexual freedom. When a whim surfaced, I would ignore it without even considering it. My old worn-out beliefs were blindly blocking my consciousness at decision points.
That’s exactly what happened when I got the urge to use both hands to stroke my cock but one had just been in my rosetta.
When a lover is passionately steaming down the road towards a Big O, they rarely notice what happens at these pleasure crossroads.
Like when the vibrator that I was sitting on which felt great a moment ago stopped generating pleasure. This was a crossroads. The thought occurred to me to lube it up and shove it inside my butt. I was sure I had loosened up enough so that I could take it and love it even more.
But instead of going for it, instead of following my bliss in the moment, my puritan programming blocked it.
We all seek balance in life. I thought I was operating with a good balance between pleasure and cleanliness. But I realized I was a victim of my own overly hygienic fastidiousness.
Now I’m not into deep psychoanalysis that drives me to figure out why I was inhibited. Just witnessing what I’m doing gives me the choice to change. So seeing how I was limiting my options for pleasure allowed me to change my habits.
Different Than a Sudden Flash of Clarity
This didn’t happen like a sudden flash of clarity. It evolved in stages. First, I let my fingers have their way with my rosetta. But at first I was still uncomfortable using that hand for anything else. So I decided it would be OK to play with my balls while my other hand was busy sliding up and down my shaft.
Next I realized there was really no harm in using the contaminated hand on my vajra as well. It wasn’t going anywhere dangerous. So I had fun for a while enjoying some two-handed self-pleasure.
Then I needed more lube. And I shocked myself with the thought that both hands were now dirty and would contaminate the lube bottle. But so what? This was my private stash that stayed by my computer while I was enjoying my carefully curated porn collection.
So I threw caution to the winds and declared my lube “on-limits,” too. That’s the opposite of off-limits if you missed the reference.
These were just a few of the layers peeling off the onion that I went through. It’s still continuing each time I play with myself. But now I’m extra excited when I bump into another internal barrier. I can look at it sensibly and decide if I’m being held back by outmoded restrictions or if there’s no danger in letting my freak flag fly.
In retrospect my story is an isolated example of the kind of sexual healing we all need over and over. Hopefully I’ve inspired you to look at what’s holding you back from what your body, mind, and spirit want. And then go for it.
Enjoy! And I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
As a guy who’s had lots of lovers who’ve enjoyed lots of pleasure, I can honestly say I’m not totally in control of a woman’s orgasm.
As I explained in my previous post Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together, I used to believe that if I could just last enough thrusting inside her would it eventually do the trick.
But from the woman’s perspective, orgasm is actually way more complicated than that.
She needs a safe, relaxed environment. She needs a sense of comfort and trust. She needs to understand her own body, her orgasmic triggers, and the pathways that get her all the way there. And once the action starts, she needs to be willing to guide her lover. All that does little good if her partner isn’t willing to be guided and follow her lead.
All that being said, it’s still a challenge for many women to orgasm during jewel union (sexual intercourse). If he can’t last long enough to help her over the big hump, her chances are even slimmer.
But once a guy develops adequate stamina by himself, it’s even more demanding for him when he gets close to her naked body with your legs spread. A bright conscious woman who wants more in bed can do a lot to support — or undermine — her partner’s sexual stamina. That’s why I’ve extracted the following advice from my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse.
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Orgasmic Sex Is a Partnership
Let go of the outmoded romantic notion that the best lover always knows intuitively what to do to make their sweetheart go wild. Sure, we all luck into such synchronicity at times, but to base a continuing love relationship on this myth will backfire.
The good news is that you can consciously co-create fresh, hot, juicy, ecstatic sex whenever you choose if you work – or better, play – together. That requires communication, confidence, and collaboration so you both learn what you want, how to ask for it, what your honey wants, and how to give it.
Since a major cause of premature ejaculation is performance anxiety, get that out of the way by being open, clearing the decks, and honoring each other’s needs instead of pressuring each other.
You know what I mean: he pressures her to come, she pressures him not to.
Separate Not Joint Experience
In our society, sex is a private experience for the most part because it’s such a taboo subject. We hide our insecurities, make rude jokes, and don’t talk about it openly. Too many of us obsess about when to make the first move, how to initiate with a long-time partner, and how to give or get an orgasm. No wonder so many of us build up the anxieties and tensions that can cause premature ejaculation.
We’re not taught that sex is communion between souls expressing their basic nature through the divine gift of bodies. Few of us learn to play these instruments in harmony to produce amazing ecstasy.
Where do we learn that sex is an energy exchange between conscious beings who want to both give and receive pleasure? And thereby get closer to the divine?
When you’re desired and accepted for who you are without big expectations about how you need to perform, then you can relax and let nature take it’s sexual course. That’s partly why the training program in my Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery ebook requires “partnering” between lovers. This means being aware of your needs and reactions, talking honestly about them, honoring those of your partner, and playing together as equals.
Instead of “doing” your partner, you’ll need to do new-age things like feeling, communicating, and sharing together.
Pleasure — Not Orgasm — Is The Aim
Orgasmic sex is a joint dance where each lover surrenders to inner waves of energy and both assist each other to reach higher and higher peaks. Pleasure, not orgasm, is the aim. By soaring together, each partner can reach unheard of peaks and plateaus that culminate in bigger, stronger, deeper, often simultaneous spiritual climaxes.
But pushing for the Big O (orgasm) puts your attention out of the moment and on the wrong thing. Of course, yielding to that familiar urge to squirt can short-circuit the whole deal.
If your lover is pushing for maximum stimulation and rushing headlong towards orgasm as quickly as possible while you’re trying to prolong the event, the two of you will be playing at cross purposes.
To prevent this, both of you need to agree on a different vision of lovemaking. This means accepting that you are each totally responsible for your own pleasure, asking for what you want, giving sensitive feedback, going slowly, and savoring physical and intimate delights together. This is how love partners stretch their communion out for long periods of time.
What Does Partnering Mean?
Different partners have different sexual responses. So who’s responsible for seeing that each partner gets the things that bring them the most pleasure? We each are fully responsible. Partnering means speaking your needs and honoring those of your partner. If we do anything else, we set up the dynamics that produce stress, mystery, and tension – a surefire prescription for the guy blowing his wad unexpectedly.
If you’re single and searching for a partner to satisfy sexually, this whole view of sex as communion may sound even more challenging than finding someone willing to jump in the sack.
Guys, if you expect that you alone will be able to satisfy any woman without their cooperation, you’re laboring under a big delusion. Drop the whole concept that it’s your job alone to satisfy your partner. This is a mutual dance and that’s the way most women love it.
What overall approach do you need to take to negotiate a cooperative partnership for fresh new sexual encounters every time?
Now doesn’t that sound way different than depending on letting the world-class stud or ultimate hottie make you crazy?
Some Guidelines For Women Who Want Sex To Last Longer
Most of this post comes from a training program in my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse. You read right. The best way to extend your sexual play is by practicing. Here are some guidelines that, hopefully, will help you support your lover on your joint quest for unlimited sexual stamina.
Talk before, during, and after.
First, you’ve got to talk about what you bring to the party and what’s happening for each of you. Communication only works when you’re each willing to hear what’s going on for your partner. Be sure to explain your concerns, worries, and anything else that comes up for you so you can be real and really present. Then, stay in touch while making love and exchange feedback to stay in sync.
Ladies, maybe you’re thinking that you should be asking HIM to communicate more. I know, I know, most women are more willing and able to talk more than men. But we need to support him in opening up, not pressure him to become totally transparent. That never helps him stay in the game longer.
I’ve studied lots of communication skills in my forty years of training experience and they’ve all helped. But frankly, the most important thing you can do is drop all your goals, agendas, and expectations. I know this is easier said than done, but do your best.
What does that mean in practice? Don’t enter into a sexual situation desperately needing a big explosive orgasm within 15 minutes. Why? Well, because, if you do, you’ll be polarizing your team relationship, not to mention putting pressure on a process that doesn’t respond well to pressure, namely a man’s sensitivity to coming before you want him to when he’s under pressure.
Now, I’m totally in favor of you having lots of orgasms. So enlist his help before penetration or get yourself off before practicing. Then you can relax and support this longer sex program with less pressure.
And while we’re on the subject, that kind of pressure also is one of the primary ways women block their own orgasms.
One fundamental thing that will help your practice sessions is to establish signals so you know how close he is to coming. Words like “whoa!” or gestures like gripping your shoulders are two examples.
In my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery and my Solo Premature Ejaculation Mastery Ecourse I’ve included exercises that show a guy how to measure his arousal from 0, the sleeping puppy, to 10, the roaring dragon who spouts fire, or at least semen. Having him report by number is a workable signal if he’s learned how to do this.
Your learning curve will depend on how well he clues you in when he’s climbing rapidly or approaching 9.9, that infamous point of no return past which there’s no pulling back from the edge of the cliff. But your learning curve also depends on how well you watch, listen, and sense when he’s getting super turned on and when that’s too much.
Track and Follow His Rhythm
Ladies, while the two of you are learning and whenever you need it, use your innate feminine supportive nature and nurturing qualities to follow his rhythm. In other words, develop your sensitivity by employing the natural tracking skills that my lesbian friends tell me are an essential part of every woman’s make-up and their lovemaking. Then you’ll know when he’s getting close to ejaculating because you’re tuned into his level of excitement.
This means sensing those moments when he’s extra sensitive and relaxing into the flow, as well as knowing when he needs more friction to stay hard inside your yoni (vagina). Specifically, you’ll notice when he stops moving and act accordingly.
Stopping and starting are basic skills you’ll both be using to prolong sex. So instead of going for it now you’ll slow or stop thrusting to invest in lots more later.
It’s clear that this is possible because my wife of twenty years is a total expert at monitoring my arousal. When I change my rhythm or shift my position, she often asks if I got too close. If I haven’t mentioned it already. For me it’s extremely comforting to know that it’s not all up to me, that we’re in this together.
Women, I realize I’m asking you not to push for your own orgasm when he’s not ready to help you go for it. Didn’t I already mention that the goal of orgasm creates the kind of pressure that makes many men come too soon (and prevents many women from having one)?
I hope this doesn’t sound like you’re going to have to sacrifice a lot for a long time because that’s not the aim here. It’s more like investing a little money regularly for a big payoff later.
Besides, always ending in a Big O is more a guy thing, isn’t it? Many women appreciate that there is a way to enjoy fully fulfilling sex together without a big explosion.
Play Like Kids
You can both get there by learning how to have a good time with all of this like kids do. Enjoying orgasmic sex partly means dropping the equation that sex means having a big orgasm quickly and every time. Instead, switch your focus to pleasure and play with the energy that you’ll generate together.
Try basic philosophy is to simply bask in the delicious sensations and let orgasm come to you when it’s ready. Savor the subtle sensations and develop your own appetite for subtler turn-on and those feelings will grow.
Yes, wait until a cosmic climax overtakes you without pursuing it.
The more you enjoy playing without any big expectation of success or failure, the faster your progress towards unlimited sexual stamina, multiple orgasms, and cosmic ecstasy.
This is how kids play. Not the sex or orgasm part, but the fooling around without any plan or fear of failure. Just have a good time with whatever you’re doing without much of an agenda.
For example, let’s say he’s having trouble avoiding shooting up to 9.9 when you’re giving him a hand job. You stroke him and he comes. You try later and he comes again. You do it five times and he keeps blowing his wad. An uptight adult might be frustrated, but a kid is all goo-goo eyed about all the fun.
Better if you think “Look what I keep doing to him. Ooo, all that delicious semen squirting all over the place. Aren’t I a powerful sexy lover, wow!” You see, it’s the childlike innocence of extracting fun from whatever happens. If you’re patient and don’t take these inevitable setbacks too seriously, so will he.
And, trust me, he’ll get it eventually if you just have fun playing around.
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I’ve had lovers who kept urging me “faster, faster!” and “harder, harder!” Unfortunately I couldn’t give them what they wanted in each moment. But I could have gone at it faster and harder for long periods if we’d been on the same page from the start. They just needed to know what you’ve read above.
Now you know the program for making it last as long as you both want. I sure hope you have lots of fun.
“When it comes to love I want a slow hand.” — The Pointer Sisters
I know it’s true that sometimes women really love hard fast pounding. But pushing for it too soon never worked for me. And I’ve heard the same from lots of others.
Even those go-for-it girls enjoy a little teasing that lets their excitement build. There’s a lot to recommend a long slow dance before racing to the finish.
When I was younger I didn’t understand the divine interplay of water and fire, of slow-to-awaken female lovers and what-are-we-waiting-for male ones. I couldn’t even imagine managing my hyper-sensitivity and finding my way up to a pleasure plateau where I could last as long as my female partner needed in order to orgasm.
Sure, at 70 my sexual responses are slower than when I was a young buck. Then I would come within 2 to 5 minutes after penetration. Even though it was the worst thing for my sexual stamina, I would pump as fast as possible. I was laboring under the mistaken impression that jackhammering was how women come.
Now it does take me longer to reach the edge of the cliff, something like 10 to 15 minutes. Typically that’s not enough for my partners most of the time.
Still I find myself at the same precipice teetering on the edge of coming. Even with everything I’ve mastered, I can slip over in a headlong rush if I don’t pay attention. But fortunately I’ve learned how to extend my sexual longevity enough to enjoy fast sex at times.
Before my Tantra training, I didn’t understand much of anything about women, their bodies, minds, and souls, and their pathways to orgasm. Now I realize that the average man takes around 5 to 10 minutes to climax during intercourse while the average woman takes 20 to 40. If she’s lucky.
So after I learned when to slow down hand ow to extend, I actually gave my female partners more of a chance to explode in a blaze of glory. Once I developed the ability to pace myself past those first couple peaks of pleasure, I found myself in a less sensitive place. Then I could give her some short bouts of fast stroking. That allowed me to play in a hotter pleasure plateau and last longer.
How do I do that? Well, it starts with relaxation. That may sound contradictory, relaxing when you’re going at it. Sure, slowing down makes the action less arousing. But the kind of relaxation that I’m talking about, the kind of calmness that works for me, is inside.
When I’m not in the internal grip of sexual tension, I can relax even when the old in-out-in-out is fast.
I first had to drop the pressure to make her come. Orgasm is so much more complicated from a woman’s perspective. Maybe it’s the male ego that drives the false belief that if I hit her hard enough, I’ll succeed at making her come. I had to disabuse myself of that myth before I made any progress.
Then I had to learn how to follow a path that doesn’t push me over the edge too soon. When I have to continuously fight the urge to squirt, I can’t relax.
And most importantly, relaxing means relaxing the muscular sheath around my prostate gland that triggers ejaculation. That was a major learning curve for me that I documented in my first Tantric ebook, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery.
You see, it takes repeated practice to make that otherwise involuntary muscle chill.
Of course, this simple solution isn’t easy to master for most guys. Gosh, all that sexual electricity is pummeling you from the inside and my advice is to simply relax? Good luck without a program to retain your mind and body (like my ebook spells out).
The strategy I recommend is to learn to shift the sexual energy away from your jewels (genitals) where it’s generated mostly strongly. Managing that lifeforce that turns us on is central to the practices of Tantric Sex.
If you’re unfamiliar with Tantra, let’s just say it’s the ancient art of spiritual sexuality that originated in India thousands of years ago. Through easy exercises like breathing, yoga, and meditation, it helps you get more in touch with your mind, body, and soul. Then you can sense, amplify, and direct sexual energy.
So if you learn to relax inside and spread the excitement out of your jewels, you can extend your sexual stamina dramatically.
After twenty years of practicing Tantric sexual stamina, I can honestly say that it is easy most of the time. I just tell the most aroused parts of my body to relax and they do. I imagine a channel opening up inside and it does. I intend to siphon some sexual energy out of my crotch and it flows up that channel.
This is no sacrifice when it makes me feel like I’m coming all over without squirting.
I have made this work with multiple lovers since I converted to the sexual style of pacing myself. But I can’t honestly promise that it will work with every woman. There are those who’ve wanted me to pump them frantically longer than I can stand.
So let’s leave it at this. It takes two to Tango in bed.
Fortunately, my partners have learned to sense my ups and downs and go with the flow. We’ve both discovered that slowing or shifting for a moment pays off in the long run.
Maybe my next post should be about the woman’s role in helping her man last longer.
Something magical has been happening to us lately when we make love. Often we’re catapulted to a pleasure state where everything feels sensational. And just keeps feeling that way.
We started talking about it on the seventeenth floor of a hotel this last weekend. That was after a long afternoon in which every round of sex launched us up to this lofty level of passion.
Each time the day before it only took a few strokes after first penetration. Suddenly we found ourselves propelled into a higher sexual energy orbit. Our hunger for each other and our sensations abruptly became more intense and stayed that way as long as we coupled.
I’ve written a lot recently about riding up and down pleasure peaks. (Click here to read my latest post, Physical Versus Energetic Sexual Peaks: How to Use Them to Trigger Different Kinds of Orgasms.)
But this higher orbit was different. It was more like a stable plateau where the sexual electricity just kept flowing of its own accord.
I liken these orbits to the energy states of electrons spinning around an atom’s nucleus. The innermost electrons have the lowest energy and the furthest have the most. We were certainly soaring in some rarified atmosphere.
My conclusion was obvious. Pump more energy into bodies spinning in sexual delight and they ascend to a higher orbit. It’s like the game changes when we land in an elevated new playing field.
Of course the game I’m talking about is exchanging pleasure. In the higher orbit we move way past the opening gambits of foreplay that are
dedicated to getting each other fully aroused and erect. This applies to women as well as men as my previous post explained (Full-Body Erections: He and She Both Need One for Satisfying Sexual Penetration and All 12 Types of Orgasm).
What’s It Like In A Higher Orbit?
In the higher state it’s amazing how much more we feel. And how many different sensations we experience. Our bodies become more sensitive and more receptive. It feels like more cells are awake and vibrating, sending off their own streamers of sexual electricity.
Can cells actually orgasm? It sure feels like it.
After we settle into the higher orbit, we feel our sensory fields open to a wider spectrum of sensations. And the impact of those sensations is dramatically magnified. To get the idea, imagine you’re looking through a telescope at one spot on the moon and all at once your vision widens to cover the whole moon. And that’s happening to your sense of touch, smell, taste, and hearing at the same time.
It’s like going from black and white to color. Like jumping from two dimensions to three. Like flying where we were once walking.
It seems to me that our pleasure becomes more intense in a higher orbit due to the continuous streaming of sexual passion. Because the current is steady we don’t have to work at it. Any touch, lick, or stroke seems to detonate ecstasy grenades like splashes in a still lake. And without anything in the way, they keep rebounding.
Every bit of arousal is preserved and amplified. The sexual electromagnetism is flooding strongly through and between us. But since there’s little resistance, the surface of the pond remains still while the current below is gets stronger.
Oddly enough, in the higher orbit our desire is supercharged. We love what we’re feeling yet we want more, More, MORE!
How Can You Launch Yourselves To A Higher Sexual Orbit?
Maybe you’ve unexpectedly found yourselves in a higher sexual energy orbit and loved it. But don’t for a moment believe that you have no control over launching yourselves into a loftier zone.
Before our Tantra training we typically rushed towards maximum turn-on and orgasm. And usually missed. Now, after nearly twenty years of practice, we instead build, conserve, and make our sexual energy last. Sure, sometimes we slow down. But lots of the time we pump away as frantically as any wild animal.
Whatever we’re doing, we instinctively spread the excitement in our jewels (genitals) all throughout our bodies. Our aim is to pump passion into our pleasure balloons, those energy bubbles that normally stay collapsed in our groins. That is, until we expand them to fill the field that surrounds us.
That’s how we get all our cells, organs, and tissues turned-on. It’s rare for us to soar to a higher orbit before we’re sizzling, vibrating, and shaking all over.
Because we don’t always release lots of sexual energy in premature explosive orgasm, we often move there quickly without much warmup. It seems like the excitement is still percolating below the surface from our last session a day or two earlier.
Other times we have to consciously manage our pleasure peaks. As we reach for more and more turn-on, we let the peaks come and go as they will. We ride the upswells and relax into the down-swells without fighting them.
It’s normal for lovers untrained in this ancient art of spiritual energy sex to tense up when hit with sudden surges of excitement. A sudden influx of sexual electricity can shock even the strongest of us. Many feel they have to control it or regulate it or push to make something happen when they’re inundated by such intense sensations.
But we don’t resist. We relax, let go, and surrender to the power coursing through us.
The gurus say that surrendering is the key to transforming pleasure into sexual ecstasy. From our extensive research in our bed, we’ve found that letting go is the portal into higher orbits of passion.
As our pleasure balloons expand to fill our whole bodies, our peaks rise higher and stretch out. The sensations at the summits get stronger at the same time as the descents mellow. This skill of peaking causes these high points to coalesce into plateaus.
Then, at some point, there’s this boom that seems to levitate us. It feels like the flood gates open and pour huge amounts of sexual energy into our inner rivers. That’s what fuels us scaling above the peaks into the higher orbit.
How Can Sexual Techniques Help You Reach Higher Orbits?
Now I realize what I’ve written so far has mostly been energy theory. Yet, the sexual techniques we employ have a lot to do with our reaching ecstatic states. If you’re interested, you’ll want to discover what works best for you and your partner. Here are some vital fundamentals.
Stimulating a woman’s nineteen erogenous zones and a man’s nine is essential. Changing speed, depth, length, and angle of sexual strokes affects a lover’s level of arousal. All of that requires reading each other in order to respond with what produces the biggest jolt at each moment. That might include a hand, a mouth, or a sex toy depending on what each prefers in the moment.
Many sexologists frequently urge lovers to address the biggest sex organ, namely all of the skin. We agree wholeheartedly as they ascend to a higher orbit. But once there following what the body wants works better than hard and fast rules.
We find that the jewels, being so sexually responsive, are the passion generating engines. So, as we’re touching, licking, and stroking in-and-out, we’re directing the sexual electricity to fill the whole body.
You’ve probably realized that different lovers respond to different moves. My wife Jeffre, for example, finds that spreading her legs invites me all the way inside her. It’s more than my hard organ going deeper. The physical action prompts the energetic opening.
For both of us, titillating a second orgasmic trigger boosts the energy current. In our latest ebook Long Hot Tantric Love Making we call this a “hot link.” You open a passion circuit inside when the energy generated in two or more sensitive pleasure spots coalesce.
I do this by playing with her nipples or clio (clitoris) while we’re making love. She does that by caressing my balls or backdoor. We found a startling rise in our excitement this weekend when we kissed while our jewels were sliding in and out.
Creating hot links is the key to one of the 12 major types of orgasm, the blended one. This is where you climax in two places at once like the clio and G-Spot.
Is This Something You Want To Practice Like We Do?
We’re always disheartened when we hear longterm lovers who get bored or disinterested in sex. After twenty years, we experience more sensational pleasure every time we make love. Maybe the above energy practices explain why.
Our pleasure receivers are better tuned to each other. We’re better at knowing what we want, asking for it, and letting each know how it’s working. We spend a fair share of our awareness reading each other, tuning in to what produces the biggest impacts, and synchronizing our lovemaking.
I’d be lying if I let you think that our life in bed as well as out of it is a perfect dance. But with these tools we’re more in harmony more of the time. And we can easily get back in sync on the higher orbit launching pad.
It’s so much fun, who wouldn’t want to practice, practice, practice.
Hopefully these observations will help you soar in higher orbits more of the time.
As a teenager and a younger man, any swish of a shapely butt would make me hard. Now that I’m a sexy senior citizen, my schwing reflex isn’t as reliable. But when I’m erect, that super sensitivity is still ultra wonderful.
My female lovers tell me that they experience much the same thing.
Wait, did I just say that women get erections?
Yes, I did. Now they may not be as visible from the outside as when a guy’s love tool reaches for the sky. But feminine jewels (genitals) undergo much the same arousal process as male ones.
I’m talking about the turn-on process. When any body gets excited, the spongey tissues down there fill with blood which makes them hotter, darker, and more flushed. Scientists call jewels that are swollen this way “engorged” or “tumesced.”
A penis becomes erect when its three inner cylinders whose names begin with “spongiosum” fill with blood. There’s an artistic softie on the right.
I don’t have to explain that a guy’s organ needs to be somewhat engorged to get hard enough for sexual penetration. It’s pretty difficult to cram a floppy noodle into a deep cavity, right? (Let’s not forget, however, that there are still lots of fun things to do with it.)
What may not be as obvious is that a woman’s yoni (vagina) needs to be sufficiently tumesced to enjoy jewel union (sexual intercourse). Check out the before and after pictures at the left for some idea of what I’m talking about.
One way to tell is how wet her yoni gets. If she’s not turned-on enough to be lubricated, dry sexual stroking won’t be pleasurable. In fact in can be downright painful. But due to age, medications, and physical condition, some women don’t lubricate regardless of how aroused they are. To deal with that, we’ve found our favorite water-based lube that we buy in cases and always keep at hand.
Johnny Carson used to do a skit regularly called “The Edge Of Wetness.” You couldn’t depend on those jokes to be wet either.
Since feminine wetness isn’t totally predictable, we all need a better indicator of the feminine erection. Sheri Winston, in her great book Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, calls this the “cuff.” That’s a snug, swollen, puffy, sensitive sleeve that surrounds yoni’s mouth when fully erect. Does the picture at the right give you an idea of a what this puffy sleeve looks like before penetration? It’s the cuff that molds around and squeezes a male erection (or a finger or toy) inserted inside.
The tissue that forms the cuff is actually a spongy network extending all throughout a woman’s groin. That includes her outer and inner lips, several deep parts of her clio (clitoris), her G-Spot, and other erectile tissues in and around her yoni.
Here’s how we described in our latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making…
The whole women’s web (WWW) is an integrated matrix of linked, excitable, erogenous zones within and around a woman’s jewels. When tumesced, these organs work together to create a “cuff” on all sides of yoni’s mouth. In its puffy erect state, the cuff is a snug, swollen, sensitive sleeve that surrounds and squeezes anything that’s inserted. Though elastic, it’s firmer and much more “grabby” than yoni’s mouth when unaroused. Until it’s plump and engorged, entry isn’t pleasurable. That’s why getting only one or two parts of the WWW excited limits a woman’s opportunity for passion, orgasm, and ecstasy.
To enjoy long passionate orgasmic sex and enjoy all twelve orgasms, it’s essential for the WWW to be fully aroused, engorged, and tumesced. In order to prevent premature penetration, make sure yoni’s cuff is fully erect first. That’s the only way to know for sure that you’re being invited inside.
Just like a male hard-on, a fully plump female cuff is essential to enjoy all twelve types of orgasms.
You can have lots of fun playing with male or female jewels without an erection. How else can we enjoy foreplay to get our privates ready for more vigorous action?
But the scope of this article is bigger than that, namely, the whole body.
OK, I admit that whole bodies are already filled with blood and aren’t likely to get more engorged without a major transfusion (joke). What I’m referring to here is the skin flush, goosebumps, and other manifestations of excitement.
A full-body erection is when you feel those same sensations all over.
In other words, after your jewels get erect you can spread those delicious feelings and get even more turned-on. Sexual arousal may start from some sort of sensual touch and trigger the brain to activate the arousal that feels so good. But it’s sexual energy that we’re actually feeling.
In Long Hot Tantric Love Making we define sexual energy as…
The electromagnetic lifeforce in the human body responsible for attraction, sexual desire, libido, sex drive, turn-on, and orgasm.
Lovers experience it as a flow of nervous stimulation, physical excitation, and moving sensations.
It’s the energy that causes a jewel erection. But when it collects in non-spongy tissues like your torso, legs, or head, it still feels like an erection.
So to have a full-body erection all you need to do is generate a lot of sexual energy and spread it all over. If you’re healthy, a robust sex drive is natural. When your libido is prompting you to play, getting turned-on should be easy.
All that’s left is to charge all your limbs, organs, cells, and every inch of your skin with sexual energy.
My previous blog post, The 5 S’s of Peaking: Mastering the Ups and Downs of Your Sexual Energy, explained how to expand the energy out of your jewels to fill your whole body.
Of course, an explosive orgasm usually drains this vital essence before you can stretch it out of your jewels. That’s why the art and science of full-body erections begins with delaying orgasm. The article referenced above explains how to edge and dance on the verge so you won’t come before your whole body is vibrating with sexual energy.
I would think it obvious if jewel erections feel good that you’d want more of it more places. If you don’t yet belong to the cult of perpetual pleasure, you might want to consider joining. No registration fees, no rules, no mandatory meetings. Just make the passion grow and last with yourself and with a lover.
Without doing this, you’ll probably have difficulty enjoying all twelve types of orgasms. And it goes without say that without a full-body erection having full-body orgasms is pretty unlikely.
Sexologists like me — and lots of normal people — believe that masturbation is good. It feels good, it’s good for your body and mind, and it’s the ultimate in safe sex. And when you’re climbing the walls, it’s a great way to relax. Plus it’s always close at hand.
If you’re in a relationship, it can be very educational when you use masturbation to improve your sex life. Doing yourself is a great way to learn what you need and shows you what you need to teach your partner.
Orgasms are a use-it-or-lose-it kind of ability for those who don’t come so easily.
If you haven’t tried doing it in front of each other, you have a fun experience ahead. One study showed that 85% of people masturbate while in relationship. So I suggest that a major part of embracing a fully sex-positive attitude is accepting that masturbation is a healthy and natural part of life.
Besides, those of us who enjoy getting themselves off aren’t likely to stop anytime soon. It seems to me better if we learn to make peace with it.
I’ve Enjoyed It Many Ways
As a youngster — and by that I mean from my teenage years until 50 — I did it a lot. More than daily at first and several times a week as I aged. And a lot of ways and in lots of places. Outside in nature was my favorite. And still is on my top-five list.
Being a young male without any sex education, my aim was release. You know, to relieve the pressure of lust preying on my otherwise brilliant, objective, and superior mind. For a while at least I was more able to treat people I found attractive with some degree of appropriate respect and maturity.
Oh, and so I didn’t get blue balls.
Yeah, I’ve always had a real strong sex drive. It was like a river during spring flood carrying me with it. And because I didn’t know any other way of coping, sometimes it was like an irresistible tsunami.
Sure, I felt a little embarrassed and guilty about my habit. But I didn’t think I had a problem or was particularly perverted. I just had this urge and found a private way to deal with it.
Then I found Tantra. If you’re unfamiliar with this ancient spiritual philosophy, just think of it as a way to accept yourself — your soul, mind, body, and sexuality — fully. Basically, Tantra is a bunch of practices beginning with meditation and breathing designed to help you harness your lifeforce energy. And, of course, when you’re horny there’s lots of energy alive within you that’s jerking you around looking for an outlet.
Transmute Your Sexual Desires?
You might expect a guru (not me) to advocate that you use spiritual practices to transmute your sexual desires into higher consciousness. Yogis have done it for millennia. Well, that’s a wonderful prescription if it works for you.
But all too often putting advice like this into action results in suppressing your innate erotic energy flows. Not good! Trying to dam the powerful current of libido usually fails. And with nowhere to go, the unreleased energy does cause perversions: unwanted sexual advances, damaging abuse, and traumatic violence.
This is not what the creator had in mind when endowing us with our natural sex drives. I firmly believe if even the weirdos amongst us had healthier sex lives the world would be much safer for women and children.
Now, even at 70, I make love a lot. With more longies than quickies. With more enduring pleasure than rushing headlong to ejaculation. With my Tantric training, I’ve learned to let the sexual tidal wave carry me to higher planes of satisfaction typically without a wet orgasm.
I guess I could say that I’ve made peace with my robust erotic current. I let it infuse me with vitality, joy, and creativity. It makes my life richer and more fun than when I was trying to repress my naturally sexy state.
Self-Pleasuring With The Emphasis On “Pleasure”
These days when I have sexual urges, desires, and fantasies, I self-pleasure. OK, from the outside that looks just like masturbation. But from the inside it’s different.
Tantric self-pleasuring doesn’t rush me headlong towards getting myself off and relieving the pressure as quickly as possible. Instead, it’s about giving myself pleasure. Long-lasting, more intense pleasure than I ever got from a quick squirt.
Some call it self-love. That’s a popular concept in new-age spiritual thought. Certainly, making myself feel good by playing with my body demonstrates that I love myself. But even more, it’s about being fully alive. Regulating, condemning, and going to war against my sexual nature always made me feel worse.
Today I use the easily recharged reservoir of sexual energy to keep myself young, fit, and happy.
Tantric masturbation — or self-pleasuring as I prefer to call it — is all about the energy flowing through my body. Since it’s mostly focused on my genitals, my practice raises, expands, and spreads the life-giving sensations everywhere.
In Tantra we call this “running energy.” It’s the conscious skill of infusing every cell, tissue, and system with the excitement that’s usually confined to the sex organs. Running energy makes me shiver, shudder, and shake. It feels like every cell is coming.
If you can recapture the sensory memories of how an orgasm feels, imagine those sensations lasting for minutes at a time all over. That’s my motivation for Tantric self-pleasuring.
So instead of trying to make myself ejaculate and relieve the pressure, I turn myself on and spread the excitement as long as I can. Sometimes that’s for hours, but at my age if I’m tired or achey my self-love sessions get somewhat limited.
How I Do It
There’s no Tantric magic in my personal hand-jobs. But there is in what’s going on inside.
Usually I watch my favorite brand of porn. Interestingly enough, the preferred visual fantasy seems to be a very personal choice amongst my best friends and lovers. Yes, we share even what many would consider theses most intimate privacies.
One boyfriend prefers videos of complete sex scenes. Another specializes in pictures and movies of coming. Another only gets super titillated from erotic stories.
Go figure, huh? Different strokes for different folks. Literally!
And in a different way, erotic images serve my female lovers, too. When really aroused and wanting to climax, immersing themselves mentally in one of their favorite fantasies often does the trick. That’s probably why there’s such a groundswell of interest in kinky role-playing these days, largely the result of the popularity of the 50 Shades Of Grey books and movies.
My preference is pictures or short animated clips of penetrative sex. Yes, the sexy bodies and glorious private parts entice me. But his erect tool entering her jade garden (that’s the ancient Chinese euphemism for the pussy) is my favorite.
You might ask how we all gravitate towards our favorite images. For me, it’s simple. How does it make me feel? Sometimes one configuration of a couple’s bodies does nothing for me while another one that’s not much different floats my cork big time.
That means it shoots streamers of sexual electricity inside and fills me with that delightful erotic magnetism. So to decide what I want to look at while I’m stroking myself, all I need to do recognize is how much energy is flowing inside me.
How Real Is It?
Recently I’ve noticed that some images actually make me feel like I’m penetrating that lover on my computer screen.
In other words, the experience of watching porn while self-pleasuring simulates the sensations of actual sex. It doesn’t seem to be as intense or last as long, so I’m not advocating doing away with making love with a real-life orgasmic partner.
But when I can realistically imagine what making love with that pornstar actually feels like, I thoroughly enjoy myself. Does my this fantasy world in my head make me lust after them? Well, yes, of course. But I view it as a consensual fantasy. They wouldn’t broadcast pictures of their bodies if they didn’t expect them to be used this way.
So what is Tantric masturbation all about, then? My aim is to make myself feel the supreme bliss that is everyone’s inherent birthright.
Hopefully this explains why Tantric self-pleasuring is a vital part of my spiritual practice. If I wasn’t proud of what I’ve developed, would I be sharing this so openly with you?
May you openly make peace with your own masturbation style and find a healthy way to infuse your life with such ecstasy.