Check out these articles about aspects of Orgasmic Sex…
The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking
Meet The Couple Who Has 18-Hour Orgasms Using Tantric Sex (And How They Do It) | YourTango
How to Stimulate Her Clitoris | Men’s Health
Coming is great.
But orgasms come and go so fast. Wouldn’t it be awesome to just float there in those intense sensations for as long as you want?
Well, that’s the promise of Orgasmic Sex. And the key to staying in the grip of that sexual electricity current is “peaking.” That’s when your excitement rises sharply but then drops quickly. Sure, an explosive orgasm, what we like to call the Big O, is a major peaking experience. But there are so many others available to those who love to explore their erotic limits.
I’ve written a lot about peaking and if you want to dig deeper into this critical but easy-to-learn technique, start with my post about The 5 S’s Of Peaking.
Lately I’ve noticed that my beloved and I alternate peaks when I’m stroking inside of her. I usually help her reach a big peak first, maybe after a series of little ones.
A major part of my Tantric training could be summarized as “she comes first.” Maybe that’s why I put most of my attention on her pleasure while we get deeper into the energy exchange of jewel union. That’s our name for sexual intercourse. Right, both of us have jewels down there.
Now, I don’t completely ignore my pleasure at any time. But once I’ve helped her shake, rattle, and roll, I figure it’s my turn. So I relax and focus more on my own feelings. Naturally, that makes my arousal spike and I soar over the top before coming back down a bit.
As my other posts have explained, I regulate my peaking by guiding and channeling my sexual energy. Sometimes her peaks energize mine which makes my excitement shoot upward suddenly. And I’m sure the same is happening to her. I can tell because, when I feel a tidal wave of electricity sparking inside, she starts moaning and gyrating in unison.
Once we’re both flowing a sizable current of erotic charge, we alternate peaking. She wails and flails as her pleasure spikes while I follow her up and down. But it’s her experience that we’re both concentrating on. And then I do the same while she supports me. No doubt, alternate peaking turns each of us on more and more. At first, one of us peaks while the other plays second fiddle.
But the amazing thing I’ve discovered recently is what happens after half-a-dozen or so of these ups and downs. We begin feeling each other’s energy. It’s as if our nervous systems get coupled (while we’re coupling). Her excitement streams into my body and mine fills hers.
It sure seems to me that that’s the physics of making each other higher.
Sometimes, while I’m following her up a peak, the sexual charge floods my body, making me peak just after her. Then I notice the same happening to her. It’s like ping pong. Her peak makes me peak, and mine triggers another one in her, back and forth.
Early in alternating peaks, we pause for a moment after we’ve each crested once. But as our erotic voltage levels increase, these peaks last longer, gradually morphing into pleasure plateaus. The duration of these high valleys of excitement far exceed that of the typical 10-second explosive physical orgasm.
The longer one of our plateaus lasts, the more likely we are to trigger the other’s launch into a continuous stream of earth-shaking sensations.
Now, alternating peaks and sharing plateaus can go on for many minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 30, sometimes approaching an hour. Though we sure don’t want them to stop, there is a limit to our physical stamina. Especially after a long day of work and exercise.
But often we find ourselves vibrating and undulating and shrieking together in a sensational plateau together. We sure need all the heavy breathing we can handle to fuel our bodies. It’s as if every nerve is firing and every cell is coming.
Without a doubt, that’s a simultaneous full-body orgasm.
Because the ramping up of these peaks and plateaus are all energy orgasms, our vital essence isn’t drained. We certainly experience lots of muscle contractions and jewel spasms. But we’re not in the uncontrollable grip of pelvic convulsions that make me ejaculate and her exhaust herself which spills the vast majority of erotic charge. That’s why we can go on and on, higher and higher. In effect we’re charging each other’s batteries back and forth.
Hopefully this gives you a better grasp of what we mean by Orgasmic Sex. It feels like we’re coming the whole time.
Have you ever heard your baby yell, “It feels so damn good. Don’t stop!” Well, now you both know how to keep it up for as long as you want.
We’ve been really getting off on multiple blended orgasms in our latest greatest sex position. I call it The Pretzel Position. Let me explain.
Our favorite sex positions have changed over the twenty years we’ve been doing it together. Sure, we’ve toured all the rooms in the house — and locales on the deck and in our big backyard — but there are just certain postures that let us hit the best spots.
As we’ve been exploring more and more of our erogenous zones, we’ve been doing whatever we can to add them to our in-and-out sex.
When it’s late and we’re tired, we gravitate to the Scissors Position. This is side-to-sex sex with her on her back and me on my side at right angles. The name comes from how our legs have to intertwine: my lower one underneath, and my upper one between her legs. Or sometimes she puts both her legs up above mine so I have unimpeded access to her pussy.
The great thing about the Scissors Position is that I can easily play with her clio (clitoris) while sliding in and out of her. And if we’re both so moved, I can twirl her nipple with the other hand.
You could say what my hands are doing is what gives the Pretzel Position its name, but then it’s only one-sided. When she’s not swept away in rapture, she’s been known to give me a little ball grazing. Somehow gently tickling my tight sacs really boosts my excitement.
So with each of our hands so engaged, our bodies do look more like a pretzel.
Here’s how we open pathways to blended orgasms. That’s when you trigger huge pleasure peaks from more than one erogenous zone. Blending clio and pussy stimulation is one of our standards. When you’ve got two triggers firing at once, the energy generated is tremendously boosted.
If you’ve read any of my recent posts, you know I’ve been opening up my butt zone to more and more incredible pleasure. Since she’s a dedicated loving wife, while I’m titillating three of her erogenous zones (pussy, clio, nipple), she’s been offering to play with my rosetta. That’s our first Tantra teacher’s preferred name for the asshole. Not only is that a sweeter term but it kind looks like a little rose, don’t you think?
Here’s where the real pretzeling comes in. I have to rotate my lower body up towards her chest so she can reach my butthole. The good news is that her finger dancing back and forth my swelling pink opening often sends a jolt of energy throughout my body.
If you missed it, you can learn all about jolts and streamers of sexual energy in my last post Sexual Electricity 101: The Mysterious Secret of Full-Body Orgasm Revealed.
If you haven’t realized it yet, let me be explicit: we’re way into energy sex. Not that we don’t love the waves of pleasure that slippery friction produce. It’s just that we major in amplifying, channeling, and spreading the sexual electricity so our whole bodies get turned-on. While my cock is pumping her pussy, of course.
The bad news is that we can’t hold that knotted-up posture for very long. But never fear. Here’s where my experiments with a new crop of sex toys really paid off.
Unfortunately it’s tricky to sink a butt plug home from the The Pretzel Position. So we have to disengage for a moment for her to slide one home. That’s usually about the time that I start wailing with ecstasy. She really likes that about me, too.
Back in the saddle, I’ve got my hands on her juicy spots and she’s pumping my rosetta my latest vibrating dildo throb. Well, it’s kind of a heart throb too because of all the energy that’s circulating up and down making my body jackknife.
Since I can’t lie still with my cock and my butt generating off such intense sensations, that makes her job even more challenging. I revel in being a moving target.
At times she can hold the butt plug in with her foot but that usually doesn’t last long either. Some people can retain a butt plug with their sphincters alone but the more backdoor play I enjoy, the looser I get. Besides, some in-and-out with the cock-shaped dildo makes it even better.
Now, you can imagine that we’re both moaning and vibrating and gyrating with delight. So we don’t want pretzeling to stop. Fortunately, there’s nothing in the scriptures that prevents each us from taking over our own pleasure.
I take over control of the faux dick in my rosetta with my lower hand. That makes it tough for me to reach her clio with my upper hand. There’s just no way to get around her thigh. So she takes over playing with herself. Usually with her favorite Pocket Rocket vibe.
I guess that still looks like we’re a big pretzel with our hands on ourselves and our jewels locked together. And this way we can go for as long as we want. Yay!
As we’re rocking and rolling away in ecstasy, we’re generating super intense energies from each of these erogenous zones. The voltage is higher, the current is wider, and the merging of all this sexual electromagnetism is phenomenal.
That’s where blended orgasms come from. The tides from her pussy and clio collide. The waves from my prostate and cock join together. This opens wider channels inside each of us. And since we’re so in tune with each other’s energy, we start circling energy back and forth between us.
That’s the real delicious part of the Pretzel Position. The excitement swirling around and through our bodies like a big erotic pretzel. And the longer we keep it going, the higher our pleasure peaks get. We’re so turned-on that we’ve got the energy to keep detonating orgasm after orgasm as long as we can.
I hope pretzeling works for you. But you may need some adjustments based on your anatomy and preferences. Have fun experimenting and I look forward to hearing all about it.
As a guy who’s had lots of lovers who’ve enjoyed lots of pleasure, I can honestly say I’m not totally in control of a woman’s orgasm.
As I explained in my previous post Fast Sex versus Slow Sex: How I Overcame Premature Ejaculation and Learned to Delay Orgasm So We Could Come Together, I used to believe that if I could just last enough thrusting inside her would it eventually do the trick.
But from the woman’s perspective, orgasm is actually way more complicated than that.
She needs a safe, relaxed environment. She needs a sense of comfort and trust. She needs to understand her own body, her orgasmic triggers, and the pathways that get her all the way there. And once the action starts, she needs to be willing to guide her lover. All that does little good if her partner isn’t willing to be guided and follow her lead.
All that being said, it’s still a challenge for many women to orgasm during jewel union (sexual intercourse). If he can’t last long enough to help her over the big hump, her chances are even slimmer.
But once a guy develops adequate stamina by himself, it’s even more demanding for him when he gets close to her naked body with your legs spread. A bright conscious woman who wants more in bed can do a lot to support — or undermine — her partner’s sexual stamina. That’s why I’ve extracted the following advice from my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Orgasmic Sex Is a Partnership
Let go of the outmoded romantic notion that the best lover always knows intuitively what to do to make their sweetheart go wild. Sure, we all luck into such synchronicity at times, but to base a continuing love relationship on this myth will backfire.
The good news is that you can consciously co-create fresh, hot, juicy, ecstatic sex whenever you choose if you work – or better, play – together. That requires communication, confidence, and collaboration so you both learn what you want, how to ask for it, what your honey wants, and how to give it.
Since a major cause of premature ejaculation is performance anxiety, get that out of the way by being open, clearing the decks, and honoring each other’s needs instead of pressuring each other.
You know what I mean: he pressures her to come, she pressures him not to.
Separate Not Joint Experience
In our society, sex is a private experience for the most part because it’s such a taboo subject. We hide our insecurities, make rude jokes, and don’t talk about it openly. Too many of us obsess about when to make the first move, how to initiate with a long-time partner, and how to give or get an orgasm. No wonder so many of us build up the anxieties and tensions that can cause premature ejaculation.
We’re not taught that sex is communion between souls expressing their basic nature through the divine gift of bodies. Few of us learn to play these instruments in harmony to produce amazing ecstasy.
Where do we learn that sex is an energy exchange between conscious beings who want to both give and receive pleasure? And thereby get closer to the divine?
When you’re desired and accepted for who you are without big expectations about how you need to perform, then you can relax and let nature take it’s sexual course. That’s partly why the training program in my Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery ebook requires “partnering” between lovers. This means being aware of your needs and reactions, talking honestly about them, honoring those of your partner, and playing together as equals.
Instead of “doing” your partner, you’ll need to do new-age things like feeling, communicating, and sharing together.
Pleasure — Not Orgasm — Is The Aim
Orgasmic sex is a joint dance where each lover surrenders to inner waves of energy and both assist each other to reach higher and higher peaks. Pleasure, not orgasm, is the aim. By soaring together, each partner can reach unheard of peaks and plateaus that culminate in bigger, stronger, deeper, often simultaneous spiritual climaxes.
But pushing for the Big O (orgasm) puts your attention out of the moment and on the wrong thing. Of course, yielding to that familiar urge to squirt can short-circuit the whole deal.
If your lover is pushing for maximum stimulation and rushing headlong towards orgasm as quickly as possible while you’re trying to prolong the event, the two of you will be playing at cross purposes.
To prevent this, both of you need to agree on a different vision of lovemaking. This means accepting that you are each totally responsible for your own pleasure, asking for what you want, giving sensitive feedback, going slowly, and savoring physical and intimate delights together. This is how love partners stretch their communion out for long periods of time.
What Does Partnering Mean?
Different partners have different sexual responses. So who’s responsible for seeing that each partner gets the things that bring them the most pleasure? We each are fully responsible. Partnering means speaking your needs and honoring those of your partner. If we do anything else, we set up the dynamics that produce stress, mystery, and tension – a surefire prescription for the guy blowing his wad unexpectedly.
If you’re single and searching for a partner to satisfy sexually, this whole view of sex as communion may sound even more challenging than finding someone willing to jump in the sack.
Guys, if you expect that you alone will be able to satisfy any woman without their cooperation, you’re laboring under a big delusion. Drop the whole concept that it’s your job alone to satisfy your partner. This is a mutual dance and that’s the way most women love it.
What overall approach do you need to take to negotiate a cooperative partnership for fresh new sexual encounters every time?
Now doesn’t that sound way different than depending on letting the world-class stud or ultimate hottie make you crazy?
Some Guidelines For Women Who Want Sex To Last Longer
Most of this post comes from a training program in my Longer Lasting LoveMaking ecourse. You read right. The best way to extend your sexual play is by practicing. Here are some guidelines that, hopefully, will help you support your lover on your joint quest for unlimited sexual stamina.
Talk before, during, and after.
First, you’ve got to talk about what you bring to the party and what’s happening for each of you. Communication only works when you’re each willing to hear what’s going on for your partner. Be sure to explain your concerns, worries, and anything else that comes up for you so you can be real and really present. Then, stay in touch while making love and exchange feedback to stay in sync.
Ladies, maybe you’re thinking that you should be asking HIM to communicate more. I know, I know, most women are more willing and able to talk more than men. But we need to support him in opening up, not pressure him to become totally transparent. That never helps him stay in the game longer.
I’ve studied lots of communication skills in my forty years of training experience and they’ve all helped. But frankly, the most important thing you can do is drop all your goals, agendas, and expectations. I know this is easier said than done, but do your best.
What does that mean in practice? Don’t enter into a sexual situation desperately needing a big explosive orgasm within 15 minutes. Why? Well, because, if you do, you’ll be polarizing your team relationship, not to mention putting pressure on a process that doesn’t respond well to pressure, namely a man’s sensitivity to coming before you want him to when he’s under pressure.
Now, I’m totally in favor of you having lots of orgasms. So enlist his help before penetration or get yourself off before practicing. Then you can relax and support this longer sex program with less pressure.
And while we’re on the subject, that kind of pressure also is one of the primary ways women block their own orgasms.
One fundamental thing that will help your practice sessions is to establish signals so you know how close he is to coming. Words like “whoa!” or gestures like gripping your shoulders are two examples.
In my ebook Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery and my Solo Premature Ejaculation Mastery Ecourse I’ve included exercises that show a guy how to measure his arousal from 0, the sleeping puppy, to 10, the roaring dragon who spouts fire, or at least semen. Having him report by number is a workable signal if he’s learned how to do this.
Your learning curve will depend on how well he clues you in when he’s climbing rapidly or approaching 9.9, that infamous point of no return past which there’s no pulling back from the edge of the cliff. But your learning curve also depends on how well you watch, listen, and sense when he’s getting super turned on and when that’s too much.
Track and Follow His Rhythm
Ladies, while the two of you are learning and whenever you need it, use your innate feminine supportive nature and nurturing qualities to follow his rhythm. In other words, develop your sensitivity by employing the natural tracking skills that my lesbian friends tell me are an essential part of every woman’s make-up and their lovemaking. Then you’ll know when he’s getting close to ejaculating because you’re tuned into his level of excitement.
This means sensing those moments when he’s extra sensitive and relaxing into the flow, as well as knowing when he needs more friction to stay hard inside your yoni (vagina). Specifically, you’ll notice when he stops moving and act accordingly.
Stopping and starting are basic skills you’ll both be using to prolong sex. So instead of going for it now you’ll slow or stop thrusting to invest in lots more later.
It’s clear that this is possible because my wife of twenty years is a total expert at monitoring my arousal. When I change my rhythm or shift my position, she often asks if I got too close. If I haven’t mentioned it already. For me it’s extremely comforting to know that it’s not all up to me, that we’re in this together.
Women, I realize I’m asking you not to push for your own orgasm when he’s not ready to help you go for it. Didn’t I already mention that the goal of orgasm creates the kind of pressure that makes many men come too soon (and prevents many women from having one)?
I hope this doesn’t sound like you’re going to have to sacrifice a lot for a long time because that’s not the aim here. It’s more like investing a little money regularly for a big payoff later.
Besides, always ending in a Big O is more a guy thing, isn’t it? Many women appreciate that there is a way to enjoy fully fulfilling sex together without a big explosion.
Play Like Kids
You can both get there by learning how to have a good time with all of this like kids do. Enjoying orgasmic sex partly means dropping the equation that sex means having a big orgasm quickly and every time. Instead, switch your focus to pleasure and play with the energy that you’ll generate together.
Try basic philosophy is to simply bask in the delicious sensations and let orgasm come to you when it’s ready. Savor the subtle sensations and develop your own appetite for subtler turn-on and those feelings will grow.
Yes, wait until a cosmic climax overtakes you without pursuing it.
The more you enjoy playing without any big expectation of success or failure, the faster your progress towards unlimited sexual stamina, multiple orgasms, and cosmic ecstasy.
This is how kids play. Not the sex or orgasm part, but the fooling around without any plan or fear of failure. Just have a good time with whatever you’re doing without much of an agenda.
For example, let’s say he’s having trouble avoiding shooting up to 9.9 when you’re giving him a hand job. You stroke him and he comes. You try later and he comes again. You do it five times and he keeps blowing his wad. An uptight adult might be frustrated, but a kid is all goo-goo eyed about all the fun.
Better if you think “Look what I keep doing to him. Ooo, all that delicious semen squirting all over the place. Aren’t I a powerful sexy lover, wow!” You see, it’s the childlike innocence of extracting fun from whatever happens. If you’re patient and don’t take these inevitable setbacks too seriously, so will he.
And, trust me, he’ll get it eventually if you just have fun playing around.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I’ve had lovers who kept urging me “faster, faster!” and “harder, harder!” Unfortunately I couldn’t give them what they wanted in each moment. But I could have gone at it faster and harder for long periods if we’d been on the same page from the start. They just needed to know what you’ve read above.
Now you know the program for making it last as long as you both want. I sure hope you have lots of fun.
“When it comes to love I want a slow hand.” — The Pointer Sisters
I know it’s true that sometimes women really love hard fast pounding. But pushing for it too soon never worked for me. And I’ve heard the same from lots of others.
Even those go-for-it girls enjoy a little teasing that lets their excitement build. There’s a lot to recommend a long slow dance before racing to the finish.
When I was younger I didn’t understand the divine interplay of water and fire, of slow-to-awaken female lovers and what-are-we-waiting-for male ones. I couldn’t even imagine managing my hyper-sensitivity and finding my way up to a pleasure plateau where I could last as long as my female partner needed in order to orgasm.
Sure, at 70 my sexual responses are slower than when I was a young buck. Then I would come within 2 to 5 minutes after penetration. Even though it was the worst thing for my sexual stamina, I would pump as fast as possible. I was laboring under the mistaken impression that jackhammering was how women come.
Now it does take me longer to reach the edge of the cliff, something like 10 to 15 minutes. Typically that’s not enough for my partners most of the time.
Still I find myself at the same precipice teetering on the edge of coming. Even with everything I’ve mastered, I can slip over in a headlong rush if I don’t pay attention. But fortunately I’ve learned how to extend my sexual longevity enough to enjoy fast sex at times.
Before my Tantra training, I didn’t understand much of anything about women, their bodies, minds, and souls, and their pathways to orgasm. Now I realize that the average man takes around 5 to 10 minutes to climax during intercourse while the average woman takes 20 to 40. If she’s lucky.
So after I learned when to slow down hand ow to extend, I actually gave my female partners more of a chance to explode in a blaze of glory. Once I developed the ability to pace myself past those first couple peaks of pleasure, I found myself in a less sensitive place. Then I could give her some short bouts of fast stroking. That allowed me to play in a hotter pleasure plateau and last longer.
How do I do that? Well, it starts with relaxation. That may sound contradictory, relaxing when you’re going at it. Sure, slowing down makes the action less arousing. But the kind of relaxation that I’m talking about, the kind of calmness that works for me, is inside.
When I’m not in the internal grip of sexual tension, I can relax even when the old in-out-in-out is fast.
I first had to drop the pressure to make her come. Orgasm is so much more complicated from a woman’s perspective. Maybe it’s the male ego that drives the false belief that if I hit her hard enough, I’ll succeed at making her come. I had to disabuse myself of that myth before I made any progress.
Then I had to learn how to follow a path that doesn’t push me over the edge too soon. When I have to continuously fight the urge to squirt, I can’t relax.
And most importantly, relaxing means relaxing the muscular sheath around my prostate gland that triggers ejaculation. That was a major learning curve for me that I documented in my first Tantric ebook, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery.
You see, it takes repeated practice to make that otherwise involuntary muscle chill.
Of course, this simple solution isn’t easy to master for most guys. Gosh, all that sexual electricity is pummeling you from the inside and my advice is to simply relax? Good luck without a program to retain your mind and body (like my ebook spells out).
The strategy I recommend is to learn to shift the sexual energy away from your jewels (genitals) where it’s generated mostly strongly. Managing that lifeforce that turns us on is central to the practices of Tantric Sex.
If you’re unfamiliar with Tantra, let’s just say it’s the ancient art of spiritual sexuality that originated in India thousands of years ago. Through easy exercises like breathing, yoga, and meditation, it helps you get more in touch with your mind, body, and soul. Then you can sense, amplify, and direct sexual energy.
So if you learn to relax inside and spread the excitement out of your jewels, you can extend your sexual stamina dramatically.
After twenty years of practicing Tantric sexual stamina, I can honestly say that it is easy most of the time. I just tell the most aroused parts of my body to relax and they do. I imagine a channel opening up inside and it does. I intend to siphon some sexual energy out of my crotch and it flows up that channel.
This is no sacrifice when it makes me feel like I’m coming all over without squirting.
I have made this work with multiple lovers since I converted to the sexual style of pacing myself. But I can’t honestly promise that it will work with every woman. There are those who’ve wanted me to pump them frantically longer than I can stand.
So let’s leave it at this. It takes two to Tango in bed.
Fortunately, my partners have learned to sense my ups and downs and go with the flow. We’ve both discovered that slowing or shifting for a moment pays off in the long run.
Maybe my next post should be about the woman’s role in helping her man last longer.