Measuring Your Turn-On: Navigating Pleasure and Timing Orgasm Using the 10-Point Scale

(This article appeared in our Sacred Sexual Secrets newsletter on February 24, 2017.)

Many sex therapists recommend that lovers use a 10-point scale for monitoring their level of arousal during sexual play. I first learned about it from the now-departed and renown sex therapist Bernie Zilbergeld who wrote The New Male Sexuality in 1992.

For example, a man might use 0 to represent the rest state, 5 the beginning of pleasure surges, and 10 for ejaculation.

I made the scale an early foundation of my first ebook, Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery, which appeared in print as Male Multiple Orgasm in 2007. In those volumes I recommend a man develop his own personal definition for each level.


“Sacred Sexual Secrets” Newsletter #281 published 2/24/2017

Published by Somraj Pokras & Jeffre TallTrees 

ISSN 1540-8825 (c) Copyright 2017 by

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To learn to last longer, it’s really helpful for a guy to know when he’s having fun around 4, 5, and 6 and suddenly his turn-on shoots up to 8. Then he can slow down or otherwise adjust to avoid exploding before he wants. And for us old guys it’s important to realize when good feelings at 6 or 7 start to droop below 5. That’s when I speed up or switch to a tighter position so I can stay hard and in the game as long as I want.

Now that I’m an active yet still hypersensitive 70-year-old, I find that my lovemaking swings back and forth from too soft to too close to coming. Over the years I’ve learned lots of things I can do to respond. But I need to be mindful of my level of excitement to know what to do in each moment.

You may not need a 10-point scale to tell you how turned-on you are. But it helps me a lot.

I’d love to be able to brag about how much progress I’ve made towards enlightenment from my twenty-year spiritual journey that includes teaching and practicing Tantra. But the reality is that my mind just naturally measures things all the time.

A case in point. When my sweetie and I vibrate together as we soar to a high peak of pleasure and then relax into each other’s arms, my mind might automatically flash 753. If I care to, I can figure out that’s a pretty high mark on some imaginary scale of 1000.

But since I prefer to enjoy sex as a meditation as much as my monkey-mind will allow, I usually just watch the scientific process go by. Did I mention that, like my dad, I have a degree in organic chemistry? Maybe that’s where the involuntary measurement program came from. 

I’m not complaining. I just wanted to give you a little perspective on my personal version of the 10-point arousal scale…

0 = rest state with no arousal

1 = twinge at the base of my penis

2 = occasional little tingles of pleasurable sensations

3 = starting to warm up and feel good

4 = steady hum low-level of arousal

5 = occasional scattered surges of pleasure that feel really good

6 = my skin gets hot and tingly with goose bumps and a heat flush rising

7 = steady surges of buzzing sexual electricity stream up and down my penis

8 = the streams coalesce into energy blossoms which detonate like fireworks inside

9 = deep involuntary contractions that spread up to and engulf my prostate gland

9.9 = the point of no return, otherwise known as ejaculatory inevitably

10 = ejaculation

To learn ejaculation mastery, guys need to become intimately familiar with 9.9, the point of no return. You know the feeling of time stopping? It’s like the movie clip that suddenly goes into slow motion as the car uncannily careens over the cliff. Once you arrive there, what happens next is inevitable.

I know there are lots of techniques to prevent slipping over the edge too soon, many of which are in my book. Like compressing the base of the penis with your fingers, thinking about baseball, and squeezing the pelvic muscles tight.

But, as the hottie said who rejected me years ago before I learned any of this, “it’s all about the energy baby.”

Which is why my 5 through 9 on my scale reflect new definitions based on the sexual energy flowing through me. The last few weeks my “auto arousal measuring app” kept flashing those single digits at me. Since Tantric lovemaking is supposed to be a conscious process, I paid attention.

That’s when I noticed the scattered surges of sexual energy at 5 and the goose bumps and skin flush at 6. I recognized that the buzzing electrical current at 7 felt even better but didn’t push me to the edge of 9.9.

But some kind of internal warning lights started to flash at 8 alerting me that I was getting close to those involuntary contractions at 9. If I’m relaxed and conscious, that’s where I like to stay while we’re going at it. But if 9 sneaks up on me too suddenly, anything can happen.

OK, maybe I am bragging bit. I’m really proud of myself for noticing the energy blossoms at 8 that detonate those internal fireworks. Now I’ve got a reliable system that prevents me from going over the top before I’m ready.

Even if you don’t measure your turn-on like I have no choice in doing, I hope this helps. Let’s leave it here: knowing how turned-on you are at each moment is a really, really good thing.

Love, Somraj 



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Long Hot Tantric Love Making EBOOK: The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men”

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We’re a long-time married couple — a Ph.D. sex therapist and a Fortune 500 people-skills trainer — who wrote this because too few women are emotionally fulfilled and sexually satisfied. And too few men know how to extend their lovemaking, have multiple orgasms themselves, and thoroughly satisfy their partners. By reading our new book, you’ll discover how to make sex super-natural so you can reach the pinnacle of sexual ecstasy together whenever you make love. 

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